“All I have is my agony. And even when this pain abates, I know it shall return to me in the end, for that is life: to suffer, to weep, to mourn…and to grasp at what little joy we can find. It is beautiful, and though it may be but a fleeting thought in this loathsome eternity of sorrow, for a moment, I can be happy. The memories will inevitably fade away, but the feelings remain: precious, and locked within my heart so that it may never escape.

“When the agony becomes too much to bear, I open the lock and drown myself in that ocean of sensations. A part of me becomes forever lost when I do so, but I cannot stop. I cannot return to that darkness. And thus I will continue to do so, until the day comes when I am swept away by the raging tide of emotions.”

The Knight

———

The Knight

"Lorelai," Ascalon mutters, hand wrapped around The Knight's as they peer together at the twilight's gleam from their bedside. "May I know your thoughts?"

"...Must I?" It replies, eyes shut and refusing to face his direction, for if it does so now, then this dream shall truly come to an end. The moment The Knight faces Ascalon shall be the last it hears his voice. See his smile. Feel his warmth. It shall mean finality, and with it, a return back into agony's embrace. Back into that endless sea of darkness.

So, even if it is for only a few moments longer, it just wants to sit there. Together, with him. And savoring every precious second of joy it can. That's all it really needs: to be together.

"I-I apologize," he stammers, voice filled with a tone of worry. "I'm simply worried."

"And why is that so? Am I not here with you right now?"

He pauses for a moment, silence steeping the room in a numbing lull before he responds once more.

"You are, but in the same breath you aren't," he says, laying his head onto its lap. "Right now, your presence is akin to a phantom. Ethereal, as if only a single word is enough to whisk you away from my arms forever. For you to disappear from my life in an instant."

Ascalon utters a nervous chuckle to himself, attempting to relieve the heavy atmosphere in the air, but The Knight can hear it within his voice: anxiety, worry, and restlessness. "I know it may be strange, but I cannot help but be plagued by this sense of unease that I shall soon lose you. That if I do not beseech you now, I shall regret it forever."

"Perish the thought," it says while caressing his hair. "We shall be together until the end, Ascalon."

"And what does the end mean for you?"

The Knight hesitates, and although it cannot see his face, it can feel his eyes bore directly into the deepest pits of its soul. There is no use in hiding, for he shall always tear away at every wall it attempts to erect.

"Until my death."

"..."

He stands back up and slowly wanders over to the windowsill, hair flowing down whilst the moonlight's illumination casts forth sparkles of shimmering white. "I am genuine when I say I shall never impede upon your will, nor shall I ever commit an act that goes against your wishes."

Ascalon suddenly turns around, body wrapped in an aura of certitude, and walks directly in front of The Knight until his shadow completely consumes its entire being.

"I know you want to look at me Lorelai," he whispers, leaning in close until it can feel the warmth of his breath directly on its cheek. "To laden my ears with the worries of your heart, so why is it you avert your gaze? Why is it you refuse to meet my eyes?"

"I am not-"

"Then face me, my dear."

"I-"

Why must he continue to press on? They can still have more time together. The end can still be prolonged for a few moments longer.

"Please stop!" it cries out, throat wracked with an insistent dryness. "Do not take a step further."

"I will not, but it is your arms that are pulling me closer," he says, and indeed: The Knight's body betrays its will, wrapping around his chest until their hearts are beating together, as one.

"Believe me when I say we must not gaze upon one another," it pleads with the last bit of restraint left within itself. "All I desire is to bask within your presence in solitude; for this night to pass in quiet reflection."

"I'm afraid I cannot do so, Lorelai."

"Ascalon!"

"Your words may claim so, but I see otherwise my beloved. I see the trembling of your lips as you torture yourself in melancholy. I feel the pounding within your chest, begging to release the woes from within. And I hear the muffled sobs that which you attempt so desperately to conceal. I know it all and that is why I must do this now, for the flames in my heart are urging me forward, screaming that I must unravel the chains around you as you once did for me."

Oh, Ascalon. It is you alone that tore off those chains, but it's different for The Knight. They are chains it shoulders voluntarily, and chains that must never be cast aside.

"Lorelai," he says with a gentle command. "Look at me."

And with those final words, the last of The Knight's defenses shatter, leaving only its weakness to remain.

It tentatively turns its head and faces him.

Soft, amber eyes fixate on it with a welcoming shine, radiating a hue filled with a boundless galaxy of tenderness. Of Love. Golden clusters of stardust twinkle all about within his irises, surrounding a golden cross that heralds a celestial replicate of the sun fitted upon his pupils. Its glow fills every corner of The Knight's body with solace, with a frailty it has attempted to discard for countless ages, and relief invades its mind, extinguishing the ocean of darkness until all that fills the space is an astral sea of color.

Before it can even react, its agony parts from its lips, and unspoken protests of the heart spring forth in a desperate plea to be alleviated.

Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

"I'm tired," The Knight croaks, a single tear falling upon its cheek. "I'm tired of the sacrifice, of the guilt, of the responsibility for which this duty relentlessly torments upon my every action. I have borne every sin, committed every atrocity, and I am all but helpless to watch my soul erode into a twisted, maligned mass of anguish as I carry out this never-ending stigma. No matter how deeply I hollow my heart, the pain always burrows into my soul. I cannot escape it. I cannot deter it. All that I am able is to endure and endure and endure until I can no longer, and it all erupts out in an outburst of despair.

"I have spent so long, so, so long in this dull circle of misery, and yet I cannot even be hopeful, for I know that this shall be my fate until the end of time. I cannot even wish for the tender embrace of death; such a blissful end, one where this agony of mine can finally cease to be, will forever be barred against me, always withheld from my grasp and mocking me so for harboring this vain dream."

The Knight pounds its fist into Ascalon's chest, screeching a disgraceful cacophony of wails and whimpers as a river of tears cascade down its tarnished face. It's a disgusting sight filled with a revolting slew of self-pity, yet Ascalon never once shies away from the tantrum. He keeps his silence and holds it close, showering The Knight with gentle kisses and stroking its back while it weeps behind a disheveled knot of hair.

"Why must it be me!?" it bawls. "Why must I be alone in this sorrow? To suffer this love I carry to be ripped away from my hands time and time again? To savor only a whisper of joy amidst an eon of torture? Why must I be loathed, be feared, be abhorred against when all I wish is to protect this world Cosmos so lovingly cherished?"

The Knight is revealing too much. Lorelai wouldn't behave like this. Lorelai wouldn't speak about eternity before even entering her middling years. It knows this is dangerous, it knows that it has probably alerted Ascalon's suspicions, and yet its cries continue to spur forward: unabated, unrelenting, and unconcerned about the peril it brings. All it cares about in this moment is freeing its heart of reservation.

"I despise this existence. I despise this curse of mine with every fiber of my being, but I cannot stop. This solitude exists because I, alone, am all that is left to continue this duty. Because, for as much misery it brings and for every day I spend wallowing in torment, I love this world. I love humanity, even those corrupted by malevolence's affliction for their sin is born of my failure. I can never cast humanity aside for my own selfishness, and so I continue to endure as I always have. As I always will."

The weeping comes to an end, the tears turn into but stains of the past, and a discomforting stillness enters the room once more.

The Knight cannot bear to look up, to risk meeting his eyes filled with confusion or disgust rather than the affection it has grown to adore. But perhaps that is what it deserves. It took away his true love after all, imposing itself as her copy and deceiving him into a false relationship. It should be despised. It should be revolted.

And yet, what it meets instead is a hug that embraces its everything.

"Thank you," he says with the softest of whispers. "For laying your everything onto me. For loving me, and for trusting me with the burdens of your heart."

Why? Why does he still speak to it with the same, no, stronger affection than before? Does he not realize? That's impossible. Ascalon is not so unaware as to be blind towards such words.

But if he is, then is this not a boon? It shall be spared of his hatred. It shall not have to witness his radiant eyes leering upon it in betrayal. Yes, this is for the-

"No," it states. "T-This isn't..."

For the first time in The Knight's eternity, thoughts of blasphemy are conjured forth without guilt.

And as they do, the voice returns once more to torture it with the bitter truth.

"What are you doing?" Cosmos's wraith says, paralyzing every nerve within its body. "What of your duty? If you continue this sacrilege, then you risk putting this world at peril. You risk wasting all you've suffered for in these countless epochs, just for a momentary relief upon your conscience. Cease these thoughts at once, my beloved. Only regret awaits you."

The words are the reality. It is foolish of it to even consider such a thing. But, even so, mankind has been ever so defined for its foolishness. It is only natural for The Knight to be the same as well.

After all, it is Human.

"Ascalon," The Knight says, casting aside the wraith. "I am not Lorelai."

...

He doesn't respond. Rather, he continues to embrace it with all his being.

"I am the one who slayed her."

His body releases a slight tremble, but he still remains the same. His love doesn't falter in the slightest. Why is he not reacting? Why is he not filled with rage?

"I donned her image. I fooled you into waging a war with Xeros for my own purposes. I embraced you and whispered promises of love despite knowing that it was never meant for me."

...

"I know you can hear me, Ascalon!" The Knight bellows out in anger. "Why do you not move to suffocate me now? Why do you not even attempt to rebuke me? Why-"

The Knight clenches his shoulders and throws him towards the wall. "...Why does your love for me still persist?"

Ascalon rises back up, but his demeanor doesn't change. His voice still carries that same, delicate tone of tenderness. "Because, I still cherish you."

"Are you not enraged that I deceived you this entire time?" it spits back. "Are you not furious that I stole what you cherished most in this world?"

"How could I after witnessing such sadness? Such heartwrenching despair?" he replies, slowly stepping forward until he is but mere breaths away from The Knight once again. "I have my own agony, my own mistakes that which I torture myself with the memory of, and though my experiences may pale in comparison to all you've suffered, I know all too well what it is like to be afflicted by pain."

He raises his hand up and, despite a meek resistance, gently caresses The Knight's face. "I cannot even imagine what it must have been like to be so alone, to bear all that misery and sorrow, but even so, you chose to trust me. You chose to confide in me the woes of your heart, to present yourself at your most vulnerable, and...I know you truly love me. I feel it with all of my existence."

"I-I do not..." The Knight protests.

"I already told you, my beloved," he says with a soft kiss to its forehead. "I can see everything about you. And even now, whilst you tremble and curse me so, I can feel the depths of your love crying out in sorrow. You may have deceived me about your origin, but this is the one matter I shall not be misled on."

It shouldn't be like this. He should have cursed it, attacked it, or do anything else but retain his compassion towards it. For if he showers The Knight with love, then it cannot repent for all it has done to him.

"Can you truly love me even without knowing my identity?" it murmurs.

"I have a suspicion."

"Then you know what it is I must do. You know that this dream of ours cannot continue."

"I do."

The Knight takes hold of his neck and raises him with a quivering arm into the air. He doesn't resist. He doesn't attempt to even struggle. "Then call upon your authority, Ascalon. It would be a simple matter to slay me now whilst we are surrounded by your countryman."

"I-I will not," he stammers amidst the grip.

"Why!?" it thunders. "Ascalon, you will die if you don't resist me. What of your people? Surasha? All of Polus who look up to your guidance and grace? Are you truly willing to condemn them all for this false love of yours towards a being you know nothing about?"

But he only smiles against The Knight's provocations. "I don't truly understand it myself. But...even though you proclaim yourself an atrocity, I can see, deep within your heart, that you are a good person. That your heart is more kind than any other, and there is a reason you must continue to enact these tragedies. Whatever it may be, I trust you. Now, and for the future still yet to come."

"You fool," The Knight says, voice shaking amidst a fit of tears. "Please, Ascalon. Release your authority. I beseech you, don't make me take your life so pitifully."

"I love you," he says with a bright grin that strikes agony upon its heart more than anything else in the world. "On the day we meet again amongst the swirling galaxies above, I hope we may finally share this love together, united as one."

The Knight tentatively closes its eyes, silences the sobs sputtering from within, and thrusts its arm forward. With a quick pierce, it tears through Ascalon's chest and renders his heart no more.

He graces the approaching dawn with his last, final smile before the amber hue fades from his eyes. Forever.