Clarity hurts. The sharpness of my vision and my hearing constantly assault me with unneeded information. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. But my wants are unheeded. The cave is still here, its mouthy portal showing sky and nearby treeline. Cries of birds and chirping of insects vie for my attention. Do they want me to follow them? I don’t want to. I shuffle deeper into my nest. The outside is dangerous and a small bug like me will get gobbled up in no time. My carapace will not defend me from them. It is weak and easily crumbles. Even my green camouflage will not hide me from predators effectively, I just know it.

I lie there for hours, warily looking through the small window that is the entrance. Nothing changes. Nothing comes. Nothing goes. I’m still here. Good.

Drip

Panacea is still gathering her strength for her next blessing. No! Don’t think! Just be!

And I am. And nothing changes. Just the way I like it. No change happens. Cave and dripping are still here, not going away. But something grows in me. Is it hunger? Thirst? I don’t like it. It grows. It changes. Intensifies. Why can’t it just be? Just be my companion and let’s together sit in this one place together. It’s good when nothing changes. The nagging feeling grows but I don’t move.

The light grows less in intensity, yet another useless information. Why can’t it stay the same? And here comes the dark. I like it. It’s more consistent than light. Sounds from outside change yet again, which annoys me.

Another change comes, but I don’t act. It would require me to move but that would mean more change, which I dislike. But the change grows still and becomes constant, which I like.

What is it? Will you stay? Three small shards of twinkling light shine weakly in front of me in the dark.

Is it madness? Does it come in a huge wave that consumes you all at once or are those thousands of small knives, ripping apart you one cut at a time?

Those buzzing thoughts try to distract me from being here and now. A bug does not need such thoughts, but they persist. The wicked blades keep on grinding, slicing my armor of lies apart. And when finally my bare core is made visible to the world, they descend on it like a flock of hungry ravens. I shiver as cold invades me. I just want to be. Is it now? Am I mad yet?

My weary eyes close, lulled to sleep by three twinkling lights in the darkness.

-&-

I look at the Thing with interest. I have never in my life seen something as bizarre as this creature. Do you know how Kamen Rider looks like? It is a superhero that rocks insectoid-themed armor, in service of love and justice, of course. Now melt that armor a bit, add cracks where the joints are supposed to be, and slap on some big leaves with superglue for a good measure. Looks interesting but nothing to write home about, would not get high ratings on cosplay event. On the other hand, if you squint and look closer, it looks kinda disgusting, the melted look gives it a sickly feeling.

I have been trailing behind this creature since it weakly shuffled out of its cave burrow. It appears to be ignoring me or even yet, unable to perceive me. I don’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, the creature could attack me but on the other, it looks so pathetic, I might just kick it away without much trouble. It does appear wary and its constant slow gait gives it ample time to scan its surroundings. It stops from time to time and pans its head around, definitely looking for predators. I think it does not look for food, it would then pay more attention to the ground of the jungle, looking for tasty morsels.

This forest does not look like a jungle though. Sure, the foliage is rather lush, trees tall and thick. Bright colors and an amazing variety of greens clash for domination. But I remember browsing once for nice wallpapers and remember many pictures of rainforests, tropical forests, and jungles. This forest is not like that. The difference is subtle but definitely is. It’s actually damn interesting but I gotta keep an eye on that creature, where is it going? Huh, maybe it patrols its territory? No, I think I know what this is about.

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I stalk the creature and spy it descending to the small river. It’s skittish and it really takes a moment for it to calm down enough to drink from the stream. As I wait for it to finish its business here I again check the surroundings. There is a very nice-looking bamboo forest on the other side. I was always receptive to the Asian sense of aesthetics, their gardens and architecture really spoke to me. Not enough to make it my way of living, as in education and later employment, but sure I loved looking at it. I even had this unfulfilled wish of having a Japanese-style house. And let us not forget a hot spring and bamboo hedge. Useful plant, bamboo is.

Not every day I imitate Yoda speak but it does happen from time to time. I sure need a bit more laugh and levity nowadays, the recent past has been rather depressing.

The creature doesn’t waste time at the river, I guess it took care of its business fast. Now it returns to the forest but it doesn’t seem it will return to its burrow immediately. It takes a swervy road in the general direction of the cave, sniffing, touching, and generally foraging at, what I think is its territory. As I observe its dietary choices, I nod when it finds a cluster of mushrooms. A herbivore. The way it carefully scans each and every other mushroom, suggests its aware of dangers present. Some of those are quite colorful which would suggest lethal levels of toxicity...AND SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

There, just a couple of meters beyond where the creature is I see the most freaky mushroom I have ever seen. It seriously beats everything on a weird scale, and let me tell you, I have seen some weird stuff. Its leg is a rising, twisting stem fused together, which disappears behind a delicate, silk-like veil. Its cap has the most psychedelic mix of pinks and violets imaginable and I just know on the most visceral level its bad news. I know my description does not make it justice but I’m seriously stumped about how to describe this haunting visage.

A weak shuffle alerts me to the creature moving, I can’t believe the idiot is gonna approach this thing! Like, all my alarm bells are already blowing at full capacity, does this creature, which acted so carefully before, now have a death wish?!

Thankfully it stops not long after. I sigh as tension drains from me. Even if I was with this creature not long, I kinda have a weak spot for underdogs, and this weak, pathetic creature sure is one. I definitely do not wish to see its demise, especially one where you have to ask for it to happen. That would just leave a bad taste. Huh, what is it doing?

It appears the creature is more interested in something on the ground than the haunting shroom, what is it? Hmm, the ground appears to change sharply just in front of the creature. Now that I look at it, there is a clear divide between the floor of the forest and the immediate circle around that shroom. The vegetation appears to be...diminished like it has been choked out of immediate vicinity. I follow the creature’s line of sight which now rests on the shroom, wait no, it looks below, and...lo and behold, my creature does have working survival instincts after all. There, just below the end of the stem, a mound starts. But what before seemed like a mound is actually a carcass, as can sticking bones testify. No can do, you are hereby named Death Shroud Shroom.

And it seems my creature is fed up with skulking around this death zone, so I follow it back towards its foraging grounds and perhaps its burrow. I don’t know how long I have been following it but I reckon it will soon grow weary and return to its slumber.

My creature, huh? I snort with derision. You would have to pay me to even court the idea of caring for such critter. Its skittishness is funny though.

Hollow thunk jostles me out of my ruminations. A look in my creature’s direction shows an overturned fallen tree trunk. Hmm, there must be some muscle under that chitin, this trunk looks rather big, it could not have been easy to lift it. Well well, my creature shows some hidden depths I had no idea of, interesting. And I think I know what it’s looking for. I sure enjoyed cartoons with Timon and Pumba. Humming, I sit beside my creature and see it meticulously sorting bugs. Suspicious colors, hairs, and beetles get discarded unceremoniously, and fat, tasty-looking grubs disappear in my creature’s gullet. Omnivore, check. It takes a bit but finally, my creature is full, it raises and with a slow gait begins its return towards its cave.

The walk is slow, but quiet and enjoyable. I was worried for my creature when night began to fall, but it took it like a champ. It descended on all fours and with slow methodical crawl/walk advanced. Damn smart.

We both breach the tree line and advance on the gentle rocky slope. I guess my adventure ends here, my creature will retreat now to its home, and I...I̴̢.̡͞.̧̧.̸͞I̢͜.͘.̴.I.̸.̧͟.͝I͏͏…̵̢͞

Where is the creature? I swear it was just beside me and...ahh, it halted and is now a couple of steps behind me, what’s wrong little guy? It acts a bit weird, is it looking up? I follow its line of sight and…

O͡ḩ̢͡ ҉w͞o͢͏w̶͠.