Why are we born like this?

We are separated by colour, caste, creed, country, race, Gender, I.Q. etc.

Why can’t we decide who we fall in love with?

Why is it so hard to fall in love with someone, you really love, you deeply care about, because of something the society has decided against?

Why is it so hard, to try something new just because the world has decided on a method to do it?

Why is it so hard to speak, of your true feelings just because what you feel is a tad bit different than how the world feels about the same?

Why?

...why?..

.............why? 

I know some of the answers!!..and not just me even you know it!

It’s because we are too weak, too damn weak to stand up against them. We are scared to stand up against 'it', the society that has forsaken our wishes, our hopes and our love.

And you know what?!

This is all due to the fact that, what the society decides is not just a notion nor is it a idea or motion to debate on, ‘it’ is the ‘air’!!!

The little and helpless me had gotten the idea of how this world worked from a very tender age!!

I have asked these questions to myself repeatedly for the last 8 years, I am talking about when I was in standard II, it was the first time I got second position in my class, a place I haven’t given to anyone , yes, not to a single soul, even after all these years.

My mistake is probably that I have been reigning in this position for far too long!!

I am, as a matter of fact(based on the standards of our world), neither improving nor regressing, ‘which’ is unacceptable by the society!

This, according to them, is piracy beyond substance and reason! So as to fulfil their wishes, if I am unable to ascend then, for me, the best course of action is to fail!!

Well, if I do that then 'at least' my growth graph will have some change; it may be linear or a hyperbola , a curve it doesn’t matter! Whether it’s increasing or decreasing, no one cares. What they care about is, if it’s not the maximum value it can’t be and shouldn’t be a constant value!!

Why is that? 

Dear, it’s because “change is the fuckin law of nature”!!( ...sorry for my improper conduct...but these pent up feelings I have for yeaars are at last out of my control....sorry and this might continue because they are speaking in-my-stead). : (

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Ahem!!...

Though I am putting it that way ( well, I can just mark it as a fiction...lol...sweats) I was and still am too scared to defy them so, I easily became the target of bullies who didn’t even score half the numbers that I did and my insecurities towards life, which was too much to begin with, increased!!

I am a 'second born'(...before meeting him I used to think that.... yeah... fate is decided by birth and you just can't change it.... when life hits, it hits you hard......dry laugh), to a family who define themselves as “prestigious”, so me being in the second position forever....well......it didn’t fit well with them and I developed an inferior complex and of course a huge trauma!!

It was all due to the continuous taunts that came bundled with misplaced sympathy and pity of my relatives and my parents.

They usually came in hordes to give their profound lectures to me during family get-togethers and such, so, I usually had to experience an explosion of an atom bomb rather than that of bullets and that too in front of a crowd of which 99.99999% people will be have pitiful eyes directed towards you, which of course was a big fat façade!!

My sister is someone I rely on...but she was a realistic and free bird, she believed on saving one's ownself.....but she was a bit easy on me...she always said, "Mi, I am easy on you because you are cute, ok?", she had this strange 'dere' side to her when it came to me and our younger brother.....and after that she still use to stretch my cheeks until they turn into mochi(Japanese rice cakes)!!

But as the fate had decided, she hated this kind of show-of parties which was nothing more than formalities and a big hasle and usually never attended them, she had the right to decline but I didn't.

My parents treated me like thin air, a doll without any will. I didn't have any say on anything. I was there to accept all the negative energies from the surrounding, ironically enough, I was their charm which negated, in my case 'absorbed', the bad in the air!!

So, the hopeless me had to stand there, without any support, without anyone to stand for me so, yeah...it was unbearably suffocating...and due to the small but regular dose...it turned toxic..I used to have high fevers after they were over and I had started to pity myself, 'piting oneself', it is something one should never do, ever.....I was going deeper down the abyss.........

But still, I was ok until then, I got used to the explosive power of the atom bomb as I grew up!! If you are as strong as me, who, going further back in history, has become this person because of the repeated occurrences of the same scene over the years and has, by now, completely shut down their heart of further turbulence, you still might survive from that explosion, heavily injured but still surviving!!......

Then last but not the least, your parents will then become, not the ultimate heal but the final weapon to kill you, that too, straight to the heart, the attack will be deadly!!

In my case, after the parties were over, my parents usually took their frustrations of the whole day, out on me, the reason, well it didn’t matter if it was originally me or not.

They won’t say I am at fault but usually use the famed, “reverse psychology “, the “all blame lies on us, we are at fault to raise someone like you” and so on. They question their own child, their own blood, all because of the society!!

They too are scared!

Rather than becoming the strength of their ward, they are more interested in saving faces....they need to protect their dignity and a face that they created before anything else either by hook or crook and that too without a dirt on their hands !!

They used to sprinkle some gun powder here and there and asked me to ignite it, cruel isn’t?!

I can survive millions of arrows, trillions of waves of attacks from people I don’t give a damn about but...but if my parents are the one to launch even a miniscule amount of water on me I’ll get scared, I am not strong I am too weak I am too damn weak!!..........

....................

So, hello this is me and my awkward and probably a love story that’s going to stay as an unrequited one.

But this will ultimately save me from my caged being. 

A life lesson from which I am still learning and as I march to the finale, I am sure, at the end, I ‘ll be able to fly!!

I’ll be stronger!! 

I’ll be braver!!

So, will you stay with me until it ends, hm?