Wei Wuxian tells himself he will not be stopped.

And so, Wei Wuxian starts to make his way to the Lan sect portion of the encampment. He is determined to find Lan Wangji and get his answers. The Disciples he passes along the way are quick to move aside to let him pass undisturbed.

He spots the first few Lan Sect disciples and feels his stride falter and slow.

His slowed hesitance steps let Wei Wuxian notice the curious looks of passing disciples, of which there are more and more cultivators wearing distracting white Lan Sect robes. Wei Wuxian can feel his palms begin to sweat.

He sees the tops of the Lan Sects Gleaming white tents.

He detours to the nearby woods, He ignores the confused stares that follow after him. He continues to walk further into the woods until he is sure he has let the camp well enough behind.

"What am I doing? Argh!"

He proceeds to pace aimlessly for several long moments as he thinks. Running over his past memories of Lan Wangji and viewing them with this mornings newfound information. He isn’t sure if he is miss remembering or re-imagining everything.

He wants to go looking for Lan Wangji and demand answers but doubts he will get the ones he currently needs. Besides, Lan Wangji and him have not been the best at talking and maybe that should matter more to Wei Wuxian than it does when he is considering marrying the man, and not just that but actually considering marrying into such as stuffy clan. But it doesn’t in so far that it seems to be an obstacle keeping him from Lan Wangji.

He turns in the direction toward the Camp grounds.

"Ahhgg! This makes no sense. What is wrong with me. This is ridiculous. Yes, Ridiculous." He feels his face heat.

"I am Ridiculous. and Shameless. Why can't I just go over there and find Lan Zhan!?" He feels his heart begin to pump wildly in his chest and turns to continue his pacing.

Wei Wuxian isn’t sure what is wrong with him. Just the other night he had been pushing the man away, coming up with ways to avoid him until they had to leave for Lotus Pier, but just one letter and Wei Wuxian is wondering how he might rearrange his life to be near him.

Wei Wuxian plops down on the ground uncaring of where he is and tries to calm his mind. Jiang Cheng is not wrong. He is being ridiculous. He needs to think about this. Logically he already knows the right answer to this question -but his brother did not ask for that answer.

Politically, marrying the 2nd jade would be the right thing to do. The Jiang need allies, Wei Wuxian needs to better his reputation and the Lan can serve as his character witness if Jin Guangshan should try anything against him. Most people would have little to say about Wei Wuxian's cultivation if Lan Wangji was there to serve as the sects’ barometer of his unorthodoxy. After all, everyone knows just how Lan Wangji hates his new cultivation. But There has to be more than that, or why would the Lan have sent him a marriage contract, Wei Wuxian reasons but this he wont know until he asks.

Objectively, having Lan Wangji by his side could help him.

If Lan Wangji had been the one to ask his brother to tour the Labor camps, Lan Xichen would have found a way to make it happen without causing a giant scene. If Lan Wangji with his reputation and status had seen the camps, had been there. If Wei Wuxian had just taken some time and maybe even reached out to Nie Huaisang…

Wei Wuxian understands how much his use of resentful energy had continued to affect him. His memories of the siege are barely comprehensible to him. Few of the decisions he made near the end make sense to him now and there are noticeable gaps in between. Coming back to a time when his body and mind are comparably clear of resentful energy has shown him the difference. He will need to find better ways to control how the resentful energy affects him.

Maybe this time he might be able to ask Lan Zhan for help. He needs to keep his use of demonic cultivation but just maybe he can convince Lan Zhan to help him keep just his mind clear. He can see Lan Zhan's face from the night before, apologetic and confused, as Zewu-jun practically dragged his brother away, or as close to it as he has seen any Lan do in a public setting. The First Jade had been furious but maybe, Zewu-Jun can't be too against him just yet, or why even risk asking for Wei Wuxian.

Logically, this is a good decision.

Being on closer terms with the Lan means Wei Wuxian can also try to better his standing with the Nie, who would be helpful to have on his side against the Jin.

Personally...

Wei Wuxian growls in irritation, throwing himself down to writhe on the forest floor in frustration. After a while he lay still, looking up at the bright blue sky and it's fluffy white clouds.

Personally, even with all Wei Wuxian has lived through, he can honestly say that even with the mountain of positive reasons he can think of, it is not why he is actually considering accepting. Memories of a peaceful day in Yiling crowding his thoughts and making his heart beat faster.

Now that the thought exists in his mind, it won't leave him. Bringing with it all those times Wei Wuxian had taunted and teased the 2nd Jade. The images of Lan Wangji and his elegant movements, his noble bearing flood his mind. Wei Wuxian had drawn portrait upon portrait of the man. His slim calloused fingers, his long silky hair, his flawless jade like skin. Truthfully He doesn't need to even look at Lan Wangji to be able to draw him anymore. But still, Wei Wuxian had a hard time keeping his eyes off him- during the hunt and by the liquor house when Wei Wuxian had thrown flowers at the man. How he has always stared into those beautiful golden eyes, and reached out just to skim his fingers over the sleeve of his robes or brush his shoulder. Wei Wuxian is so embarrassed by his past actions he can hardly think over the delayed embarrassment. No wonder Jiang Cheng had been so annoyed with him. He had been so much worse than any young infatuated maiden.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Wei Wuxian turns away from the sky and its stupid white fluffy clouds, as he curls into a tight ball. He can feel his face grow hotter and hotter with embarrassment as each memory hammers home how oblivious he had been. How many tantrums he pulled when he was both pulling and pushing on Lan Wangji with no idea of what he wanted, all the While Lan Wangji kept allowing it, accepting the large boundary he raised, lowered, and then raised again.

Wei Wuxian decides he needs a break from embarrassing himself when he remembers he had planned to visit the Wen's temporary encampment to see if he could find Wen Qing or Wen Ning. Since Wei Wuxian had managed to get the Dafan Wen to have slightly better treatment, then it should be no problem to visit them and check to see that all is going well this time around. Hoping that this will take his mind off things for a little while, he heads out to find the Wen siblings.

*

Wei Wuxian finds Wen Qing around two hours into his search and to his surprise she is not alone but surrounded by several children, as well as holding a little one in her arms. It is not that Wen Qing never took care of A-Yuan, it was that she was always so busy with other things and she had told him before that she prefers not dealing with young children, so to find her as the designated caregiver is more than a little entertaining to him. He tries not to think of how he has never met any of these children before.

“Wen Qing”

“Wei Wuxian, why are you here?”

“I was hoping we could talk…?” He lets his question taper off.

Wen Qing eyes him suspiciously but nods her agreement, calling over a few of the nearby Aunties that had been busy mending clothing to take over for her, before motioning for Wei Wuxian to follow her into a near by tent.

The tent they enter is foreign but familiar in its practical setup for Wei Wuxian to recognize it as Wen Qing's current temporary medical workspace.

She sits him down on a nearby stool before he can say anything and starts looking over his meridians.

"Ah, Wen Qing, I'm fine- that's not why I came here"

"Fine, he says after how long he has been repeatedly using resentful energy" Wen Qing mocks even as she continues her examination.

"It's not that bad"

"Wei Wuxian, are you a medical professional now? Just sit still and let me look you over." He sits still for a while longer as she looks over his injuries.

But as the moments pass by Wei Wuxian can not continue to take sitting in silence with such a stilted echo of their former interaction.

“I’m in love with Lan Wangji” Wei Wuxian tells her without prompting.

“What- Why are you telling me this?” Wen Qing replies, eyes wide and confused.

“I couldn’t think of anyone else to talk to. Maybe Wen Ning but he is too soft. And you know sect politics better.”

Wen Qing huffs, disapproving. “What about your sister? Or your brother, the Sect Leader?”

“The Lan asked for a Marriage alliance, for me to marry in- to Marry Hanguang-Jun”

Wen Qing Sighs “I still don’t understand, Wei Wuxian”

“How can I agree to marry him when I don’t have…”

Wen Qing pauses in her work for a moment, understanding lighting behind her eyes. "You haven't told anyone?"

“No. Of course not. Do you think they would have let me fight in the war without a core? No, No one knows. He doesn’t know. They wouldn’t have asked if they knew. The Lan sect…”

“Wei Wuxian, you don't have to tell the Lan Sect but if he really means that much to you-"

“I know- I know, I know I need to tell him but...” Wei Wuxian groans in frustration.

“I don’t see how he would not find out after, unless you plan to keep your distance for the rest of your life” Her No Nonsense response is oddly comforting even with its bluntness.

Wei Wuxian scoffs. Keep his distance, keep away from Lan Zhan- to keep his hands to himself when he had been given permission to... To have all the rights given to a spouse, just to ignore them. To give Lan Wangji hope and be so near but to have to pull away. Wei Wuxian does not see how he would be able to do that. It would be torture, for both of them if he is reading things right.

“I did say you wouldn’t be able to hide it forever” Wen Qing Reminds him.

“I wasn’t planning on forever- But I lived past the war so-”

A sudden stillness as Wen Qing stops in her work. “Wei Wuxian!”

“I know”

“Wei Wuxian, you don’t need me to tell you your options. But you're here and you will listen to me. The war is over. If your brother and sister Love you half as much as you have shown me you care for them. You can not keep treating your life so lightly. And this Hanguang-Jun of yours- if he cares for you at all- how must he feel watching you take risks as you do? I've heard enough stories to know how you have been pushing yourself. After all A-Ning and I went through to keep you alive, Wei Wuxian. Take better care of yourself- now sit still, your Meridians are awfully inflamed- but thankfully still treatable, If you had waited any longer to see a healer I can't imagine the state they would have ended up in"

And so Wei Wuxian Sits and lets her yell at him about the state of his body. Last time around He had not seen a healer until after they were settling into a rhythm in the burial mounds. Wen Qing had not said much on the possibility of his meridians healing or the possibility of salvaging any of his cultivation. So he sits and listens to her instructions. Sits and realizes that with the plans he had made to insure everyone elses well being, he had never thought about himself at all.

Even now, when Lan had asked for him, when he had stopped and contemplated his future with himself in mind- he had not stopped to consider his health, at all.

Even now, it was only a coincidence that the only person he could think to ask for advice is a pushy healer.

"So, I could cultivate a new core?"

"Maybe, but you haven't healed as much as I would have hoped after all this time. Your use of resentful energy is not helping. Before you can even try for a new core, You need to stop- while you strengthen and heal your spiritual pathways, and your meridian's are too enflamed with resentful energy to be of much help until they are cleansed."

Wei Wuxian sits there, stunned by her easy acceptance of the possibility when before there had been none. "I ... How would I do that?"

"The Lan have several different cleansing songs that might work... and Hmm, well, if you really are marrying one of the strongest cultivators in our generation. I can also think of fairly traditional methods of cultivation between spouses."

"Wen Qing!"

Wen Qing Laughs, short and her usual level of mean . "Your the one asking a healer for marital advice."

"Wen Qing that is not the kind of advice I asked for" Wei Wuxian hides his face behind his hands.

"Mhh, you might not have asked but I'm starting to think you might still need to know"

Wei Wuxian peaks at her from behind his fingers.

"Right, before starting on traditional forms of dual cultivation between Men..."

And So Wei Wuxian sits and listens to her explanations even as his face is set a flame.