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Adrift: Raven's Wail
Chapter 27: I Am Thou

Chapter 27: I Am Thou

Among gods I walk, in dreamless nights we feast in glory. In hopes for a better future”

Ancient chant sung by High Elves whenever a Blessing ceremony occurs.

William woke up screaming, the dream burned into his mind as he began touching his body checking to see if everything was there.

In his panic,he ran to the bathroom and stood still as he stared at the mirror there, Lucrezia’s beautiful face staring at him with her azure eyes.

Panic crashed in waves as William struggled to keep his cool, he turned the valve on for the bath and waited with bated breath as it slowly rose.

He quickly undressed from his nightgown and jumped into the hot water. All he could hear as he dunked his head and held his breath was his heart pumping blood and the cold wind howling at the castle wards.

He got up for air and stood staring at the ceiling waiting for the warmth of the water to seep into his bones. As it did he began to relax and let the fear evaporate.

“Fuck me” William whispered to himself, all alone in the bath made him tense up. It felt as if he was being a peeping tom towards Lucrezia even if he knew it wasn’t his fault, as the young woman herself had told him time and time again.

Yet the desire, the lust and Hunger kept bubbling every time he let his guard down. It was maddening. The lid wouldn’t keep working, he felt.

The blessings, those goddamn power ups he was waging his entire life on it together with the population of the city. Would they reveal the why and how of his predicament? would any of the gods who blessed him come out and say it to his face?

There was nothing he could draw out from the game on this, all he knew was that the player would perform a small action at their prefered god’s church and the blessing would be unlocked. It barely had fluf text for it!

Still William felt this sense of duty. Of commitment towards the people of the city and duchy that he would be the one to deliver them into a brighter tomorrow full of hope and happiness. It felt like a flame that kept him going even at his darkest of times.

Was that from Lucrezia? or Himself? William thought long and hard about it and the answer he came to was that it didn’t matter. This was his home now, his people, his friends. It was time he stopped doubting himself and finally took the mantle he had purchased with the blood of the wicked.

Against all the darkness that plagued his mind and body, all the desires he kept in check daily that flame of resolve would go on. Flickering and waving but never going out to leave him in darkness.

Until he met his end, be it in battle a few months from now on against the prince and his goons.Or ripe old age watching over a prosperous land he and his fellows brought to fruition with blood, sweat and tears.

This was his home. And he would fight for it to the bitter end.

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Lucrezia watched as the Monolith radiated a myriad of colors. She had learned each one represented an emotion William was suppressing from her. At first she was thankful at this unknown divine mastery of the arcane but now? Now she wanted to peek inside the boy’s head and hug him to ease his worries.

As the days went by and both him and her developed their relationship further she got this nagging feeling at the bottom of her gut. It made her queasy every time he was near her. It was almost like…

Like she had fallen in love with him.

A notion that Lucrezia tried time and time again to dispel, as more knowledge from his world seeped into her own brain she was acutely aware of how he saw this relationship and the power play between him and her.

“Stockholm Syndrome” she muttered the hateful words that made her blind with anger. Like her feelings were nothing but fear responses of a cornered animal losing her life every time William took a bite.

It wasn’t that, she was sure of it. the quiet moments they spent together sleeping next to one another, the movies they watched and music they listened to. The many hours discussing their worlds and childhoods. That had to mean something right? something more than just her “biological” functions if that was even possible in her current state.

She knew it was love for it was the same kind of love William felt before his life went to hell and a handbasket. She had tapped into those memories of his old girlfriend. Memories he tried very hard to suppress from her.

It was like a raging fire! His whole being focused on this maddening infatuation that became a passion so strong it nearly overwhelmed Lucrezia twice! It was like the William from before this was another person all together. It warped him and hammered the boy into a totally different self.

Lucrezia was honestly lost, she had never felt anything beyond a crush for some good looking squire training in the yards of the castle. To think someone, and a man at that, could love someone else so deeply, so intensely it made those books on romance she had read with her friends in the Capital seem silly at best.

And then came the break up.

Lucrezia was stunned, for hours she couldn’t even mutter a word when she finally cracked the lock on those memories. It felt like she was fighting against William’s entire soul there, so strong they were. He didn’t want those memories and he did his best to bury them deep.

And yet Lucrezia unlocked them, with no small help of the melding process she figured. Pure pain radiated from it, she felt the whole world lose its luster and life itself became misery made manifest.

William was sapped of life, of what Lucrezia had read in books past as the spark of hope the All-Father places in every single living being he created. The Spirits recreated this for their creations as well but theirs tended to go wrong every once in a while and the world was full of tales of Beast and Magi-Folk who became numb to it all.

Of course thanks to William’s knowledge she had more insight on the nuts and bolts of this sickness of the mind, this depression as Terra called it. a mixture of genetics, neurology and upbring combined in a potent and often deadly mix that ruined many a life.

The days and weeks she relieved in those memories were bleak, as she saw William at the literal bottom of the barrel. Even killing himself, something he considered a lot in those times wasn’t enough to end the pain.

He felt fear, loneliness and a existencia dread so severe it was affecting Lucrezia in ways she didn’t expect to. She would wake up screaming and crying. Sometimes she caught herself just staring at nothing and longing for the good old days. Days she had never lived after all those were all his memories.

This deeper understanding of the boy behind the mask he had made Lucrezia feel an urge to protect him. To hold him in her arms and let him cry the tears he had buried so deep in his soul and tell him it was all right. Because she was here now and she would never ever leave him.

She had noticed how their encounters after this series of revelations always ended up with him sleeping near her. She took an almost protective stance near his sleeping soul as she unconsciously took a stance to fight him nightmares and self doubts that plagued him.

He had done so much for her, her people and her Duchy and would do so much more. Put himself in the front when he could’ve sent others to do the work. Sacrifice after sacrifice to atone for sins they were both guilty of.

It was then she noticed, the same spark that once became a raging fire of emotion for William had blossomed inside of her. Each encounter with him fuelling it a bit more until it became a steady flame.

It gave Lucrezia a shift in view she had never experienced herself. How every movement, every word and gesture was analysed and ran over her mind before giving up and just doing what she wanted to do.

Alas she didn’t want to tell him any of it. Her feelings for him would die with her as she knew. Knew that once William had that knowledge or worse, fell for her the same way she did for him he would sacrifice himself for her.

And that could not, would not happen.

“It is my Sacrifice, my Penance” Lucrezia said as she touched the Monolith. It would hurt, she knew but after everything William had done for her. This was the least she could do. and Lucrezia would do it until he was finally free from her body and safe.

That was her hope, her dream

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William did more paperwork as the news from the Spirits hit him, the storm was finally beginning to ease up. No more Wraith attacks along the supply routes thank the fucking lord.

Still William’s inner beast cried for blood, he had started training twice as hard now and would end up his sessions at the brink of exhaustion.

Be it Magical theory with Wilson, tactics and troop deployment with Erwin and his war games. To more esoteric means of combat such wielding the Spirits own life force as a means to give him a short but potent burst of power.

Such power came at severe disadvantages; sadly, he would be bedridden for a day and could only be used inside his lands, a budget version of the Rage-that-Dwells in purely mechanical terms but every edge he could get his hands on was good enough for him.

He also dabbled in potion making with Gabriel. Poison as well since that was a stone throw when it came to the making of the concoctions, the Arch-Druid told him he didn’t have the gift for the craft and any advancement he made would have to come from working extra hard on it.

Still he could craft both mana and health pots now, even if they were of below average quality. A win is a win as the saying went.

Together with Kalista and her brood, William trained his psyche and grit as the Dragoness would constantly siege him with noise and stray attacks as her children piled over William in waves. According to the Dragoness it was a basic form of training every dragon worth their wings went through since they were the tip of the spear in the universal conquest.

William who had previously thought he was already under some sort of PTSD or as the natives called the Silent’s Curse now was sure of it. As Kallista had basically shell shocked him to being almost numb in the face of overwhelming odds.

She was disappointed he couldn’t break past that final barrier and act like a “true” dragon. Saying there was good reason the All-Father rarely sent humans to the frontlines, still she was happy with his progress.

Lucrezia had been quiet the past few days he felt, when he asked her in the soul realm all she told was that she was feeling tired. A symptom of the merge perhaps? William couldn’t tell so he shrugged it off, lord knew the young woman needed her space.

Stil for all his insecurities he felt great, learning so many new things. Growing powerful by the week felt great, giving him a much needed ego boost. But he always made sure to temper such ego with a cold bucket of reality. Usually paperwork or stately work such as meeting and greeting important people.

More and more merchant coalitions were coming now, outside of the first prince’s sphere of influence as they begged in a very polite manner for his goods. It was thanks to one of those encounters that William found out that Galius was hiring mercenaries from the Xie Dynasty.

“Curious” Saa’ryu said “There’s plenty of bands in the kingdom and near. Why hire from Xie?”

William pondered for a bit, according to in-game lore there was no difference between the countries when it came to mercs, he could only guess something happened in the capital that made him outsource it.

“It won’t matter in the end. Once I receive the blessings we will move to stage 2 in the weapons R&D and anything short of the Queen with her Royal Knights plus Arch-Mage support won’t be able to weather our attacks”

Saa’ryu sighed as she pulled a few blueprints from William’s table, even without the blessing as Raa’Tyruhs church grew both him and Idun were starting to unlock more and more of Magi-Tech’s true potential for warfare.

It was drip fed for sure, but even then upgrades to the muskets and food processing units were already happening. The Magi-Tech suits of power armor were already in alpha testing stage as well and they were one-man siege engines.

Armored trains, auto cannons, batteries for long range engagements. It would be a one sided massacre William could almost taste the blood as he saw the blueprints.

“My people and the Owl’s have told me no Royal Spy has made it into our land. The prince isn’t even bothering to send scout parties in the cover of the storm. Is he that confident in his mercenaries and allied Knights?”

“Either his faction ran out of coin, or he wants to hire Mage Companies from Xie. And I doubt the first option could be the right one” William sighed “Have the dwarves begin preparations for Upward Momentum”

Saa’ryu nodded and said “I’ll talk with Master Idun” and left the room in a flash.

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“God I hope the druids don’t blow us off with this…” William muttered alone in his room.

“You do know using Granarius tactics will be called into question later right? Even if you change the name of the maneuver and have druids do it together with the dwarves instead of just using mages” Lucrezia spoke “Why not meet them in open battle? or lull them into killzones for the artillery?”

“They will likely have diviners if He’s hiring out of Xie. It’s a speciality from the mercs there. But with the Arderite-” William said before Lucrezia cut him off.

“Arderite again... Gods William, you will massacre them!” Lucrezia exclaimed “Are you not afraid of retaliation from the Mercenary Gods of Xie?”

William thought long and hard and then answered her question.

“I will not defile the mercenaries Gods. They will meet their end swiftly and be allowed to remove the bodies from the battlefield after they surrender. It is the Knights we should be more worried about than a two-bit God getting mad at me”

Lucrezia hummed and said “Pray tell why would you be worried about the Knights? Arderite will work well against them...I see now you know them! Well “knowing” is a strong word” She paused the realization dawning on her mind.

“You will hesitate to cut these men down, or you fear this because they were NPCs in the game, NPCs you liked due to working alongside them with quests and training? How curious”

“You must not falter William, Even should you raise your sword against a foe you know. Their masters allied with the prince and the revenge you promise both Velkarius and the Arch-Duke will be purchased with their blood” Lucrezia finished talking and sighed.

“But if I can get the news for them, prove Galius crimes they will have to Uphold the Oath! I can save their lives that the houses they are loyal to are so eagerly throwing to the grinder!” William was feeling panic rapidly rising as he tried to explain his plan for Lucrezia, hoping the young woman would agree with him for reasons he couldn’t explain.

“You are not so naive to think they will believe you, a kinslaying mad woman-child when you begin hurling accusations towards one of the most powerful individuals of the Kingdom right? There will be no words powerful enough to disarm the Knights William. This fight you can’t avoid even with your knowledge” She said in a neutral tone, trying to not upset William as she could feel his feelings getting the better of him.

William himself didn’t know why he was so worried about this. Had he not been killed in the name of peace? of saving the realm from people who were objectively evil?

What were a few innocent men and women more? Their crime was only following their duties to noble houses who probably didn’t even know about Galiu’s crimes.

“It didn’t escape me that these Knights are tied to people I used to know William, my friends in the Capital and the south...If you are worried about this, about me having second thoughts about this battle then dispel those doubts right now. I said it once and I will say it again. We are in this together to the end, and I don’t go back on my word”

William took a deep breath and wiped the sweat out of his brow, he got up and stared at the glass watching as lightning strikes tore through the city’s streets thanks to the Storm. He knew not why lightning would happen in the middle of a snowstorm but Winter’s End was magical in nature so who knows?

Yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that when he killed those people he would lose a part of himself.

He would become someone else.

“Forgive me for my moment of weakness Lucrezia. I don’t doubt your words” He told her.

“It is ok William, If I can’t support you, who can? we do what we must and pray the sins won’t weight as much as they will, it is all we can do”

“All we can do…” William repeated her last words in deep thought.

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Freya and Guun walked along dimly lit tunnels. These ones were not made by the labor from the city dwellers or the dwarves, but by the two of them.

“Can’t remember the last time I actually tapped out doing geomancing work…Spirits protect me. I think I’ll ask Master Gabriel to put me back to talking with animals.” Guun spoke to her sister who was constantly checking the walls and roof of the tunnel.

“Eh, nothing a good day of meditation won’t fix it, now stop crying and help me with this' ' Freya threw a Mana Crystal at her sister, its rainbow color betraying its purpose.

“I can’t believe we are using war tactics from the bloody mad elves sister, it is a disgrace to our country and history with those people, to think Lucrezia would consort with them and even host their princess! a disgrace sister, a thrice damned disgrace!” Guun finished setting the Crystal and stood back as Freya charged the thing with her mana.

The section of the tunnel they were in transformed in a flash. Where once was just an unremarkable tunnel now stood a wide plaza. Complete with a steel platform in the middle of it.

“Shut your trap you just don’t like the Princess, Spare me the fake patriotic favor sister. For we got a job to do and this won’t go any faster with you yapping at me about the bloody Granarius woman” Freya spoke, her tone tinged with mild annoyance.

Still to think Lucrezia would actually do this, she had heard from some dwarves that the weapons they had plans for would be more than enough to stop anything short of the Royal Knights. She was wondering, why would the duchess go for overkill?

Something wasn’t right, Freya thought. And that Prince Galius feller was the one making Lucrezia go through this insane plan of hers.

“Tactical deployment of forces inside their lines and swift removal via the platforms for morale and momentum breaking purposes” Freya muttered the lines of the file she had got from that spooky maid that walked without making a sound.

As a hunter Freya knew that was bad news, to think Lucrezia had an assassin so capable in her hands, the elven geomancer had not forgotten their battle against the tree.

Not to say the crazy stuff she had heard from the village. The womanchild was training like she was ready to fight a leviathan!

“The mercenaries will be torn to shreds sis, I’ve seen the new improved weapons they are making in that fortress. It will be a ghastly sight to behold.” Guun said as she finished drinking from her water bag. The elven woman went around the plaza checking for any faulty elements of the spell and found nothing. With a grunt of approval she moved forward.

“Be glad we won’t be on the frontlines this time Guúnnie, this time we get to stay back at the village and not have to watch as The Duchess’s new toys destroy those people” Freya said

“I hear that Freys, Gods above, we got lucky. Did you know Master Gabriel will be at the frontlines? The old fart got a fire lit up under his ass after that battle in the city and now wants more blood. That’s why you don’t pick phoenixes as your animal of choice” Guun spat on the ground “Blood thirsty bastards those birds”

Freya turned to her sister as they moved forward towards the last part of the tunnels for the final plaza and said “What in All-Father’s name is your issue with those birds? Did a phoenix piss on your bread and morning tea or something? Blimey by the way you talk about em it's like they killed our grandma”

Guun gave her sister the stinky eye “Don’t you bring granny into this, and we all know she died valiantly fighting against a horde of sea elves...Anyway I don’t like the birds, and I sure don’t trust them when it comes to combat. I can give you the book I got from the trader a few years back. It says all about their hidden agenda for druids!”

Freya rolled her eyes and said “I tire of this topic, let’s get this done and go back. Its pizza night today”

Guun gave her sister a sarcastic smile “It’s pizza night everyday for ya. Bloody glutton you are sister”

The two elven sisters went along their way. Cracking jokes and talking about the current state of affairs.Both knew that soon these peaceful times would end and once again these snowbound lands would be stained red.

War was coming for Wulfgrem again.

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William was starting to have visions. Of great beings watching over him, of Dragons made out of fire and ice.

The blessing day was getting closer and closer. And the divine energy they had placed in his...no in Lucrezia’s body were beginning to blossom.

“I heard that William” Lucrezia whispered in his mind softly, her voice carrying a hint of fear and worry.

“It’s the merge. It's going to hit a new milestone at the Blessing day I’m sure of it. With our new mana reserves it will drive itself deeper” He told her his theory.

“Are you afraid?” Lucrezia asked, her tone now neutral.

“No, come what may I will not falter, I will not hide. We will face it together”

“Yes, Together” they both spoke at the same time as William watched the wards flare as another lightning strike hit the top of his castle.

It was not as insane as one week ago. According to the spirits the Winter's End was growing weaker by the day and in a few days time people would be able to walk along the streets once again.

Time was going faster and faster for him now. So many things he wanted and needed to get done before the year was over. Exploring the land for the last church of the ancient race that lived here so he could get a dairy that would allow him to get ancient magic from the school.

Hunting the unique beasts for bounties. Killing the bandit leaders in the wastes for even more gold and of course. Mine the ever living shit of his mine for the rare mats so he could start the school year with top level gear.

All of that felt like immature impulse decisions made by a child now. But William would find time for them after the battle.

William had received word from the elven sisters a few days back that his plan went without flaws.

An old tatict from Granarius from the war. Striking from below as a way to deal massive blows against Vermilion’s mighty charges, William was lucky no one from the enemy side would even imagine him using it. For his masquerade as Lucrezia implied she would meet the prince in the field of battle and certain rules would have been set in place for the battle.

Rules he was going to break to smithereens.

Veronica wasn’t surprised when she learned of it. Only saying that he should be ready to face the consequences once word spread. Many a noble would turn their nose to him for mimicking the mad King.

Serkj and Erwin told him their men were ready and eager. Not a single ounce of doubt in their minds even when knowing full well they were ready to fight a Prince.

Saa’ryu and her people were ready as well. And so was Karl and his now wife. Karl told him Velkarius wanted to send more of her Umbral Elite to assist her but they were all busy.

William tried to contact Friede but the Goddess rudely told him to piss off, even knowing he was going against someone she hated with a burning passion. It was a shame she hated nobles that much, having another god by his side would’ve been good.

Lucrezia had told him it was greed, Terran greed that drove him to ask the one Goddess that hated his guts for aid but he didn’t think so.

Hraax and her people had already told him he could expect support as well. She was trying to rope in a Sea Behemoth as a siege engine but the fellow in particular was a notoriously known slacker. William was told that he shouldn’t expect him to help them but Hraax was trying all the same.

A pity the prince didn’t come by sea, Hraax told him a few days later that if that was the case she could call a squad of Krakens to destroy him.

Scary that she had such power Lucrezia had said. And good that she was allies of the duchy now.

Veronica and her squad would also join him in the fight. As Emilya had vowed to fight together with the Vanguard. Idun himself wanted to go but both William and Emilya made him stay behind. He couldn’t afford to lose his master forger after all.

His help from the Imperium and Northern Raiders numbered in 1500 bodies total. Men and women ready and eager to fight. Imperial War priests would be doing double duty as field medics together with the few druids who decided to come together with Gabriel when he told William he was fighting as well.

A knock on the door took William out of his thinking, a maid had come to fetch him for his weekly Bard lessons.

He went to the room. Hayden was looking at him with worry on her face, she spoke

“My Lady, I must confess I’m not sure why you still entertain these classes with me. Do you not have your hands full with the preparations for the upcoming conflict?”

William smiled and said “Not as much as you might think Hayden, Now as I promised you I have came up with a new song and I wish to hear your thoughts on it”

Of course he hadn’t come up with squat, once again William would steal from his favorite games and there was no interdimensional lawyer firm to stop him from commiting intellectual property theft.

He began humming the notes so Hayden could provide the instrumental part of the song. As expected of a master bard the woman quickly got the rhythm down and so William began his part of the dance

“High, on high I stand”

“Gazing down to see”

“The endless garden”

“Awaiting me”

“Red bloometh the rose of conviction”

“And red bloometh the rose of hate”

“Yes red bloometh the rose of contest”

“Firmly bound to its fate”

“And the war, it wageth on”

“The storm, it rageth on”

“The bold ever fight on”

“Their lives echoed in song”

“Fall, like snow they fall”

“Petals plucked and strewn”

“Yet from their seeds grow”

“This war anew”

“Blood trickling down from my fullers”

“And blood trickling down from mine hands”

“Yes, blood trickling down to Yrithuan”

“Until I alone stand”

“The war, still wageth on”

“The storm, still rageth on”

“The bold blindly march on”

“Their lives, lost in a song”

William felt a chill run through his spine as he finished. God he loved Heavensward and its soundtrack.

Hayden on the other hand was ashen. She took a few minutes to come out of the trance Bards often used to fully immerse themselves into music for the optimal experience.

She took more than a few sips of wine before speaking.

“My father. All-Father watches over him was a Knight in the war against the Imperium you know, He was also the one who taught me the ways of the bard when I got my blessing yet he never sung about his time in the front against the Imperial bastards” she sighed and then continued “Until I graduated from the Bard’s college and Him and his friends decided to throw a party for us since they were friends with the headmaster, also a veteran of the war”

William stood silent as Hayden spoke, it was rare for the bard to talk about her past like that and he had an idea where she was going with the story given the lyrics of “his” song.

“When they began singing for us, the whole theater was dead silent. It was not a cheery patriotic tune, or one to rouse hate and disdain against our enemies. It was a song of pure chaos and despair, of the horrors of war and how it grinds the soul of men” she took a pause for another sip.

“Yet it wasn’t just that, from time to time small notes of camaraderie and hope would light the darkness we saw, according to my father it was the song for the rank and file of war, these lowly men and women who fought under orders by people who did not care for them”

“Yet your song Lucrezia, it speaks from the point of view of a commander, of a leader who not only sends their people to battle but stands there. Equal amongst them through thick and thin”

“It is a powerful song my lady, you should sing for the men before the battle for I’m sure it will raise their spirits, it's only a shame you won’t get a Musical Blessing. The world could use more of your music my lady” Hayden said with a tinge of happiness in her voice.

“Even if no God of Music won’t bless me, I won’t stop making new music my friend, you can count on that” William told the bard who beamed him a genuine smile.

“It makes me happy hearing about Lady Lucrezia. Thank you for allowing me to help you with your first steps into this journey. May it be less bloody than the one you will finish in the coming days”