Recently, school life for Lincoln Loud has become a nightmare. Every single day, almost every single hour, he was the victim of every single prank orchestrated by his bully. Getting his trousers down by them while distracted, tying his shoelaces together, filling his locker with garbage, you name it.
“Alright, THAT’S IT!” Lincoln shouted. He had enough of the pranks, it was time to strike back. But first, he had to come up with a plan.
And there was also one particular thing Lincoln had to do: No matter what, his sisters must not find out he’s been picked on. Every single time they knew, their meddling always ended up in disasters for the boy, but he was sure that it wouldn’t happen this time, after all, he’s the Man with the Plan, and he’d find a way to keep them out of the loop, as he learned well, people can be very predictable if you pay attention.
However, there was one variable that Lincoln wasn’t sure about.
Alastor.
His role model for becoming a better “Man with the Plan”, Lincoln wasn’t sure if he should ask the Radio Demon for help. Since he had memories of him, Alastor was always patient with him, so probably he would listen to Lincoln’s case instead of immediately making assumptions.
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As Lincoln returned to the Loud House, it was time to act: He had to return to his room while not being detected. If someone notices the gum on his hair (put by the bully), it’s over.
Lincoln entered the house, nobody was in the living room except Lily, the youngest sibling, who was playing with her toys on the floor. The boy sneaked into the kitchen until…
“Hold it right there!” He heard Lori’s voice. He thought he got caught…But Lori was simply talking on her phone.
Lincoln sighed and rushed to the kitchen. He opened the fridge. “Peanut butter, peanut butter…Where’s peanut butter?!”
He then hid his head in one of the crisper drawers as he heard Luna approaching the kitchen.
“Oh, hey, bro!” She said. “Rad way to chill out.”
“Yeah, totally.” Lincoln awkwardly chuckled.
“Could ya get me a pudding, please?” Luna asked.
Lincoln took a pudding without moving his head and handed it to his sister.
“Thanks, bro!” She left.
Lincoln checked the fridge but found the peanut butter jar empty.
“Dangit, I have to find another way…” He said to himself. Then, he got an idea: He could simply cut his hair. So, he took some scissors and headed upstairs…
However, Luan went downstairs and Lincoln stuck his face on the wall, so that she couldn’t see the gum.
“Oh hey, Luan!” He said with nonchalance.
“Hey, Lincoln! What do you think of this joke?” She asked, “If I were you, I’d go for the baboon!”
“...I don’t get it,” said Lincoln.
“That’s just the punchline, I still have to think of the setup.” Luan went away.
Lincoln rushed upstairs, he was so close to reaching his room until…
“Greetings, Human.” Lisa, the second youngest sibling and the family’s scientist appeared out of nowhere, scaring the boy. “There is Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area.”
“Huh…” Lincoln didn’t understand a single word of what his younger sister said.
“You’ve got gum in your hair,” said Lisa bluntly.
Lincoln panicked.
“I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn’t place it there yourself.” said Lisa, “Therefore I can deduce that someone has been picking on you.”
There it was. Someone find it out.
Lincoln fell to his knees, “I’m begging you, Lisa, don’t tell anyone about this! I don’t want them to get involved!”
“Don’t worry.” said Lisa, “I have no interest in this kind of tomfoolery.” She left.
Lincoln sighed and went into his room to cut the gum away.
However, Lynn Jr. slammed the door open, followed by the rest of the sisters.
“You’re being picked on, huh?” She said.
“Lisa! I thought you weren’t going to say anything.” Lincoln complained.
“I said I had no interest in this kind of tomfoolery, so I told Lynn about it, whose brain concentrates on this type of thing,” said Lisa.
“Hey!” LJ realised she wasn’t getting complimented.
“Girls, wait!” Lincoln tried to reason with his sisters. “Please, stay out of this! You’re only gonna make things worse!”
“If by “worse” you mean better, then I agree,” said Lori.
“You should go straight to the principal!” Lola, the “pageant queen” of the family, proposed.
“Oh, forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all of his friends.” Lori proposed, with an evil grin that would have made Alastor proud.
“I’m gonna write an insult comedy routine so harsh I’m gonna leave him in tears!” said Luan.
“If I may speak…” said Lisa. “Considering the predicament of our male sibling, wouldn’t it be wise to inform our demonic caretaker unit regarding it?”
“Regarding what, exactly?” Alastor suddenly appeared, scaring almost everyone. “I’ve been hearing a lot of noise or rather, more than usual.” He chuckled.
“Lincoln is being picked on at school,” Luna explained.
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“Oh, a bully problem!” Alastor approached Lincoln. “Tell me, dear boy, what is this fellow like?”
“Not a “fellow”...” said Lincoln, sighing. “It’s a girl.”
Suddenly, the girls squeed in joy, startling Alastor and Lincoln, hugging the latter.
“Lincoln! Why didn’t you tell us you had a girlfriend?!” Luna asked, happy.
Alastor and Lincoln gave each other a puzzled expression.
“Huh…What?” said Lincoln.
“When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you!” Lori explained.
“I’m not exactly a master of emotions, but bullying someone doesn’t seem to me the most romantic of gestures,” said Alastor.
“Yeah! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! She hates my guts!” said Lincoln.
“So romantic…” said Leni, dreamily.
“No, it isn’t! You guys are nuts!” said Lincoln.
“Don’t listen to them, my dear fellow, I’ve got a plan.” Alastor came closer to the boy. “Tomorrow, don’t interact with your bully. I will talk to them.”
“You will?!” Lincoln’s eyes shined with happiness. “Oh, thank you!”
“Now then, let’s talk about it in private, shall we?” said Alastor.
The two went into Lincoln’s room, and the boy gave to the demon information about his bully: A Mexican-American girl named Ronnie Anne.
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The school day ended, and the students of Royal Woods Elementary were ready to go home. Lincoln, as instructed by Alastor, avoided Ronnie Anne as much as he could, although he did got pranked by her a few times.
The instant the bell rang, Lincoln rushed out of the school, he didn't even talk to Clyde.
As he ran, one thought echoed through the boy's head:
"Alastor...Whatever you do, I hope it works."
Ronnie Anne took her school bag and left the classroom, she was among the last students leaving. The girl walked through the desolated hallway, but then...The windows outside got dark, with green symbols appearing on them.
"What the...?" The girl thought, confused.
Suddenly, the entrance got shut, and the same symbols from before appeared.
"Okay..." said Ronnie Anne, "This is getting weird..."
Suddenly, she heard radio static noise coming from the speakers. A portal made of shadows appeared on the floor, with voodoo symbols surrounding it. Then, Alastor emerged slowly from it in his demonic form. His horns were large, his pointy teeth were glowing and his eyes looked like radio dials.
“Hello there!” said Alastor, “You must be Ronnie Anne.”
“Who…Who are you?! How do you know my name?” Ronnie Anne tried to not die from fear.
“Depends on how you’ll play your cards, I’ll be your best pal or your worst nightmare,” said Alastor. “I am Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, quite the pleasure. A little birdie told me that you’ve been causing some…Trouble to a boy named Lincoln Loud.”
“Huh…Yeah. Are you Lame-o’s dad or something?” Ronnie Anne asked.
“Not quite.” said Alastor, “I’m his caretaker, and it’s my job to take care of him and remove any possible nuisances.” He pointed at Ronnie Anne, “Including brats like you, querida.”
Ronnie Anne has always been a brave girl, never fearing anyone, but Alastor managed to make her feel fear deep in her heart, although she tried to look calm, her legs were shivering, something that the demon was well aware of.
“What’s the matter? Feeling frightened?” Alastor cackled, “It’s not so nice when you don’t have the upper hand, is it?”
“W-What are you gonna do to me…?” Ronnie Anne asked.
“What do you think I will do?” Alastor refused to answer.
“You’re not gonna kill me, are you…?”
As the girl asked the question, the demon’s smile began wider. “Well, querida, this has been a delightful conversation, but I’m afraid it must come to an end, So…”
Alastor’s shadow came out from the floor, turning into a ravenous beast, sporting too a creepy wide smile.
"̶̙̬̝̠͈̟͙̺̙̬̣̠͕̣͍̈́͊̐̊̏͒̓̇̇̽̂̕G̴̨̡͔͎̝͕͉͕̋̉͒ơ̶̡̬̯̞̦̘̻̣͙͚̪͕͔̼̙̓͛̆͑̇̋̆̍́͑͘͝o̶̰̺̻̭̠͔̊͗̆̎̓͑̇̃̏̀̔̈́̆͘͜͝d̷̢̞̲̖̯̣̬̤͓̩͉̟͉̦̈́̈́̈́͝b̴̡̪̹͙̘͕̤̰̖̅̆͂̚͜ͅy̴̧̨̜͍̪̰̙̙̮̼̩͎̗̓́̆̈́̌̑͆̋̎ͅë̵̮̘̦͎͚͉͓̠͉͇̜͍͖̥.̸̨̡̛̛̱͙̺̱̩̥̹̙̹̩̼̰̱̱͍̋͆̍͌̈́̓̆̕"̶͇̿̄̾̍̂͜͠͝
In that moment, Ronnie Anne’s fight-or-flight response got triggered, choosing the latter.
Alastor was amused. “Playing Hide n’ Seek, aren’t we? Run as much as you like, querida, you can’t outrun shadows! ”
Alastor’s psychotic laugh echoed through the hallways, as he jumped back into his shadow, disappearing.
Ronnie Anne ran away as fast as she could from the presumed threat Alastor posed. She hid herself in a classroom and blocked the door with a desk.
The girl took deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.
“That guy…He wants to kill me!” She thought. “But why?! I didn’t do anything to deserve it! Is it because of the pranks?”
“You’re probably wondering why I want to kill you.” Alastor’s voice spoke. Ronnie Anne looked around to see where he was. “Oh, don’t worry, querida, I’m talking through the speakers.”
“Why are you doing this?!” Ronnie Anne asked. “They were just pranks! I didn’t want to hurt him!”
“Yet you did,” said Alastor. “Every time Lincoln comes home, I see him destroyed, he goes to his room and I can hear him cry silently… And all thanks to your foolish pranks. Tell me, why did the poor boy do to deserve it? He wouldn’t hurt a fly! What did he do to you?!” Alastor bluffed. Lincoln was mildly annoyed at best by Ronnie Anne’s pranks, but the Demon wanted to have more fun with her.
His bluff worked tremendously on the tomboy.
“I…I did it?” She thought, remorse hitting her like a train. “I…I didn’t mean to hurt him…”
“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, querida,” said Alastor, “And sometimes it can be with bad ones, I speak from experience.”
Suddenly, Alastor appeared in the classroom. “Well, I enjoyed this little Hide n Seek, but time’s up.” He approached Ronnie Anne.
Thinking it was over, she closed her eyes, bracing herself.
However, Alastor snapped his fingers and a door appeared.
Ronnie opened her eyes, confused about why she was still alive. “Huh…?”
“The door is over there, you’re free to go,” said Alastor calmly.
“You’re…You’re letting me go? You’re not going to kill me?”
Then, Alastor burst out laughing. It wasn't psychotic and unhinged this time, it was…Genuine. And weirdly enough, his radio filter was absent.
“You really thought I was going to kill you? You’re just a child, I just wanted to scare you!” Alastor revealed.
Ronnie Anne’s eyes widened from the shock…But the fear from before didn’t permit her to be angry.
“T-Then…What do you want?”
“I want you to get along with Lincoln,” said Alastor. “You see, I’ve seen the friend group the boy has and…To be frank, they’re a bunch of, what did you call them, “Lame-os”? Anyway, they’re perfect targets for bullies, but that’s when you step in!”
“You…Want me to be Lame-o’s bodyguard or something?” said Ronnie Anne.
“Considering the reputation you have here in this school, you being friends with Lincoln would act as a deterrent for any brat who would try to bother him,” Alastor explained, “Besides, you would thrive from this: You could be friends with the Man with the Plan himself!”
“Yeah, great.” Ronnie Anne snarked.
“Oh, come on now, the boy is as sweet as a rabbit, he’ll forgive you immediately. You're gonna love him! And who knows…” Alastor turned to the tomboy, his grin softened a bit, looking more playful. “Maybe you love already~?”
Ronnie Anne blushed profusely. “Wha-?! No! Eww! Why would I love that Lame-o?!”
Alastor laughed. “Relax, I’m just teasing! But being serious.” He offered a handshake. “Do we have a deal?”
Ronnie Anne thought about it. Sure, that guy is not even human and just five minutes ago was threatening her but…He’s not wrong about Lincoln.
“Well…Sure, it’s worth a try.”
“Splendid!” said Alastor. “See you soon, querida!”
He vanished into his shadow and Ronnie Anne returned to the normal world.
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The next day during lunchtime, Ronnie Anne went to Lincoln’s table.
“Hey, Lame-o.” She said, “Can I talk to you in private?”
Every student looked at the two, both intrigued and anxious, wondering if Ronnie Anne wanted to beat him up.
“Huh…Sure,” said Lincoln. Alastor didn’t tell him how it went his talk, so he was pretty curious.
They went outside, where nobody could hear them.
“Look, I’m…Sorry for the pranks. I think I went a bit too far.” She started, “Your caretaker talked to me, I didn’t know you felt like that.”
Lincoln smiled. “It’s alright, I don’t like holding grudges. You know, I wanted to be your friend, I always thought you were a cool person.”
Ronnie Anne’s eyes lit up a bit, not expecting that Alastor was telling the truth. “Maybe we can try.”
“I’d love to.” said Lincoln, “Come on, let’s get back to the cafeteria. My friends are probably thinking that I’m dead or something.”
Ronnie Anne laughed. “Yeah.”
“You can sit with us if you want,” said Lincoln.
“Nah, I’m good. I like eating alone,” said Ronnie Anne.
“Oh, okay,” said Lincoln. “If you change your mind, the offer still stands.”
“Alright,” said Ronnie Anne. “See ya later, Lame-o!”
The girl left, Lincoln noticed that the way she called him “Lame-o” didn’t sound mocking, but rather…Weirdly affectionate.
And that was the beginning of a great friendship between the white-haired masterful strategist and the bully with a golden heart that one day could bloom into something more… Entertaining.
And it was all started by a smiling deer.
<-------To Be Continued---------