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1.22. Pot, meet Kettle

“On the fourth to last day of October, our expedition set out from Growling Trunk. During the two weeks traversing Growly Grove, there were several ambushes that inflicted some damages to the caravan and its supplies. Nevertheless, by early morning of the 11th day of November, Midway outpost was reached, just as scheduled.”

“Some of you might consider this an adequate pace. However, I needn’t tell how dangerous it is to let the blood moon close in on our tail.

“There are less than two weeks ‘til these woods are painted crimson, and we need at least 10 days of travel before the walls of Wyld’s Heart are anywhere in sight. All in all, now that everyone has gotten their break, setting out for the capital should be our immediate priority.”

“Runners and seekers, any question?”

- - -

As dawn broke, the camp slowly stirred to life, much like whatever treat was being cooked up for our breakfast. A rich and meaty aroma soon flooded the senses, rousing even the sleepiest of sleepyheads from their slumber. Of course, alongside the anticipation of a good meal ahead, everyone also knew what this meant.

Break was over.

The caravan would soon continue its march.

Thank, rutting, DOGS!!!

With bleary eyes, I got up from the sorry excuse of a nest, groaning all the way. Said heap of grass was definitely not worth a full day's work, that was for certain. Funnily enough, the darn thing still tried to stab into thin air with its ineffectual blades, even after I had hoisted it into a huge pile in the middle of the camp.

Druidic magic from the not-totem had long made similar makeshift beds like mine harmless, and the tiny blades of grass were none the wiser. I snorted before giving the poor things a mocking salute. So long, you bunch of biohazards. You certainly show why salad is the most evil of meals~

Soon enough, a fire was lit, sending the cursed greens screeching back to the bottom of the food chain. Hopefully, whatever new batch of grasses growing on this soil would learn their lesson and stop with the stabby stabs, though I didn’t have much hope for such a miracle to occur.

While watching the pyre finish its work, my nose could not help but twitch at the appetizing aroma wafting from the campfire nearby. Back when the caravan began its journey, everyone was only given an adequate feast for breakfast - nutritious with the necessary fat, but also bland and tasteless, barely a step above those bricks we called rations. Now however, a mouth-watering meal awaited us all. It was our treat for a good job so far, as well as motivation for another long march ahead.

Of course, to better prepare for an arduous journey like this one, people could also grab some fast food on their own. After all, stuffing one’s cheeks was the most basic of strategies, employed by the noble clans of squʝrrels from time immemorial. To eat was to live, and only prideful fools would deny its effectiveness!

Which was why I decided to fill my own cheeks with fowls, freshly caught from some nearby trees.

My sling, as well as those of several others, continued to strike true as we harvested the bountiful crops of nature. Which, in this case, would be whatever young chicks dumb enough to get lured in by the totally-not-a-totem which gave this outpost its namesake.

Roasted birds, busted wings, roasting nicely while we sing~

Why the druids even chose to aid the Horde in farming prey, despite their vow to abstain from meat, I would never know. Regardless, there was no denying that the light meal did wonders for my mood. What happened last night had been gnawing at my mind, but it seemed that I could now finally forget about-

- - -

“Leader~ Can Matte raise her concern~? Ahhh~ Everyone, please forgive Matte! This is her first time traveling with such a large pride! But, since a day or two could still be afforded, perhaps… it would be wise to give the thin bloods, just like a certain wild blood in this room, more time to rest from their reeling, no~?”

- - -

“That stupid… stupid…!!!”

Suddenly, it felt as if I had lost my appetite. The image of a smug and vain lǐon, with hairs as black as a squid’s sewage and milk jugs much bigger than her empty head, certainly brought colorful curses to the tip of my tongue. Of course, after a few calming breaths, I decided to be the bigger person and simply let out some quiet grievances instead.

“Go choke on a stick, you overbred incestuous fish-sucking brute! Stupid she-lǐon! Shameless seed stealer! Silly dumb dumb! UGHHH!!! Oh, hey Hiro. You up early?”

“... Am… Am I interrupting something?”

“Nope.” I crunched down on another piece of meat, which tasted quite salty, before offering my ward a freshly roasted bird with my free hand. “You want some?”

“No thanks!”

The reply was immediate as Hiro waved his hands back and forth nervously. A fledgling, refusing to eat a real fledgling! Hah!

“See, this is why whenever brightlanders say that wylders and wyldkins are the same, we can just point towards human nobles and their adventurous counterparts.” I sucked on some fingers, mindful not to let the saltiness bring my mood down. “Being picky with your food is not good, you know.”

“Being picky with… Hey! You are the one who refuses to put anything green on your plate!”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

One brow rose up at that statement as I looked at Hiro, before slowly turning my head to stare at the burning pile of greens nearby, which was still screeching and trying its best to stab into thin air.

“... Right, bad example.” My ward sweatdropped, though he still stubbornly pushed on. “But certainly, there are good vegetables out there! What about cabbages? We had those back at Growling Trunk and they were fine!”

“The cabbages in this land are as big as small mountains and constantly try to run over anything smaller than them. How do you think they get their fertilizer otherwise?”

One beat. Two beats. Then I could just see the moment when Hiro’s mind finally broke with an inaudible “crack”. His jaw slowly dropped to the ground, which I helped pick up while still munching on my snack.

“Are there any, any, green things around here that don’t want to kill us!?”

“Oh yeah, lots.” The tasty bird’s brain certainly made me feel smarter. There was a saying in Bright Land that went something along the lines of “you gained what you ate”, now that I thought about it. “To name a few, there are vines at Wyld’s Mercy that turn people into sentient saplings-carriers. Grέέn Glade has mosses that grow over unsuspecting victims’ body to create monstrous plants that wander the land. However, none of that can even compare to the evil that those tree huggers love so much…”

I sucked in a breath and munched down on some bones. The things I saw, the screams I heard while visiting the Ancient Forest all those years ago… They still haunted me, even to this day…

“To have your virginity taken by a plant… willingly, even! Those elves are crazy, I’m telling you! Cuckoo crazy, they all are!!!”

I jumped up and down, flapping the half-eaten wing for emphasis. My point was definitely coming across, given how Hiro was nodding his head repeatedly in agreement!

… On the other paw, given the long line of drool coming out of his mouth and a dazed look in both eyes, the fledgling might simply be in shock and trying to make sense of anything in front of him. Of course, that would be impossible! No chance, even, especially given how convincing and accurately unbiased my argument was!

Anyowl.

Across me, the lost scion kept mumbling what sounded like “hip-pee elves”, before tumbling to get ahold of himself.

“You know what, never mind… Greens, bad. Wylders know best. Anyway… I actually came here to tell you something before all of… these…”

“Hm~? And that would be?”

“Breakfast is ready for our group. Lunck asked me to come fetch you since, and I quote, “she might stuff herself full of junk food” otherwise.”

That punk! No males should ever comment about a female’s eating habit, darn him!

“Um hum… Say, do you happen to know where that thoughtful second in command of mine is right now~?”

“He already ate his fill and ran off to do some extra volunteer work since, and I quote again, “big sis will definitely try to run me down since I just talked about her overbearing weight”.”

Curses! Stupid dog! You made me look bad!!!

•ㅅ•

Soon, both of us made our way to the old spot that my flock had been squatting these past few days. As we passed by familiar faces from our assigned group, each in a different corner of the camp, nods were exchanged, and it did not take long before my ward finally brought up the obvious question that he somehow managed to miss.

Why was everyone eating with their own flock, despite being put in different groups? Well, no one would like to eat with outsiders, of course.

Why were people breaking off from their given nest to nap with brothers and sisters in arms? Again, would you trust strangers to not get grabby grabby, especially now that mating season was in full swing?

Why those in charge bothered to assign different squads, separating all from their familiar circles, despite knowing that no one would give a damn? Meh, heck if I knew.

“Seriously… What the actual duck…”

“Gasp! Language, young man! I did not raise you to speak such fowl words!”

“No, but you certainly made me learn a lot of pun-ishments.”

“They grew up so fast… Sob…”

For the rest of morning, the entire camp simply spent its time feasting on a sumptuous breakfast and idling away. One boast here, two pairs of horns being horny over there and it did not take long before the chatter of my own group got drowned out by a festive mood.

With a simple look around the camp, you could tell that every flock was more than eager to take off. And, soon enough, the signal that we had been waiting for finally made itself known.

*BOOM*

The seekers that had been seeking foes for weeks on end announced their return with the usual flair. From at least a mountain away, each member of the vanguard took into the sky and made landfall right into the middle of our camp. The earth rumbled as one craters after another tore the soil apart. It was telling how drained all of them were, especially when even the felines of the group landed with as much grace and subtlety as everyone else - which was to say none at all.

Since our departure half a month ago, these seekers had been steadfast in weeding out any sea of greens trying to encroach on the caravan. Looking at their attire, a nervous gulp could not help but leave my and many others’ throat. The two capes which adorned both shoulders, each looking as black as a comforting night, were all but torn to shreds. Countless cuts had also reduced leather clothings to little more than rags, with more than a few seekers now standing in near nude…

And yet, it was the weapons which stank to absolute heavens that truly showed off their exploits. So much were the greens these warriors felled that even Hiro, the human of our group, had to twitch his nose with a grimace at the nauseating liquid still dripping from oaken armaments of all kinds.

While the rest of us were still busy staring in awe, a tall and lithe bὕnny made her descend right in front of the leader of our caravan. Dark of hair, crispy clothes and cool as a cucumber, the doe couldn’t help but stand out. With a fluttering snow white cape, said seeker, nay, said champion looked leagues above everyone else.

Bun`Thornbee, champion of Growling Trunk, exchanged a solemn salute with the watcher in charge, before nodding towards the group of seekers on standby. As all of them walked towards the distance, the crowd split into two, allowing the valiant warriors access to a massive cart filled with hay…

Then, as if to shatter the illusion, said bunch of seekers, plus one champion, collapsed onto the cart with a loud THUD. Almost instantly, peaceful snores could be heard as the entire group went off to baa baa land, sporting dopey expressions all the while.

The watcher shook his head fondly, before motioning for several taʊrs and the second group of vanguard to do their part. Soon enough, as the familiar sound of fighting and felling of trees began anew, the caravan headed out towards a new horizon once more.

Hop, hop, hop, a huge cart rhythmically bounced up and down at the middle of our column, its passengers peacefully snoring off despite one bumpy ride, and I could not help but steal more than a glance at the fairest face of them all.

Young and strong, with bosoms big enough to make other females feel despair beyond belief… Bun`Thornbee was only a tad older than me, yet far more powerful than I could ever hope to achieve. She was every bit the hero my young self dreamed of becoming, yet also everything the current me had learned to pin my frustration on.

And yet, there she was, sleeping and drooling without a care in the world, just like her lesser peers.

Sigh.

The words of that stupid she-lǐon, as well as many others like her, might have affected me more than I would like to admit…

Focus.

Fear no failure.

Finish your part, and trust others to do theirs!

With a slap to both cheeks, a sense of determination burned brightly inside my head, purging it of any lingering doubts. A grin tugged at the corner of my lips as I hopped towards a bright new horizon, no longer dragged down by invisible baggage that plagued the mind.

Whatever the future had in store for me, I would be ready to kick it where it hurted! It was time to get this show on the road!