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Across Lifetimes
Chapter 4: I Understand

Chapter 4: I Understand

Monique

God, why’d I run? Why’d I leave?

Him: Because you’re not good enough. You’ve never been good enough.

His voice echoed throughout her most inner thoughts.

Him: You’re broken. Pieces missing. Why would anyone ever want you?

Monique: Shut up.

People stared as she talked to herself. She kept running passed them all. Bolting in front of oncoming traffic and up the hills. God, fuck these fucking hills. She huffed as her lungs were set aflame.

Him: You’re a freak. An anomaly. Why would anyone else want you? To give you a home?

Monique: Shut up.

Him: A place of belonging?

Monique: Shut up!

Him: You can’t even teleport that far.

Monique: SHUT UP!

Him: Nor can you use your magic without being so emotional.

Monique: SHUT UP!

Him: Don’t kid yourself. You belong back with us. No one else will care you like we do.

Monique: Shut UP SHUT UP!!

Him: No one else will love you like we do.

Monique: SHUT UP

Him: No one else will ever love a monster like you more than I do.

Monique: SHUT UP!!!!

The more she shouted, the worse her voice got. She was screaming at the top of her lung, her voice becoming more and more hoarse as she continued to run. She then tripped and fell down passing out from literally running on empty. Her vision blurred as people came rushing to her. She heard a girl call out to her, but she just couldn’t keep awake.

~

When she finally came to it, she heard someone talking

Girl: Thanks so much for helping me and my friend out.

: You sure you girls don’t need any help?

Girl: Positive. Here, I’ll pay you back. Do you have Benvo?

: No need to. Just take care of yourselves.

Monique found herself laying on a girl’s lap. She had wavy mermaid like hair with colors of sea green infusing with sapphire blue. Her eyes sparked a Lapis Lazuli too.

Girl: Oh! You’re awake! Are you alright?

As she hurried to get up, the girl helped her up.

Girl: Don’t get up too quickly, you might get a head rush or lightheaded.

Monique: W-who are you?

Girl: Oh, pardon me. Where are my manners? My name is Karin. Karin von Solari. I’m Lee’s little sister. And I know you think he sent me in his stead, but he did not.

Monique: Then why are you here?

Karin looked around. She saw in front of them a dim sum place. Her eyes sparkled with excitement.

Karin: Ohmigosh!! I haven’t had dim sum in so long! Let’s eat here. My treat.

Monique: Uhhh?

Karin: You haven’t had much to eat, right? Come on~!

Before she could even reject or respond, her stomach voted for her. Please, dear god please, don’t let this be a trap. I literally would die if I got caught cause someone offered me free food. They entered in and were greeted. Karin asked to be sat down at a table meant for four.

Karin: You’re not a vegetarian…are you?

Monique: No.

Karin: Oh, thank goodness!

She stopped these ladies who were pushing carts, putting down a variety of interesting food.

Karin: Go ahead. Eat. I promise I’m not a dangerous person.

Monique: Sorry, I just have a hard time trusting anyone.

Karin: That’s understandable.

She started serving both her and Monique tea. She then grabbed her cup and started to take a sip, creating this odd yet comforting atmosphere.

Karin: Your life must’ve been terrible

Monique: You have no idea.

Karin: You can tell me if you’d like. But if you don’t it’s fine. I don’t want to force you to do things you don’t want to.

As she spoke, Monique noted the two how different the two siblings were. Whereas Lee came off like a person with a hero complex of some sorts, acting as if he felt the need to save her, Monique felt as if Karin was just someone she could spill her heart to. Like she could tell her all of her sins, everything she’d ever done wrong. Like she could be forgiven. Karin began eloquently eating her meal, gesturing to Monique to do the same. Monique slowly began to do the same.

Karin: You know, after meeting that peculiar group of people who were after you, I can see why you’d have issues with other people.

Monique looked down, avoiding eye contact once more.

Karin: From what I understand, all they wanted to do was take you away to just use you again and again. Perhaps cage you for good so you can’t escape anymore. Which is awful. You should be free. You don't deserve that kind of a thing.

Monique: And why would you think that? What makes you think a person like me deserves anything?

Karin: Why would you think you deserve anything bad?

Monique: Because…

As she started to explain, tears formed from the corner of her eyes. She tried holding them back. What’s the use of crying about it anyway?

Monique: Because that’s all I’ve ever done all of my life. Just one bad thing after another

Him: Like all those people you’ve killed.

Monique: Like the people I've killed.

Him: Like all those lives you destroyed.

Monique: And all those lives I destroyed.

Him: Why would you deserve anything when all you’ve done is take and take and take?

Monique: Why would I deserve anything at all when all I’ve done is take, take, and take.

Karin: But were those your true intentions? Or was it just because someone forced you to do that? Was it because you saw no other option or choice? Like you were trying to save someone? Or were you just trying to survive?

As Karin spoke, she knew she was right. Making a point. But that didn't quite settle in with Monique. She didn't want to be forgiven. She didn't want to be told it wasn't her fault.

Monique: What…what would you know about that? About anything I’ve done!? I've just met you! Don't act like you know me!

Tears started welding up in Karin’s eyes. It felt as if pricks were stabbing into Monique’s heart. Shit, I’m such an asshole. I just made her cry

Monique: I'm sorry.

Karin wiped her tears, shaking her head.

Karin: I’m pretty sure Lee told you some stuff about me, right? But he’s missed quite a few details. Like when he ran away…dad…dad always knew where he was. He always threatened to have him arrested for defaming him. A-and don’t get me wrong, to this day I don’t blame him for anything that’s happened. I…I just wanted to protect him…so I tried everything I could to distract dad from anything involving him. And I know this doesn’t relate much…and…and I know that you probably don’t think this way…but whatever you’ve done…

She sniffled. Her head tilted a bit and her lips widened to a smile. Something so innocent yet so natural. As if it were a friend conversing with another friend.

Karin: Whatever you’ve done, none of it is your fault. You don’t deserve to feel so troubled for any of it. And I know deep down inside, you tried to do what’s right. Even when your team was against you, you kept trying.

Monique: H-how do you know that?

Karin: Your team was severely harsh on the illusion of you Alexis made. They said they were going to lock you away, punish you for fleeing from the job and for saving those folks you were supposed to get rid of. That they would be sure those souls you saved would get their due punishment. I’m kinda interested to see what’s going to happen when they find out that spell disperses. Either way, that’s not the life you deserve. You deserve better.

Hearts strings started to detach. Was that what really happened? Were those the words she needed to hear? She knew deep down inside not to question what happened when she disappeared with Lee. She knew that Karin was telling the truth. Because if you had known how Dr B raised them, it was the reality of her situation. The reality of her life. They never loved her, never respected her. All the things they ever did was for Doctor B. Always for Doctor B. A smidge of conscious? An act of bravery? They were always extinguished within moments. Always a scar to remind her never to defy them. But she was alone in that. So, when Karin said what she said, Monique wailed, sobbing her broken heart out. Karin reached out to hold her. She cried into her arms.

Karin: It’s okay, it’s alright. You’re not a bad person at all. And I just want you to know, if anything, you deserve the best of things life has to offer. And I—we’re here to give that to you…if you’re willing to take it.

Monique: What…what if I...I st-still don’t feel like I...I deserve it. Wh-what if those people never forgive me for the damages I-I’ve c-caused or the des-destruction I’ve reigned?

An elbow gently landed on Monique’s shoulder.

Stranger: Then find a way to atone for those. Join our Corps or be a good person. Whatever it takes to feel like you’ve atoned for the sins you think you’ve committed.

Karin: Alexis! You’re here.

The blonde girl, called Alexis, with a few strands of hair sticking out like antennae sat down at our table. She stared intensely at Monique, her eyes glimmering like shiny peridots. She shoved a box of tissues in front of Monique, gesturing to her to clean herself up.

Karin: Where’s Danny and Lee?

Alexis: They needed some alone time to talk about boy stuff, figured it’d be best to have a girl’s night out. Let the boys do whatever they want.

Alexis and Monique’s eyes met. While Monique was trying to clean herself up, Alexis scanned her from top to bottom, emanating a menacing aura. Monique couldn’t comprehend whether it was because she did not like seeing someone cry or if the events that took place at the villa had made Alexis suspicious of her. Alexis then sighed.

Alexis: Look, I don’t know what your sad story is and if you wanna share it you’re more than welcomed to. But whatever you’re fucking so called team, or family or whatever in the fucking world you wanna call them, you know as well as I do that all they’ve been doing is feeding you bullshit and you know it. And I know it. And everyone at this table knows it.

Karin: I know this is very confusing for you, especially since this feels so rushed. However, this world is slowly attracting beasts that don’t particularly belong here, which would cause trouble for the natives of this world.

Alexis: Heck, all of us being here for too long puts it at a strain.

For a brief moment, Monique’s entire demeanor exuded guilt. As if this was her fault that the world may fall apart. That perhaps at the first sign of distortion, she should have left. But before she could say anything, Alexis slammed her fist at the table.

Alexis: And don’t you fucking dare blame yourself for that. You didn’t choose this path and for fucks sake you didn’t choose to stay here. But you can choose to leave.

Monique: Wh-why are you all being so nice to me?

Karin: Cause, we understand, more than anything, what you’re going through. And we want to help you.

Alexis: Actually, I just personally don’t want to resort to option B where I kick your ass to high heavens and dragging you out. Besides, the Solari’s get very attached to outsiders who are just like them.

Karin: Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?

Alexis: That you and your brother have a tendency to adopt stragglers. Why do you think Ben and Danny was invited to live with y’all.

Karin laughed as Alexis smiled.

Karin: So, will you come with us?

Alexis: Would be thousands better than being with them.

Debatably, she could have been walking into another trap, another place seething with disparity which would instantly suck her soul away. But in that space, where carts of food rolled on carpeted floors and two little girls were giving her another chance at life, this wave of security and familiarity rushed in. Perhaps in a different time, in a different place, those two were the closest thing akin to friends, possibly even sisters. Where once there was doubt and insecurity had rewritten itself to confidence and stability.

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Monique: Yes.

Lee

As Danny dragged him around the city to distract him from the events that occurred, right after Alexis had left to find where Karin and Monique ran off to, his heart felt as if it had sunk so low, his intestines were practically processing it away. They had stopped at a Japanese Tea Garden in a place called Golden Gate Park and decided to partake in the tea house. This is where they were originally going to rendezvous. For whatever reason, Lee kept thinking of Monique and wondering if she would've stayed if they had teleported here instead. They took their seats and ordered what they needed; Lee however was in no mood to partake in anything.

Danny: Hey man, relax. They’re at some dim sum place talking things over. We’ll be bouncing outta here in no time.

Lee was silent, as if replaying the events in his head over and over again. Wondering what could’ve happened. What could he have done better?

Danny: Bro, I know what you’re thinking. And look, the fact of the matter is nothing you could’ve done would’ve made anything better. She is who she is man.

Lee stayed there, still silent.

Danny: Don’t make me say it man.

Lee: Say what?

Danny: You’re still not over Alice, are you?

Lee: What!? What does Alice have to do with anything?

Danny: She has everything to do with it.

Lee: No, she doesn’t.

Danny: Then why is it that I finally got your attention by just saying her name?

Lee: Alice and Monique are nothing alike. They aren’t even similar to one another. She was a bitch, and you know it and I’m just genuinely concerned about –

Danny: About how you screwed up the savior part because you are indeed trying to save her from her troubles just like how you were trying to save Alice from hers only this time, the troubles are real and not just a figment of lies produced by heavy handed tricks?

Lee was going to raise another point but found himself dumbfounded.

Danny: You know I’m right.

Lee: I hate it when you’re right.

Lee slammed his forehead on the table, creating a loud enough thud for the entire restaurant to hear yet not care enough as it just looked like a couple of kids dicking around.

Lee: You’re annoyingly right so what am I supposed to do? Just let my kid sister and some behemoth of a woman take care of Monique?

Danny: No, you’re going to let two women convince another woman that there’s a life way better than the one she has here and let them figure out the logistics so its very clear that this isn’t just some scam into her pants or whatever the flavor of the week is for you.

Lee: I wasn’t trying to take a pass at her.

Danny: Oh, then, were you trying to date her?

Lee: No. I just…wanted to help.

Danny: Annd?

Lee: And I wanted to satisfy some curiosity. Dude, I talked about her literally all day yesterday.

Danny: You’re obsessed with her.

Lee: Probably.

Danny: And that can be dangerous or good if you’re falling in love with her.

Lee: What? No, I’m not in love.

Danny: Oh? So, you weren’t crushed that you’re not showing her the nicer things in this world?

Lee: N-n- Shut up.

Danny’s face bloated up as he tried not to laugh. Lee’s face was riddled with red. As if there was no other color being splattered all across his face.

Danny: You’re so easy to read.

Lee: Shut up.

Danny: Speaking from experience, you are going to have to figure out how to figure yourself for falling for a heathen like Alice.

Lee: How does one even do that?

Danny: Maybe getting rid of the ever-accumulating stuff in the guest room is a good starter.

Lee: But…what if Monique needs it because she doesn’t really have any clothes.

Danny: Lee, no.

Lee: But what if?

Danny: You’d be hanging on to a past that was filled with sorrow and pushing her into a position that never should be. You know and I know that you should have burned that stuff a whole long time ago.

Lee: But

Danny: No butts, I’m having Ken and Terra tear through all that old stuff since you’re having a hard time doing it yourself.

Lee: What! Wait why!?

Danny: Oh, wait that’s something I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Whoops.

Lee: What’s going on?

Danny: Karin’s going to put Monique up in the guest room.

Lee: Why!? We literally fought like 2 hours ago.

Danny: So? Just apologize.

Lee: You guys are also going to be gone for the next six to eight months what am I supposed to do??

Danny: I don’t know, but whatever you do just don’t be an asshat or a whoremongering teenager about it. Be reasonable, she didn’t have anyone like Karin to run to like you did. She also lived an entirely different life than you did.

Danny took a sip of his tea then stared straight into Lee's eyes as Lee listened closely to him.

Danny: Look, Alexis’ illusion magic has gotten stronger and stronger these days. When they manifest, she can hear the very last thoughts in their minds. Did you know what went on in hers at the time? The time when you and her teleported somewhere?

Lee shook his head.

Danny: It was some guy’s voice…I think he retardedly called himself Ezekiel and claimed that Monique belonged to him and no one would ever care for her like he did or some shit. That we were stupid for trying to save her or protect a monster like her. That in the end, she'll always come back to where she belongs, with them.

Lee’s eyes widened as he looked at Danny. Was that why she was freaking out? Was it cause she knew he was there?

Danny: Anyways, Alexis heard his voice lingering inside her head. Saying shit like “you’re not good enough”, “they’ll leave you like the rest”, “you’re broken pieces within nothing left to fix”, “no one’s ever gonna love you”, “you’re unlovable” and “They’ll turn their backs on you. They always do.”

Lee: W-why didn’t she tell me?

Danny: I don’t know, maybe the entire night spent outside camping and running away from really threatening teens in emo colors probably didn’t spark a good time to tell you that she lives with homicidal idiots. Also, I’m pretty sure she keeps to herself at most times. She looks like the kind who would be the quite kid sitting at the corner of the classroom.

Lee: You’re right.

Danny: And when have I ever been wrong?

Lee: Outside of this conversation, a lot of times.

Danny: Moot point besides are you really going to not apologize to her? You’ve barely known her for a day and already she’s calling you out.

Lee: How do I go about apologizing.

Danny: Normally “I’m sorry for being a dick” is an appropriate go-to.

Lee heavily sighed, rolling his eyes at Danny. A message dinged on Danny’s end, signaling their time on this world coming to an end.

Monique

As she was practically dragged across the city, Karin rushed her inside of a store.

Karin: First things first, we need to get you a change of clothes.

Monique: What’s wrong with what I’m wearing

Alexis: The jacket isn’t yours and I’m assuming Romeo gave you the jacket to be a weird form of romantic.

Monique: Who’s Romeo?

Karin covers Monique’s ears.

Karin: How insensitive! You know she was lucky enough to skip through that drole play.

Alexis removes Karin’s hands from Monique.

Alexis: Don’t worry about it. It’s a play not worth watching.

But I wanna watch it.

Karin: Besides, that’s like Lee’s favorite jacket, I’m surprised he gave it to anyone.

Alexis: Yeah, I am too. He never even gave it to Alice no matter how cold she was.

Monique looked puzzled as they talked about this girl whom Lee had been with before. Karin shook her head and pushed her towards the clothing section. Monique had picked out the only things she had ever been comfortable with her entire life, a dark-blue hoodie, and a pair of black jeans. Karin looked a tad bit disappointed.

Karin: What about this?

She picked out a pretty sleeveless dress with a silky feel.

Monique: Sorry, I’m not exactly that comfortable with that stuff.

Karin: Why not? You’d look cute in it.

Alexis: Yeah, come on.

Alexis grabbed Monique’s hand and the jacket she wore slipped a little. Scars had covered the entirety of her arm. Some of them looked self-inflicted while others look as if someone had tortured her. As soon as Alexis saw, her face filled with rage as her she crunched up her hands to fists, trembling with anger.

Alexis: Who did this to you? Was it that Ezekiel freak??

Monique nodded, giving off a dejected face.

Alexis: UGH I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THAT KID.

Karin whispered into Monique’s ear.

Karin: She gets really upset about how people treat other people like objects rather than living beings.

Alexis begins to mock Ezekiel.

Alexis: OH I’m Ezekiel I think I’m the best at everything! Give me my monster of a woman back before I cut your limbs off! HAH! Fucking retard!

Monique: Uh..uhm..I don’t mean to ask…but I’m curious enough to know, what happened back there?

Karin: Alexis managed to utilize a ginormous amount of magic and manifested an illusion of you, we pretended to lose and give you up.

Alexis: Joke’s on them, that illusion only lasts for another 12 hours. I got Karin to rig it with poison to. They’re going to be barfing and shitting their pants for fucking days.

She took a couple of black pants, some black hoodies and long dark colored long t-shirts and forced Monique to change outfits. After Monique figured what size and combination of clothes worked out for her, Alexis took Monique by the hand and led her to the cash register. Karin happily followed.

Alexis: Listen, like hell I would ever actually give you up, but there wasn’t much we could have actually done. I wanted to slaughter each and everyone of them but because they’re native here, there are stupid procedures.

Monique: It’s okay.

Alexis: Best I could do was just poison them, even then I might’ve put myself in trouble.

Monique: Thanks. I...I honestly really appreciate that.

As they walked up to the register and paid for her things, Lee and some other guy walked through the door. The other guy had short carrot orange hair and eyes that shimmered like shamrock gems. Man, these guys stand out.

Other Guy: You guys are a lot harder to find.

Lee: No, this fucking city has too many damn hills with too many fucking blocks and corners. Y’all done here.

Alexis: Just about.

Karin took Monique away from Alexis, taking her to a dressing room.

Karin: We’ll be back don’t miss us too much.

Monique: Uhh?

Karin pushed Monique into a ddressing room, giving her the items, she needed to change into.

Karin: Here, you’ll need this too.

She handed Monique a jar with cream inside. It smelled of lavender and sunflowers.

Monique: What is this?

Karin: It’s cream, for your wounds. It’ll help heal most of the damage caused on your skin. However, the deeper it is, the more likely it’ll just leave smaller scars. Smaller than the ones you have.

Monique: You sure you want to give me this?

Karin: Of course! And if you need more feel free to ask for me. It’s what friends do after all.

Monique blushed as she undressed and applied the medicinal cream all over her hands, ignoring the ones that were scattered on her back. She then put on the clothes she bought and exited out of the dressing room, with the items she dressed out of. Karin took them and placed them in the bag that contained something else at the bottom.

Monique: I’ve never had friends before.

Karin: Well, consider me your first.

Lee had overheard them and pouted. Karin stuck her tongue out at him.

Karin: It’s okay, you can be her fifth friend

Lee: Fifth!?

Alexis: Yeah, I’m second and Danny’s third.

Lee: So, who’s fourth!?

Alexis: Probably either Ken, Terra or Ben when they meet her.

Lee: That’s so unfair, they aren’t even here!

Karin: Wait, if they are here then they’d put you at….

Alexis: Seven. He’d be her seventh best friend.

Karin: Ahh good old lucky number seven.

Alexis: Don’t worry seventh, you’ll still have to look after her over in Eridelium. Monique: Huh??

Danny had given Monique her belongings as well as gave Lee back his communicator as they all exited the store. Monique had confusion all over her face as Lee was practically pushed onto her.

Karin: I’m so sorry, but we’ve been reassigned. Lee can fill you in on the rest as he takes you home.

Danny: Don’t worry about it so much though. We’ll be back soonish

Alexis: Give or take, a couple of months so take care of her for us, yeah?

Karin: We’ll give a proper welcoming party when we get back!

They all set afoot to their new journey, disappearing once turning the street corner, leaving Monique and Lee left behind.

Lee: Look…

He broke the silence as the two set foot back to where they needed to be.

Lee: I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but I do have some sort of duty to take you home.

Monique: Home?

Lee: Yeah, your new home.

He opened a nearby door, a flash of brilliant light shone through. Flutters of what seemed like fairies wandered to and fro, leading them through the pathway.

Lee: You ready to go?

He reached his hand out to her, she took without a second thought.