With raindrops glistening in the morning breeze as the sun rose on the fourth day that the collided world from different dimensions were recovering, something was born from the collided parts.
Quickly and rapidly repairing themselves and moving away from each other, this planet collision had not harmed any of its inhabitants for all was saved by a hero, one that was cursed to have a tragic life; more about the hero will be explained later in this story. For now, lets skip back to the colliding thingamajigs, which currently formed a being that was there, and yet not there. It wanted to manifest, and this predicament is where the one-yet-to-be-named, the main character (MC, ya'll) will appear. Lets call this unformed being Anonymous, for now.
Anonymous the Main Character sat in thought. For IT; not yet a he or she, a not even complete form or being, had been thinking- though you do not need to know IT 's thoughts, mainly for the reason that , "IT", is anonymous for a reason (which was given above. Yeah, that's got to be it. Or is IT?)
Fine, since you want to know why, I guess I'll just fess up; Anonymous the Main Character, though not a complete form, was still in an aging process, of sorts; and was in the teenager stage of this process, you could say, so was having hormone difficulties. Namely, if IT should be male or female. How else could IT manifest?
Thinking about this was giving IT menstrual cramps and an increase in testosterone, to the point where IT was worrying if IT might become an amoeba, and do ITself. I guess the right way to do this would be to choose a name that only applies to one sex, male or female, Anonymous decided. Okay. Either Jake or Christine. Ooohh, maybe Vladimir! Corndog! ...No, that's just not right.
This predicament was really getting out of hand, for while IT hesitated, blood dripped all over the place, and Anonymous was sure blood was not supposed to flow like a gushing river, especially down where the light of the sun shall not shine-which currently isn't visible, as this Main Character has no form yet.
Unfortunately, this was taking too long for the non-Main Characters, so they jumped in.
King Angst said,"I dub thee Sir Menstrual Cramps, and you are now male." And so his female problems stopped.
Still, he felt there was something missing, and oh! - this was filled when a boxer body-slammed into him. His chest blood gushed out, and he felt something similar to relief.
Either there really was too much iron in his blood, or, unfortunately for a Main Character, he's a masochist.
Lets go with the former....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
In another part of the world, where daylight refuses to shine through, and where birds and skeletons preen, lived a dying soldier, lying in the arms of a young companion.
"Son, please go *cough* and *cough*, alright? You must find a *cough* and request *cough*'s aid. I *cough* you good luck..." and with a sigh and involuntary fart, he was no more. The boy, his son named Byrle, seemed stunned, and frozen in place...And in place...And in place...
So he completely forgot what his father said, especially because he wasn't sure if he was supposed to request "cough's" aid.
His father would say the strangest things from time to time, so he often ignored it...
It took one long month of seasonal change before he moved. His first words were,"Wha-?" When did September pass?
And finding himself half-starved, fed himself with more-than-a-month-old hamburger from the tree of eternal life, and water from the mountains of rocks (and seaweed).
(The hamburger had come from a guy the Tree of Eternal Life had ganged up on, and later had given to the boy, saying that it was the"Haum-Burrr-Goooorr, of life Eeemmmooorrrr-towel!!!!!", though it was really something that came from the shitty Burger King place down the dirt road that divided the forest.
The tree had dried up in recent years and wanted some peaceful time before it had its eternal slumber- because no, his immortal powers had a limit, an expiration date on himself, and this made things really difficult, for he couldn't make himself immortal. Good thing he wasn't an honest tree, or he'd have told all his secrets and brought everyone to his patch of earth just to make them all immortal as he died, which doesn't sound like a good death at all, and wouldn't be a good one. Afterall, who would have immortal powers which could not be permanently put onto themselves? This could create all sorts of complications, which we'd better not go further into, or this chapter will take too long to write!)
And so the Tree of Immortal Life hated his power, and hated those who asked for it even more. If he had it his way, everyone would be eating Burger King hamburgers that he had taken by robbery of the food in Burger King.
Still, another thing jeopardizing his peace would be the curse the Fairy of Good, the Kindie, had put on him; having proclaimed that after seeing the tree's heart, she knew he was nothing but selfish; for he only looked after himself, and was stingy, for not sharing his powers with everyone on earth.
(The lines that there used to be to this tree, to try to gain immortality; they stretched to the mountains and kingdoms northeast, such a pain in the branched ass, and had him beat; a whole kingdom that had come, with their king first in line. Stupid King Angst; came at the wrong time. That annoying king: he was sooooo going to get it from this tree. That day, he had to immortalize fifty thousand people. Thank his limits that his immortality didn't make them invincible! The Fairest had heard and killed them the next day.
The Fairest was a hot chic who was thousands of years old, and if you hit on her you'd have more than just your heart broken. She"was", for she's dead currently, though she permanently broke bones and ate people that hit on her back in the day. Don't mess with crazy beauties. Though she's dead, her daughter is alive, and she is even worse. A shameless sadist, who had a way with politics, knew bartering, as well as taking and completing many diplomatic missions, she currently rules half the world of nature, with the other half of the world being governed by King Angst, may he always be in angst. Oh, her daughter, Elie, just teleported to the Immortal Life giving Tree (who, if you hadn't noticed, was currently narrating the story). Well, that didn't hurt a fly.
Not.
Of course it didn't hurt a fly, dumbass- she aimed at you! Now look at you; you're bleeding!
Looking down, you''d see a bunch of crushed wood where there once was smooth trunk. I'm in deep splinters now, thought the Tree of Eternal Life Which Itself Can Never Own.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------09/30/2015