8. The Fate of a Cocky Monster Hunter

As far as old-timey dungeons went, it was pedestrian. Nick had been locked in stone cages more times than he cared to admit, and after a while, they lost their luster. The three of them had been briefly treated to views of the castle interior before being immediately swept off through a side door and down a long, dark spiral staircase. As such, Nick only got a good look at the ornate entrance hall, complete with mounted knight’s armor, banners, and high chandeliers to provide light where stained-glass windows were boarded up. So far, Jackie’s vampire castle was prototypical and lacking his usual eccentricities; beyond the obvious flare of importing a castle brick by brick.

“Alright, what do we have?” asked Nick. The hourglass on his wrist still showed a significant amount of sand, so whatever they were doing wasn’t putting them in immediate danger.

James, who had been mumbling to himself, stopped. “Wood torches in the entrance hall could be sharpened down in a pinch. If we made it to daylight, we could try and do something about opening all those windows. Taking a hostage seems out of the question, so we can’t try Puerto Rico again.”

Nick chuckled at the memory. “I’m pretty sure your chupacabra act is only going to work once.”

Despite James’s flat affect, he grinned.

“Let me ask you this,” replied Lopsang from a corner. He shuffled to a standing position and groaned with the weight of immense pain. “Would holy powder make a difference?”

Nick nodded and shrugged. “Yes, but they took my jacket, so no luck there.”

“Same,” answered James.

“Well, as it turns out, no one wanted to take the pants off a drunk covered in his own sick.” Lopsang smiled proudly and made a lewd gesture toward his place of concealment.

Nick’s eyes widened. “You know there’s a reason we don’t sew it into our pants, right?”

Lopsang waved a hand at him. “If holy powder went off in your jacket, you’d still be having a bad day. My way,” he gestured to his pants again, “no one finds it.”

Hope sprung in Nick’s mind. Holy powder was enough to get them out of a lot, even in limited quantities. “Tell me you didn’t get it wet.”

Lopsang grinned again and reached into his pants in a brief moment of disturbing imagery. Shortly after, he came out with four, sealed plastic bags of white powder. “I never ran drugs, but I knew people that did. When you live on a border with China, you learn to hide things.”

“Lopsang, you’re a beautiful specimen of the human race.” Nick went to embrace him, smelled the damp reminder of why he hadn’t been thoroughly searched, and held out a hand for the holy powder instead.

Lopsang dropped it into his hand. “So, we’ve got a way out, what’s the plan?”

“It’s not great, but it’s better than nothing.” What could loosely be seen as a plan was quickly forming in Nick’s brain. There were many stages where it could go awry, but that was how plans went. “If this is anything like the other death panels we’ve faced, Jackie is going to want to see us personally. Wouldn’t surprise me to find out Martin was a vampire. Immortality is right up his scaredy cat alley. Perry, on the other hand, is a proud woman. She might be working with the vampires to save her own skin, but my guess is she drew the line at taking the oath.”

“You sure about that?” James stood up and started pacing the cell.

“About as sure as I am about any of this. But, in a pinch, I would guess Perry has some sort of anti-vampire paraphernalia on her. You don’t go into business with a creature you hate unprepared.”

Lopsang nodded. “So, unless we can get rid of Perry, the windows are only going to do so much good.”

“True, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Either way, Jackie is going to want to see us before we die. Given what we found in his mansion, I can hardly imagine what kind of horrors he’s got cooked up for us in here.” Nick could imagine quite a few, but the horror of the thought was enough to make him keep it to himself. Morale was key to his plan, even if not explicitly stated. “Holy powder isn’t going to kill him, but it will injure him enough for us to find our way out of here.”

“We’re going to need more than this.” Lopsang held up the remaining bags.

“Exactly,” agreed Nick. “We’re going to need weapons. So, hit Jackie with the holy powder, check Perry if there’s time, and then head to a weapons room where we grab as much as we can reasonably carry.”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“A weapons room?” asked James.

“It’s a castle, James. Of course, there’s a weapons room. When they’re taking us to meet Jackie, keep an eye out.”

“Sure, I’ll just keep an eye out for a big, red sign advertising halberds and crossbows.”

Nick sighed in exasperation. “You never know, James!”

“We’ve seen weirder shit before,” admitted Lopsang.

“Thank you, Lopsang.”

“Alright, so we do all that and just fight our way out of here?” There was no sarcasm in James’s voice, but it was obvious he hoped there was a backup plan.

Nick thought about it. “Yeah, seems about right.” He looked down at the hourglass on his arm. It was impossible to discern if any grains had moved, but he wondered. “We just fight our way out of here.”

“Good enough for me,” answered Lopsang.

James nodded. “Just in case, let’s come up with some contingencies.”

“Of course, always good to have a backup pla—”

Nick was cut off by the clank of steel boots coming down the hallway. “Well, I guess we’re going with Plan A.”

The heavy wooden door to their cell creaked and rattled as several deadbolts and locks were undone. A small, wooden slat opened to reveal a pale woman’s face. “Evening, boys. Before I open this door, I want to clarify your position. Jackie chose me as your escort because when I get testy, I tend to rip people limb from limb. Bad news for you is I was hoping to feed immediately, but instead, I’m stuck on escort duty, which means…” She let the words hang in the air.

“You’re already testy?” asked Lopsang.

“I think it was rhetorical,” hissed James.

The woman at the door growled. “Yes, that’s what it means, and yes, it was rhetorical.”

“I don’t think she likes you,” whispered Nick to Lopsang.

“I don’t like you either,” slurred Lopsang back.

“That doesn’t even—”

“Shut up!” The door swung open and a young, pale woman in a black evening gown walked in. “Unless one of you wants to meet Jackie in pieces, you’ll be quiet and listen. I won’t bind you, but rest assured, try anything funny and your fate will be swift and terrible.”

“Swift is nice,” commented Lopsang.

“Shut up,” hissed James.

“Smart boy,” said the vampire. She turned on her heel and walked out, motioning for the prisoners to follow.

Nick hurried to catch up to her. Any time spent outside of a dungeon cell was an improvement over their previous situation.

“At least one of you knows how to follow instructions.” Her tone was light and playful, but in a way that reminded Nick of a predator with food. Every movement she made was calculated and swift, carrying deadly menace.

Nick took a deep breath and tried to slow his racing heart rate. As a vampire, she would see the effort, but she would also sense his calm. “So, nice place.”

The woman snorted. “Jackie’s been working on this for longer than you know.”

Nick stifled a laugh. “Of course, it’s been longer than I know. If I had any wind that he was creating a coven, I would have brought hell on wheels to the doorstep much earlier than this. My guess is The Sixth Side would have had something to say about it as well.” He hoped that they still might. Where the hell are you, Shirley?

“Nick, maybe don’t threaten—” started James, but the vampire waved a hand and cut him off.

“That must make you Nick Ventner, the consummate monster hunter. Always chatting, always thinking about what you can kill next, am I right?”

Nick found the description reductive, but not wanting to press their luck, nodded anyway. “Which would make you that dusty old vampire they broke out of the convent.” It was a wild guess, but the flicker of annoyance across the woman’s face showed him it had paid off. “Less dusty than expected, I’ll admit, but that is a long time to be cooped up.”

“You have no idea.” Her voice drifted for a second, but immediately came back to a sharp point. “The dustiness goes away when you’ve got a love to drape you in finery such as this.” She motioned to the simple, black outfit she was wearing. The fabric was all dark, concealing where one piece began and another ended.

Nick did his best not to look at it and instead, kept his eyes on the rising staircase they mounted. Vampires were notoriously attractive and used that advantage at every turn to take advantage of mortals. “Well, Jackie spares no expense.”

“In more ways than you know,” admitted the woman and pushed a heavy wooden door open.

They entered into a large antechamber with vaulted ceilings veiled in shadow. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, but barely cast enough light to guide their way from the gloom. On the ceiling, shapes moved and hissed in the darkness, giving Nick the impression that he did not want to pass through this room again. He tried to keep his mind off it but could imagine nothing other than the ludicrous honeycomb of vampire orgies that were likely occurring overhead. It was just about the only thing vampires enjoyed more than feeding.

Nick refocused scanning the room for exits or anything else that might be useful. From outside the castle walls, a heavy boom shook the stone. “Munitions testing?” he asked, trying to keep the tone light.

“My guess, your friends tried to come in the front door.” The woman didn’t turn to look at him, but Nick could feel she was watching for a reaction.

“Friends? Don’t have many of those lately. Or, when I do, they’re putting me in a dungeon and giving me over to the hands of a murderous vampire.” Too much? “No offense.” So, Shirley came after all.

“You flatter me and underestimate me all in the same sentence. We know about your transponder, and we assumed someone would come for you. That sound was them being dispatched, now stop lying to me. It’s irritating.” She led them through a small oak door in the corner of the antechamber. There were several like it scattered in the gloom of the surrounding walls.

Nick tried to make a mental map but found the room was symmetrical, and could only hope that if they found their way back, they would be coming from the same direction. The door we came from is straight across and two to the left. He concentrated, trying to commit it to memory. The fading remnants of hangovers and head injuries interfered.

“Going to take more than a cannon to deal with our friends,” burbled Lopsang from the back, taking one last look at the ceiling as they moved through the door.

“A cannon?” asked the woman. “Far too pedestrian. We’re vampires, dear, trust me, it’s something far more interesting than a round shot made of lead.”