I stood in the tranquil space of our office's parking lot with a small smile as I stared into the heavens. Indeed as the year neared its end, night arrived quickly, turning the sky into a canvas of cool blues with the arctic-hued moon as its centerpiece. The cascades of glimmering stars dotted the clear sky, each celestial body boldly announcing itself as the entire universe decorated itself for the season of merriment.
Ah, speaking of decorating,
The trees on the edges of the lot were wrapped in vibrant, flickering lights, dancing to the tune of the cold winter breeze that whistled into my ears. And while the highways surrounding us were empty, even the nearby lamposts were fitted with different bulbs to fit the theme of the year's final event.
Are we even allowed to do that?
Still, as much as I enjoyed the good vibes and refreshing weather, it was more of a distraction for my current predicament than anything else.
Come on, did you really think I was allowed to have good things?
To begin with, while the parking lot was empty, with not a soul in sight, cramped would be the word I would use to describe my current feeling. The chilly climate also did little against the thick layer of "clothing" I had on. And as my arms continued to scratch against the abrasive fabric of my outfit, good vibes and refreshing weather felt more like a pipe dream than my earlier described reality. And as I tried to use my phone in the dark confines of the suit, a cold sigh came from behind me.
"We're not even out of the parking lot yet, are we?" My deer partner asked, her voice muffled by the layers of insulating fabric.
"Would you like to be the navigator instead?" I replied, facing a direction and prompting her to follow.
"To imagine our positions swapped is not on my wishlist, so no."
"You and me both." Yes, indeed, flipping our roles was a no-go because I was enough of an ass as I already was.
Rule of thumb, if you can still crack jokes, you're probably okay.
But as good of a rule of thumb as that was, being stuck in a two-person deer costume around five kilometers away from your destination is quite the opposite of okay.
"Well, at least the night sky is pretty."
"Firstly, I can't even see anything. Second, keep your eyes on the sidewalk." Myla began walking, er - we started galloping faster.
"It's not nice to be a sore loser, y'know?"
"It would've been better to avoid losing entirely." Our quarrel began, having the distinct sound of an argument you heard through the thin walls of your apartment.
"It was bad luck, I swear."
"You mean overconfidence."
"There's no winning with you, is there? And if you're so annoyed by it, you could've just declined the shared punishment before you got dragged in." She groaned, but surprisingly, she became quiet after my statement. Seeing it as a chance to pile on my case, I continued,
"And why do we even have this stupid suit in our storage rooms in the first place?" This time she remained completely silent as if any will to fight had left her after I brought up the question.
"...I bought it."
"Eh?" I reflexively turned, only to be greeted by the rear end of a deer rather than my deer partner.
"Last year, Alexandre and I participated in a similar bet, one we also lost." She continued, our stride turning into more of an amble than a run.
"But in the end, I backed out, even though I had already purchased the suit, partly with Alexandre's own money, no less." Her cold voice didn't sting as much when it had to tell such a tragic story, but nonetheless, it didn't exempt her from my ire.
"So, in short, the entire reason this punishment even exists is because of you? And that this time you decided to go through with it? With me involved?"
"Well, yes, but not exactly-" I cut her off before she could excuse herself from being held accountable.
"And to top it all off, this is your second year in a row losing..."
"If you don't count the year before last, then-"
"Ugh, I give up. There really is no winning with you in every sense of the word. We'll be late for the party at this rate. Did the punishment really have to extend to us having to get there already wearing this?"
"From what I know, they're also watching us through the CCTVs, so in a way, yes." I sighed before deciding to get it over with as soon as possible.
"Nothing we can do then. Let's take the bus."
"Wait, there has to be a better way than that."
"Well yeah, we could call a ride, but I doubt there's anyone close by, especially at this time. Plus, this is usually when a bus arrives here, so we're kinda out of options." I said as I led us toward the pickup area, much to the dismay of my deer partner. As we made our way toward the stop with uncoordinated steps, it wasn't only the cold air that hit my eyes. Right at the bench where one would await their ride sat a mother and son pair coated in heavy winter layers. I whispered to my deer partner about the two before walking beside them and joining them in their wait.
Well, this is awkward.
Silence filled the small gap between us, only the subtle rubbing of the suit or the occasional rustle from the trees interjecting. But as I glanced a few times at the two, the small child became more and more intrigued by the sight that literally just walked right up to them without a word.
"Uh, merry Christmas?" I finally eeked out of the suit, the kid's gaze getting a bit too hard to ignore.
"Hmm..." It wasn't enough, though - his stare remained, and he even began to squint as he concentrated on the lifeless eyes of the costume, unknowingly staring into its soul.
"Or do you prefer happy holida-"
"Mom! I remember now! It's a jackass!" The kid finally snapped out of it, turning to his caretaker and tugging at her sleeve as he continuously pointed at us. The mom sighed, seemingly not wanting to deal with it but still being enough of a parent to correct her child.
"Hush now, don't call them that when they're clearly reindeer. Now go on and apologize to Mister Reindeer." She said as she gave a light pat on the kid's head.
"Sorry, Mister Reindeer. My dad usually calls weird people that so..."
So he didn't say it because he mistook us for a donkey..?
"Oh! Is that so?" I said in the most joyful voice I could muster before continuing, "Welp, in that case, you're absolutely right! I am a hundred percent purebred jackass!" I declared with pride, seeing the kid's eyes light up with joy and the opposite occurring for the mother. The mother stormed off while mumbling about calling her husband, trying to quiet her son down as he continued to shout the word "jackass" into the silent night.
See? I brought a family closer together.
"Was that really necessary?" Myla commented, remaining silent until the end of the exchange.
"Meh, the internet will teach him worse things anyway," I said as, in the distance, I could make out headlights approaching.
The world wide web's gift to either naughty or nice kids are videos that will traumatize them for life.
The sound of rubber rolling on asphalt grew louder until the familiar Tsss noise of the bus' brakes interrupted its steady rhythm, the large vehicle's doors now in front of us. From the outside, the bus looked dressed for the occasion. Decked were its halls with holly, but the warm smiles and wistful eyes of its passengers were the best ornaments you could have. And while we would obviously ruin that vibe,
Even if we do fit the motif,
With a quick nudge, we carefully tried to climb the ride's stairs to begin our voyage.
"Woah, Woah, slow down there, bud." The driver spoke up, holding his hand out at us as he did. He was an older fellow, looking well into his sixties, with silver streaks and thick lenses atop his wrinkled visage.
Is it the lighting, or does he also have cataracts?
"What's the hold-up?" My back half whispered, trying to assess the situation.
"Oh, nothing. Just mind the steps, okay?" I replied, trying again to enter the bus before getting stopped for a second time by the driver - pushing his hand at us with more emphasis.
"Alright, buster, I don't know whose leash you belong on, but we don't allow animals on this bus." The old fellow stated with a shaky tone, pointing his slightly trembling finger at the sign next to him.
"They can't be serious-" I cut off Myla, seeing an opportunity to have some merriment before adding,
"Leave it to me. I have an idea." My deer partner seemed to oblige through her silence, maybe out of curiosity or helplessness. Seeing the okay signal, I stared into the driver's cloudy orbs with the costume's lifeless googly eyes before saying,
"Sir. We are actually..." I paused, raising one of my legs to mimic an animal nonverbally communicating with its "hands" before continuing,
"A service animal." Silence coated the air as it seemed both the driver, Myla, and everyone on board absorbed the words that came out of my mouth.
...
"For what disorder?" The old fellow finally asked.
"Uh...Blindness. Yeah."
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
...
"I don't believe in that nonsense." He declared after glaring at us through squinted eyes and adding, "That's just a myth made by big pharma and orthodontists to sell expensive glasses! So take your mutt and your lies out of my bus!" The driver shouted before clicking a button that began to forcefully close the doors before driving off and throwing dust onto the brown pelt of our suit.
Also, it's ophthalmologists, man.
"Well then, great work. That was embarrassing, and now we're not even going to get to attend the party." Cold pessimism injected itself into the already icy sting of the winter air.
"Yeah, sure. Not in one piece, most likely."
"What?" I decided not to answer, letting the high-pitched noises of a vehicle struggling to brake on ice be my response.
They'll probably be fine. It is the time for miracles, too, after all. Oh, speaking of miracles..!
The shadowed path in front of us began to be illuminated by a warm orange. And when I turned my gaze to its source, the familiar yellow hit my eyes like a star that guided some random smart guys to their savior.
"There's a taxi."
"That's...Convenient." Myla added as I raised one of my legs to flag down the cab. The driver flickered his lights in response before slowing down and eventually pulling over beside us.
"So, uh...You guys looking for a ride?" The stubbled fellow said in a gruff, slightly skeptical tone with his windows down.
"Yes."
"Yes." Both halves of the deer responded, causing the driver's eyes to narrow before shaking his head and maintaining his straight face.
"Right, um...So where to?"
"Oh, shoot, it's that one place where...You know what? Let me get my phone." I said as my hands began to navigate the tight space of the cramped suit - trying to get to my pockets.
"Give me a second," I stated as no doubt, on the outside, the body of this poor animal was contorting in ways that would give children nightmares.
Don't worry, kids! Your deer friend has a bad case of hypermobile joints! Watch as he twists his neck and front legs in three different directions!
"Uh, sure. Take your time." The driver remarked, his composure cracking ever so slightly.
"And...There!" I exclaimed, managing to get a hold of my phone in the furry labyrinth that was this animal's front half.
"Right, now how to give it to you?"
"I dunno? Maybe just spit it out?" The driver seemed to comment as a joke, but the idea held weight as I remembered the suit did have an opening where its mouth was.
"Sure," I replied nonchalantly before raising my arm from the reaches of the darkness and attempting to force it out of the slit that was the deer's mouth.
"Sorry, a tight squeeze." The opening was small, and my phone was relatively thick, meaning that this was a time for drastic measures. A tearing sound emanated from where my hand was - the extra force I applied ripped and unhinged the deer's jaw. With it, my arm jutted out of it like some macabre art piece straight from hell.
All hail Santa.
"There you go, phew." With the newly formed hole, I could see my breath condense in the air as I gave the driver my phone.
"Um, okay. Let's see here..? Oh, yeah, I know the route. Uh, come in." He handed me back my phone, the mammal engulfing it back into the abyss of its innards before the driver reached over to the backseat and opened the door for us.
"Thanks."
"Much appreciated." My deer partner added before we haphazardly entered the vehicle, bumping into things along the way.
"All set, let's go," I announced once we got into the backseat, Myla sitting up and turning the deer into more of a camel.
"Right, I'll just get that for you." The driver said as he closed the door for us before our ride began.
Getting a good look at us in the rearview mirror, I can confirm we look like massive idiots.
Aside from the subtle whistling of the air conditioning, the ride was relatively wordless. Maybe the driver and Myla didn't really want any small talk. Maybe it had just been a long day, and he didn't have any energy to communicate. Or, if, for some weird reason, he had logical grounds to be cautious around us.
I wonder why.
"...So, you college kids going to a costume party or something?" The driver asked as he took a quick glance at us through the mirror, perhaps out of politeness or the unnerving stare of the deer's wobbly eyes.
"Nope. And we're not college students. Working class citizens here."
"Oh." He said, in a tone that didn't seem any more interested than earlier.
"Though I appreciate getting mistaken for being younger."
"Is that so? I just thought you were college kids 'cause you seemed like you were on drugs." Silence filled the cool air once again, the jolly lyrics of the song creating a contrasting melody with the casually delivered words of the driver.
"Fair enough." Those were the final words I or anyone uttered in the car until we reached our destination.
At least he thought I was young.
The driver stopped by a sidewalk bathed in the warm lights of the cityscape, exiting the car to open the door for us before entering once we had planted our hooves on solid ground.
"How much is the fare?"
"Oh, don't worry about it. You've paid enough already. Happy Holidays." And with that, the driver left us, disappearing into the corners of the illuminated concrete jungle.
"Welp, shall we?" I asked, turning in the direction of the venue.
"Just kill me."
"What?"
"Just keep walking." My deer partner replied, a tone as cold as the snow that now began to fall as the city was farther from the coast.
"Okidoki." And our trot began once more. The town was actually quite beautiful this time of the year. If the government around here was good at one thing, it was sprucing things up for events like these and making the place look like an urban paradise. Red and green lights painted every inch of the city - billboards shone with greetings for the holidays, and families strolled around the place with snow covering the warm layers that held their happy expressions. But among them quietly walked a lone individual with dark brown hair powdered with snowflakes wandering in the midst of the joyful groups with his hands in his pockets and a hunched-over posture.
Look who's out and about without a date. After everything, we went through to get him one too.
Indeed it was Keith, alone during the day most couples look forward to during the season, seeming to be a bit down as he walked in the crowd.
Something else seems different about his look. I'll just ask when I get to him.
However, as the idea of chatting with him came to me, he began to walk further out of my line of sight. And with that realization, I unconsciously began to run toward the introvert, dragging my other half behind me as I did.
"Hey, what are you running for?" Myla was able to eke out, the weight I felt tugging at me a sign she was stumbling. But as I went through the crowds and holiday medleys coated the air, her words disappeared along with the snowflakes. We managed to get through, my eyes finding Keith in a corner with surprisingly no people. He was turned around, facing the wall, before he let out a sigh that condensed into a mist in the air.
"I went the wrong way already..." I could hear him say to himself before turning around, his gaze still lowered.
"It's nice that we got to go out on Christmas, but I really should've kept my glasses on even if she said I looked cute without them..." I couldn't quite understand what he was whispering, but judging by his lip movements, he seemed out of sorts.
Nothing a good pair of friends in costume can't fix.
I thought as I sprinted at him, Myla still struggling to keep up with me, the resulting walk probably making our deer run like a rabid animal.
"Hmm? What's that thing..? Is that a fucking deer?" Those were the last words I could barely read from the introvert's lips as he turned tail and ran.
I was probably a bit too excited, as I couldn't recognize the logic behind his reaction - only speeding up and turning the run into a gallop as I followed the fleeing lad.
"Keith! Keith, wait! Come here!"
"Oh God, it knows my name? How does it know my name? What else do you know?!" He shouted as he turned to look over his shoulder, trying his best to outpace the quadrupedal menace pursuing him.
"Ah, screw it!" The usually composed introvert exclaimed before turning to face us, sweat dripping down his face and a primordial flame in his glare.
"Oh, shoot-" I couldn't stop in time, now locked in a headfirst charge toward Keith with no signs of stopping. Myla was probably still running, not realizing that we were now in a recreation of early man subjugating the lesser animals. I lowered my head and cradled it in my arms, pointing the suit's plastic antlers straight toward the stalwart introvert. In stressful situations, the body enters a fight-or-flight response where it releases specific hormones and stimulates some organs like the heart. It is during this state that occurrences of what is commonly called "hysterical strength" have been observed. People lifting cars to save endangered children is the most common example. But it is my belief that this state has its roots in a far more primal time, one where man and beast clash and where the trademark ingenuity and adaptability of humans would not be enough to take down big game. Yes, it is during these moments of life and death the human body truly reaches its peak potential.
Oh, deer.
Keith grabbed us by the horns using all of his upper-body strength, lifting the 200-pound animal by its head, carrying it over his back, and slamming it onto the slush-filled pavement. As I stared from below him, dazed and thrashed, air condensed around his panting face like a steaming engine, and his shoes which were right in front of me, had dug into the snow as he held his ground.
I can't feel my limbs.
And with that, the arm still holding my head went limp, but instead of landing on the cushioned fabric of the costume, it felt as though it laid slack on a frigid powder.
Oh, right, the suit's ripped.
"Got...You..." The introvert said through frantic breaths before he turned around and shouted in horror.
"Is that..? An arm..?" He added before I could hear him flee from the scene, panicked footfalls as he did.
"...What in God's name happened?" Myla spoke as I could feel her sit back up with some effort.
"...I don't wanna talk about it," I replied as I stood up, trying my best to dust off the suit as I did.
"That voice sounded familiar. Did you spot someone we kno-"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Okay then. Well, at the very least, tell me where you've dragged us to." She said as she stood up as well, getting back into character.
"Oh, right. Let me see," I said as I opened my phone, "Oh, talk about an early present." I looked up from my device and, through the slits of the costume, saw the building where our party was to take place.
"What is it?"
"Oh, it's nothing. We just happened to crash right in front of the hotel." I replied smugly, beginning my trot toward the venue's beautifully decorated and illuminated archways.
"Well then, perhaps we can catch a break tonight." My deer partner spoke with relief as we entered. We walked in, getting some glances from the more refined residents of the hotel ranging from intrigued to bewildered. Nonetheless, once we made it to the reception, a bright smile was what awaited us.
"Do you know where the company party for aiAI is taking place?"
"Oh, yes, they told us to expect you. Please just take the elevator to your left and head to the eighth floor. It'll take you straight to the event hall." Indeed it was convenient, a true miracle in the spirit of the holidays. And as we entered the lift, it was hard to believe anything but.
But good things only come to nice kids. And with tonight's list of events? Well, you decide where I land on the scale.
I struggled a bit to press the buttons of the elevator through the suit's thick layers but eventually managed to click on what I thought was the eighth floor. And since the lift was of an older, more rustic model, I had no idea where it was actually going to bring us.
Ding.
"Ah, we're here." I declared, stepping out of the elevator onto a platform blanketed in snow and watched over by the starry night.
Oops. I fat-fingered it.
Standing on the rooftop, while slightly inconvenient, did feel good as the entire cityscape shone even brighter than the winter sky.
Welp, fun detour, but we've got a party to attend, and- are those deer?
"Are we outside again? Did you press the wrong button on the ele-"
"Shh, there's deer up here." I cut off my other half, slowly backing away into the lift.
"A what? Look, you've played more than enough jokes tonight. There's no way-"
"Look!" I exclaimed, taking a picture of the herd of animals - handing my phone to Myla, who replied with a quiet Eh?
"What on earth could they be doing here?"
"I don't know, but for now, more walk-y, less talk-y," I replied as we quietly hoofed our way back to safety. But right when we thought we were safe, a loud thud emanated from outside, shaking the rooftop and launching the resting snow into a flurry. Curiosity got the better of me. And as I stuck my head back out, a large, jolly fellow with a magnificent beard and a suit as red as his rose cheeks greeted my stunned eyes.
Okay, what?
"There you all are!" He shouted in a deep but warm voice.
"We've got the whole night to practice for the big day, girls! No time to slack off!" The jolly saint exclaimed as, with a snap of his fingers, a marvelous sleigh and reins appeared attached to the herd of deer.
"Five, six, seven, eight...Wait, where's Blitzen?" He asked his companions, turning his gaze at the surroundings with confused eyes.
Uh oh.
"Oho! There you are, girl! Come now, there's no time to waste!" In an instant, we were teleported in front of the personification of the holiday spirit's ride, ropes tied onto us just as our comrades.
Uh oh.
"You can't be serious, don't tell me..." Myla whispered, her cold breath dripping with worry.
"Aha...Yeah, I don't think I have to tell you." And with one slap of the reins, our hooves left the comfort of the frosty ground.
"Hohoho! Blitzen are you drunk on eggnog? Fly straight, will you?" The jolly fellow shouted with enthusiasm as we flailed about dangling a few hundred meters from the ground.
We'll try our best, sir.
And with that, we were off to make a few deliveries.
I spoke through the cold steel placed on my cheek, explaining the series of unfortunate events to a certain young executive.
"So you're saying that's why you guys couldn't make it?" Alex asked through the fuzzy noise of the telephone.
"Yes."
He sighed, "Guys if you were that opposed to the idea, you can always back out. But at least come here, we still saved the both of you some food, and there are still some events to go-"
"No. Seriously, we're stranded."
"Right, right. Suit yourselves..." Followed by the monotone sound of the device as he hung up.
"Any luck?" Myla asked through shivering breath as I stared into the pure-white wasteland around us.
"Nope," I said, sitting down on the cold-hard sheets.
"Well, umm..."
"Yep." Was all I could offer her before the continuous blizzard took over our conversation.
Oh, deer.