I finished it as fast as I could but looking at how many typos it had I'll be revising it all this week, or the next few days at least.

Well, why am I keeping you from reading this, but first, on a side note I'll tell you, this prologue has turned into a chapter 0 or 1, it has over 3 000 words, and I really hope it has more impact, I'm gonna start deleting all chapters now, but I'll post the link to the google docs where I left it or something like that for chapter 20, the ones who want to read it there can, it halfway done because I didn't like where it was going and I got into a slump, that's part of the reason I stopped writing.

Here's the chapter:

~o~

I can tell you a lot about my life, but if I had to choose just one thing about it, then that would be maths. You may ask me why, but truly, I can't say I'll be able to satisfy you with my answer, after all I don't know how to explain it, I just didn't see maths as a bunch of numbers. For me there was something behind those numbers, I could make them be things, do things, explain things. But not just that, I could explain everything...

I could calculate the success of a relationship if I had enough information, I could explain movement, I could explain physics, why the earth is round, why rain falls, how matter was made... life.

But as most things, it wasn't accepted, because it was different, they talked about what couldn't be explained by it; god, emotions, self-awareness... I was called a kid, an immature guy trying to be different, ignorant about life...

Or at least that's what I think I would've been called if I actually tried to tell just about anybody I walked across... of course I didn't, but I did tell some people close to me about it. My family, some close friends, and my ex-girlfriend, sadly, the last one didn't like my vision so much.

My family was quite cool about it, I wasn't joining a cult or anything, I just had another way to perceive things, they weren't too worried about me, my sister said she didn't care at all, though that's her way to tell me that it won't change anything between us just because I'm 'a little' strange, my friends reacted in almost the same way, just a little bit more painfully, they laughed at me, quite a bit... but in the end nothing changed, nothing important anyway, then was my ex-girlfriend, she...

Well, let's say we weren't meant to be together, after I told her about this she made me choose between her and myself, my vision of the world or hers, as you can see, my choice wasn't the one she liked, it was heartbreaking and painful, but I could either be sad or blind, and I would only stay sad for a while, blindness is something that can't be cured.

I don't regret my choice, if I could travel back to that time I wouldn't change anything about it, maybe I would decide to never go out with her so I don't get hurt like I did, but everything is an experience, and pain makes sure you'll learn and do better next time, that unless you're an idiot...

But that wasn't the right answer, nor was it the wrong one, it was both, and at the same time, it was neither, I don't regret it, as I said before, I would do the same again, but if I could change something about my life, then I sure would want to, I would change it so I never went out that day, I would change it so I never said those words, I would change it so I had taken my self-defense classes seriously, so I did more exercise.

Sadly, that's impossible since right now I... But I still regret...

I regret making her cry...

I regret not being able to save myself.....

I regret because it made her cry.......

I regret not being strong enough.........

I regret because I couldn't save myself.........

I regret because it made her cry...........

I regret.............

---

As my foggy consciousness returned, I slowly opened my eyes... just a little. It was still dark, I didn't want to get up yet... Slowly turning over I tried to find a comfortable spot in my bed. Suddenly I grabbed my sheets in an attempt to stop myself from falling, an attempt, falling off your bed is not a nice way to wake up...

Yawn~

I covered my mouth, habits really do die hard, there's no one here, I should at least be able to yawn without covering my mouth, right? Well, it doesn't matter anyway... Standing up I extend my hand towards the wall and move it along until I find the strings connected to my curtains, pulling them the gray winter light enters the room letting me enjoy the nice, snow covered, scenery, I still don't hate the snow, it's still only early winter here, but I do miss the dark green winter from my home...

Sigh~

I haven't really been in there besides in summer for a few years, it's becoming more and more yellow with all the global warming going on.... but I still won't be coming back too soon, nest year is my last university year and next I 'll be doing my post grade... maybe I'll take a break...

I turn around, since I started living alone my room has become more and neater and tidy, I suppose it was necessary... I take a look at my bed... as messy as always... Sighing again I slowly make the bed again and leave everything as it was yesterday. Taking a look at my desk, I pass my hand over my latest project. This desk isn't as big as the one in my home country, but it does the job. On it there are various machines, a mechanical hand, a small car, a mechanical spider, small stuff I did as a hobby. My cousin's son really liked the one I brought back home last year, I should start making one for his next birthday it may be in six months, but making one of these toys takes up a lot of time, I still have to attend to the university.

There's also the time it takes to be delivered so I only have about five months... I took a last look at the compiler that was in the center of the table, o god it took long to make, it's been five years since I started, this will be my final year at the university and I think it might take a bit more to finish it, but maybe in two years I'll have it ready...

Moving my eyes away from it I walked to the door and opened it silently, I didn't want to wake up my guest if she was still sleeping after I made that much noise, though she probably was still asleep... Going to the kitchen I grabbed a few eggs and left them on a bowl, taking a cutting board and some vegetables I stated peeling a tomato and then continued by cutting it up, I placed it in another bowl and grabbed two carrots cutting them up after peeling them. I did it again with half an onion and some cheese.

Taking all three different bowls and putting them near the stove with the bowl in which the eggs were, I also grabbed the cutting board in which the cheese laid. I took a frying pan and placed it over the stove with oil over it. I fired the stove up and cracked the eggs over their bowl, throwing the shells onto the bin I took a fork and started beating the eggs, soon it was a yellowy liquid and the oil was hot.

Taking the bowl I poured the liquid into the pan, as it fizzled I took a wooden spatula and left it near, suddenly I remembered, I forgot to prepare the table... oh well, I'll do it once I finish this... Once the beat eggs solidified I poured the contents of the three bowls and the cheese into the pan and waited a bit before wrapping them with the "pancake" that was made with the beat eggs. I had made an omelet.

Taking a plate from the cupboard and putting it on the table I turned off the stove's fire and taking the pan off it I pushed the omelet into the plate with the wooden spatula. I remembered that besides making food I needed to make something to drink, how forgetful I'm being this morning... Taking a small metal pot and pouring milk on it I added some chocolate and added some cornflour to make it thicker, it was my mother's special recipe and my guest's favorite.

This wasn't something unusual, I cooked for myself and I made sure to have everything ready in my cupboard, also as for winter I drank a lot of hot chocolate and tea, it really helped beat the cold, people said alcohol was better, sadly I hated the taste of it so I only used it for cooking special recipes, this is why I always had one or two bottles lying around.

As the hot chocolate was being heated up I took a paper towel and covered the omelet so it doesn't loose too much heat. Taking advantage of the free time I had I took the silverware out and placed it on the table along with two small plates. Thinking about it again I took some bread and started toasting it. Going over to the fridge I took a piece of butter and a few marmalade pots placing them in the table too.

With this my breakfast preparations were ready and the only thing left was waiting for the chocolate to get hot, if not then it wasn't proper **hot** chocolate. Thinking about what to do with the few minutes I had to wait until the milk was ready, my dear guest came in.

『Hey. What are you doing?』 She asked me with a sleepy voice.

『Breakfast, what else could I be doing?』 I answered turning around to greet my sister. 『And put on a sweatshirt, you're gonna get cold like that.』

『You say that, but you are up without a shirt anyway.』 I looked at myself, and true to her words I had forgotten to put on a shirt after waking up, I did not sleep naked, but from time to time it was too hot for me to use a shirt with my pajamas.

『Different from you I'm already accustomed to this weather. I can do this.』

『I also live in a cold weather, don't say it like you're special.』 A bit grumpy she turns around to grab a sweatshirt from her room.

『Can you bring one for me too, I'm still cooking.』 I shout to her.

『And you said you didn't need one.』 She said under her breath, I heard her anyway.

『Habits die hard.』 She flinched, but then continued walking as if it never happened.

I stared at the hot chocolate stirring it periodically, waiting for it to slowly get hotter. I was getting bored of it so I started thinking about other things, first, how would the compiler fare if I tried it right now, it had the simple function of translating from JavaScript to machine code, it went through other languages too but I still had to connect a few commands together to make them all work.

I reviewed it again on my mind. I had memorized every pattern it, this god damn mind of mine was a amazing thing for my hobbies and everything that interested me, sadly, most people weren't interesting enough for me to remember them.... That's to say, I forget people easily unless they interact with me enough... it brought me some fairly embarrassing situations... something like:

『Hey, can you help me with this?』 *Someone*

『Of course, no problem.』 *Me*

*A while later.*

『Really, thanks for your help Jihad.』 *The same Someone*

『No problem, really.』 *Me*

『Could we exchange phone numbers to contact you easily?』 *... you know who... not that one... scratch that, it doesn't matter...*

『Yeah, of course... by the way... what's your name?』 *Me*

*Such great times... Why, my brain? Just why?* Just about then the breads were ready and jumped out of the toaster, I turned to them and took a basket, I really liked this one to put the breads in... Once I had finished my small task I received a shirt on my head...

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『Hey! You didn't need to trow it! This is how you treat your host!』 I snapped at her trowing my shirt to the floor in the process.

『Hmpf! And you, you sent your guest to get you a shirt, have some shame.』

『Well, you are my sister!』

『You are my brother!』 We glared at each other for a bit, she got bored of it first and turned around with a 'Hmpf'. I did so too a second after, looking at the just ready hot chocolate I took some cups and filled them before putting them on the table.

I sat down and took my fork...

『Hey...』

『Hmpf.』 She still wouldn't meet my eyes... I held my breath for a while but I still ended up saying it...

『Sorry, I'll take you shopping so can we eat breakfast now?』 She glanced at me for a bit before smiling.

『Seriously?』

『Yeah...』

『Yay!』 I sighed, having a sister is such a pain... and she still likes to go shopping, when will she grow up... she's also extorting my money...

After that we chatted for a bit and ate our breakfast, then I removed and cleaned everything from breakfast. My sister also helped me and once everything was clean and tidy again I told her;

『Hey, go and shower first, I'm going to finish something in the lab, then I'll prepare to go out too.』

『Yes~』 She went into her room before coming out with her clothes. I went to my room too, taking my gloves I headed down the corridor to the first room next to the door leading outside, I call it lab but it really just is a room where I put all my stuff and do some simple experiments.

I took out a cardboard box and placed in the mechanical hand I was working on last night, this too was nearly finished, the program was ready too, I just needed to test it, all the money I've been working for has been going into these two projects, the hand, and the compiler, and well, my books too... I even had a small bookshelf here, there was some manga and a few books about machines, the first ones where for when I was tired and the second ones were for work.

Closing the cardboard box I placed it under the desk, I took a look at the desk before leaving and saw that paper lying there, I took it in my hands and thought about it twice before placing it back on the desk, it wasn't needed, I hope it never will be needed, but it better to be safe than sorry.

I locked the door before going back into my room and taking a pair of blue jeans and my trunks, it was a really nice timing too.

『Hey, I'm ready, you can use the bathroom now.』

『You didn't wash your hair?』

『No, I did it yesterday.』

『Ok.』

I entered the bathroom and got the water running, it was already hot so it didn't matter, but habits die hard. I took my clothes off and looked at my skin, it was a pale reddish color, I really should go out more, though my skin wasn't white at all, it was paler that it should be because I holed up myself in the lab, on the summer it would take a slight copper tone and I really liked it.

In this I was totally different from my sister, we didn't look alike at all, she has a pale white color while mine was a coppery tone, I had black hair and she had brown hair, even our features were the opposite, my eyes were slightly tilted downwards at the outside corners from them so I always looked sleepy and passive, while she was a mischievous bomb full of energy, nothing alike...

That unless you've been talking with both of us, the amount of times we complete each other's phrases and say the same thing at the same time was comparable to twins, we though almost the same way, though she was a bit more mischievous and emotional. While thinking about this I had entered and finished washing myself so I took a clean towel and dried my body before putting on my trunks and jeans.

I went back to my room for the rest of my clothes, I was barefooted and shirtless.

『Habits do die hard...』

『Huh? Ah, yeah.』 I responded to her muttering.

『You really have good ears.』 She said silently.

『Eh? What?』

『I was saying you... Hey! Don't mess with me!!!』 Whoops, she got angry. I thought retreating to my room. There I took a t-shirt plus my socks putting them on before grabbing my glasses and putting them on. Then I took a long sleeved shirt and a hoodie, it was cold so I wasn't going to hold back on clothes, I also put on my fingerless gloves and a wool hat.

Then going to the door I took my shoes and a jacket before asking my sister to hurry. She even got out of the shower before me, geez, this is troublesome...

Once she was ready I took my coat putting it on before grabbing my keys and opening the door, then I unlocked the car getting into it and waiting for my sister to close the door. As she got on I started the engine and headed for the bank.

『Hey? Where are we going?』

『I have to take out some money from my account first, I don't like using my credit card too much.』

『And you're a mechanic... why won't you use this convenient technology.』

『I't because I work with them that I know how easy it is to bypass their security if you're a pro.』

『And how many pros do you think there are?』

『Enough.』

She stayed silent for the rest of the ride, not much time by the way, we were five minutes away from the bank, nothing too far, at least not with cars. Parking it I got down followed by my sister, we entered the building and seeing that the ATM were already in use we sat down on a nearby bench, or she sat down, I didn't, it was a bit unconformable for me today, maybe because I hadn't been exercising lately, who knows?

But it sure came handy, because *it* happened.

Nobody cared much about the guy that came in a minute or two after she sat down, he was panting and sweating, but with this weather nobody thought it was strange, a guard even came to help him, but at that time was when everything went out of control; he took out a gun.

I was too surprised to register much about that moment, I do remember that he shot the guard, where? That, I don't know, before I could react he extended his free, right hand, towards my sister, she was the nearest to him besides the guard, he probably wanted to use her as a hostage... I didn't let him.

I once asked myself what would I do if I found myself in the same situation as one of my books characters, to tell you the truth, I thought I wouldn't be able to react properly, it seems that protecting your blood is something to primordial to ignore, when I saw her in danger I grabbed his hand and bringing him to me my punch sunk into his face, it probably broke his nose, I don't know.

But that didn't knock him down, because of that I placed my left hand in his hear and brought the other one onto the bone that connected his jaw and skull. Because my left hand was stopping his skull from moving it probably shook his brain quite a lot. cold metal was placed near my solar plexus, a bang and sharp pain came with it, nit that it mattered, grabbing his head with both hands I brought my knee up and smashed it onto his brow, he fell, unconscious, I did it.

I gulped my saliva, it had a metallic taste, a good taste, it indicated death, my death. I sat down, it hurt, a lot, slowly, my vision got wider, the people were frozen solid, slightly turning my head right I could see that my sister was no exception, her lip was trembling a bit. Slowly her eyes turned downwards, she gasped seeing the hole in my coat and with that sound the world moved again.

Handcuffs were placed on the guy's hands and an ambulance was called, I felt high, even with all this pain and stuff going on I felt like if I was flying, my mind was drifting around, I couldn't concentrate properly and my vision got blurry form time to time. My sister was taking of the coat and some people were crying and shouting, they felt so far away, even my heart beat felt like another's, I didn't feel like I was in my own body.

My coat was flung to the side, and my hoodie was also taken of, but she stopped for a while once she saw the long sleeved shirt, it had a red stain big enough to make her do that, though it may have been that it was my blood, I don't think I can think straight enough to give you an appropriate answer.

That had to come off too and also the t-shirt, I was shirt less in the middle of a bank in Germany... in winter, if you haven't ever been in the situation yourself then I have some very simple words to make you understand how I felt... It was cold.... by Jihad.

She took my shirt and tried to wipe the blood from the wound, that sure woke me up, if she didn't stop me from throwing myself onto the floor I would've been there crying, of course I didn't shout... like a girl, my voice it's too deep for that. But everything was clearer after that. I took her head and looked into her eyes.

『Hey... hah... this is gonna get me into the hospital... hah... make sure to clean my lab... hah... hah... I also have a gift for you... the instructions are on top of the desk... hah... I meant to give it to you tomorrow as a small celebration... hah... hah... hah... but I think it's better for you to get it out now.... also... I'm sorry for fighting with you this morning.』 I paused a bit, I had to catch my breath, thinking a bit I stopped my tongue.

Felling a push to my shoulders and the stretcher that was placed under my back, I almost blacked out from the pain, breathing was painful talking was painful and now they placed my into the stretcher. I bit my tongue, it brought some acute pain but my consciousness cleared, temporarily at least. With my last bit of will power I took my sisters hand kissing her into her forehead I muttered into her ear;

『It's not your fault...』 I could barely see her astonished face as she processed what I just told her, but I did see the tear that slipped trough her cheek we she realized what I meant; my eyes were failing, everything was being painted black, it was blurry and my mind no longer functioned properly, I was getting tired and I could no longer think straight, that's why I feel surprised about how I could still say that to the medic.

『Hey mate... I don't have any good last words to say... could you please tell some to my friends when they ask you?』 Those were my last words, cool ain't it, I died of blood loss protecting my sister from a criminal, if you ask me, it was totally worth it, she did have her faults, but she was the best sister I had.

My life passed before my eyes, I recalled all the good things and bad things that I've done or experienced, I also remembered something they said about it;

They said living is a privilege, I didn't understand them at that time... No, that isn't right, it just didn't feel real for me, I mean, everyone is alive... They were right, it is a privilege, and I only understand how much it means to live now, now that I've lost the privilege to do so.... It pains me... so much... too much...

Why did she have to cry?

Couldn't she understand what I would feel from that?

It broke my heart...

Now it doesn't matter, I'm dying, no, I'm already dead...

So tired... I wanna sleep...

But I regret...