I placed myself on the soft bed's mattress - sinking into the cushion surrounded by my discarded clothes. I released a yawn, rubbing my eyes to try and stave off the desire to fall back into slumber. Through my ever-narrowing eyelids, I observed the corners of my humble dwelling - my skin blanketed with the cold morning air. From my spot, I could look out into the suburban area around my home, the subtle greens of the trees slowly swaying in the blue tint that coats everything around this hour.
This quiet contemplation had become the beginning of my routine for the entirety of my stay in aiAI. Many times I'd find myself fully clad in my azure-lined uniform, ahead of schedule, and allowed a brief moment of clarity in my busy day-to-day. And today was to be no different. And so, as I opened my phone to see that I was a bit too responsible and had a good half an hour or so left before I had to make my commute, I laid my back flat on the sheets of my bed, taking in a deep breath as I did.
But something else that became routine during these moments was the thoughts that would float around in my head as I waited for time to pass. I always found it interesting and amusing that many people speak of their experiences late at night and how they regularly find themselves in the pitfall of overthinking their current situation, trying to develop a plan for the future to try and solve whatever issues plague them.
Obviously, this ends with an idealistic and completely unrealistic plan that's never actually executed - discarded as soon as the clarity of morning light arrives. I guess all of this is to say that the image of someone sleeplessly hyper-fixating on the future is something I find endlessly relatable and entertaining. It speaks to the child in us all - that at night, when we are alone with our thoughts and our thoughts alone, we focus on what lies ahead with almost child-like rationale and pursuits.
I mention all of this to contrast with the thoughts finding themselves in my mind during the earliest hours of my routine. Instead of the visions of a vague and mysterious tomorrow, vivid and familiar memories of my past characterize my blue-tinted dawns. Something about this specific time always hits me with nostalgia, and the serene ambiance provides the perfect stage and setting for me to reminisce about days passed. And as I said, today was no different indeed.
I pulled out my phone from the reaches of my pocket, placing my finger on its cold glass that reflected my stubbled and aged visage before fading into the monotone wallpaper of my device. I quickly navigated my digital home, muscle memory more or less guiding me to my destination - my photos.
I scrolled through the archive of experiences, all captured by someone I once was. And yet my desire to occasionally explore this vault means some part of that younger me still continues to live on - rearing its head when the circumstances are right. At the top were all of my newest photos, places I'd visited as my profession took me to every nook and every cranny of our vast city. Pictures were taken outside and inside, above and below the towering skyscrapers, to peaceful scenes of flowing fields or crashing waves, to some group photos with our particularly memorable clients.
Indeed my current life was pretty well-captured in these snippets. It followed a pattern - yes, but no sights nor sounds ever repeated themselves - hectic as it was, it was never bland.
A phone gallery is a trove of memories, not just in the fact it stores stories of the past - but also in its structure. Events and happenings of yesterday filled the uppermost layer of both my mind and library. But as I scrolled down more and more, faded remembrances began to appear beneath my finger. While mere seconds passed, weeks turned to months turned to years as the date above each picture counted down, each passing moment flooding me with rediscovered memories buried deep within me.
But it was only when my eyes spotted a particular video, did my blind scrolling came to a halt. The month and day were the same as today, but the year dated it to six years ago. The cover told me little, a black screen with the distinctive white play button in the center beckoning me to investigate it further.
I hesitated. What could it have been? A school project from high school? A random misclick on my camera? An old clip of friends? What did this hidden treasure of my past hold? And was I ready to face it with the small time frame I had before leaving?
Ah, screw it. There's no need to be overdramatic. It's probably just sixteen-year-old me trying to film the moon or something. That never works out, huh?
And so I pressed my finger on the cold-kissed glass, watching a small white circle appear and rotate to indicate the video was about to play.
"March ninth...When was this..?" I asked myself, but in the brief moment it took me to create the self-imposed query, the video presented the answer - painting the clouded memory back into high definition.
The black screen began to move. Small cracks of light appeared and disappeared erratically as the video shook. And in one motion, suddenly gone were any and all traces of the earlier darkness from the corners of my device - simultaneously did the realization of the significance of the date hit me.
Ah, it's on that day.
And as the thought crossed my mind, my gaze locked onto a pair of beautifully young, gray eyes staring back at me with an eager expression.
"Finally got it recording. All I had to do was delete what? Like three apps? And maybe some photos from my graduation..." The young fellow remarked, placing a hand on his chin, which begged for even an inch of facial hair.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
I do look better with stubble.
The young boy before me was the one and only eighteen-year-old legend Bridger B. Blaithe himself.
"...And there! Right on my face." He - or I - or younger me - screw it, he exclaimed as he adjusted the camera to center his face in the video.
He breathed in, "Right! It goes something like..." he paused before painting a massive smile on his face, "Hey, everyone! How are you all today? And welcome back to another video!" The young man shouted with a voice whose pitch was as high as the energy he put into his words.
Just what the heck was I doing?
I laughed to myself and at myself as I continued watching him perform the bit. I had no recollection of doing something like this, let alone on the date this was taken, but I had to admit, it had a charm.
Maybe the spectacles of wistful nostalgia blinded me, but I looked at my younger self with much delight. I seemed so alive back then. Granted, I'm not exactly a dead fish in person, but there was something within the younger me that felt missing, and that these small clips were just that - pieces of the person who once was.
Then again, I was probably even more dead inside back in my teen years - or at least that's what I liked to think.
But it wasn't just my youthful countenance that reminded me of the past. As I placed my scrutiny elsewhere, I noticed that the room the younger me was in looked familiar but didn't match any locations I had at the top of my head.
The walls, floorboards, and windows resembled nothing from my college years. And yet the way things were placed and organized spoke to me in a way that felt just right. It wasn't my house, but it felt like home.
"You know, today's actually a pretty special day, guys, so I'd love it if you subscribed and left some love on today's video to make it even more special, eh?" Young Blaithe spoke with a persuading grin - one still pure and untainted by the toils of adulthood.
And yet as endearing as I found my strange little spiel to be, I still couldn't find the reason for it within me. What I did have was the possible cause of this loss of memory, as the date listed alone made it clear as to why I would have buried this event far into the reaches of my mind.
"Oh? There you are!" And yet all of the sweet memories I felt paled in comparison to the voice that suddenly shouted through the phone's speakers - catching both eras of Bridger's attention.
"Oops, finally found me, huh?"
"I told you to wait in the living room!" The pleasant voice continued, "What are you doing here talking to yourself?"
"You see, it's always been my dream to record videos all day and make money off them." Younger me said with sarcasm thick enough to stop bullets, earning a laugh from the feminine voice. "Yeah, and so did everyone else when they were twelve." And as she said that, the young man moved to the side as the formless and euphonious voice was given a face to match its allure.
Ah, she's cute.
Her golden brown hair was shorter back then, yet they danced around her deep sepia eyes just as beautifully. She would've been around eighteen at this time, same as the younger me, and her youthful face spoke to that - the camera quality not giving her charm the justice it deserved.
"You come over to do that, of all things? You're as weird as they come, huh?" Amanda clung to him, endearment in her expression and tone.
So that's why it seemed familiar.
As I recalled, a wistful warmth appeared on my arm - memories of the tender love I once had touching me as I continued to watch.
"So...Do you wanna join me?" Young Blaithe asked.
"Absolutely." Her response was as brief as the time it took for her to join in on the bit, "Hey, everyone! Long time no see!"
"Amanda! You're late! We've got to do the house tour today." The young man exclaimed with a smile.
"Huh? I thought we were saving that for next month. We can't let the content well dry up too quickly after all." She quipped back, earning a laugh from both eras.
"Oh, right. So that means today is..." He stopped for a moment before looking his better half in the eye, not out of sarcastic parody but genuine passion, "...The channel's anniversary!"
Young Adler and I were taken aback by his words, realizing the true meaning of the date - past and present synchronizing in our delight.
"We just want to say thanks for sticking with us for this long! It's been a crazy year now, and I never thought I'd be here, getting to do something I only dreamed of." My former self began, my former half continuing.
"We never expected how much fun it would be!" Her expression then turned distraught after the rush of joy, "With an equal amount of work and time investment..." Her laugh trailed off, clearly acting fatigued.
"But it's worth it. Seeing a passion of ours take shape and for people to actually notice? It's a dream come true, right?"
"Even if it means juggling with the rest of our responsibilities means hell on our sleep schedules." The young man chuckled, exasperated but glad, "Oh, and I think we should give a special mention to our editor, yeah?"
"But of course! Aside from dealing with us in general. Without their support, this might not have happened in the first place." She added, smiling toward the camera.
Whoever this imaginary editor is, thanks for the hard work. Keep it up, ey?
"I guess all in all, this has just been one hell of a year, and we're so grateful for the comments and love."
"Yep! So, we hope you'll continue to stick with us until the end." Amanda finished, but her smile didn't fade, instead turning to her partner, "Oh, and also..."
"You could've just told me directly, 'ya goof." She leaned in, and even through the blurred colors of the camera, her reddish complexion shone through.
"Aww, where's the fun in that?" My former self replied, placing his forehead onto the young woman, "Happy anniversary, Amanda."
They both stayed in that position for a few seconds - but to me, it felt as though the eight years I once called my life passed by - bringing all the happiness, warmth, laughs, and eventual ache it entailed.
"Right! With that out of the way, let's move on with the video and-" the screen froze, and as I opened my mouth in surprise, I realized that the video had reached its conclusion.
In the end, I still didn't have enough storage space, huh?
All I could do was smile in silence. It was funny. The suddenness of the video's finish could almost be a cosmic metaphor for our relationship's similarly abrupt end.
But that was enough reminiscing for the day, and maybe the month for that matter. Life has a way of getting you all sentimental when you're alone, but it's not like I mind.
The past is something I'll always cherish because it's part of the journey I've taken to be here - to be who I am. And I'm happy about that, no matter what.
So, to that imaginary audience out there, I'll be off - continuing to live my life with a smile - making sure to check up on you all here and there.
Cheers everyone! Let's hope for another wonderful year!