Why am I here?
Merrick, still kind of unsettled about discovering his suspicions correct and that he did indeed have a mate now --but it's cool because it's Max, could've been worse, this is fine, we have time to sort it out-- was standing with his dick out in front of the hot and scary vampire, which was planned, and the weirdly hot but scary as fuck fae king, which was not. The butterfly man gave him a fleeting but calculating look and then locked his scheming eyes on Max, while the bloodsucker did very nasty and wonderful things to both Max and Merrick's bodies with his eyes.
He wished he was more like Max. She gave off an air of badass attitude that he was sorely lacking and she didn’t even blink when the two others were threatening each other with death -- or angry and violent sex, he wasn’t sure because both of their scents were enraged and aroused. Their emotional responses were a soup of confusing smells that he was feeling like he had to swim through.
And her ambivalence is fair because she’s even scarier than the others.
Should I leave?
Max walked to the tower with her hips seductively in full swing, her shoulders back like the king she was, and her head held high. She raised a hand to the wall right next to the corrupted forest anchor and the rock melted into a door that led inside of the vampire's solid stone tower. "Give me five minutes and we will have a room where we can discuss news. I don't want to invade Princess's private space, but I'd rather not do it outside. This talk doesn’t need to be skyclad." She worked quickly inside and said over her shoulder, "Puppy, keep the others from fighting each other, yeah?"
As the two walked down the tower steps to join them and Max worked her god-like geomancy that would put an archmage to shame, Merrick's hands fell to his naked sides.
Man, this is awkward.
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Max: Miles, I know you're busy, but can you join me in the basement as soon as you're able? Green's down here and we are about to update the whole squad about the snake and feel them out about system initialization. Puppy, since Green has shot our 'stress the vampire out with our danglies' plan, let's get dressed, but DRESS SLOWLY. Be seductive. Make them hurt.
Miles: On my way.
Merrick: Oh thank the lost gods. You are all so hot and--
Merrick: Get dressed, got it. Pretend I didn't say that. It sounds like you are all going to be discussing big stuff. Should I leave?
Max: You're my Mate Consort. Of course not. I need you here.
Merrick: Mate Consort?
Miles: Mate Consort?
Max: I mean, yeah? That is what you are, right? I'm a fairy King and we got married and we're also mate-bonded. Mate Consort. I just made that up, but it fits.
Max: The only people I trust are in the Pack. Maybe Hugo, too, to a lesser degree. But these two? They'll do their best to hypnotize me with their hotness and good [CHR] vibes to trick or trap me into stuff I might not want and I need you and Miles to counterbalance that. If Miles was around, the door fiasco wouldn't have happened. Probably not if you knew what was going on, too.
Max: I don't trust myself these days.
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The two male monsters met him on the ground. They joined their eyes with his which were resting on the door that Max made in the side of the tower.
"Scion of Max," the butterfly man said dismissively. Didn’t even really look at Merrick. As if he didn’t matter.
"My bride. Welcome back. Are you still hungry?" Aldred breathed, gusting out his breath in a lustful sigh. His hand reached out to touch Merrick’s chest but pulled back at the last minute.
Merrick looked at the Shining King, mostly to avoid the vampire's intense and overwhelming eye contact. "I'm good for food now, thanks, Aldred. Max fed me. And I'm her Mate Consort and not her scion now."
Green still didn't bother looking at him. "Mate Consort. I like that. The consort part, anyway. The other has too many shifter connotations. No offense." He waved his imperious fucking hand as if Merrick's offense could be dismissed by someone else. "But if he gets to call us all brides, I'm calling you all my consorts, too," Green said. He glared back at Aldred and said, “Asshole.”
Merrick reached up to his storage item that was dangling from his hidden necklace and pulled out his pants. How does someone put on clothes seductively? This is going to be awkward, too. Fuck my strange life.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
The vampire threw his hands in the air and started pacing around while Merrick struggled to dress slowly. He glared at Green and began his tirade. ”Of course, someone can’t do something unique without you stealing it or claiming a piece. Of course, you fucking forest pest.” He pointed dramatically at Green. “The dog and the alien were already mine and you had to come in with your door and fuck it up for me. They were mine. She provided shelter and he provided food. It was textbook wooing, and you swooped in with your deal and your door and your stupid fairy plan and made them avoid me. It's just like when you had to demand a Conclave seat after the rest of us founded it. Just like when you had to—“ he threw his hands in the air and growled, “don’t get me started on…”
”Shut up, you little leech. I’m done talking to you now that she’s here. Just stand there like the dead asshole you are and…”
Aldred scoffed, ”You of all people know that I am not now nor have I ever been dead. Now you’re just reaching for low-hanging insults, just like you always do. Trying to ruin more for me by saying that in front of my dog bride. I can ruin it for you, too, though. Remember when you…”
Green interrupted, ”Before you even say anything, we both know that’s not how that happened, you dramatic little corpse, and …”
They bickered and argued and yelled at each other the way Thom and Em used to, back before they knew that the world could get a whole lot darker and that powerless people could and would be used to bad ends. The difference was that the kids had to grow up and these males never had to, he assumed.
Why am I here? This is both under and over my pay grade. This isn’t dealing with emails from nobodies and it’s not keeping out riffraff or protecting my family. This is a schoolyard fight between two dudes who individually have lots of say in the world. I have nothing to add here. Unless they need to be eaten?
He tuned them out, stared at the forest, and his mind spun into a daydream where he ate them both and he and Max ran down another gigantic deer, but this time they ended the hunt by fucking each other raw and blood-covered on the forest floor. He spent most of his time trying to decide if he wanted blue feathers to brush across his sweat-slicked skin, or if he wanted to lick pointed ears and have small and sharp teeth nick his neck, or if he wanted to trail his fingers across pale skin to trace black veins to see where they started and where they went.
All of it. I want all of it.
An eventual reprieve came after five minutes of the two ignoring him in favor of hurling insults and bending history at each other with him standing there like an unwanted, lust-filled, and overlooked mannequin.
“Hello, Puppy. Is all well?” Miles scurried up from the forest floor and climbed his half-clothed body to rest on Merrick’s shoulder. The vampire and the fae king didn't even notice that Miles had arrived.
”Oh thank the lost gods you’re here, Miles.” He relaxed a bit. “Max is in there and these two are…” He pointed a finger that waved between the others. “Honestly, I can’t tell if they are ancient enemies and are about to have a slap fight, or if they are old lovers working out a bad breakup.”
The fae king and the vampire continued insulting and berating each other, ignoring their audience. They hadn't noticed that they were close enough to almost touch.
Miles hummed. “I was wondering why I could hear raised voices from the anchor. I don't remember them being this adversarial before. I wonder if the door is having unexpected side effects on them, too?" After observing the two continuing their lovers/haters tiff, he asked, "Didn’t Max tell them big stuff happened? Can they not work together long enough for her to tell them about it?”
”She did, but they are more focused on insulting each other. I think it might be a game of one-upmanship? Or foreplay to establish who will be top? I don’t know what’s happening. This display is sad and Max wasn't clear with her directions. 'Keep them from fighting...' Am I supposed to eat them if they start physically fighting, or...” Merrick looked at the two. "Am I supposed to use my judgment and eat them if I get frustrated or insulted? Or bored?" He eyed them both hard, "Because that moment passed a few minutes ago." He sighed and shrugged. "Honestly, I like both of them a little less."
His voice was loud enough to break through the heated exchange. Both sides of the ongoing argument died suddenly. A throat was cleared. They stepped away from each other and looked over at Merrick, both chagrinned.
"You should trust your judgment more. If you think they need to be eaten, you probably should eat them. We can work around these two if needed. Nothing in the overall plan hinges on them specifically because they have been deemed unreliable at best and subtle threats at worst." Miles paused, "It might cause problems with their little creature governing body, but we can probably buy our way out of consequences with trade goods and esoteric knowledge. We would probably have to kill the vampires and turn Hadrian to our side to be a figurehead, but that's done easily. These two are replaceable."
An indignant sputter. "Hey! I've been mostly reliable to your Court since you got here!" Green, paler than before, pointed at Miles.
"I think we can acknowledge that point is somewhat debatable, Sidhe King." Miles rebutted. "I am not as easily swayed nor manipulated as Max. For all their perfections, they are still ruled by their faulty meat, you see. The price that was paid through the conundrum of the door was not an equal exchange for what they negotiated for."
"But that..."
"Is the servant talking?" Aldred interrupted to ask, working up to another rant. "Why can't I hear him and you can?"
Miles vibrated with joy. "Oh! Don't say anything! Putting people in their place is fun!" He pointed a leg at the vampire and shot a metallic, sticky, golden web at him. It landed across his torso and pinned him on the tower, next to the door that Max had just created and disappeared into. The webbing pinned his arms and trunk, yet he struggled to free himself. It was in vain.
"Holy hells! Why is the golem attacking me? What did I do? What do I do?" Aldred struggled against the bindings harder.
Miles casually jumped off of Merrick's shoulder and walked toward Aldred. He menacingly crawled his little golden body up the trapped mithran to hover near his face. "The alien loves him, I can't fight him! Save me, dog! What do I do?!" Panicked yells rang through the demesne. "Help me, Greenleaf, you fucking useless bug!"
Miles slowly, threateningly booped his nose with the sharpest part of his foreleg. So, more like a gentle stab to the tip of the nose.
"Max does love me. A lot. The most, even. I am now and will always be Max's favorite." Boop-stab. "But fighting me would be futile. Nothing you could do could stop anything I wish to do at any time I want to do it." Miles boop-stabbed him again, one last time for good measure. "Feel lucky, Herald of Blood, Terror of the Northern Slopes. You have been blessed. Even though you've terrorized my pet elves and have frustrated my treasured Packmates. Still, for some reason, I find you amusing. Don't dare to change that." Miles quickly traveled back to Merrick's shoulder-- faster than any eye could track, fast enough that it looked as if he teleported. "My soul-bonded life partner wants you alive and contained, so here you are." He paused for dramatic effect. Miles made sure to pointedly address the next part to Green, who was standing as still as he could, "That said, keep in mind that Max would forgive me almost anything, and forgiving the death of someone more of a problem than an asset would not be a big ask."
Miles is more badass than Max. He dominated these two like they were nothing. Established his rank in the hierarchy at the top. Lesson learned.
"It's true," Max said from the doorway. "He will always be my favorite." She looked at Green's pale face and the still-bound vampire. She turned to Merrick and said, "I'm finished. I knew Miles would win the inevitable dick-swinging contest. I should have put money on it." She walked over, still gloriously naked, to pat Merrick's shoulder that did not have a war golem on it. "You could have just eaten them if they were grating your nerves, Pup. We could've managed without them."
His shoulders fell. "It would have been more work down the line, though."
"Yeah. That's true." She shrugged. "I guess you did the right thing. I'm sorry you're the one that had to do it. Work on your geomancy, and next time you can be the one to build the meeting room."