I woke up suddenly. It felt... odd, unatural... different... sudden.

I was not groggy, I did not look around, my thoughts did not swim, my body did not weight me down, and no voice entered from any side, disturbing me. 

I feel peacefull, I feel lazy, I feel content, like nothing else should change anymore. there is this point of pressure that tells me that something should change, that something would change, but not now. It did not feel like the time yet.

Huh, was I always like this? I don't think so... i don't know how much time had past since I 'awoke' but i still felt no need to 'open up my eyes', to do anything than idle with my time, barely thinking and that felt quite wrong to me for some reason...

I decide to check my memories, finally trying to find out what was going on, understanding my situation, what is it that makes me like this. it was not out of panic I did so, only because now was as best a time as any and I saw no reason why not to. I had just previously didn't try, like a child refusing to get out of bed, trying to prolong it's sleep. my behavior, as nonchalant as when I just awoke, continued as if completly oblivious to the passage of time. i don't know how long it had been since i first 'awoke' or how much time did I waste doing nothing, could be a minute or a decade, but finally i reached that place, that 'thought', the point where all my memories are kept. it felt as easy as I always remember it being, one again confirming my thoughts that I didn't remember simpy because I didn't check, like trying to remember a faraway memory. it's there- you just have to reach for it. searching through my past and everything i know, i trying to understand what is going on at the moment, composed as if my situation is entirely ordinary...

Well, I'm dead. from my memories, i died... Is it wrong that it does not bothers me? I'm still as calm as ever, treating it as not such a big of a deal. i go and search through my memories again... yes, I died, my life was ordinary, not glorious. It happend and then it was gone, and yet It matters to the current me so little I don't feel like bringing up what was the cause of death, of my end, it just doesn't matter. it effects me like quite memorable movie would, maybe a really interesting one? one i got really invested with it's characters and world setting, yes, but still, just a movie. I can easilly move on, remembering what happend and accepting it as is. I died, Iv'e done some things, gaining knowledge, growing connections, I had a life, and now it's gone... what now? I still feel as content as the moment I opened my eyes, though a bit sad at my death, it is nothing that wouldn't pass with time. and already, i can feel it slipping away and the pressure from before grow stronger, just a little bit... I have no idea how long has it even been. did it took a minute? less? maybe eternity? nothing felt like it's moving, like it's changed, and yet... I would think time has passed. it could have always have stayed still, i wouldn't have a way to know... what now? whats going on? what should I do? should I try to do anything? who am I, now, at the moment? is it the afterlife? hell? heaven? did i start a new life already? am I waiting for a goddess, apearing to send me to another world? am I in a river of souls, filled with thousands like me? what is the state Im in, and why does it not bothers me at all to be like that? having no memories didn't bother me at all, and now, not feeling my body or anything whatsoever, even knowing full well something needs to be felt, a natural, passive connection so natural I never thought of it before yet now that it's gone keeps nagging me in the back of my 'mind'. the feeling of needing to breath, yet having no lungs. the feelings of wanting to open my eyes the the bizzareness of not knowing how, the feelings of 'moving' a constant thing that happens even in my sleep, gone. I still feel alright with it, having that sense of 'calm' it's only with the years I have telling me I should have them that this sense of bizzare apear. like growing too big to wear your favorite shirt or finding out you don't like a food you always did before, only much more exagarated. I feel like it should be different, while fully understanding It's shouldn't, that content feeling calming me that it's how I should be, that I'm how i should be. nothing is wrong...

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

after another very long time, i had finally searched my memories enough time to notice a difference. there was something... new... different... it was not my memories even though it somehow felt just like it, making me neglect it all the time. it felt like a part of me... checking that part specifically for information, i finally learned something new, I'm a seed.