It's hard leaving all of your identities behind. 20 years I gave. 20 LONG years before retirement. Having spent more than half of my life in the U.S. Navy, there are many things which have become WHO I am, not just what I am. I have had many identities while serving; the young and naïve junior Sailor, the life of the party to the one no one wants to be around.

My name is Jack Wolfe and this is the beginning of my story, though you are hearing from when I thought it was the end of it.

The Master-At-Arms (MA) rate has always been pretty tight-knit. After all, no one wants to be friends with the "cops" unless they want something from them; so we pretty much just stuck together and that was all we needed. Trauma Bonding. That's what it comes down to. You get somewhere, trauma bond with a new team, and then they leave or you do and it all starts over. I don't know if my memory is shit or I just subconsciously block things out, but some of the best Sailors I have served with, and have a few memories of, I can't think of most of their names. Maybe it's the trauma, maybe the alcohol. Who knows?

I spent the last 7 years of my career out of the MA community and lost touch with most if not all of those I would lay down my life for. Mental health was never an "issue" growing up. "Just rub some dirt on it". It was 15 years into my life as a Sailor before I had my first breakdown.

So began my journey for mental health recovery. As soon as I started working on my mental health, my body decided "HEY! over here!" It seemed like everything I worked to fix the next part of my body would start to fall apart. Life felt as if it were falling apart quickly.

So far, this is by NO means a story which has not been lived, if not told, a thousand times. I've seen it happen so many times and yet thought, "It would never be me" or "I'm stronger than that". Once again, nothing new. Many have been there before and many will be there in the future. My only hope is I have left a mark big enough on some of my Junior Sailors ' lives, they will not suffer as much or as long as I have, and their Junior Sailors even less so.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I digress. Having many identities from "the dirtbag", to "the cop", to "the drunk" to "the mentor" and everything in between is who I have become. Each identity was a necessity, yet not who I truly was. In truth, I was always an introverted nerd who would rather sit and play video games while watching a TV series or movie. Later in my career as I started working on my mental health I started to get out and play some Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). So starting anew as a civilian, has been, let's say just a bit disorienting.

"So starting a new as a civilian has been, let's say, just a bit disorienting," I tell Dr. Langley, my psychiatrist. "The familiar structure and camaraderie of military life has vanished, leaving a void which my new civilian identity is struggling to fill."

"Mr. Wolfe," he said, "I would like to recommend a new game. A game meant to be a mentor of sorts. A game meant to help you recover both physically and mentally."

While I love games, as he knows, I was quite skeptical

He opened a locked cabinet and pulled out a Pelican case, set it, and a bottle of medication in front of me. Come to think of it, this was the 1st prescription medication he handed me directedly instead of sending me to the pharmacy to pick it up. That should have been the 1st clue, things were about to change.

"Just read the instructions and enjoy!" Dr. Langley said. "That will end our session for this week. See you next time."

"Next time Dr. L. As always, thank you." I took the case and headed home.

The headset did not look too much unlike others I have seen, yet something about it told me it was not available in Game Stop or other stores. It set on my desk for about 2 weeks while I played some more modded Minecraft and Skyrim (for the billionth time) before I decided to give it a try.

Following all the instructions, to the letter, I plugged the headset into my PC, installed the "Untrusted Program", took one pill as prescribed, and waited 30 minutes before I put the headset on.

I felt several sharp stings everywhere the headset touched. Some kind of pins or needles seemed to be covering my entire skull. Though there was a bit of pain, it was nothing compared to what I had been living with up until then.

As I logged in for the first time, the game scanned my psyche, tailoring an avatar and a path that reflected my deepest aspirations and fears. The avatar I saw before me was everything I felt I couldn't be in the real world—confident, powerful, unburdened by the past. Suddenly, darkness.