*Tweet*Tweet*
Before the first rays of sunlight could pierce through a sea of endless green, chirping sounds of birds and beasts alike had already signaled a new dawn.
“Morning already?”
“Ugh… If only this was winter…”
“I was having such a nice dream…”
After two weeks of constant marching, even the most nocturnal of fetchers and wanderers could only bemoan the end of our night rest. Of course, a groan and grunt of some sleepy cats aside, everyone was starting to stir, ready for the long day ahead. Plenty of supplies would need to be secured and replenished, no doubt.
That said…
Having stifled a quiet yawn, I then made my way towards a certain sleepyhead. Soon enough, the sight of someone still napping like a log finally came into view. Someone very familiar, as a matter of fact.
“Sleeping well, aren’t you?”
“Zzz…”
With both arms spread like an eagle, Hiro certainly proved why he was worthy of being the hero of our morning show. After being spurred by several pokes to the cheek, the sleeping legend proceeded to regale us with an endless stream of “mmh” and “ahh” and “just 5 more minutes, mommy”.
“Hey, buddy. Heyyy. Still don’t wanna wake up yet?”
“Zzz…”
By this point, my lips were mere fingers away from their target. Just a little bit more and the two buck teeth might even graze the sleeping beauty’s earlobe. Seeing this, some could no longer hold back their giggles, no doubt amused at the spectacle that was to come.
“Hirooo… You snoozy, sleepy little humannn~”
“Zzz…”
*Cough*
“FLEDGLING ENSTAI HIRO OF THE 96TH WANING REARGUARD!!! WHAT THE EVER LOVING WYLD DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?! WAKE THE RUT UP!!!”
“Ackkk!!!”
Right on cue, my ward was jolted awake. With both arms flapping wildly, it looked as if the sleeping legend was making a last ditch effort to take flight and escape to dreamland once more.
Unfortunately for the slacker, his superior was already here to remind him of his place.
“HEAR THE SOUND OF THOSE EARLY BIRDS PREYING ON SLEEPY WORMS? THE NEXT TIME YOU CAN’T WAKE UP BEFORE THOSE FOUL FOWLS, CONSIDER YOUR STATUS AS A BAIT SEALED!!”
“Uhh…!!? Uhh…!!!”
“NOW GIVE ME 10 LAPS AROUND THE CAMP BEFORE I TURN YOUR ASS INTO GRASS, LITTLE MAGGOT!! HOP TO IT!! NOW!!!”
“Yes, ma’am!!! Right away, ma’am!!!”
Instantly, a dust cloud was kicked up by the boy in his mad dash to avoid any further punishment. The sight of my wayward ward stumbling his way through one pitfall after another soon had the entire camp explode with laughter, and it was not long before my own chuckle joined the chorus.
“Uh, big sis… As funny as this is, isn’t he supposed to be our honored guest and all?”
Not as big yet still bulky enough to be passable for others of his kin, the bєar that snuck up on me was one of three punks that followed Wuf`Lunck’s lead, which meant that he was also my pawn by association.
Unfortunately, for the love of all things wyld, the kit’s name still managed to elude my memory on rare bad days… Which might be today… It also didn’t help when the wanderer was so good at not standing out that, more often than not, he would simply fade into the background.
“No worries.” I reassured the buddy, whose only noticeable feature was his beardy look. “Hiro himself even asked for similar treatment like any fetcher. So, if worst comes to worst, I’m fairly certain that quoting him will fly in those human courts!”
“Well I still think that… Wait, what was that about a court again? We won’t be trialed for mistreating a noble, right? Right!?”
Amidst various laughter at the morning entertainment, I decided to be a busy bee and returned to my own work. There seemed to be a barely audible shout in the distance, though that must have been the wind playing a trick on me.
“Big sis, please don’t hop away before telling me! I’m too young to go to jail! Big sis!!!”
•ㅅ•
As the giant ball of fire reached its zenith in the sky, the magical post that tricked so many tourists into thinking this place an outpost turned fiery. The fact that people were carving small chunks from it for their campfire might have also played a part, though I digressed.
Soon enough, our camp was naturally devoured by an unquenchable sense of hunger. It could not be helped, of course. After all, we had been on the move for so long, sustaining ourselves with nothing but tasteless provisions that turned the joy of eating into a chore… Now, however, there would be two whole days of rest at the post this-far out, which also meant that the next few meals would be filled with actual, edible foods!
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
*Sizzle*Sizzle*
A delicious sound could be heard as the pot slowly stirred to life. Not faraway, incessant crackling from a boiled kettle only made others more impatient as everyone from our group waited for lunch to be served.
Pot, and kettle… Now that I thought about it, quite a few renowned sayings had their roots in the most unexpected of places.
For example, if one happened to ask an adventurer for some words of wisdom, it would not be surprising if the phrase, “The first time is always the most special”, came up.
Their relationship advice still sucked giant venuses’ teats, though.
Seriously, for all the vulgarity and indecent exposure that those swashbucklers claimed to have in spades, most of them were hilariously prudish. In fact, back when I first visited Resting Branch, it was quite shocking to learn that its most famous product, the safety sheaths, could barely be sold to their infamous target customers!
… Anyowl, what was I talking about again?
*BLERGHHH*
Oh yeah, that.
“So, how was your first time, hm~? Was the experience as hard and lumpy as you expected it to be?”
“Isa, please not… *BLERGHHH* Just... spare me with the dirty jokes this once, please…”
Having said his piece, Hiro returned to busy himself with a greenhorn’s best friend, the barf bag.
*BLERGHHHHHH*
“It’s ok, big bro Hiro. Deep breaths. In, then out.” Surprisingly enough, Wuf`Lunck, the punk that led my other punks, was the one to console our newest fresh blood. “Your body just hasn’t recovered from being stretched thin, especially now that it can take a breather. This is why the first expedition is always the worst for everyone. In fact, you actually did way better than these two losers over here.”
“Hey!”
“Rut you, asshole!!!”
Soon enough, spits and hisses were exchanged as the pair in question began to wail on their leader. Such an attempt was short lived, of course, just like how the short squʝrrel and bὕnny could only flap their arms against the big bad wćlf, who easily held both does in place with a hand on each of their forehead.
After a while, the usurpers could only accept bitter defeat with a fuming, yet undeniably cute, pout. As my second in command relished his victory with the usual smugness, however, the two females swiftly turned towards me with a pleading look that screamed “puppy-face-punching, please”.
Trying my best not to chuckle, I began to speak.
“Hm hm~ You know, Lunck, Ochu and Ionx were indeed tomatose the first time they took on this trial. But, if my memory still serves… A certain someone fared even worse just from losing a “friendly duel”, no~?”
At once, two ears were laid flat to the head while a tail got tucked firmly between both legs. As the shaking wćlf began to pale at a visible pace, sounds of demure giggles could be heard as us maidenly maidens spectated the wonderful sight.
“Muhahahah! Serves ya right!”
“Keheheheh! Get whipped, busted pup~!”
“Uuu… Big bro Hiro, the females of this flock are evil… Evil I’m telling you… Us males have to stick together…”
Soon enough, a special kind of sauce managed to enrich both our cooking and teasing with its salty flavor. As we bunch of misfits continued to drink in the atmosphere, a boiling sound signaled that it was finally time to focus on the real meat and potatoes of our feast.
“Hm…”
One single sip of soup, so savory, yet wonderfully satisfying at the same time…
“Hmmm~…”
Before my tongue could fully appreciate the sweats and furs that made up this mess, someone else had already voiced out the thought of everyone around the campfire.
“This tastes like some roadkill’s sweaty backside after its first rut… I love it!!!”
By this point, anything, and I really meant anything, would be better than those bland bricks that we had been having for meals. Such a thought was undoubtedly unanimous among us, even as the only human in our group renewed his interest with the barf bag once more.
•ㅅ•
“Constant march with miniscule break… Dry rations and barely any water… No privacy or even a single privy… Ugh… How do you guys manage to do all of these?”
Amidst the noisy slurps and burps from all kinds of party animals, a shaky voice drew our attention as the greenest member of our flock spoke up. With a smirk, I put my bowl aside and made myself more comfortable on the grassy terrain. Whatever came next would be amusing to watch, no doubt.
“It’s just… everyone is eating and chatting without a care in the world… as if everything we’ve just been through is-”
“Too easy?” One bὕnny spat out her thought, or maybe the spice was just not to her liking.
“What? No! Extreme inconveniences aside, it always felt as if death was right on our tail! Those two over there even got skewered-”
“Yeah, they definitely got off too easy.” A squirrelly squʝrrel chewed out the words, not noticing how the human boy stuttered at her nonchalance. “Some naps and all the holes would go away. Lucky, them!”
“But-”
As the duo of bὕnny and squʝrrel continued their rapid-fire conversation, it took everything I got not to burst out laughing at how flustered my poor ward had slowly become.
“Shame on those two fledglings for still sleeping, though!”
“Yeah! Kits these days are weak, I’m telling you. Weak!”
“That’s not very-”
“Back in my papa’s day, only the limbless can be deadweight. We should never have stopped throwing weaklings down the drain!”
“Oh, oh! My papa said so too!”
“Could you please-”
“Isn’t it because we have the same papa?”
“That’s right! Just different mamas!”
“I… You-”
“Sisters forever!?”
“Forever and ever!!!”
And thus, the two siblings shared a heartfelt moment as both nuzzled each other’s cheek. Right next to them, a human boy was now swaying back and forth with swirling circles for eyes. Yet, it was the delinquent wćlf who chose to pat the shoulder of his “brother-in-paw”, while spouting the most “sagely” words of understanding, that actually took the cake.
By this point, I could only wash down my laughter with some jam. Indeed, only the word jarring could be used to describe how much of a fudge our bunch was!
•ㅅ•
For the rest of lunch, I decided to share some much needed nuggets of wisdom with my ward.
As the main course that served as real dangers to an expedition got revealed, Hiro simply turned from shocking pale to fearful green. Once it came to the creamy desert, though, the human boy could not help but flush bright red, leaving the rest of us to chuckle at the naivety of our fresh meat.
Some time later, most groups around the camp slowly finished their meal and started preparing for a noon nap. Having smacked one punk from wolfing down the rest of our pastries, I then signaled for my flock to scatter as well.
As each of us returned to our assigned squad, a smile could not help but make its way onto my lips. Hard work, hardy people and hardened meals. This was certainly a promising start to our expedition, and no one could convince me otherwise!
Still, it felt as if I had forgotten something important, given the chill now running down my back…
In the distance, sounds of seekers holding back an endless green faded into the background. On the horizon, the sight of one giant oak turned ever more distinct. And yet… even with all my senses heightened to their fullest, it was still not possible to figure out what was gnawing at me so much…
Ah well, probably nothing important, anyway…
Having perished the silly thought, I hopped towards the northern edge of the outpost and started my round of patrol instead. Meanwhile, strange words could bєarly be heard from our previous campsite, though it must have been the wind being silly.
“Sorry I’m late, everyone! I volunteered for some extra work and-… Where is everyone…?”
Yeah, must have been the wind, just like usual!