The fever burns like a fire through your tiny limbs. Even more than your body, it burns in your mind. Your young brain is no match for the confused jumble the fever makes of your senses and you lose all track of when or where you are as you fight to survive. You slip in and out of wakefulness, completely unable to tell which is which. False visions distract you from your torment.
In the first fever dream, your head floated off your body like a cloud lifting off a mountain. So did Wotjeo’s head! Your heads switched places, but you kept talking to each other just like always. Him with a bear cub body and a human girl head; you with a baby girl body and a friendly baby bear head. Then everyone’s heads floated off their bodies and swung around, so you had Papa’s head; Papa had Mama’s head, Wotjeo had Mama’s sisters tiny head. That looked really funny, a tiny crystal head on Wotjeo’s furry body and you laughed. The heads kept floating off and switching places until you got dizzy and threw up and Mama washed you again. Her hands gently cleaning you are the last thing you remember before the rest of the memory is consumed by the fever.
In the second fever dream, Mama and Papa are shouting at each other. They never yell at each other. Papa is mad that he slept through his daughter’s first fight. He’s even madder that his daughter might die because he hasn’t had time to train her or hunt food for her. He’s angriest that he doesn’t get to spend much time with Mama. Papa wants to move deeper into the caves so he can sleep at night and stay up during the day with his family. Mama wants to stay here. She doesn’t like the smell of the caves, and she craves the light and the wind outside. They argue for a long time until Mama leads Papa to bed. Afterwards, they don’t argue anymore, and Mama promises to start taking you with her during the day. You are sure this dream is as false as the other two because Papa and Mama never argue or shout at each other.
In the third fever dream, you are floating outside the cave. You recognize this place, it is near where you fought the sweet liquid makers. The grass and trees are burning. Everything is burning. Lightning stabs down from the sky, piercing the clouds of smoke. The lightning briefly blasts rents in the clouds of smoke, and you can see the sky is full of huge flying things. They look like the flying things you fought, but these flying things are as big as the cave. Some have people on their backs. The lightning is coming from the people. You look back at the cave mouth. In the way of dreams, you can see through the clouds of smoke and the burning trees to tell that the cave mouth has collapsed. Looking back up at the flying things, they still look like giant versions of the sweet liquid makers. Banded yellow and brown with thick round bodies and a single huge, sharp hair stick out of their behinds. They see you looking at them! They swoop down at you! Closer! Closer! Lightning flies from the hands of the people on their back towards you... then suddenly Wotjeo is there licking your face and the scene changes. You remember no more.
Your fever lasted a week. Mama and Papa were worried about you the whole time. At least one of them watched over you through the entire ordeal. Even though you know the visions the fever showed you are not real, you cling to them like a drowning man clinging to a life preserver. Your memories of the visions are false, but they are all that connects you to your memories from before the fever.
After your fever breaks, Mama takes you with her when she goes out every day. You lost a lot of weight and strength to the fever, as well as your memories. Mama watches over you closely, and you are never out of her sight. You enjoy spending time with her. She’s prettyand smells nice. You hope you grow up to be just like her.
Most days are spent gathering various strong smelling grasses Mama calls herbs. Whenever you try to get too far away from her, she's always there to scoop you and your brother up and carry you closer to where she is gathering herbs. Mama seems to have eyes everywhere, and always knows when you are straying. Under her guidance, you slowly learn to tell the difference between the herbs Mama wants and useless grass.
The seasons change and now Mama shows you how to dig up vegetables and harvest early fruits. As the seasons continue turning there are more and more fruits. When the wind turns cold there's even fruit on the trees! The winter fruits are bright red and the trees they grow on have verdant green leaves. You don’t eat the fruits though, only the yummy, juicy seeds inside.
Learning how to climb to get the fruits is easier than learning how to walk. Wotjeo is good at it and helps show you how to climb. Mama lets you climb the shorter trees while she watches you from below, but she never climbs herself. When she gathers fruit from trees taller than she lets you climb, Mama’s sister, Azuria, flies up to the fruits and cuts them loose with the sharp edges of her crystal wings. The fruits always fall right into Mama’s hands, or sometimes into the metal pail if there’s already other fruit in there.
When you try to climb trees Mama says are too tall, invisible hands pin you to the tree trunk until Mama scoops you up. You are very good at climbing and Mama brings you out to climb after fruit even in the coldest depths of winter, but never for very long. During winter, It is so cold that the sky water freezes into powder Mama says is called snow. Even when there isn’t snow on the ground it is still very cold and you can't stay out for long, even with the clothes Papa makes for you. You and Mama spend a lot of time by the fire during winter. There is less to eat during winter because Mama has to spend so much time watching over you by the fire or gathering wood instead of food. Sometimes when you wake up there are black burning rocks in a pail by the fireplace. When this happens, Mama and you spend more time finding food and less gathering wood, but the burning rocks never last more than a few days.
After a long, hungry stretch of days. Mama sets you down next to Papa, who is sleeping, and looks you in the face very seriously. She says "Growllita, I need you to stay here so I can collect more food for us. Be a good girl and take a long nap and I will bring you back something sweet. Can you do that for me?"
You tell her you can, “Yes, Mama.”
She hugs you and then looks at you consideringly. "Do you promise?"
Instead of promising; you ask: "Mama, if I sleep now can I stay up with Papa?"
Mama looks surprised. "That's a great idea, my tough little bear cub. That is exactly what we are going to do. Go to sleep now, growllita." Mama tucks you and Wotjeo into bed. She pulls your favorite bed fur, the one you wore when fighting the sweet liquid makers, up to your chin and then tucks it under you, snug and warm. Just incidentally, your favorite bed fur is also tightly wrapped around you and not easy to wriggle out of. Mama’s soft, loving lullabies carry you off to sleep. You wake up twice. Mama is still sitting next to you, so you quickly go back to sleep, confident you are safe and loved.
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The third time you wake up, it is to Papa's huge face looking down at you. "Time to train!" He booms excitedly.
Beside you, Mama's head is visible above the bed furs. Her hair is wildly disarrayed. Mama snaps at Papa "Not so loud! I'm trying to sleep! You really wore me out."
Papa looks both pleased and embarrassed, and he answers her in a whisper: "Yes, light of my life." He scoops you up and then tiptoes through the winding passage connecting the sleeping cave to the main one, to the extent a man larger than most bears can tiptoe.
Placing you down by the fire near the cave mouth he enthusiastically whispers to you: "Time to train, daughter!"
You shiver in the cold winter night air. The fire is lower than it usually is when Mama is awake. Papa adds one branch to the fire, but his hand hesitates when he reaches for a second branch. He pulls his hand back and turns to face you. "We’ll stay warm by exercising. When I was younger than you, my father started training me. The first thing he ever taught me was that before I could walk, I first had to learn to crawl. Getting your foundation right is the most important thing. You have to build your muscles before I can show you how to use them. I did these exercises every day and look how big, and strong I got." Papa flexes his arm, and his biceps leap up like mountains rising from the valley bottom. "If you want to be big and strong like me, you have to exercise every day, my brave little girl." Papa demonstrates each exercise for you by doing it himself and then guiding you through the motions.
Wotjeo watches you and Papa and then asks you how to do them too. You try to show him the first one, a push-up. At the sight of a baby bear cub trying to do push-ups while a girl of 3 winters corrects the bear cub’s form, Papa's booming laughter fills the cave mouth. Only for a second though, before he claps his hands over his mouth and glances guiltily towards the side cave where Mama is sleeping. He breathes a loud sigh of relief after a few seconds of silence then beckons his silver bear sister, Arely, over. Between them, they work out variations of the exercises Wotjeo can do too.
You spend the rest of the winter sleeping during the day and exercising with Papa at night. Papa is very happy to spend time with you and he grins constantly, except when his booming voice echoes too loudly and he worries about accidentally waking Mama.
The first night is spent learning the basics of lots of exercises. Every night after that he has you and Wotjeo repeat an exercise several times then take a short rest before he has you move on to a different one. As the weeks pass, he has you do more repetitions. You can't spend all night exercising though, and Papa makes you take lots of breaks.
Even so, you are too tired to continue exercising long before daybreak and Papa wraps up the night’s exercises. There’s not much to do, and you don’t have the energy to play with your toy sticks, so you decide to try to meditate the way you usually do in the mornings with the rest of the clan. First you sit down with both your legs stretched out in front of you. Then you fold your left leg so that your left foot is resting on your right knee. Next comes the tricky bit; you have to twist and fold your right leg around so it snakes up inside your left leg to place your right foot over your left knee. When your done, your legs are crossed in front of you with both your feet resting on the opposite knee and your back straight. Your hands rest lightly in your lap, with the right hand cupping the left. You close your eyes and focus on the rhythm of your breathing.
In through the nose,
out through the mouth.
In through the nose,
out through the mouth.
Wotjeo, your brother, your best and only friend, mimics you as best he can. His baby bear legs stretched out in front of him and his short baby bear arms pressed into his legs to keep him upright and his back straight. He is sitting so close beside you that you can feel his fur tickling your skin.
You open your eyes again when you hear Papa sitting down in front of you. He's smiling approvingly. "Good girl. I'm going to teach you something that will help you get the most out of your exercises. Focus your attention in the middle of your forehead. Now, without moving your body, try to feel the connection between you and your brother Wotjeo. The connection is right there, from your forehead to his. It's been there ever since you were born; an unbreakable bond bridging your madra and his. Meditate on that bond and when you can really feel it let me now. Don't rush it though. It took me a month to feel it." You try to feel what your Papa is talking about but you don't feel any bridge. Just your own forehead.
While you are sleeping the next day you see Wotjeo in your dreams. He presses his forehead against yours and you feel wisps of dreamstuff flowing from him into you. For a moment you see through his eyes. Your beloved littlest sister fills your vision. Her soft round checks and strangely hairless skin only a centimeter away as you press your forehead against her. Littlest sister? You focus on that thought and glimpse a broad but flat family bush with dozens and dozens of older siblings and many nieces and nephews before the dream shifts and you remember no more.
The next night it only takes you a few minutes after starting to meditate to feel the bridge between your forehead and Wotjeo's. “Papa! I did it! I can feel the connection!”
Papa peers suspiciously at you then places his palm on your forehead. He gasps then sweeps you up into a crushing bear hug. "You are so talented, daughter! You learned that so quickly." He places you back on the floor far below his huge height. "Let me know when you can feel the bridge again and I will teach you the next step."
Papa broke your concentration when he picked you up and it takes you several frustrating minutes to feel the bridge again. Finally you tell him you're ready.
Papa’s voice still bubbles with excitement as he says: "There should be tiny tendrils of metal and wispy clouds. Try to suck them into your forehead and hold them there for a second then push them back out of your forehead and across the bridge."
It takes you the rest of the night before you can manage even one full cycle. The tiny tendrils of metal are very fragile and break when you try to touch them with your spirit. The clouds are almost worse, slippery and evasive they slide out of your grasp and reform. Eventually, with Wotjeo pushing from the other side, you manage to draw a few pieces in and push them back out. Over the following nights your father guides you through pulling the tendrils in and circulating them all through your body. When they pass through areas you've been exercising they merge into your body, washing away the soreness from your muscles. Most nights there's not much to send back across the bridge to Wotjeo when you're done.
Under your father's enthusiastic but gentle guidance your nightly exercise regimen breaks down the weakest fibers in your muscles. When you meditate the broken fibers are knitted together by the wisps of what Papa tells you are madra from Wotjeo. The madra infused muscle fibers are stronger and more flexible than muscles made solely from protein. As yet, madra makes up only the tiniest fraction of your muscles, but Papa assures you that “You will be as strong as me one day, daughter! Only if you keep exercising and cycling madra afterwards, though, so don’t slack off!”