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A Will to Recognize
12. Delusional Afterthoughts

12. Delusional Afterthoughts

“How’s the food?”

“Edible,” I said in all honesty.

Normally, I would be responding with some mundane answer like “It’s alright,” or “It’s fine,” but such run-of-the-mill answers did not feel right to say toward this person. While I didn’t know who she was or what her objective was, I knew she currently posed no harm to me, and other than that, she was definitely not “normal” in any sense. In fact, I was starting to think this entire world was filled with lunatics—except for my parents who I didn’t even know. Everyone seemed to have a hidden motive. It was unsettling, but at the same time, a little thrilling. I really wish I didn’t think dangerously like this, but I found it hard to do otherwise.

‘Maybe I am a masochist.’

The atmosphere by normal standards was awkward, with me sitting at one side while the red-head at the end of the rectangle table. I didn’t give it any mind, because what reason did I have to care about? I had nothing to lose, literally. I didn’t know anyone in this world. I didn’t have anything in this world, not yet. And I’ve got balls bigger than the norm. That should be enough to justify my chad-like attitude, no?

Of course, if you peeled back a layer, anyone would be able to see the little bit of worry from my beating heart. But I was confident in my poker face. Extremely confident in fact, that I could strip naked right here at the dining table and still maintain the facade. I’m not doing that of course. Don’t be perverted dear reader…

‘Reader?’

I always did wonder why I thought of myself in the third person in such a natural manner. Was it unique that I treated myself as a character in a story? I guess life is a story in a way, so was it wrong? Huh. I guess it would be pretty sick if I was actually a character written by some deranged no-life. That would guarantee I have plot armor, right? Right?

‘Plot armor, baby!’

My heart finally calmed, beating in sync with every chew. I took the time to wiggle my tongue all around my mouth, feeling for all the colors, textures, and “Wows.”

‘It tasted like real food!’

‘...’

I wasn’t too big on food anyway, so I guess that’s all the excitement I can expel.

As I continued to enjoy my food very excitedly, and I meant very excitedly, the redhead declared, “You’re going to be living here from now on.”

“Cool,” I responded immediately, leaving no time for silence.

What I really wanted to say was, “Cool, also fuck you.”

When I sensed the uncanniness of a distant gaze, I raised my attention off of the plate, and looked her in the eye, just as she did to me. Was it an instinctual trait of humans? I didn’t know.

Either way, I’ve practiced doing it a lot, so it wasn’t that difficult to stare straight through a person. I heard it made me look sociopathic—but it empowered me to think I was fucking with people’s heads. Just make them think you were staring straight at their souls, and anyone would freak out.

“You look pretty mature for your age.”

“You look pretty for your age.” I retorted, not hesitating to be rude. Of course, I didn’t mean anything with ill-intent, but I wanted her to interpret it in that way. It was easier to understand people when they were caught off guard, and most people lose their masks momentarily to an unexpected rude comment.

But she didn’t flinch.

Instead, she struck back with another declaration, “You will enroll in my school.”

“Okay.” I nonchalantly said as I resumed eating.

“Good.”

She stood up from the table, despite not having touched the food. After signaling to some servant, she left.

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I wasn’t too sure what to think since I wasn’t that great at reading people, and it was a lot harder too since she barely provided much information—body language, that is. While I could masquerade as much as I wanted to, that didn’t make me a genius at reading people. Anyone could do it in fact. Everyone could… And it becomes a useless skill when everyone could do it.

I got up a little bit after the woman had left. While I had questions as to who she was and what her relationship with the kidnapper was, those questions weren’t important enough for me to go out of my way to ask. The same went for what they wanted from me, and where I was. It wasn’t important.

Why?

Because I’m fucking running away.

Even though I knew it was a horrible idea since anybody could restrain me easily, I was going to do it anyway.

Granted, the food could have been poisoned, but I’ll do it anyway.

I just had to wait for the right time.

Everything was timing after all. Whether it be fighting, sleeping, or picking up women, it was all timing. Someone could argue life is about timing because, without time, nothing could exist. Did I agree with such a belief? Well, time was convenient to have so I’d say yes.

If anything does happen, and I do get caught, it’s not like I’ll die. The most I get will be some scolding or some sort of reprimand. I was eight years old, wasn’t I? I could basically get away with anything.

Age was literally the closest thing to plot armor that I had.

“Are you done eating?”

I nodded to the person which I presumed to be a servant.

—Melithear—

“So what do you think?”

“He talks like he expected everything.”

“That’s because he’s planning on running away.” I took a sip of my tea.

It wasn’t hard to guess, since everything that kid had done up till now, was exactly what Master would do. And I knew Master best.

“Shouldn’t we keep him here, Master?”

“He can do whatever he wants, just make sure he doesn’t die.”

“How long do I need to take care of him?”

“Ehh, when he’s an adult or something.”

“So once he’s graduated?”

“Yeah, he should have a solid foundation before we do that,” I said.

“But can’t you do it right now?”

'I wish I could.'

But not yet.

“I can’t sense where his soul is.”

“What? He doesn’t have one?”

“No, the aura is just too weak. He’s not strong enough for the operation to go smoothly.”

While I said that, it was mostly speculation. At first, I thought it was because the girl’s soul was too strong, but that wasn’t it.

‘I will restore you, Master.’

I didn’t want to wait, but I had to hold it in if it meant guaranteeing the fusion would work in every instance. All of this was still hypothetical, but I had to try it. Even if I didn’t do it now, it would happen eventually. But it would be preferable with that boy since he was the spitting image of Master.

“Then should I train him personally?”

“Go ahead, just don’t overdo it.”

While I knew it was impossible for some run-of-the-mill village boy to suddenly grow strong enough to oppose me, I couldn’t help but worry for the slim possibility in my mind.

‘Nothing is impossible.’

I didn’t doubt those words one bit. If Master said it was possible, then I must be wary, even if I knew it wasn’t plausible in the slightest.

My disciple looked at me for a moment before changing the topic, “What do we do about the hero?”

“Keep her there, she’s already agreed.” I couldn’t help but let a grin escape from my thoughts. I didn’t think it would be that easy to get her to do as I say.

All I had to promise was to give the boy back if she accomplished it.

But that wouldn’t happen until well over a year. She was still too weak and insignific—

“What!?”

Hearing my disciple’s shout, I looked at what was going on, but she had already descended partway down the stairs with her red hair trailing like a blaze. That elegance followed her everywhere, not that I was jealous.

“Uh, Ms. Melithear…”

“Yes?” one of our faithful devotees had come with sweat pouring down his face.

“Uh… That girl you brought in… Well…”

“Speak.”

“She destroyed the divine golem in an hour…”

“Where is she right now?”

Looks like I had to swallow my words.

I was half expecting it, but I grossly underestimated her based off of my understanding of her predecessors. But indeed, my intuition wasn’t wrong.

‘Her talent is on par with the founding Hero.’

Even though I only gave her a wooden sword…

I could only laugh at myself for giving such an easy task.

But I'm not going to let her free, not ever. The same went for the boy. I already killed both of their parents, after all. And I can't have either of them finding out.