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chapter 3- Will

"well, based on the books i've found, "bases and fundamentals of the souls" and "a guide for splitting the mind" the steps to create a parallel will are:

1) Provoke a high intensity emotional or physical state upon the subject

2) Once the subject succeeds in entering this state. Dissociate the body from the mind. While maintaining the state, wait for the body without a connection to the soul, awakens its own will out of a remnant of your consciousness.

3) Once the mind has left the body, meditate and enter a soul state that allows one to visualize the souls realm, all the while avoiding that the body falls into an unconscious state.

"there are other indications but supposedly, the first steps are the harshest. I must say that I'm certainly fortunate, due to my condition the first three steps are almost a daily occurrence. Nonetheless, because I always try to take control of the situation, none of the other things have happened. Now that I think about it, it is precisely on days that I experience the most disasociations that I entered my soul realm."

"Normally It would be pretty difficult to provoke a high intensity emotional state. In the book they describe this state as a moment of extreme emotional change, be it rage, sadness or fear. The state can also be archieved in moments of extreme agony, that can be provoked deliberately by willing torture of the body. Normally this would be something that only those wrong in the head would choose."

"The worst of these methods is that the state must be sustained, that means, the cause of emotional affliction must be so strong that you could maintain it for 5 to 10 minutes. And in the case of pain, it could be as long as 30 minute sessions. Fortunately, I'm a baby!. Just by holding my hunger, hitting myself with the corner of a piece of furniture or evacuating on my diaper, I can achieve that state. Just got to let the emotions flow freely and let my instincts take place. It isn't a surprise that babies have exaggerated emotional reactions that border on the extreme compared to the situations that they're experimenting."

"Well, I've tried several times in isolation but none of them worked, so it's time to let them happen all in one go. Well then~, it's time to let it out."

Mark had tried multiple times in the last few days, be it defecating on himself, holding out the hunger until he couldn't anymore or hitting himself against the furniture of the house. Each of them provoked a low state of dissociation, but none of them were strong enough to elicit a reaction strong enough to reach the description the books provided.

Fortunately for that Mark had develop a plan. If a single stimulus wasn't enough, all he had to do was to make them all happen at the same time. He awaited until the hour that he would normally take a nap and faked being sleep. When his mother Nira on his small cradle close to the floor, when she finally left, it was time for Mark to act.

"First off, I have to get down from my cradle and close the door. I have to reduce Nira's speed response, if I want to successfully execute the ritual, I also have to block the door just in case she notices. Every second counts after all. The last time, part of the reasons I've failed was because she just noticed my calls of help too quickly, sometimes it makes me question whether that woman is even normal."

With his small arms and legs, Reinhall got down from his crib with as much dexterity as his baby body allowed him. Fortunately, in the room where they slept there were several boxes, some heavy and others not so heavy, some shelves and various things with which Reinhall already had planned to block the door frame in the face of the threat Nira posed to his development in the field of the supernatural.

Reinhall, only 7 and a half months old, got out of his crib and with his two chubby legs staggered towards the door, normally children his age would only be able to crawl, but the exhaustive training he underwent during the last months to recover his faculties paid off, very carefully he closed the door as gracefully as he could, fortunately the door hinges were not old and it made very little noise to alert the ever-attentive mother.

After that, he went to one of the many objects that he intended to drag to block the door, first he put the easy objects to move and put aside the most difficult last, a solid wooden shelf that weighed nothing more and nothing less. That is about 20 kilos.

It was a large object for Reinhall but he had to do it, the shelf fortunately had nothing on top of it that could fall over and make a noise but he didn't take it easy, it was still an object twice his weight, slow and as quiet as he could pull it. and I push the shelf until it faces the door.

Normally this task would be impossible for a normal baby, but Reinhall had trained, from leg pedaling to clumsy attempts at push-ups and push-ups with the toys his parents gave him, striving from an early age to build his future strength so brutally that I was waiting for you.

Finally after 20 long minutes Reinhall finished his monumental task of blocking the door with his small body, the sound of his breathing sounded exhausted, but that would not stop him, his preparations were done, his desire to go to the bathroom was at its maximum, both to urinate as well as to evacuate, he endured the last 3 hours to finally achieve this state, for a baby who hardly had autonomous abilities, this was also a very difficult task because his body was hardly able to do anything against the natural instincts that he harbored, everything was finally ready to go.

"Well here we go, I'm sorry my body, I'm going to have to make you suffer as much as a baby can suffer"

With those words said Reinhall prepared to evacuate, normally it would take a few seconds before he cried for it, this is where he would take the opportunity to hit his little arm as hard as he could against his parents' bed frame, as many times as he could and thus achieve the emotional state it required.

Reinhall pushed and urinated, the sensation quickly spreading up his legs, a familiar feeling of anguish welling up in his chest, he hurriedly swung his small arm and slammed it against the corner of the bed with all the disproportionate force his body was capable of exerting. compared to the tenacity he had, once he hit, the pain that came was intense but he clenched his jaw and hit quickly a second time, before he could do it a third time he lost his balance and fell on his dirty diaper, the feeling that emerged from his chest manifested itself with great violence, the pain immediately became unbearable and Reinhall began to cry with great sorrow and despair, now everything was ready.

After achieving a high enough altered state, I immediately let the mind detach from the body and during this state I begin to meditate, the overwhelming pain that I felt begins to diminish and slowly I feel how the connection with my body becomes more and more. tenuous, however I must not let go of my body, I hold on to it firmly, as time goes by the force becomes much more intense, trying to take me out of the center of my being, as if it were a platform it pushes me to the edge of my spiritual connection but I don't let myself get knocked down.

According to the manual if I stay in this state long enough I should experience an out-of-body event and certainly something is happening, the connection I have with the body doesn't continue to weaken any further but I feel like I'm going from a first-person perspective to a third-person perspective, for One moment I feel how I rise and move away from my body, in front of me is a little baby crying at the top of his lungs.

"Calm down don't freak out, according to the book this is where I must use the connection I still hold and use it to drag myself back into my body."

I close my eyes and use the connection with my body to pull myself back into place, the force that had stopped pushing reappears, but for a while now I realized that it was actually much weaker than what the manual described , in the book this force was described as being in the middle of a river during a violent torrential rain while trying to climb upstream with a rope in your hands.

"Is it because I'm a baby?"

Before I know it, the repellent force stops, finally allowing me to open my eyes in my spiritual state. When I open my eyes I realize that I am in a dark place, there is nothing here, except something peculiar in front of my eyes, a small aura manifests in front of me. At first he had no form, but as time passed slowly he became more like an infant, on his face there was no face, he barely had hands and feet, he was thin and emaciated, as if there was no flesh under the surface of his skin. being and its appearance was translucent, light gray, like that of that place where I first woke up surrounded by fog.

Comparing it to my own state, all I can say is, incomplete, this thing in front of me is incomplete, while my body has a definite, colorful, solid shape, this manifestation of a soul in front of me is incomplete.

The little aura in front of me twisted and warped, on the metaphorical ground of space around us. When he finally stabilized he was standing on his two little legs, staggering making sure not to fall, but that didn't stop him, with a firm determination in his being he advanced forward, one step, two steps, three steps... he soon found a way. proper standing and his gait became more stable, as stable as a baby's form can maintain. He was in front of me, the small figure finally reached the place where I was, I waited to see what he did and the first action of him surprised me.

Pap!

A little pat on my leg, which was soon followed by a slightly stronger pat and followed by another of equal weight, the ba- the little spirit in front of me was hitting me, in his own primitive way, he was trying to dominate me, with his little ball hands he was trying to gain dominance over me.

-Boo! aaahwow!

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I can feel his effort and his dedication, his desperation and determination. The thought finally catches up with me and I can't deny it anymore.

-You are the one I replace, aren't you? He drinks that he would originally live in this body...

The desperate cries of the baby in front of me continued, as soon as I finished saying those words, a small pain spread through my chest, I don't know how to feel for him, sadness, grief, anger, pity... the little soul that lay in this body that I push to the brink and snatch from its place.

I used to think that nobody asks to be born in this world, I used to think that being alive was nothing more than a selfish action of our parents, who brought us to this world without consent; that bringing a new life simply to fill the hole that their relationship was not capable of filling, was nothing more than a selfish and narcissistic action based on nothing more than the parents' own happiness that they did not take into account, that perhaps the person to the one they brought into the world is destined to suffer and be miserable for most of her life just for trying to be happy.

-Now I understand, little one, you also want to live, don't you? You also have the desire to receive the affection of a family, the experience of eating good food, finding love and being happy. Despite all the misery that accompanies life, you fight so fiercely with your feeble strength simply for the opportunity to live the life you deserve.

I was so wrong…the will to survive doesn't come from DNA or the prerecorded instincts in our brain, but from something more primal.

-I feel horrible, in the book it only says that I would fight against a remnant fragment of my consciousness that remained inside the body, but this is horrible.

The little baby kept hitting my legs, screaming and crying, kicking and slapping with his little fists, if he could shed tears in this state he would have shed one for you.

I realize something while I think, the screams start to subside, the blows get weaker, the baby is tired and something unexpected happens in front of my eyes.

-Is it me or are you becoming more transparent?... DAMN IT'S NOT ME.

The little baby who was like a thick light gray mist before, was now like a small passing mist in the morning. It was obvious now that I think about it, not only did he not have a physical form until now, but for months he did not have a body. from which to sustain his existence, if this continues his soul will lose all its energy and will evaporate in the great flow just as it would have happened to me if he had not touched…

-The orb! I can connect you to the orb to sustain your existence.

I immediately use the techniques that the "deity" taught me to try to summon the orb of my soul realm. I imagine the white ball of unknown material coming out of my chest, appearing between my hands, coming out of my forehead…

- Nothing, dammit! Is it that I can't get him out of the room!?

- An anchor! The anchor is an object that allowed my soul to keep its shape and not evaporate or decay.

-But what the hell can I use to serve as an anchor, in this place there is nothing!

“Wait a minute, if I remember correctly, the connection wasn't established until I touched it, that feeling that ran down my arm and hit the center of my chest the moment I made contact with the orb. It also happened with the tablet, will it be possible to generate a circuit with me as the anchor?”

I approached the baby's translucent soul, took him by the arms and raised him up to my face, he was motionless, making weak noises of struggle, even now his determination remained.

Try to remember the sensation I felt that day, that warm energy that ran through my arm until it reached the center of my being, but in reverse.

-Imagine the feeling, remember how you felt.

Through the words I tried to convince myself of what I was doing to improve the results, the spirit in my hands slowly lost more strength and gained more transparency, the seconds passed but nothing happened, even so I did not stop, I kept trying and finally the experience of that moment was imitated, like a hot ball this energy moved from the center of my soul to my shoulders, but I feel that something is wrong, it is too much energy, the soul of the baby that I hold is like a paper bag, yes I let all this energy come in all at once, the only thing I will achieve is to tear it apart.

I try to stop the energy flowing through my body, but it doesn't stop, so I completely stop the process, not remembering the sensation from the beginning. The energy that has traveled from my core stops abruptly and quickly returns to where it belongs. , this time I try to restart the process but with less intensity and slower.

The process happens exactly as I imagine the sensation, this time the energy flows steadily and in small amounts, soon it spreads from my center to my arms and from my arms to the center of my hands and fingertips, the spiritual energy enters slowly to the soul of the baby, through the connection I begin to feel it, as it slowly spreads through his arms and from there, to the rest of his body.

The sensation is very similar to contracting the muscles of the body, as it expands I have to contract and relax to continuously push the energy.

Even though the amount of energy it put into the soul it held was small compared to before, the baby's complexion quickly improved, what was previously translucent became dense like the first time I saw it and soon became almost solid, seeing him recover I try to stop the flow of energy that I transmit through his body, but something is wrong.

-hmm, wait a minute, what are you doing!?

The energy that he provided to the baby did not stop being supplied, even if he had stopped imagining the sensation to supplement it, however the suction was tens of times less than when he was moving it to support it,

A laugh sounded from the baby in my hands, it was full of happiness and confidence, as if the hope of taking my body that he had lost, was given back to him. Trying to use the connection that I established previously, the baby began to use his spiritual energy to try to overcome my will. Curious to see what happens if I let him try, I continued to wait for the changes, after a few seconds my fingers started to discolor and deform, which left me a bit surprised.

Sadly that was it, only a few of my fingers underwent a change and progress on the rest was feeble to say the least. I don't want to continue, but I can't help it. If I stop the process and abandon taking control of the body, not only will it be more difficult for me to obtain an artificial will, but I will be letting the existence of this soul quietly fade away when it runs out of energy. spiritual. Besides, who knows the long-term effects that there may be, maybe I will never fully connect with my body, maybe nothing will happen but I don't want to risk it, I know very little to do anything about it.

Therefore, I proceed with the only option available to me, moving forward and regretting it later.

-It must have been hard for you, even if you are hardly able to recognize your own existence, even if you are hardly capable of thinking, all the feelings you still have, I can only empathize with the loneliness you must have felt, with the fear you must have have, with the sadness that you had to endure, and yet you decided to hold on to an opportunity instead of letting go and going back to the great flow.

-Yes in the future I find a way... I promise you, I will give you a new life where you can experience all the riches that life has to give you, the love of two parents, the value of knowledge, wisdom and ability, a place where you can grow as a person capable of achieving their goals.

A tone of solemn sadness could be felt in the words of Marco. The feelings that manifested in her chest were indescribable…

-I promise you that this determination you have shown me will not be in vain.

I release my spiritual force, but this time, instead of letting it flow through him, I use it the same way he uses it, abrasive and dominating, I use my previous experiences with the soul realm to overcome his little will, beginning through his fingers and quickly progressed to his hands and arms, his limbs began to deform and contract inside his body at a visible and accelerated rate, there were cries, cries of pain and anguish, but I didn't back down, I soon spread the rest of my power and will throughout his body, in the book I read it mentioned that I had to transform the other that was formed inside the empty body into a figure that I knew, this would become the manipulable nucleus of the new personality.

Slowly the noises stop.

Until finally there is silence…

-It's done… I'm sorry.

***

I woke up in my wooden crib. I don't know how long it's been, I don't know how long it's been, Nira probably picked me up after seeing me fall asleep in the living room. My mother, my parents, the people I met, I realize that I will never see them again, that I will never speak to them again, that I will never hear them again, their laughter, their voices. That the life I led until now, that the life I led back then, is no longer there, disappeared.

“I always thought, that they never asked me… they never asked me if I wanted to be born, if I wanted to be brought into this world, I remember not having done much with my life, I remember that when I reached adulthood, many of the dreams I had had, I didn't were fulfilled, that many of the opportunities that I wished I had taken, I didn't take them, I didn't take them... precisely because my parents pushed me to do something else, I hated them, because I wanted to do many other things, because I wanted to study medicine and become a doctor, but it was not possible, because there was no money, because there were no resources to maintain that career, because we were not rich, because we were poor.

And they pushed me to take a career that I didn't want, to be a graduate, I couldn't hate it, they pushed me to be an accountant, working all day in front of a computer, entering numbers, calculating taxes.”

“I used to think that I could have achieved a lot if I had been given control of what I wanted to do, that it was very selfish to be brought into life, that it was very selfish to bring someone to be unhappy, to live a boring life. , working in a company, day and night, without a clear goal for the future, to live only, to see tomorrow, to buy a house, to meet someone, to have a family and to die, that it was incredibly sad, that it was not an appropriate reason to bring someone into this world, that I would rather not even have been born, that they never asked me if I wanted to come if I wanted to be here, I don't remember how I died, I don't remember how the last moments of My life, I don't remember the faces of my parents, the faces of my brothers, their voices, their words, only these feelings remain buried in my chest, and I will never be able to return.”

“I never told them I love you, and I will never be able to do it later, I will no longer be able to say I love you to my parents, that I appreciate them to my brothers, I will not be able to say that I am grateful, that they have brought me, that I have been given a chance to live. There are many things I wanted to tell you, many hidden feelings. I thought that life was horrible, and that no one would want to live it if they had been asked in advance if they wanted to live life.”

"Today they showed me that all those thoughts were wrong a simple baby, a child, did not even have the ability to think, did not even have the ability to ration, and yet with all his might he tried and tried to fight for his existence, for a opportunity to live, to feel the affection of his mother, the hugs of his father, the words of love that a baby should receive, and I snatched it from him."

"I hadn't understood it until now, but I'm really not in my world anymore, I can no longer go to a phone and call my relatives, to ask them how they are, to ask them what they have done, to know what their plans are, and tell them to see what day we will see each other again, because I am no longer there, and I will never be able to return, I want to say thank you, thank you dad, thank you mom, thank you for giving me life, that I could never appreciate you, and that I am sorry, for being such an irremediable son that he never knew how to appreciate them both... I'm sorry."

Deep in the night, the high-pitched cry of a baby could be heard in the Judar house, that day, it was the first time that Reinhall cried from the bottom of his soul, and the first time that the emotions he expressed were the same as he felt since he came to this world, for the first time, the accumulated emotions came to burst open and were released in a cry of extreme sorrow. These were Reinhall's emotions, finally they were his emotions.