“Boom headshot!” I announced as the fireball collided with Fang Boy.

When the dust settled he was gone and I wondered if vampires were combustible. I mean I only had movies and TV shows for reference. Some vampires lit up like torches from the slightest contact with fire or the sun.

“Maybe I should ask Etragos about it.” I wondered aloud before turning back to the task of pyromania.

The wall was covered in undead, but not for long! Brandishing the staff of Doom, I launched a volley, decimating a group of undead.

“Burn baby burn!” I set the wall ablaze, roasting the invaders.

It felt so good to be the powerful one. After becoming a demon, life kind of sucked. Being the lackey to a wizard who treated me like a lab rat to be studied.

Now I’m a badass demon wizard with an epic staff of destruction. Crushing enemies with fiery death and defending a castle from an undead army.

After drenching the enemy in flames, I looked over to the human soldiers, giving them a thumbs up. They looked terribly scared but one champion gave me a timid thumbs up in return.

Satisfied with my hero status, I scanned the wall for more enemies. What I found was a mountain of a dude, he had a big-time axe. He was raising it in the air and I laughed at his pitiful threat.

As I was about to blast him into the stratosphere, he lobbed the thing at me. It flew through the air with incredible speed. The axe landed, embedding itself into my chest. I didn’t register it for a moment before finally screaming in pain.

“Kevin Bacon that hurts!” I shouted as I fell to the ground.

Landing with a painful thud, I lost the staff of Doom. Sitting up, I looked down at my torso, the axe was embedded halfway into my chest. Gripping the handle I painfully removed the weapon. Blood gushed only for the injury to close soon after.

“Wolverine bitch.” I said before locating my staff and taking flight.

I found the object of my wrath pretty quickly, he was charging at some frightened soldiers, a new axe in his hands. How many of those things did he have?

“Hey asshole, want your axe back?!” I shouted and the lumbering giant turned to look at me, his face looked incredulous and confused.

I threw the axe with all my strength, using all my demonic powers to ensure it struck true, which was just throwing it really hard. As the axe returned to its owner, instead of splitting the guy in half, he dropped his current weapon and easily caught it.

My jaw dropped, did that just happen? I mean I have a staff of abyssal devastation, I’m a demon from the Abyss and some dude catching a thrown axe is far more amazing than all of that.

“Did you just catch that?” I spoke aloud my question.

“Yeah, what’s it to you demon?” The giant spoke in a gruff baritone voice.

He looked like a typical barbarian class in dungeons and dragons. The type to activate the rage skill and go ham on all the enemies.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“That was pretty cool dude.” I gave honest praise.

The barbarian stopped in his tracks, looking at me puzzled. “Thanks, it’s nice to be appreciated. I have been working on it for months. Just in case someone throws an axe at me. Never thought someone would throw my own axe at me.” He explained and I was again amazed, the guy practised catching axes just in preparation for something like this.

“Effort well spent, I put all my strength into that throw.” I explained, resting my staff on my shoulder.

I took a glance at the soldiers, they had turned into a few surviving undead. They could handle the small fries, I got the big guy.

“How come you ain’t dead?” He asked.

“I’m a demon, we regenerate, in fact I’m pretty sure I’m immortal. Even if you managed to kill me, I’ll just be sent back to the Abyss.”

“That sounds like heaven. Unable to truly die and keep coming back to fight.” He exclaimed excitedly and I agreed.

“Valhalla baby!” I gestured like every rockstar, using my staff as a guitar.

“I don’t know what this Valhalla is, but that sounds cool. But enough talk, let’s kill each other!” He declared with a savage grin.

“Your wish is my command.” I raised my staff, preparing to blast him to bits.

I sent a fireball and he evaded with surprising agility for a giant. Performing a commando roll, he got to his feet and flung another axe at me. Not his big one, but a smaller one from his belt.

I dodged it, flight really was such a cheat power. I could totally ascend above the clouds and carpet-bomb this place. But I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I wouldn’t get friendly fire.

He threw a few more and I dodged them, he wouldn’t be getting me with that trick again. Sending a blast of flame, he dodged just as well. The fireball collided with a group of undead trying to climb the wall, setting the ladder ablaze.

“Well this isn’t working, how about you come down here and we can fight like men.” He gleefully suggested, trying to goad me.

“And why would I do that?” I asked, puzzled at the suggestion.

“Well you could stay up there and I will just head that way and have a little killing spree.” He pointed at the collection of ragged soldiers after they barely survived this ordeal.

“Shit.” That was all I could say.

Since I didn’t come down immediately, he started running. He was tall and was closing the distance quickly. His face said I was going to kill people and love every second of it.

I tried to stop him with a few blasts of my staff. He dodged every single one, damn he was far too agile, he was definitely on the roids.

I saw no other options and my staff was running out of spell slots or whatever. I descended to the wall, landing between the two sides. Despite a demon getting in his way, he still ran at me full tilt.

Raising my staff like a bat, I readied to send him flying. I think this magical weapon has super durability, I mean that’s how it is in games.

The giant came at me like a rampaging bull, eyes wild, axe ready to chop me into bits. I thought better of being a baseball player and quickly turned the staff towards him. He frowned the moment he realised I was about to blast him.

I sent a fireball off at point-blank range and the bastard dodged again. He leapt over it with that crazy agility of his, the fireball went under him, I hadn’t the time to see where it went as he came down like death himself.

The axe fell upon my skull and split my head in two, right down the middle. I dropped my staff, not sure how to parse my vision right now. It was like I had a massive nose or my eyes were skewed to the left and right.

“So I’m pretty sure that won’t kill you, does that mean I need to cut you up into bits?” The giant asked, withdrawing another axe.

“I don’t know probably.” I replied on reflex, trying to steady myself.

“Well best get started.”

His axe loomed above me, ready to begin its grim task. Before he could make me a quadriplegic a blast of fire sent him flying off the wall.

“Stop playing around!” The voice of Etragos chastised.

“I have an axe in my face!” I complained.

“Just take it out, not like its going to kill you.” He suggested as he settled down next to me.

“Brilliant idea Sherlock.”

“You know, your going to have to explain all these references you make to us old folks.” My demon elder requested.

He rounded on me, tucking his wands into his bandolier and gripping the axe. With a few tugs, he removed the weapon with a loud squelch.

“Thanks, it was like a splinter.” I equated a literal axe in my head to a tiny piece of wood in a finger.

The human soldiers seemed to recoil from us, so I gave them a pleasant wave. They were not reassured and kept muttering to themselves. “Two demons has the Abyss invaded Astlan.” One of them said.

“Two is very low for an invasion force, wait till they see the others.” I grinned and Etragos followed suit.