So look, I learned something valuable as I made my way through the forest. It turns out, I am woefully ill equipped to navigate heavily wooden territories by my lonesome. Who would have thought? In my first life, we had GPS and exit signs. Even during my travels as a Paladin there were still roads, where paths and wooden signs pointed me in a direction. It just feels like even in caveman days, there would be an arrow carved in the wall with a big X, and you understood that going that way wouldn’t lead to fire exit.

But then these damned woods. During the forest expeditions, we had skilled trackers and rangers. I never had to decide if a mushroom was poisonous or not, because we were immune to poison! That berry bush over there? Now it could be my next lunch or my last, who knows. I didn’t, and because I felt like death warmed over, I knew my first mistake would be my final. It was gonna be meat, something I knew, or bust. I figured if I stumble across some eggs I can relieve the mother of some of her runtier brats.

Still, I trudged on. I followed the carnage left by the Lion-Oger, somehow got lost at a river crossing, walked in a big circle, and then managed to fall back into the river again. After I cursed my inability to understand what a mossy stone should point me to, I caught a fish that looked like it was already a fin in Davy Jones's locker and bit into it like I was a rabid bear. This was my first meal after coming back to life, some expired convenient store sashimi. This is my life now.

Hours passed before I stumbled onto a miracle: an actual dirt path. I fell to my knees and kissed the ground where I stood. I wasn’t completely lost anymore—just regular lost.

Seeing that the dirt path ran east and west, and east led back towards the “greener pastures for old cows” neck of the woods, I ventured to the west, assuming this my best chance to civilized life.

That’s when I heard a weird humming sound. I flinched, glancing around to see if it was time to climb a tree and hide. Then I noticed the gem on my gauntlet. It was pulsing with light.

“Oh, great,” I muttered, holding the glove up like it might offer an explanation.

The light grew brighter, and then a wisp of smoke began pouring out of the gem like a burning meal from the oven. My first thought? Crap. The princess. It had to be her. My second thought? I’m so screwed trying to explain this to her.

As the smoke billowed and grew, taking on a vaguely humanoid shape, I prepared a speech—something persuasive, non-threatening, and deeply apologetic. We were mortal enemies, after all. Once she realized I’d bound her as a sort of spirit-guide-slash-prisoner, she wasn’t going to be thrilled about pleasantries.

When she finally materialized, though, my jaw practically unhinged.

It was her, alright. But not quite. The imposing demon princess I’d seen before was gone. In her place was a miniature, ghostly figure—barely a meter tall, like a chibi version of herself. Her crimson locks, once wild and fiery from her chase, now flowed neatly like strands of spider silk down her back. A silver pendant rested on her forehead, styled after a cartoonish spider’s head. The spider legs that once towered behind her were now spindly, scaled-down appendages poking out from behind her hair. From this perspective, she looked like some twisted version of a certain face-hugging alien!

She wasn’t wearing much—being a spirit seemed to smooth over those details—but her physique had been stripped to its bare essentials. Her magenta face curved down to a charcoal-black torso, which faded into a wispy tail that flicked like a restless candle flame. Her arms ended in clawed hands, and tiny spikes jutted from her forearms. She looked like someone had hit the reset button on her character model.

As she gathered her bearings, placing a hand to her forehead, she muttered in a soft, elegant voice, “Dada ayu… this headache is bhayan. Why does my head feel like a spent piñata? What happened…?”

I was sitting cross legged on the ground at this point, deciding it was better not to loom over her like her previous assailant. “Hey, you. You’re finally awake. Tried to cross the forest to get out of here, huh?”

She stiffened, as though I had petrified her, and turned to face me. I had put on my kindest smile, a slight dabble of my goofy grin, and gave her a warm wave.

Her eyes went wide as saucers, and then she screamed.

“WYEGHHH! Get away from me, monster!” she shrieked.

Monster? Me?! She should’ve looked in a mirror!

She dropped to the ground, scrambling backward like I’d pulled a weapon on her. Then she spotted her tail. Her expression twisted from shock to rage as she took a quick inventory of her chibi-like form, and then glared at me balefully, like I had personally tampered with her character creation screen myself.

“Why am I a shrimp?! Wait—am I a ghost?!” She quivered, realization dawning. “I’m a ghost! Why’d you kill me?! I didn’t do anything!”

She glared at me, teeth bared and eyes blazing, then turned on her heel—well, her tail—and bolted before I could even process the accusation.

She was having a full-on panic attack now, like I was her killer. Why was I the bad guy here? I’m the one that saved– well, half saved and half captured– her!

“Hey, wait!” I called after her, but she wasn’t listening. Her ghostly tail whipped behind her as she gained speed, floating just above the ground. She darted away with a speed that caught me completely off guard, her tail flicking behind her like a whip. For someone who’d just woken up in a ghostly body, she moved alarmingly fast.

Then it happened.

The gem on my gauntlet began to tug. It was subtle at first, like an itch in the back of my hand. But as Ichni got further away, the pull grew stronger, and her tail stretched unnaturally behind her, like a rope tied to a stubborn kite. She floated on for a few more meters before the tension reached its limit, and with a comical TWANG, she ricocheted back toward me like a bungee cord snapping loose.

“Wha—?” was all she managed before she slammed into the dirt face-first.

I couldn’t help it—I laughed. Loudly. “Oh, that was beautiful,” I guffawed, clapping my hands. “Ten out of ten. Stuck the landing perfectly.”

She lay there for a moment, her arms sprawled out, a groan of utter despair muffled by the ground. Then, slowly, she pushed herself up, dirt clinging to her magenta skin. Her eyes burned with humiliation and fury as she turned to me. She had the word murder written all over her face. It was like seeing a kitten ready to give its first hiss.

“You think this is funny, you bastard?!” she snarled, jabbing a clawed finger in my direction.

“Extremely,” I said without missing a beat. “You’re like a possessed yo-yo.”

She lunged at me, fists raised, but stopped just short, apparently realizing she couldn’t touch me. Instead, she stomped on the ground—or, well, tried to. Her ghostly form barely made a dent in the dirt, though her tail flicked furiously behind her like an angry cat.

“What is this?!” she demanded, throwing her hands up in frustration. “You trapped me, didn’t you?! You think this is some kind of sick joke?! What kind of perverted fantasy are you living, you ghost-freak?!”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on!” I said, raising my hands defensively. “I didn’t trap you! This wasn’t my idea! The Four-Lights bound you to me—it’s their magic, not mine!”

“Liar!” she spat, literally, and a sticky glob of residue smacked me square in the cheek. I stiffened, blinking in disbelief.

“Did you just—” I started, but before I could finish, she spun around and tried running again. The result was the same: her tail stretched behind her, the gem tugged back, and she went flying once more, landing in the dirt with an indignant shriek.

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“Oh, for crying out loud,” I muttered, wiping her spit off my face. As I did so, my hand immediately glued itself to my cheek, and I struggled to unhand myself. “You’re not going anywhere, Princess. You might as well get used to it.”

She scrambled back upright and this time crouched into a fighting stance, her small hands raised like claws. Her teeth bared in a snarl, and two prominent fangs gleamed menacingly. Her spindly legs twitched as if preparing to pounce, though she seemed unsure how effective a ghostly leap would actually be. My alien reference felt more prominent than ever.

“Don’t think for a second that I’m helpless!” she hissed. “I might be dead, but I can still kick your ass if I have to!”

I tilted my head, bemused. “Really? You’re gonna fight me? You can barely keep yourself from bouncing back like a rubber ball.”

Her glare intensified. “Who do you think you are, capturing a beautiful princess maiden like myself? Binding me to your will, making me do anything you want! You and those dopey, perverted eyes. Are you one of those… those ghost-fucker types?!” Her voice cracked with outrage as she jabbed an accusatory claw in my direction.

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Listen, Princess, I don’t have the time or energy to unpack whatever weird conclusions you’ve jumped to. No, I’m not a ‘ghost-freak.’ No, this isn’t my fantasy. And no, I don’t have some creepy interest in… whatever archetype you’re slotted in.”

Switching to damage control mode, I tried to jog her memory. “I tried to save you from that Lion-Ogre guy. Remember? I was that shade.”

Her panic morphed into disbelief. “You’re that loser? The one who tried to fight Captain Onshi and got wrecked?”

“You don’t have to put it like that,” I murmured, wincing. “I did my best, you know…”

As the realization sank in, her expression darkened. “And after that, he… he…”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, guilt pressing on my chest.

I braced myself for the tears, expecting a distraught princess in need of comforting. As I just recently had struggled with my own sense of powerlessness, I understood what she was feeling.

Instead, she turned to a tree and began pounding on it with her fists like it would serve as one of Captain Onshi’s lookalikes.

“You! Hairy! Pathetic! Excuse! Of! A! Captain!” she bellowed, each word punctuated by a furious punch. Though her transparent fists sank through the bark, the tree shuddered, and leaves rained down from its branches.

“I’ll kill that nāga jivhā worm!” she bellowed. “I’ll rip his tongue out and feed it to the dogs!”

I balked. I thought I had the bad taste in my mouth with those guys, but she’s on a whole other level!

“Look,” I said cautiously. “I did what I could to save both of us. This isn’t ideal, but it’s better than being stuck as shades forever.”

She whipped her head toward me, her glare sharp enough to cut steel. “Better? I’m a floating, flat-chested spider-loli thing now! I was a babe! I had a rack that could hold a family’s winter coats! I held the gaze of every hopeful courtier in the kingdom, and now I look like I just got my first one-piece swimsuit!”

I blinked, unsure how to respond to that. She kept going, her voice rising in indignation.

“Plus, I’m dead. No food, no sweets, not even a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows in because it’ll go straight through me! This is the worst!”

A strange order of things to lament on, but I wasn’t about to question her priority. She looked at me with an intense gaze, before seemingly remembering I wasn’t the one who murdered her again.

She plopped down on a stump, crossing her arms and pouting. As she fidgeted with a fallen leaf, it drifted through her hand like she wasn’t even there. She let out a frustrated huff, glaring at the ground.

I watched her silently, unsure if I should say anything. Despite her bratty attitude, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity. She wasn’t just angry—she was grieving. She’d lost her life, her power, her sense of self. And now she was stuck with me, of all people.

My thoughts drifted back to what she’d said about revenge. For me, killing someone evil usually ended the conflict. It was simple, efficient. But for her? Revenge was a layered art form, meticulously planned and viciously executed. I shivered, glad her rage wasn’t currently directed at me.

“Look,” I tried again, “I know this sucks, but we don’t have a choice. I need your help.”

She gave me an appraising look, then scoffed. “Clearly. You don’t even have a sword, and your armor looks like a trash can.”

I gritted my teeth but pressed on. “Can you help me find Aratan Villa? Someone told me I should head there to get equipped.”

She pointed down in the direction of the path I was heading, as though I should be ashamed I didn’t know already. “It’s literally walking that way. You’d have to be blind to miss it.”

“Well, then.” My jaw tightened as I used every ounce to not berate the girl. “Thanks. We’ll be heading that way, then. My name is Adrian, by the way.”

“I didn’t ask,” she replied curtly, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

I’m going to exorcise this bitch with my bare hands, I growled in the back of my head as I felt my eyes ready to pop out of their sockets. Being angry is one thing, but this selfish, arrogant brat is going to make me wish I left her as a nightlight in the forest behind us!

She leaned back on the stump, her spider-like legs waving idly. Her crimson hair caught the light filtering through the trees, giving her an almost regal look despite her sulking. I couldn’t help but notice her earrings, which somehow remained intact and glistened as she tilted her head to the sky.

“This isn’t fair,” she moaned. “I was dead, now half-dead, and stuck in a gauntlet like it’s a lamp for some joke of a genie princess. Oh devils, how am I going to explain this to my father? He’s going to be so pissed. And now I’m some hand-me-down glove for this chump. Sniff!” She began tearing up as she realized her life was practically ruined.

I blinked. “Hate to break it to you, but your father’s the one who sent Captain Onshi to kill you, remember? This is probably second-best to whatever he had planned.”

Her head snapped toward me, eyes blazing with anger. “Don’t be a prick about it, Adrian! I know!” Then, without warning, her face crumpled, and she started wailing.

“Weh! Wehhehehehhhh~!” she sobbed, ghostly tears and snot streaming down her face. It was gross as hell. I awkwardly shuffled a step back, unsure if I should try to console her or just let her get it out of her system.

After a minute of ear-piercing lamentations, she finally wiped her face and sniffled. “Oh, screw this. Maybe this is a dream. A perfectly nasty nightmare. Maybe I ate some bad pudding, and this is food poisoning.”

“You were beaten to death,” I pointed out, deadpan.

“Well, that’s just wonderful,” she muttered. “Now I’m stuck with a dim-witted detective who can’t read the room.” She gave me a pointed glare. “Let me guess: I’m bound to you for all eternity and have to do whatever you say, right?”

“Well, yes and no,” I tried to reason, realizing that my side of the conversation was going nowhere, fast. “There are conditions.”

Her face held an empty, resigned look as her eyes bored into me, void of any desire to move this talk even further. The fire that had been building up in her earlier had since become as much smoke as her body could muster, and heaved a miserable sigh. “I’m tired. Jailer, take me away.”

“I’m not your jailer, and I don’t know where you should go,” I replied, feeling a twinge of annoyance. “If I start walking, I might just drag you in the dirt behind me.” I warned apprehensively. “Did you want me to carry you or something?”

Her nose scrunched up in disgust. “Ew. Never in a million years. You’d stink me up.” She floated off the stump and toward the gauntlet, her tail flicking irritably. “Just watch out for hoplops on your way to town. They’re horrific monsters that’ll eat you alive if they get the chance.”

My stomach dropped. “Good god, what the hell is a hoplop?”

Was it some sort of agile demon that jumped at you and chopped your head off? The name alone couldn’t begin to prepare you for dealing with the foe.

She shrugged dismissively, completely unbothered. “Just keep walking. You’ll see them. I’m not a walking encyclopedia, Mr. Trash Can.”

I bit back a retort as she smirked and began dissolving into smoke, retreating into the gem. I was ready to slap this unruly princess. “Enjoy your stay in your new bedroom, Princess,” I called after her, sarcasm dripping from my tone. “Try not to mind the smell.” She rolled her eyes as her figure began to clear into smoke to enter the glove once more.

Her voice echoed faintly as she disappeared. “Those scary bastards… and I thought Onshi was frightening.”

I paused. “Wait, what? The hoplops are that bad?!” But only a small squeak of surprise that I heard her was all that was left before I was left to my own devices once more.

Great. Now I had to worry about some nightmare creatures, and my only companion was a snarky demon ghost who hated my guts.

With a deep, steadying breath, I started walking. One foot in front of the other, I told myself. If I kept moving, I might make it to Aratan Villa before nightfall—or before one of these hoplops decided I’d make a good snack.