i thought, after my death everything would be the end of me.

i thought i could finally rest, i thought i could just finally just end this misery.

....but...

"i'm sorry. but i had no other choices anymore"

amongst the void, i heard someone's voice again.

this time, its a voice of another woman.

oh great. what could it be?

just as i thought my life is over, i hear another voice that brings disgust to me. the voice of a woman.

i hate nothing more than that, just hearing it made me feel sickened.

i tried opening my eyes to see an eggshell white ceiling. a strange nostalgic feeling imbeded itself within me.

what does this reminds me of.....

....ah, yes,

it does remind me of the home i was raised as from my times as a baby until i am 10.

but why?

"oh my? oh my! someone left their baby on here!"

i heard another voice near me, the voice of an elderly.

and they mentioned....baby?

wait....

am i....no....

no way....

i raised my arms, feeling as weak as i am, just to see what i am. what i see is the smallness of my arms, my fingers, they're all small and delicate. 

am i really a baby....?

"oh, you poor thing..."

i felt my body being lifted up by a pair of huge hands, slowly, my perspective changed and i was faced with an old man.

an old man...? who is this person? 

and why did he...

"who left you alone here, huh? you poor child. i'll take care of you..."

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wait, hold on.

did he...

did he just said that he's taking me in?

what is this old man thinking? taking a stranger like me under his wing??

i don't even know who he is....but why?

"your parents abandoned you...that's sad....but its not that common. the other kids would accept you, at least that's i would hope to happen..."

parents...abandoning me?

so that wench earlier who i heard before the old man was presumably my...mother?

ah....i see....

even in this place, my mother is unfair as always....

even in this world.....women treats me unfairly....

----

it took me years to realize what is happening.

it would seems like i was reborn into another life, another world.

the old man taking me in is apparently an old priest who owns an orphanage.

i spent months as a baby to observe and understand the situation of what is going on.

and as i grew up into a toddler, i can finally process things.

i am residing in a small orphanage, mostly filled with girls.

just knowing the fact sent chills down my spine. it only made me retch in my disgust, knowing what malicious things they all will do to me one day.

in fact, i think those other girls of the orphanage all stared at me with the face that spits out annoyance. their annoyance that i am here, staying with them as a forced family. for now, they mostly avoided me, but alas, i mustn't let go of my suspicion of them.

the very few boys in this orphanage are quiet and cold towards me, their lifeless eyes doesn't even bother to gaze at me. they ignored my existance while brooding on the corner, mourning their own cruel fates. they're no different than the girls, but still slightly better.

the old priest himself is a rather caring man, a fatherly figure to everyone in this orphanage. despite of his old age, he never was seen tired nor exhausted while taking care of a bunch of kids.

but something about him feels...wrong. it feels like he is hiding something behind me. 

not that i am accusing him of being a sexual predator. but, i had this feeling that he raised us for an ulterior motive. a scheme if you will.

for now, i had to keep an eye on the old priest.

but i often times contemplated, why did this happen to me? what did i do to deserve reincarnation? was it because of my horrid fate...?

was it because this is my chance to change my fate? to become a better person? to have a better life?

i don't know. and i don't care anymore about what happens in the past.

but what i know is that my name is now William. and i am an orphan growing up in this war ridden stink of a world.