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Abnormal Days
Fortune Teller

Fortune Teller

After the mystery of Jun Ling's reappearance was solved, I stayed with her for the promised one week. My moment of felicity was brief however as I soon realised without a physical body, it was hard to even pretend to live a normal life as a human.

Everyday chores became impossible feats as my ghost body had trouble gauging its strength and I often dropped or shattered things.

Sooner or later, Jun Ling got really mad and forbade me from doing chores ever again. Normally I would be happy not having to do chores however being unable to help Jun Ling in her simple everyday tasks made me feel immensely useless.

And so, after the week ended, I returned to my inital mission of seeking out my physical body. Jun Ling wanted to join me on my adventures but I decided it was too dangerous for a true blue human to get involved in shui gui matters. Just as I, as a human had gotten involved and had my body taken, the same could happen to her.

But I knew, Jun Ling wasn't going to simply agree to this plan.

And so I drafted up the most complex, dastardly proposal, specially tailored to persuade her to stay at home...

I threatened to burn her most recent volume of 'Werewolf with Abs and the Muscular Lycan'.

Apparently it costs a lot to ship these books from overseas. A whole 30 US dollars worth of money! It costs her an entire month's allowance to buy one of these! And she has fifty two volumes!

I'm not a total monster, I didn't threaten to burn everything! I'm just one over fifty two parts of a monster. Besides I can't burn up fifty two months' worth of allowance. For a young girl, her allowance is basically her lifeline. Her allowance allows her to buy makeup, clothes, dirty books and trips to the local theater. And she chose to spend all that on dirty books. As another human being with slightly perverted tendencies, I respect that decision and dedication.

Anyways, on a far more important note, presently I'm lost in the city centre following Amelia's instructions to reach a supernatural fortune teller's location. Before Amelia left, she left me a note and told me to not let Jun Ling read it.

Jun Ling noticed it.

Luckily I was able to convince her that I wasn't going to attend some secret lovers' tryst.

Ah, the sight of a jealous Jun Ling. A sight I never imagined I'd get to see. And so with the image of a pouting Jun Ling, I set off towards the big city. Nightlife! Partying! Excitement!

More like what a nightmare. People jumping around, drinking booze, jumping around some more, puking and then going home.

And there was a constant noise wherever I went. Cities never sleep. Even during the night, there were still so many people walking all around the streets. In town, even during the day there aren't that many people.

But getting back on track, I'm lost and don't know where to look for a cafe. The message Amelia gave read 'Park Girl Cafe', so here I am, wandering till I find this cafe with a weird name. Worst of all, I can't even ask for directions. I don't even know who here can see me...

When I saw a bookstore, my brain came up with a brilliant idea.

Using the infamous internet! In our little town, we couldn't afford internet but apparently here, there's internet everywhere!

So I casually walked in, grabbed a seat and sat at an open computer.

'park girl cafe directions'...

No relevant search results. No listed shop at all... There was a Perky Girl Cafe listed though. Close. But not quite. Maybe it could be a really obscure shop? But the name's so unique, it's gotta be on the net at the very least...

"Oi! Who left their computer unattended!"

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Oh crap! The bookstore attendant is here!

"What the hell, who was searching for 'Perky Girl Cafe directions'? They even spelt perky wrong. Idiot."

Perky? I reread the note. It did say perky.

Ah... I am an idiot.

And so after the attendant left, I booted up the computer again to search for directions to 'Perky Girl Cafe'.

The cafe was on the opposite side of the same block as the bookstore...

Leaving the store, I heard a disgruntled shouting sound. Nah it was just my imagination, I think. I hope they were fine with me leaving the computer on for the next person though. Since someone left it on for me, I'll do a good deed and leave it on for the next person too.

But... oh my god! So this is what perky means?

This is... indecent... lewd even! I will never let Jun Ling know what I witnessed here this day.

Now what though?

I arrived but I don't know where the fortune teller is. Actually... is the fortune teller even in a place like this?

"Hey~ Young boy over there!"

"Eh? Was she talking to-"

"Yeah, you! C'mere!"

I walk over, slightly stunned. She can see spirits like me huh. Her outfit's more modest than the rest. She's wearing a suit so is she like the manager or the supervisor?

"Wait till my shift's over then we'll talk. You can wait in the backroom with the nameplate Ruby."

Assuming that she was the fortune teller, I unquestioningly follow her instructions and enter the room.

What is this?! So much makeup... Literally a mountain made from makeup boxes of all different shapes and sizes... Is it normal for girls to have this much? Could Jun Ling have this amount if she didn't spend her allowance so frivolously on dirty books?

 And the most noticeable and yet the one thing I've been trying to ignore, that huge rack of indecent clothes...

I apologize, Jun Ling. I just imagined you in these lewd clothes. Are some of these even clothes? They're just... cloth... and ribbons... The bras are so large. Can a human body really possess... 'things' that large?

If I had a physical body, I might have gotten a nose bleed. Hurrah for being a ghost!

"Excuse me, you were here for some fortune telling I suppose?"

Ack! She caught me off guard, staring at the clothes...

"Y-yes!"

"Take a seat then, we can have our talk then."

There weren't any chairs though? Even ghosts can't sit on air you know.

"Umm take a seat where exactly?"

"Why... the bed of course."

Is this divine punishment? Is this my retribution for harassing and embarrassing Jun Ling last week? Please let me off easy! Even if I became a ghost, I am still a hormonal teenager with emotions!

"Amelia told me that a young shui gui would be paying me a consultation visit... So why don't you go ahead and ask me some questions? Few conditions however. I can't read minds. I predict fortunes, events, in other words facts. And you'll have to pay, depending on how many questions and how difficult they are to answer."

That's right. I was here for important matters. I can't get distracted now. Even if she does have large... Wait wait wait, I'm getting sidetracked again.

"So fortune teller ma'am. Could you tell me..."

The question's that's been bothering me for all this time.

"...Whether my parents are shui gui?"

"Ho... I was expecting your first question to be about finding your physical body. You're quite the considerate kid. Normally I'd charge you exorbitantly but since you're such a filial child, I'll bring it down to half price for you. Your parents..."

Here it is. Whether I go back to my town. Whether I run away. It all depends on this.

"...are not shui gui."

I fall backwards onto the bed in relief.

"I can see you are really relieved but that will be 5000 US dollars."

$$$

"Hah?!"

"Don't worry there's no interest rate or anything. You just have to pay it back within your lifespan~ Now your next question?"

Her eyes were that of a shark. Waiting to attack its prey.

Ah... maybe I should just stay a ghost?

"Okay, my next question is... What are my girlfriend, Li Jun Ling's three sizes?"

"... giving out a lady's secrets will be costly, spirit. Approximately ten..."

...thousand?

"...million-"

"It was a joke in poor tastes! Please forget I said that. What I really wanted to ask was where can I find my physical body?"

"Hmm... it should still be in the town you came from... Try lurking around your old hunting grounds."

"Old hunting grounds? Do you mean the places I went?"

"The places you're most familiar with to be exact."

"...one last question. How many shui gui are currently possessing bodies in my town?"

"20. Exactly."

"Okay, thank you madam fortune teller. That is all I needed to know."

"Alright then. Your total is 205000 dollars with half price... Do pick up your jaw before you leave. I'll be waiting for my payment~ Oh and a word of advice, though it seems you're a good kid so I don't think you really need this. If you run away or don't intend to pay up, I'll send people after you. Money is serious business after all."

She's completely serious. Her tone did a 180 change from before...

"No installments, no initial deposit?"

"Nope. I'm a fortune teller not a bank teller."

...

"But what if I die without paying up?"

"Normally I'd let those people off, but I've seen the type of luck in your fortunes. So if you do somehow die before paying me back, I'll come after your little Jun Ling instead. Think of it as retribution for betraying my good faith in you."

Somehow in just three sentences, she managed to raise my hope sky high and bring it back down to Earth all at once.