First came fear. The fear comes with a disjunction of what was and what is. After some time shapes and sounds starts to make sense in my addled mind. Flashes of great trees. Vibrant green foliage. The musky smell of the jungle. Cries of birds. My wheezing breath as I run like a madman.

Second, came terror. A certainty that the future holds nothing but brutal death. Wings, big enough to blot out the skies. Talons, that flash in noon sunlight promising a gory end. Earth-shattering roar. My scream. We all roar...scream? My knees and hands hurt, why?

Third, came darkness. Safe and silent place. No one will find me here. Yet blessed silence does not come. I hear someone pleading, begging for salvation. Someone’s voice is rocked by sobs. Who is that? With time, silence comes. The voice grows weary and oh so frail. And finally, stops.

Fourth, came thirst and hunger. I feel my body calling for sustenance, yet I do not move. As time passes, energy seeps out of me. My muscles hurt, my throat burns, and my lips crack. Despite my consuming need to seek anything that could quench my thirst and satiate my hunger, I am unable to act. For the fifth came…

Acceptance.

I have accepted my fate. The cirograf has been signed and now I await Charon to come and collect me. For this is the end, right? I’m dying. Soon my body will shut down and I will be consumed by the darkness of this cave, lone and forgotten.

In those fleeting moments where reason surfaces barely above to black tar of apathy, I’m able to comprehend. Comprehend that nothing makes sense. How is it possible for a person, sitting by the campfire and playing guitar in the company of his friend, to suddenly find himself on the floor of the lush jungle? How can a great reptile fly in the sky? How can a roar of said reptile, level trees flat and move rocks? How can there be two suns in the sky? How?

I dream of myself laying in a hospital bed, my family gathered around me. Mom must be crying and I can picture Dad holding her gently. Sis would hold my hand and call me an idiot while trying to hold back her tears. I believe I was a good son and brother. It’s true I was not the most perfect one, but I did my best to not bring grief or be general pain the ass to those around me. I helped when I could. I had a stable job. My own family was a work in progress as I liked to call it, there were some problems with finding The One if you catch my drift. Why was I running away?

Drip

Yet time and time again the dream is cut short by those flashes of awareness. The chill of stone under me leeches heat from me, whatever little I have left. Memories of all too vibrant green of plants I saw during my mad dash. The texture of tree bark I held onto when I lost my footing. Sounds of the living jungle. They come back constantly and with pains of hunger and thirst, demand me to move. To do something. But what? Why? This can’t be real after all. I just want to sleep. I’m still running away.

Drip

My eyes crack open and trace the offending sound. In the dim light of the cave, I see a stalactite and a small pool beneath it. Lazily, milky white liquid gathers at the tip and falls down.

Drip

I know. I checked. In one of those short moments of clarity, spurned by thirst, I made my way to take a sip. That was the plan. The said plan fell short after inspecting the small pool. This water must be heavy with metals, acids, or some other poisonous stuff. It seems too thick and carries a weird earthly smell. I refuse to die in pain as my insides liquefy. So I came back to where I was before, even when my body screamed at me to drink.

I just want everything to end, silently, and...scraping sound makes me turn my bleary eyes back to the mouth of the cave. ‘Oh no, please, no.’ My unhelpful brain happily supplies that it’s a lizard. It carries a striking resemblance to iguana...or was it a komodo dragon? Thinking is hard. ‘No, go away!’ From what I remember both are omnivores, but I forgot which one especially delights in carrion. That one would also have the most pestilent and virulent bite possible. ‘No, NO. I don’t want to be eaten alive!’ I try to move but all I manage is a weak shuffle of my extremities. Sitting with my back on the cavern’s wall, I have no way to run.

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Beast, apparently sensing my lack of energy or will to fight, approaches with a low hiss. That’s when the smell hits me. A disgusting, rotten smell of death. I feel my body tensing and heating up and soon I feel hot magma coursing in my veins. In the haze that threatens to consume me completely, I guess that my body just emptied a lifetime supply of adrenalin. Funny how can I be both so calm and so mad with fear at the same time.

Beast takes its time and slowly approaches and when it is just a measly meter or so from me, lunges. Reflexively I shield my face, just to feel sharp teeth clamp on my forearm and the struggle starts. Searing lines of pain blossom on my chest and thighs as the beast rakes me in frenzy. I can just picture all this virulent, sick shit being injected into my body. ‘Why?! Why couldn’t you leave me alone?! Why do I have to die?! Why are there two suns?! Ru…’

Drip

Something breaks in me and I start to trash, trying to dislodge the lizard from my arm. But its teeth sunk already deep and I just know there is no hope to get it out for now, not without tearing most of my meat out...I mean muscles with it. The black tar that seemingly had my mind choked, clears. And beneath, I feel this white-hot burning rage. Pain no longer restricts me. Fear no longer holds sway over me. My hunger is forgotten and I only thirst to choke the life out of this lizard, in the cruelest, most graphic, and painful way imaginable. Howling like a madman I jerk forward, overpowering the lizard. With a loud smack, we land, and now it’s me towering over the beast. Wasn’t this lizard bigger? By this time, my forearm is the eye of an agonizing storm. But it only makes me perceive here and now with perfect clarity. I palm something with my other hand. It’s cold, round… and hard. I push my bleeding arm further into the lizard’s jaw, locking it against the hard floor. Then, with all my spite, hammer the rock into the side of its skull. Each smack brings another wave of agony, but warm splotches on my other hand tell that I’m not the only one bleeding anymore. If I have to die, then you shall accompany me down to hell!

I lose myself and for a moment there are only talons biting and tearing into me and wet sounds of impacts. Finally, my fingers somehow lose the rock. Am I growing weak finally? Or was it so slick with blood? But I refuse to surrender. With the last spur of energy, I lunge for its throat. I know I totally lost it by this point, both my life and mind. Despite beasts trashing I manage to firmly clamp my teeth on its throat. ‘End. Soon.’ But with each squeeze of my jaw, I find I can deliver a bit more.

I don’t know how long it lasted but suddenly I’m aware that beast is not moving, not even a twitch. I rise weakly, supported by my healthy arm. The other is still lodged in the beast’s jaw, apparently, its death left jaw muscles constricted. I laugh weakly and then blow into a fully demented cackle. It ends just as abruptly as I start to cough blood out. Did my lungs got punctured? The somehow lucid part of me hints adrenaline will soon fade and I won’t be able to move.

Well, nothing I can do about it now...then the smell hits my nose. It’s not the blood or rotten smell of the carrion eater. It’s sweet and so tantalizing. How many times a man can lose his mind in a row? At this point, I felt my lucid mind take a rear seat and just enjoy the last moments of this ride. Soon, I found myself dragging my body to the small pool beneath a milky white stalactite. In slow motion, I dip my tongue inside. I remember there was a scene similar to this in some animated series with vampires, heh. A sudden explosion blinds me. Can someone be blinded by taste? Apparently so. If it’s even one-tenth of the real deal I can really sympathize with vampires and their dietary choices, but I’m rambling.

You know how people eat weird stuff because their body just knows it’s good? I remember seeing this one guy eating fish eyes on television, super potassium, I think, could be wrong. Now crank it up to eleven. Without any preamble, I dunk my face and just drink greedily. All too soon small pool is gone and all I can do is cough earth and small stones out.

The heat literally explodes in my belly and I feel it reaching towards my hands and feet. Pleasure and agony mix together but there is something else that rears up its head. My hungry sight pans back to the beast’s carcass, still holding my bloody arm in its death grip. My soft rasp carries in the otherwise silent cave.

“My turn”.