Ginny let out a sigh as she stopped three of the metal balls floating towards her simultaneously. It was better than she had ever done so far, but her heart wasn’t into it.
“Very well done, Ginny!” Balthazar said, “Better than ever before. Yet, I sense you are not excited about this…?”
“No, it’s great Balthazar,” Ginny said absentmindedly, “It’s just… Did you see what happened with the Dementor?”
Balthazar frowned and nodded, “I was quite on the edge of my seat watching. We have used up our energy for a time, probably even more than we should have. I could not assist and only hope that it would be fought off. I apologize for this failure.”
“No, I… I suppose it was scary, but that wasn’t what I was sad about,” Ginny said. She told Balthazar of what had happened, unearthing all of Harry’s memories and how he had chosen to give up to let her live as herself.
“So, uhm…” Ginny said after they had drifted into silence, “Do you have a, uh. Graveyard here? I wanted to do something for him. A funeral, ceremony, I don’t know. I’ll do one on Earth too, but… it’s important to do one here too. Even if it was for a little while, he had some fun solving the puzzle out of here. Meeting you.”
Balthazar didn’t say anything for a while, “A worthy gesture,” He said eventually, “It does you credit. I will prepare something for the next time you come. We have death ceremonies here, but not a graveyard as you’d think of them. Would you like a burial as is customary in your world, or perform one of our traditions?”
Ginny accessed her memories from Harry and knew what he would think. “He’d rather do yours,” She said, “I’m doing my own ceremony on Earth, I think. I’d like to at least. Better to do your traditions here.”
“Very well. I see it weighs heavily on your mind,” Balthazar said, “Perhaps discussing it could help? I can not see into his mind like you do. But I am very old, and know much of the ways of sacrifice and the weight one feels when others sacrifice for you.”
Ginny looked up, feeling like crying even if her body composed of black bubbling mud wouldn’t allow it.
“Why would he do it, Balthazar? We- We could have worked it out. He was winning, he could have easily beaten me. We could have- shared. He could have lived on. I just don’t understand why he had to die!”
Balthazar sat down cross legged on the floor, and flared out the wings on his back to curl around him. Ginny had never seen Balthazar fly, but she saw his batlike wings so often that she had almost forgotten that she had initially thought them to be strange or intimidating.
“Sit,” Balthazar said, “And we can discuss.”
Ginny complied, sitting down cross legged on the ground. Her foot slightly sank into her other muddy leg as she applied too much force. She spent a second or two pulling it out with a plop and readjusting herself until she was ready.
“Consider this,” Balthazar said, “You must imagine the other possible outcomes of this scenario. First, Harry doesn’t restrain himself and asserts himself as the main personality. You are subsumed and cease to exist, much as Harry does to you now. How would Harry feel in this scenario? You would be dead, but he would also be able to use your memories to know how you would feel.”
Ginny dived through Harry’s memories to try to see how he might feel. She wasn’t him, but she could get a general sense of what he might think of something when she imagined it in the right way.
“Guilt…” Ginny said softly, “He’d feel like a monster for killing me. Proving that he deserved everything that happened to him growing up. How could he think that? But… But he could have recovered. Made friends, done more. Moved on.”
“Let’s not forget you are dead in this scenario,” Balthazar corrected gently, “Besides his internal guilt, how would he act in the world? How would he feel, to lie to your family, to Fawkes, to all of the new friends he meets, about himself? Every time he looked in the mirror would be a reminder of what he had done to give himself this new chance at a new life, who he hurt.”
Ginny reached for the memories and felt that it was true. Harry wouldn’t have been able to move past it, or hadn’t wanted to believe that he was a person who could. Every interaction, every lie, it would eat away at him from the inside, hollowing him out and leaving him empty.
“But I lied to my family. I haven’t told them about you, about this place,” Ginny pointed out.
“You lie about what you do,” Balthazar said heavily, “You do not lie about what you are. Many act as if they are the same, but they are completely different animals. I have met men that I have followed to a near certain end who could never bear to tell the truth, not trusting enough to allow others to know their plans. Who lied near constantly about even minor things. Yet, they were good men and when it came time to battle they would die to save their friends.”
Balthazar’s lip curled slightly in distaste, “The people who lie about who they are at the core are the worst liars. For they can tell you the truth about every single fact and still manage to deceive you. Truthful in their words, yet when the time for action comes they shy back, make excuses, reveal that they were no friend at all, but a person seeking power or advantage from your relationship. Even if they have convinced themselves differently over time.”
Balthazar sighed, having a slightly misty look in his eyes, “Oh, I’ve met so many of both types. So many. Just when I think I know someone, they reveal that they are actually the opposite from what I thought them to be. Villainous heroes and saintly monsters…”
His eyes refocused on Ginny with intensity, “Do not underestimate the toll it would have taken on Harry to bear a burden like that, to suppress all that he is for survival.”
Ginny opened her muddy mouth, but Balthazar cut her off.
“Second, the scenario where you somehow share your body,” He said, “I truly do not believe it is possible given what you’ve described. But if it were possible… Is that ideal? Would it not breed resentment for the other? You, given a new life and eager to make friends and learn magic. Harry, who wants the exact same. Yet, you would not be the same people. Each shared moment of laughter, connection with your friends. All of them would be collected by one or the other of you. You would prefer some people over others compared to Harry. Harry would see this and see how this balance was only holding you back. Holding the both of you back. And so you would battle for supremacy once more, with only one winner.”
Ginny opened and closed her mouth. What could she say? The scenario played in her mind without her able to stop it. Would she be resentful of sharing her own body? Would Harry? She didn’t know, but Balthazar made it sound so certain, like it was inevitable that it would turn out that way.
“And finally,” Balthazar said, “We have the current scenario. How did Harry feel? In his last moments?”
“C-C-Content,” Ginny said, “He- He was happy for me, that he got to do one good thing in his life… That he proved everyone wrong about him. Everything just felt… right to him.”
“There are two players in this production,” Balthazar said, “Harry’s role has ended, but don’t you think it’s a fitting ending? One he chose, having backed down from near certain victory over you to give you a chance at life. That was his sacrifice, his life so you could move on. That sounds as good as an ending as I could imagine. You are the player that is left. You can grieve, lament Harry’s loss. But let us ask together, what is the end of this scenario? What kind of life did Harry sacrifice his own for you to live? You must live your best life, to honor his sacrifice. The life he always wished to live, where you’re happy and have everything that Harry lacked. You are the only one that can make this final scenario where the both of you get your best lives and endings.”
Ginny didn’t say anything in response, just staring into her lap and thinking hard about what Balthazar had said. Balthazar sighed deeply, “I will leave you to think over my words. It is much to drop on one so young. But consider what we’ve discussed before you start blaming yourself or thinking yourself unworthy of Harry’s sacrifice. Make yourself worthy of it. My Queen.”
Ginny looked up and saw that Balthazar had stood and gave an odd sort of formal bow, before turning on his heel and walking out of the room. Ginny stayed cross legged on the floor and watched him leave.
She wondered who Balthazar had lost, to see things so clearly. He clearly had put a lot of thought into scenarios like this. She sat there and thought about what he had said, running it through her mind. Checking her thoughts against the faded memories of Harry. But somehow, Balthazar was right.
He was right.
But that didn’t mean she still didn’t feel horrible about it.
"What happened to my old self?" Ginny asked, "Shouldn't I remember my life growing up as Ginny now? As well as what happened to Harry?"
Balthazar shook his head, "You misunderstand. There is nothing to recall. You were never that girl. The old Ginny died and her soul likely passed on in the Chamber of Secrets. Harry's soul took its place in the unoccupied body of the old Ginny Weasley's body afterwards. Fundamentally, your soul is the same as Harry Potter's was. Your identity was only given room to form because Fate suppressed Harry's memories even in his soul in her urgency to get him to return to your world."
"So, I'm not Harry. But I'm not the old Ginny either," She said, "I'm someone new?"
"You are someone new. All your memories have been returned to you as far as I can tell."
"Is... Is she okay? Did she go to the afterlife or something?"
"I don't know. When this place has more energy to work with we can search for her soul to verify where she ended up. But until then, there's nothing you can do about it."
"Thank you, Balthazar. Thanks for explaining it to me."
— — —
Ginny slowly opened her eyes on Earth, back in her real body again. She stared at the ceiling for a bit before letting out a breath and sitting up. Time for some breakfast. Today was the first day of classes, and Ginny didn’t want to be late. Her roommates were already moving around and getting ready. Ginny maybe should try to adjust her return triggers to include movements around her so she woke up when everyone else did. It would be a little suspicious if she woke up perfectly on the dot every day no matter what was happening around her…
The four of them went to breakfast at the great hall, getting turned around a few times on their way but making their way there eventually. They talked and got to know each other a bit better on the way. They all were wondering what the first day of real classes would be like. Ginny was a bit withdrawn, still thinking over what had happened last night.
But the girls seemed friendly, and Ginny was feeling more positive about Ravenclaw after that rude boy had soured things at the feast last night. Preston.
Once they reached the great hall, seemingly by unspoken agreement the other girls all split off to sit in different places. Ginny blinked. How had that happened, she thought that things were going well? She scanned the room, and didn’t see Jack or Alexa yet. It seems that most people had slept in and Ginny and her roommates had arrived somewhat early.
Ginny sat somewhere randomly and started eating. She had some stilted conversation with the people around her, but all of them seemed slightly hesitant to talk to her. Probably picking up the weirdness about last night or hearing some of the rumors from the older years.
Ginny didn’t end up seeing Jack until their classes started. All of their classes were dual for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw both. Ginny sat next to him for classes and they went through their classes talking and falling into the same state of easy conversation that they had reached on the train with Alexa.
Jack had already spoken with her, and they would be meeting up after classes to hang out and discuss the first day of classes. The classes themselves were a mix in quality so far. History with Binns, a literal ghost, was awful. The man was so dry, he spent whole sections of the class just reciting the textbook word for word. He kept speaking in his dull monotone as he launched into his lecture as the time for class began, barely even seeming to notice that anyone was there.
Charms, with the short half goblin man Flitwick, was interesting. He was Ravenclaw’s head of house, and was enthusiastic when someone did the spell right.
They were learning the levitation charm for their first class, and Ginny struggled with it a bit. She had excellent control of her magic, a little too much actually. She was supposed to just inject her magic into the wand and let it do its thing after she made the proper motions and said the strange words of the spell. ‘Wingardium Leviosa.’
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
But she didn’t like the feeling of the wand tugging and pulling on her magic on its own, it was uncomfortable and she kept resisting and stopping the spell from properly forming half way through.
Finally, Ginny managed to relax enough that her feather lifted into the air. She looked around. She did alright, but probably in the bottom half of the class. Other people were practicing moving their feathers around with the spell while the other people were still struggling to lift their feathers in the first place as Ginny had done.
“Very well done, Ms. Weasley,” Flitwick praised as he passed her desk, “Much faster than last ti… Ahem. Good casting technique. Make sure to keep your words precise and clear as you speak.”
“Thank you, Professor.”
Flitwick moved on to another student rather quickly, appearing slightly awkward after his verbal blunder.
Jack gave her a strange look before moving back to practice with his feather. He had been one of the first ones to get his spell to work and let the feather lift off his desk.
Class continued and they collected their books and left.
Transfiguration with the stern McGonagall was interesting. Ginny did well, the type of more freeform magic required for it much more relaxing that the stiffer more rigid charms had been.
Flying lesson was fine, but the brooms were horrible, their enchantments looking like they would fail any moment as Ginny inspected them. She flew very slowly just in case, not comfortable when she could see the broom’s enchantments sputtering and twisting as it forced itself to keep working to keep the boom in the air and moving.
She let out a breath of relief when her feet touched the ground again.
The last class of the day was Potions. Professor Snape wore a large black cloak and had a large hooked nose as he stared haughtily down at all of them. As they began the lesson, he flitted around the room like a bat leaning over and criticizing everyone’s food. Potions. Everyone’s potions. Ginny had to blink as Harry’s memories compared Snape to Aunt Petunia and found a disturbing amount of similarities. She shook her head and turned back to the boil cure potion she was supposed to be making with Jack.
Ginny had mostly prepared the ingredients while Jack figured out the stirring and when to throw things in. Jack seemed to be struggling a bit keeping up with the recipe. Finished chopping and crushing the ingredients, Ginny looked over the recipe again.
“So, four counter clockwise stirs after we add the nettles?” She said as Jack looked between the list and the cauldron of bubbling potion.
“Oh, yeah,” Jack said, “That. Lost my place, thanks Ginny…”
They made the potion, and it was the right color and matched what the instructions said. Half of the class wasn’t as lucky, and their potions were visibly different or had even exploded or had some reaction when they messed up a step in the recipe.
One by one, Snape went around and observed their potions and lambasted their potions and mistakes harshly, as if he was personally offended by their poor potions. He spoke loudly, not bothering to hold back as he went from pair to pair to judge.
Jack was a nervous mess by the time that Snape reached them. He leaned over and peered into their cauldron with a critical eye, waving his wand over the potion and casting a spell or two.
He nodded and leaned back. He looked at the two of them. “A properly impressive potion for a first attempt,” Snape said while nodding to Jack before looking at her, his lips turned into a faint sneer, “But barely acceptable for someone who has taken my class before. I expect better than this in the future from you, Ms. Weasley.”
Ginny clenched her fists at her sides. She could see it in his eyes. He knew! He was exposing her on purpose! Why? What had she ever done to him?
“Yes, Professor,” She managed to say. The man swept off to the next station, looking like he’d already forgotten the interaction as he went to lambast the ‘insult to potions makers everywhere’, that their neighbors had made.
“What was that about?” Jack whispered as Snape kept going, “What’s he talking about?”
“I’ll tell you after class,” Ginny whispered back. There really didn’t seem to be any avoiding it at this point. People would know soon that she had been here last year and was a first year again. Most people didn’t seem to know about her amnesia yet, but she was sure it wouldn’t be long. Especially since her brothers knew the full story, so she was sure the Gryffindor’s would spread it from there once they found out.
— — —
Jack and Ginny were waiting just outside on the entrance to the great lawn of the castle for Alexa. The warm summer sun beat down on them from above, but while it was hot it wasn’t overly so. Maybe an enchantment on the castle? Ginny tried to see with her magic sense, but it was all a mess. Enchantments and strings of magic floated everywhere around them on the grounds. If one of them was a weather control or cooling enchantment then she would never know.
“Hey guys!” Ginny suddenly heard from the castle. The two of them turned and saw Alexa standing there waving at them as she walked towards them.
“Sorry I’m late,” Alexa said as she drew closer, “Some of the Slytherins were being jerks and there was a whole big standoff after class. Everyone was puffed up and posturing, it was all very macho… Anyway, nothing ended up happening.”
“Yeah, class with Slytherin?” Jack said, “That must be fun.”
Alexa shrugged, “Tell me about it. Tried to say hello to one of them to be nice and they just ignored me. I mean, it’s only been one day! I can’t believe that people are already getting this petty.”
“It was something you were expecting?” Ginny asked, “Just not so fast?”
“Oh, yeah. My parents put me in one of those big prep schools before I came here,” Alexa said, “Whole place was crazy. Had the same point system for good behavior as they do here. Although it was for individual people rather than for the big groups like it is now. People were practically crawling over each other to be nice to the teacher so they could get extra points that don’t even go on your grade. People got so mean when I got a point by accident in class. It was like I’d kicked their puppy or something. This whole house and points thing has the same vibe to it. Makes us bother each other instead of taking out on the teacher. Especially Binns. I thought my old history teacher was bad…”
“What’s that in your hand?” Ginny asked. Alexa was holding an orange plastic disk in her right hand resting at her side that she had pulled out of her school bag. A frisbee! Harry’s memories told her what it was a second after she asked.
“This? This is a frisbee,” Alexa said, “Thought it could be fun to toss it around for a bit. We don’t have to if you don’t want to, though…”
“No, it sounds good!” Jack quickly said and Ginny nodded too.
“Great! Everyone keeps talking about this Quidditch,” Alexa complained, “I hope there’s more active sports here. Sounds like all they do is drive the broom around like a car. Do you even have to be in good shape to do any of that?”
The three of them stood roughly in a triangle and Alexa gently tossed the orange frisbee to Jack who caught it, but slightly fumbled his catch. He took a few seconds to adjust his grip before tossing it to Ginny. She reached out to catch it, but it slipped from her fingers and fell to the grass below. She bent over and picked it up again and tossed it to Alexa, who casually caught it with one hand.
Alexa proudly smirked as she did it, but instead of mentioning it just threw it back to Josh again.
“Flying a broom does take some work,” Ginny said, “You have to lean with your turns, use the broom to dart around and really pull hard when you're turning fast…” Ginny fumbled another catch, but was a little closer to managing to get it this time, “It takes skill to become good,” She continued.
“I know,” Alexa said, “That's what the other people said too when I asked. But it just doesn’t seem very… sporty, you know? Doesn’t sound like you have to be really that in shape to do any of that. I used to play football at my old school. Ran around a bit. Just hoping for something more like that to join while I'm here.”
“I’m sure wizards enjoy something like that, right Ginny?” Jack said as he caught Alexa’s frisbee throw.
“I don’t know,” She admitted as she finally caught the frisbee for the first time. Yes, success! “I’ve only heard about Quidditch so far. I don’t think there are any others?”
“You don’t know?” Jack asked, sounding rather confused, “Didn’t you grow up in this world? There must be more than just quidditch.”
“Probably,” She admitted as she threw the frisbee to Alexa who easily caught it, “But no one’s told me so far if that’s true.”
Alexa tossed the frisbee to Jack, who caught it. He held onto it for a second, peering at Ginny and frowning slightly. Looking like he was trying to solve a complex puzzle. He threw the frisbee after a moment and Ginny caught it again, even if she almost dropped it again.
Ginny held the frisbee and didn’t throw it, “Well, I meant to tell you two anyway…” Ginny said to herself as she stared at the bright disk. She looked up to the two of them.
“I have amnesia,” She said to the both of them, “I can’t remember anything from before this summer. The best mind healers looked at me, said that it was incurable and that they couldn’t solve it. That’s why I’m a first year now. I’m actually twelve and was here in classes all last year, I just don’t remember any of it.”
“Do you… Remember anything?” Alexa asked cautiously. Jack looked stunned, not completely believing what Ginny said.
Ginny thought about Harry, about his life. But memories about the old Ginny? Nothing, not even the slightest hint. She shook her head.
“Surely you must remember some stuff,” Jack asked, “What about your family? Muscle memory, things like that?”
Ginny shrugged awkwardly, “I wouldn’t know. I only knew my family because they had the same red hair as me.”
She reached out and lifted a lock of her red hair to demonstrate before dropping and letting it fall back down to her shoulders.
“I’ve had to learn everything almost from scratch over the summer,” She said, “Get to know my family, learn about the wizarding world… everything pretty much. And there was… other stuff going on too that got in the way of everything else…”
Alexa was blinking Ginny’s statement. “Really? Not even your own family?” She asked.
Ginny shrugged awkwardly again.
“I like them a lot though,” Ginny quickly clarified, “I’m glad they’re family. I’m just like a new person after what happened, so a lot of people don’t know how to react when they knew the old Ginny.”
“How did it happen?” Jack asked, “Your amnesia?”
“They tell me I was attacked,” Ginny said, “You can ask someone else about what was going on last year. I don’t actually know that much. I woke up in the Chamber of Secrets underneath the school with no idea what was going on. My attacker… ran away and I was stuck down there.”
“How’d you get out?” Alexa asked.
“Fawkes, he’s a phoenix, apparated in and brought me out and back above ground. While he was helping me, we became friends. Eventually, when I was panicking at the hospital and lashing out with my magic he helped me calm down and formed a familiar bond with me.”
“Your familiar is a Phoenix?” Jack asked, “What about your owl?”
Ginny rubbed her head, “Er, I did say he was a bird didn’t I? I never said he was an owl.”
“Where is he now?” Alexa asked hopefully, “Can we meet him?”
“Sure, we can in one of the abandoned classrooms and I can call him to me,” Ginny agreed, “My brothers said most of this place is empty, so we should be able to find a room out of the way. I sorta was trying to avoid drawing too much attention to it…”
Alexa snorted, “Too late for that! Half the Gryffindors wanted me to give them some juicy gossip on you after they found out we sat together on the train. None of them seemed to know what really happened last year though…”
“Neither do the teachers, I don’t think,” Jack said thoughtfully.
Ginny looked at him, confused, “The teachers too? What do you mean?”
“Professor Snape,” Jack said, “He said he expected you to be good on the potion because you had practice making it. Why would he say that if he knew what really happened to you?”
“I thought he just hated my old self for some reason,” Ginny admitted, “And that he knew about my memories and was trying to make me feel bad about my potions anyway.”
“No way!” Alexa said, “You don’t think he would say something like that even if he knew that you didn’t remember, Ginny? I mean he was vicious in telling us how we made our potions wrong, but that’s too far. Right? Even if he’s nicer for the Slytherin’s since he’s their head of house and all…”
“My brothers all say that he’s horrible and hates all Gryffindors,” Ginny said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
No one spoke, and Ginny suddenly remembered the orange frisbee in her hands. With a quick toss she threw to Alexa, who was surprised and almost fumbled the catch as she scrambled to react in time.
“How are you so good?” Ginny said in mock disappointment, choosing to move back to lighter topics, “You didn’t even drop it for that throw!”
“I know, wasn’t that a great catch?” Alexa said, “I really hope there’s some more athletic sports than this quidditch for me to join. I’m already feeling myself growing fat from eating all that heavy food in the great hall.”
Ginny put her hand on her stomach. She wasn’t fat! She just didn’t exercise that much, was all. But she didn’t have wiry muscles like Alexa did either. If Alexa had to worry about getting fat, then what hope would Ginny have?
“Oh, I was thinking of running in the mornings before classes,” Alexa said, “What do you think? You want to join me? I’m used to it for sports, it really wakes you up and its not that bad after the first few weeks.”
Jack looked hesitant, looking down at to his own body that wasn’t exactly bulging with muscle either. Ginny felt one of Harry’s memories surface in her. Him trying to lift a pan for Aunt Petunia and barely able to do it. His arms trembling, struggling to keep it aloft with his malnourished body. Then Aunt Petunia had come and snatched it out of his hands and lifted it out of his hands with seemingly little effort at all. How old had Harry been? Six? Seven at the time?
“Would it help me get big muscles like yours?” Ginny asked.
“You think they’re big?” Alexa asked, blushing slightly and squeezing her arm with her other hand as if to test it, “Thanks! I did swimming too back home so that my arms are pretty built up. I should really swim too, I don’t want to lose anything. I’ve spent years getting this fit.”
“What the heck?” Jack asked, “How many sports do you play, Alexa? How much do you normally exercise? Aren't you only eleven?”
Alexa looked between them and a look of realization flashed over her face.
“Oh. Did I not say?” She said, “My parents are both total exercise nuts. They compete in marathons and go on thirty mile hikes on the weekends together sometimes. It’s just the two sports, Football and swimming for me though. But with them around I usually end up doing a lot more exercise than most other people since they like to do easier races and hikes with me sometimes on the weekends.”
“Oh. So you’re like… really fit,” Ginny said, “I felt tired just slowly walking around near my house for a couple hours or so over the summer. Won’t we just slow you down? I’d like to, but it sounds like you’d just run laps around us the whole time.”
“Wait, you’re actually interested?” Alexa asked, “None of the Gryffindors wanted to. They actually made fun of me for it…”
“Well, that’s dumb,” Jack said, “They’re dumb. I think it’s a good idea. Waking up early will be a pain though.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Alexa said, “I don’t mind going a bit easier so I don’t have to go alone. You get used to waking up early pretty quick. I’ll write to my parents for a training plan for us so we can ease you both into it! They’re experts on that stuff, you two will be running around this place like the wind in no time!”
Alexa rambled on, looking rather excited that the both of them had tentatively agreed and talking about all the different exercises they would do and how strong they would be after a couple of months.
Ginny wanted to be strong.