“Yo, Ming Yu! Where’s Ling He today?” A classmate asked.
Ming Yu smiled, an expression strained with inexplicable worry. “He’s not feeling well today so his mother told him to stay home.” He explained.
“He isn’t? Please wish him a quick recovery for me!” Ming Yu’s classmate said.
“I will. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.” Ming Yu replied, tugging on his blazer sleeve uncomfortably.
“Huh, Ming Yu? You’re over here this time?” A lighthearted voice said from behind him.
“Ling He?! Didn’t you say you weren’t feeling well?”
“Final exams are coming up soon, so I thought I should come in case anyone needed help revising.” Ling He told him, casually patting Ming Yu’s shoulder.
Their classmate laughed. “Classic Ling He. Helpful and kind as always.”
As the bell rang, the three dispersed, their classmate waving as he went to join with his friends.
On the way to their first class, Ling He was cheerfully greeted by countless students, almost like a celebrity. Apart from the greetings, there was also an occasional cry for help on a topic of their exams. Ling He responded to every person amicably, promising to hold a study session in the library during lunch. Ming Yu watched all of this with concern, feeling a strange sense of uneasiness wash over him. “Ling He, are you sure you’re up to it? I mean, you’re sick, so you shouldn’t overwork yourself in case you collapse.”
Ling He brushed off Ming Yu’s concerns with a kindhearted smile. “It’s fine. There are people who need help, so I gotta help them, right?”
Ming Yu couldn’t help but smile in return at that. Ling He was truly amazing, excelling at everything he ever did.
“Oh, Ling He, can you stay behind after class? I need to speak to you.” Their maths teacher said as he entered the classroom.
“Sure. No problem.” Ling He smiled, getting out his textbook and pencil case.
Ming Yu sat through the class tensely, eyes darting around the classroom. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was going to be big trouble. He took a few deep breaths, trying to brush off the feeling of unease. He was probably just worried about Ling He.
The loud ringing of the bell jerked Ming Yu awake from his thoughts, staring blankly at the board filled with complicated maths formulas and questions. He looked down at his book, depressingly blank and sighed. Guess he had a bunch of extra schoolwork to catch up on later. He packed up, resigned to the extra work. “I’ll wait for you outside.” He told Ling He, who nodded in response.
“What did you need me for, teacher?” Ling He asked curiously.
“Well, you know about the mathematics competition next month, right?” His teacher asked.
Ling He nodded. “I’ve heard about it. It’s an inter school competition between our school and three others.” He said, reciting information he’d read about it on a website.
“Yes. Me and the rest of the mathematics faculty were wondering if you were willing to enter the competition in the team representing our school?” His teacher asked.
Ling He stared at his teacher. This was a great opportunity for him to do more practical work, and his parents would be pleased too, but he’d heard it was only for third years. “Am I allowed to join? I would but I heard only third years are allowed to enter.”
“The regulations were changed this year. It’s become available for all high school students.” His teacher informed him.
“That’s great! I’d like to join it, if I could!” Ling He exclaimed.
“Wonderful! I’ll add you to the roster. Make sure to check it out before next week.” His teacher said, jotting something down on a pad of paper.
“I’ll go now! Thanks for the opportunity!” Ling He said.
“What did the teacher want to talk to you about?” Ming Yu asked the moment Ling He left the classroom.
“He wanted to know if I was interested in the maths competition.” Ling He replied.
“Isn’t it only for third years?”
“Apparently they changed the rules. Now all high school students can attend.”
“Oh. Good job! I’ll be rooting for you on the day!” Ming Yu cheered, pumping his fist in the air.
“Thanks. Let’s head to break now before we don’t get any time left- oh, and you better be joining the study session at lunch. Don't think I don't know about your grades.” Ling He smiled, tugging a wilted Ming Yu along.
“Really? You got accepted? That’s so cool! Imagine you, standing there with all the other third years, looking absolutely badass!” Their friend Rong Yao exclaimed, making cool poses.
“I’m sure there’ll be other second years and probably a few first years too. I won’t be that special.” Ling He said, amused.
“Nah, but you’re definitely gonna be the coolest one there!” Rong Yao reassured.
“Hey, don’t go around yapping about stuff like that. It’ll make the other teammates discouraged.” Ming Yu said, whacking Rong Yao gently on the back of the head.
“Owww, you’re so mean to me.” Rong Yao whined, massaging his injury.
Ming Yu snorted. “Complain again and you aren’t coming over.” He threatened playfully, waving a chip at him menacingly.
“Wha- Ling He! Do you see this!? I’m clearly getting harassed by Ming Yu! In broad daylight too!” Rong Yao gasped with a mock scandalised expression on his face.
Ling He sighed at their childish antics, feeling somewhat inclined to join in. “No way! Is Ming Yu really doing that? Then we’ll have no choice but to report him to the teacher.” He said playfully.
“Taking sides!? I see how it is, Ling He.” Ming Yu huffed, crossing his arms and turning away.
Quick as a flash, Rong Yao reached over and grabbed a handful of chips from Ming Yu’s packet, stuffing them in his mouth. Not as quickly as he thought he would however. Ming Yu whipped his head around, staring Rong Yao directly in the eyes.
“Alright you fiend. That’s the final straw!” Ming Yu exclaimed, jumping up and chasing Rong Yao around the table.
Ling He yanked the two, who were squabbling like children, apart just as the bell rang to signal the start of their next class. “No more annoying each other until lunch, alright?” He said, looking at each of them.
“Eugh… fine. But he has to pay me back for the chips he took.” Ming Yu agreed pettily.
“Not a chance.” Rong Yao said.
“Oh just you wait… the things I have planned at the sleepover…” Ming Yu whispered ominously as he was dragged away by Ling He.
“Sucks to be you, since I’m not sleeping over.” Rong Yao said, aiming one last jab at Ming Yu before he sauntered off to his class.
“Hey, you sure you’re alright?” Ming Yu asked as they waited outside their classroom.
“Perfectly fine. Why?” Ling He replied.
“It’s just that something feels off today…” Ming Yu sighed.
“You’re probably just worried about the tests coming up. You should study more, you know.” Ling He told him.
Worried about tests… I hope it really is just that… Ming Yu thought.
-
“Oh? It’s you dear! Come in, come in. Ming Yu’s been excited for the past half hour.” Ming Yu’s mother said cheerfully as she opened the door.
“Thank you for letting me stay over auntie.” Ling He said respectfully as he stepped inside.
“Oh, nonsense. You’re practically my second son at this point.” Ming Yu’s mother gushed. “Now, remember, if you need something, feel free to ask.”
“Ming Yu! Ling He’s here!” She called.
As they waited for Ming Yu to head downstairs, the two chatted for a while, Rong Yao joining in the conversation at some point.
Ming Yu’s mother let out a despairing sigh when, after five minutes, Ming Yu still hadn’t shown up. “That boy… what on earth is he doing?”
“Pardon me for a second, boys.” Ming Yu’s mother smiled, leaving the room.
“MING YU! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!” They heard her yell, the sound muffled from the walls.
“Coming! No need to yell so loudly!” Ming Yu yelled back, running down the stairs.
“Sup! Was just planning some stuff in my room.” He said, shooting a glare at Rong Yao.
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Ling He sighed, almost as despairingly as Ming Yu’s mother. Ming Yu could hold a grudge for a really long time.
“Mum, we’re going upstairs now. Tell Lin not to bother us.” Ming Yu told his mother.
“Now why would I be interested in what you’re doing, twerp?” Ming Lin, Ming Yu’s older sister asked disinterestedly.
“Man, I dunno. Just don’t cause a ruckus with your friends on call again.” Ming Yu said.
“Wish Huahua was here to annoy him more.” Ling He heard Ming Lin say as they left the room.
“My sisters are menaces.” Ming Yu groaned, flopping around on his bed like a fish.
“Me personally, I think Huahua’s cute. I want a little sister like her.” Rong Yao said.
“Oh trust me, you do not want a little sister. They're literally demonic, I swear.” Ming Yu groaned, sitting up with a look of seriousness on his face.
“My sister’s fine.” Ling He reminded him.
“Yeah well that’s because she’s an angel!” Ming Yu rebutted.
“We should do something other than talk the entire time.” Ming Yu sighed, rolling off the bed and ending up stretched across two beanbags.
“You look like a slug.” Rong Yao said, brutally honest.
Ling He burst into laughter at the unexpected comment. “Rong Yao’s kinda right. You do sorta look like a slug. Just a bit though. I think it’s the shirt.”
“You two are so nice to me.” Ming Yu said sarcastically, rolling over and trying to kick Rong Yao.
Ling He snorted, grabbing a pack of cards from Ming Yu's desk, dishing them out while the other two fought like children.
“If you guys had one wish, what would it be?” Ming Yu asked randomly, halfway through the game of cards.
Rong Yao shrugged. “Uh, that my older brother would finally get that special someone or something?”
“Awww, how sweet.” Ming Yu gushed, batting his eyelashes.
“Ugh. Please never do that again.” Rong Yao said in disgust, shuffling closer to Ling He.
“What about you?” Ming Yu asked Ling He, who shrugged as well.
“I bet this guy would say something like ‘end world hunger’ or something like that.” Rong Yao piped in.
Ling He laughed. “Sure. We’ll go with that.”
Despite his clear cheerfulness, Ming Yu frowned. He felt like there was something off about Ling He today. His gut feeling told him that he should watch out, that something was up. Like Ling He was hiding something from them. But he wouldn’t do something like that, right? Ming Yu waved away the thought. Ling He was so nice to everyone, so there was literally no way he’d ever lie to them.
Ming Yu was just being paranoid. That was all.
-
It was around one o'clock in the morning when Ming Yu was jolted awake by hacking coughs and a strong, metallic scent of blood. For a moment, he thought dazedly that he was perhaps just in a vivid nightmare, before he turned and saw the crumpled figure of Ling He. “Ling He…? Ling He!” He gasped, stumbling to his friend’s side.
“Ming Yu… everything hurts…” Ling He choked out, blood dribbling from his mouth in continuous streams.
“Hold on, I’ll get help. Just wait a second!” Ming Yu exclaimed, rushing to his mother’s room.
“Mum! Mum! Something’s happened to Ling He!” Ming Yu yelled, slamming the door open.
His mother sat up, jerking fully awake as she heard the news. “What? What happened?” She asked urgently.
“No time for that! Just hurry up and come over!” He screamed, tugging his mother along.
Ming Lin, his older sister, was inside their room, pressing a wet cloth against Ling He’s forehead and dabbing at the blood gently. “I’ll call the ambulance!” Ming Yu said, fumbling with his phone.
By the time the ambulance had arrived, Ling He’s skin was cold and clammy. The paramedics cast worried glances at each other, rushing Ling He into an ambulance. Ming Yu stumbled along with them. “Will he be alright?” He panted, clambering into the ambulance to sit with Ling He.
One of the paramedics sighed. “We can’t assess his condition here.”
Ming Yu clung onto Ling He’s hand, praying desperately that nothing terrible would happen.
Their hands were intertwined the whole way to the hospital, Ming Yu only reluctantly parting ways when they wheeled Ling He into the emergency room.
-
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
Ming Yu’s face fell at Ling He’s curt reply. “Why didn’t you tell me your condition got worse?”
“What would it have done?” Ling He sighed, staring out of the window.
“Why did you go to school!? No one would’ve minded if you were away for a week!” Ming Yu exclaimed, grabbing Ling He by the shoulders.
“Of course people would’ve minded.” Ling He replied.
“Who!? You’ve helped everyone so much, so what right do they have to judge you!?”
“Who do you think?”
Ming Yu went silent. The only people who could affect Ling He so much were undoubtedly his parents. “Didn’t you tell your parents?” He whispered.
“Of course I told them. But it’s exam season.”
Ming Yu went cold. He had known that Ling He’s parents were stricter than most, but to this extent? Forcing their child, who was clearly sick, to go to school? “They know about your illness, so why on earth would they still make you come to school!?”
“They have expectations.” Ling He said with an air of finality.
Ming Yu knew that, he just wished that they wouldn’t try and enforce them so much. But he wasn’t part of their family, and it wasn’t his place to meddle with Ling He’s parents, as much as he wanted to.
“Are you sure you’ll definitely get better?” Ming Yu asked.
“I always do, don’t I?” Ling He said, a small smile on his face.
Ming Yu calmed down. “You’re right. You’ll definitely get better this time too.”
From his position at the side of Ling He’s hospital bed, Ming Yu had a clear view of the machines and wires linking complicated things together. An IV drip was connected to Ling He’s wrist, and there was a steadily beeping heart monitor next to his chair.
The door was gently opened, a nurse coming in with a tray of food. She placed the tray down on the fold-up table attached to the hospital bed and left, sending a quick look of pity at Ling He. “I really don’t like it when they do that.” Ling He said quietly.
“When they do what?” Ming Yu asked, looking towards the door.
“When they look at me with pity in their eyes, like I’m some poor child who can’t do anything for himself.” Ling He said, sadness drifting in his eyes.
Ming Yu didn’t know how to reply to that, so he sat there as Ling He ate the mushy hospital meal, feeling as if his heart was slowly cracking.
Ming Yu left the room soon after, Ling He requesting to have a video call with his parents from the nurse. He didn’t know what was said during the call, but once he re-entered the room, Ling He had a foreign expression on his face. Ming Yu was momentarily stunned at the depth of the hate in Ling He’s expression. Never in the twelve years they’d been friends for had Ming Yu seen such an expression in Ling He’s face.
“I'm really sorry. I should've told you sooner, but I was too scared to.”
The question caught Ming Yu off guard. “What do you mean by that?”
Ming Yu had seen Ling He so sad and regretful before. One would've, after being close friends for twelve years. But never in his life had he heard words like this come from Ling He's mouth.
"What if I told you that I won't recover this time? That maybe... maybe today is the last time we'll ever get to talk to each other?"
"I..." Ming Yu didn't know what to say.
No, the correct term was that Ming Yu was scared to say something. Deep inside, he understood what Ling He was talking about, and he didn't like it one bit.
“When you asked us all about a wish we would make. What if I told you I honestly couldn’t care less about stopping world hunger or discrimination?”
Ming Yu stared at Ling He, his hospital gown silhouetted against the reddening sky outside the window of the bleak hospital room. “If I had a wish, I wouldn’t use it on any of those things.” Ling He said, voice laced with an indescribable emotion.
“I just want to survive. I want to live past nineteen, but I know that’s probably too much to ask from God, who couldn’t care less about defects like me.” Now Ming Yu could tell the emotion in his voice.
It was regret. A deep regret like an endless void. An emotion Ming Yu hadn't ever thought to associate Ling He with.
“Please believe me when I tell you that I'm sorry. I just couldn't bear to see you be sad...” Ling He murmured, calming down slightly.
“But living's not possible for me now. Even if I do waste a wish on that, it’s not like I’ll have any time to do any of that now.”
“So I guess my wish right now would be to be able to tell you something that I've been too scared to tell you before.” He said gently.
“Ling He…” Ming Yu said, tears welling up in his eyes.
“I don’t want to say goodbye. I really don’t. In truth, I’m terrified. I don’t want to die. I still want to live. I want to see my siblings live their lives to the fullest at the very least, since I can’t.” Ling He confessed, fists clenching the starched hospital bed sheets tightly. "I've always been scared to say this. I want to keep being friends with you, but I'm worried you wouldn't want to bear the burden of knowing I was going to die."
With each sentence Ling He said, Ming Yu’s heart cracked a little bit more, fragments splintering off into the abyss. "I don't blame you. Even if you did tell me, I don't care about any sort of emotional burden I'd face, I would still want to be your friend."
Ming Yu's mind was in a mess. He was unable to comprehend or piece together what was going on with Ling He's sentences. His best friend was going to die? Today? But he still had his whole life in front of him! Ling He still had so many dreams! How could God be so cruel as to snuff out his life?
“I hope I’ll be transmigrated or reborn after I die. I don’t care if I become a peasant or a beggar. That way, maybe we'll be able to meet again, even if it's in our next life. I just wish I could’ve had a chance to live in this life with you and Rong Yao for a little longer.” Ling He said quietly, holding onto Ming Yu’s hand for what they both knew was the last time ever.
Ming Yu looked away, wishing he could say something to reassure Ling He that he would be fine. That he would live past tonight.
They both knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Coughs wracked through Ling He's frail frame, the boy gripping onto the railings of the bed so tightly his knuckles turned white. "Ah..." Ling He muttered, lifting his hand from his mouth.
Pooled in his palm was fresh blood, trickling down his wrist and staining his immaculate hospital gown. "Sorry Yuyu. I really wish I had more time." He sighed, tears mixing in slowly with the blood in his palm. Ling He lay himself down slowly and Ming Yu watched the blood trickle out of the corner of his mouth once more. He should do something. Call a nurse, check the monitors, anything! But Ming Yu couldn't bring himself to do anything other than clutch onto Ling He's hand. Taking his final breath, Ling He smiled. As his eyelids slowly fluttered shut, he whispered one final sentence to Ming Yu as his hand slowly slackened.
“Please don't forget me.”
Suddenly the brunt of the situation hit him, like he was being run over by a truck. His best friend was dead. And all he'd done while he was dying was sit there like some sort of fool. “Ling He! No… Ling He, wake up! You’re fine, you’re fine. You’ll be fine after taking some medicine. Just wait for the nurses to get here.” Ming Yu gasped, scrabbling to find a pulse in Ling He’s limp arm.
Slowly, Ming Yu turned and looked at the heart monitor with a crestfallen face, the screen showing a bright green line, as straight as a ruler. He didn’t know why he still tried so hard to deny everything. Ling He’s death was something they’d both known, since the very first day they’d met each other. He never thought it'd arrive this early though.
Perhaps, some deep part of him still selfishly wished that Ling He would remain by his side forever.
-
Ming Yu sat in the hospital ward for a long time. Ling He’s body had long been taken to get prepared for the funeral, but he sat, hunched up on the floor, still unable to believe what had happened. As the events raced across his mind, a darker thought emerged.
Ling He, who was the nicest, smartest, friendliest, most caring person in the world, was gone now. The regret he felt was unfathomable. He wished he’d managed to be a better friend for Ling He. He wished he'd invited Ling He to that new amusement park that just opened on the other side of the city. He wished he'd gotten Ling He that book he wanted. He wished he'd agreed to go karaoke with him. He wished he could've done better.
"You don't have to feel bad or guilty. You can't control when you're gonna die. We wouldn't have been mad at you if you told us. If we couldn't even handle emotions like that, we don't deserve to be your friends." Ming Yu consoled the empty room, as if maybe Ling He's ghost was still here, watching him and listening.
"I'm sorry for being such a bad friend. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I would've hated you or that I wasn't willing to get attached to you." As he spoke those words, Ming Yu couldn't help but wonder. Just how much pain had Ling He gone through, constantly putting up that delicate facade around him and Rong Yao that everything was going to be okay, even though it wasn't? How long had Ling He known that he was going to die so young?
Yet that thought wasn't as important as the thought that they'd all failed Ling He as friends. They were supposed to be Ling He's friends, yet they never did anything to help Ling He. They never even realised all the struggles Ling He had.
Ming Yu was the worst of them all.
Ming Yu couldn't even comfort Ling He when he was alive.