“Announcing the arrival of her imperial majesty, Kaigai, Arata!”

Making my declaration as I cheerfully stepped through my front door, I set down my bags of goodies by the door, and made a mad dash for my all important goal. Purring happily as I flopped onto my couch with all the grace and elegance of a blobfish, I snuggled into the oversized cushions with glee, wriggling and stretching out my legs as I made myself comfortable.

“God, it feels so good to be back home again. Any time in a hospital is too much time in a hospital.. Though, I have to admit, that cafeteria food you ordered for me is soo good. And you even got so much to take home with me, seriously, Taizou, sometimes you really spoil me. Makes me feel like a pampered princess.. And I love you for it.”

In response, Taizou suddenly gave me a hard, but painless, slap to my rear, and began scolding while completely failing to hide that he sounded more pleased than a rat that’d been given a wheel of cheese.

“Bah, you are a pampered princess, and a hentai heroine at that, so stop with all that flattery and nonsense. It’s unbecoming of a young lady like you. Besides, you ought to put away the food before you go relax on the couch like that. Also, you better prepare yourself, I won’t let you get away with eating any less than five meals a day until your mutation is done.

It would be a sin, a sin, I tell you, a sin, for this old man to not provide a young, developing girl with enough food for her to fully develop into the beauty she’s destined to be. So be proud, Arata, for your sake, today, marks the day, the day the one and only Alchemist of Life, The Centurial Earl, The Immortal Warrior, The Legendary Unrivaled Phantom Chef of Legend returns to the culinary battlefield! Mika, my boy, come, we have a sacred duty to uphold!”

“Hold on a second, Taizou! I’ve got some really important business that needs to be taken care of, so let go of my shirt and-”

Rolling my eyes at my great grandfather’s overly dramatic response, I couldn’t help but smile and giggle as he forcibly dragged my protesting brother away to the kitchen.

“Stop your bellyaching, Mika! There’s very few things in this world that could be comparable in importance to the task of nurturing your sister’s body to her full potential! You’ve seen it yourself, that girl will develop into a beautiful vixen that would topple an emperor of China, if it still existed.”

“Oi! I take offense to that comment! Though I may be ignorant of foreign history and probably history in general, Taizou, but I’m not that ignorant! At least compare me to Helen of Troy, and not Su Daji of Shang! What kind of person do you think I am? I’d rather be an easy bitch than that kind of heartless bitch!”

Hollering after the troublemaker as he exited with my brother in tow, I nearly fell off the couch as I exercised my futility in trying to stay laying face down while shaking a fist and yelling at my ancestor. Rolling onto my back, I chuckled and began humming a tune as I prepared to indulge myself in my one hobby that nobody ever properly appreciated.

“A thousand lives, a thousand lives, to open my eyes, grant me the curse of the wise. A hundred nights sleepless, for today I must witness, this curse that shall be mine. A thousand lives, a thousand lives, lost to be wise, such is my burden, but I will see it through.

In a city lost and broken, in the sunless wasted land, to break free from grim reality. Beneath the pale moon’s silent weeping, stained by blood for all to see, by wisdom to be shackled, to end this waking dream. A thousand lives, a thousand lives, a curse for the wise, lost to open the only way.

A hundred nights of longing, in a prison of my making, broken by the undertaking, beneath the quaking moon. A thousand lives, a thousand lives, opened the eyes, a curse to break the dream come true..”

Licking my lips as I trailed off the end of my song, I banished the growing feelings of melancholy and grief that had begun creeping over me, and folded my arms across my chest I stared up at the ceiling.

“..Okay, maybe the comparison to Daji was more fair than I’d like to admit. But I still don’t get why Tae’s memories of what happened in Berkeley only make some semblance of sense in nightmares, or when pieced together into a morbid song.. But I suppose having had my eyes gouged out, my brains more scrambled than Dana’s favorite eggs, and my body having been a mess of fifth and sixth degree burns when they found me probably didn’t help with that.

Speaking of having a few screws loose.. Hey, Taizou! Can you remind me why I’m still diagnosed as being bat shit crazy and an nymphomaniac on my medical report? I’d really like to have those particular doctor’s notes removed, please.”

Hollering my question across the house, I fumbled around as I began searching for my television’s remote, and chuckled as my ancestor yelled his answer back from my kitchen.

“They’re still there because you are, beyond any shadow of a doubt, a totally bat shit crazy nymphomaniac. Your unholy abomination of a musical sense alone is enough to get you labeled with both, but you’re a born and bred hentai heroine, through and through. It’d be weird if you weren’t a crazy nympho.”

“Says the hundred and fifty something year old walking fossil who’s constantly more horny than a kosmoceratops! You’re such a damn pervert that it’s a miracle of bribery that the Oxford Dictionary hasn’t included a picture of your face in the definition of the words pervert and degenerate!”

Rolling my eyes as I shouted back my retort, I found the remote, switched on my television, and then completely blanked out as I saw the image of my other self, in all her bare glory, fully displayed in lascivious beauty for all to see.

After a long moment of staring at the arousingly provocative sight, I licked my lips again, blinked, and nervously glanced around as the response I was expecting never came. Heaving a sigh of relief, I took the opportunity to promptly switch television inputs and begin browsing through the schedule while crossing my legs.

‘..God, that would’ve been so awkward if Taizou and Mika were still in the room, or were watching from somewhere. They’d have definitely started teasing again, the bastards. At least spare a girl her dignity.. Now, what to do. Nothing good is on, just more reruns of Doctor What. Well, there’s also that..’

Letting my eyes and thoughts wander, my gaze came to rest on the machine that had altered me, and my rambling thoughts changed as I felt a mixture of curiosity and a strange feeling of longing begin rising from the pit of my stomach.

‘Common sense, basic self preservation instincts, and sanity in general would dictate against touching that thing ever again.. But I really want to know how things turned out.. Plus, I haven’t gotten the reward I was promised for being a good girl yet.. As my uncle always said, safety, sanity, and common sense are overrated.’

Fortifying my resolution to satisfy my desires with bad excuses, I climbed up off my seat and paced over to the machine. Squatting down as I ran a hand over the sleek surface, I watched in satisfaction as it slowly and silently opened in response to my touch.

“Here comes the moment of truth.. What’s it like on the other side now? I hope it’s not going to be any spawn camping or other bull like that. Respawning then immediately getting torn apart again like that would be easily one of the worst fucking experiences ever.”

Pulling the machine shut as I clambered in, I closed my eyes as the familiar and comforting soft hum of the machine began. Savoring the feeling of sudden sweet drowsiness pulling me under the shroud of slumber, and away from the waking world.

“Ughh.. Turn off the floodlights, Taizouu.. God, at least lemme sleep for another hour.. The sun isn’t even up yet.. Taizouu, stoop, don’t shake me, I’m awake.. I’m awake, so don’t bother me.. Fine, fine, I’ll get up, sheesh..”

Groggily reaching up to shield my protesting eyes from the sudden and obnoxiously bright lights, my sleepy mind began to wake up as my ears caught the cries of unfamiliar birds. Sitting up grumpily, I opened my eyes a tiny sliver and immediately regretted it as the needlessly vibrant light poured in.

Draping my tails between me and the light like a shield, I breathed a sigh of relief. Rubbing my eyes as I gave myself the time to adjust, I looked down, and promptly tugged the sheer linen of my top over my exposed breasts.

“Pretty, perky, and needlessly huge bust, check.. A false sense of modesty from unnecessarily skimpy clothing that could slip away at any moment and reveal everything it barely covers to begin with, check.. Ridiculously soft, fluffy, gorgeous tails with pretty pink fur, check.. Taizou not actively trying to troll everyone who ever lived, check.. Well, at least this confirms where I’m not.”

“Frænka Fyllu, gnægð, frjósǫm, bera óhreinra augna.. Helheimr bíðr endurgjald þinnar.”

Peeking out from behind my tails as I heard a voice, I glanced around, and completely failed to find any trace of the speaker. Squinting as I flung my tails behind me, I faced the intimidatingly bright world, and opened my mouth to reply.

“Hello? Excuse me, uhm, but, uh, if it’s possible, could you repeat yourself in english? I have absolutely no idea what you just said, and uhh, I don’t want to be rude, but, I can’t face you without seeing you, so, may I ask, where are you?”

“Feh..Of course, of course. She’s just like all the others. And they wonder why I don’t like them.. No sense of decency, can’t understand proper speech, and of course, because for some never sufficiently damned reason, like all the others of Fylla’s kin, she can’t even see past her own damn tits, how typical. Down here, tits for brains, move your fat ass back a little and you might be able to see me.”

Furrowing my brow in annoyance and folding my arms beneath my breasts, I took a few steps backwards and looked down, only to find a filthy looking black and dull red chicken that was staring up at me. Staring at the rude rooster in disbelief, my jaw nearly dropped as it spoke up.

“Yeah, that’s right, move that fat ass and actually use your eyes for once. Though, I suppose the notion that you can barely see half the world past those damn tits of yours might have been a bit too big of a concept for one of Fylla’s kin to comprehend. Nobody ever married one of your kindred for her wit, that’s for sure..

What’re you staring at in such shock, huh, tits for brains? Have you never seen a cock before? Feh, that’s the problem with the bountiful virgin and her ilk. Despite having bodies that just beg for someone to come and breed them, they always react like this when they see a big cock.”

Taking a lot more steps back away from the chicken with a mouth far more filthy than its body, I gave the vulgar rooster a reproachful look while trying and completely failing to make some semblance of sense out of the bizarre situation I had somehow stumbled into.

Glaring as the visibly smug and proud rooster strutted about in front of me, I blinked as a golden arch suddenly shimmered into view behind the chicken, a vortex of mixed azure and violet rapidly forming in the archway behind the sooty cock.

“See, tits for brains, if you actually understood proper speech, you would have known that I said Helheim awaits your return. Go on. Get that fat ass moving into the archway. No matter how well you shake it, I’m already being more than generous in holding away the mists for one of Fylla’s kin.”

Stepping around the vile and vulgar chicken as it continued to speak, I raised it both of my middle fingers, and walked backwards into the archway. Feeling my body freezing in place, the world began to turn blindingly white, as the rude rooster left me a parting sentence as I felt like something was pulling my body.

“Tits for brains.. I’ll see you again soon, here at the outskirts of the High Halls.”

Gathering all my strength, out of sheer force of will, I looked the chicken in the eyes, raised my hands for emphasis, and gave it one of the most heartfelt replies in my life as the world around me turned completely white.

“Go fuck yourself, asshole.”

The strange sensation of being pulled by something I couldn’t see or touch abruptly disappeared what felt like a few minutes later, the world of blinding white light fading from my vision, and then I found myself in a very compromising position with my arms above my head, legs spread wide, bound by translucent chains, golden like the light surrounding me, suspended mid-air right in front of a familiar, and surprised, face.

Feeling my mind grind to an utter halt with a quiet whimper as my sorry excuse for dignity defenestrated itself through the nearest window, I found myself feeling weirdly turned on, and also wishing that I could curl up into a ball and hide somewhere. The next moment, I blinked as a transparent, floating panel, ornamented with copious amounts of golden filigree suddenly appeared in front of my face with a strangely irritating ding.

“You’ve done the unthinkable and have met a being of legend, and have even been bestowed the title, Tits For Brains, by it! You can emboss this title on your Arcana, so all that may be witness to your glory! That you, are the one, the only, Tits For Brains! Would you like to change your embossed title from Fox of Fertility to Tits For Brains?”

As a cheerful voice began loudly narrating the text on the display, I glared so murderously at the panel that it visibly withered under my seething gaze, its edges crumpling inward with a pitiful jingle. As the narration finished, I felt something in my head snap as both my patience and self-restraint flew out the same window as my dignity.

“Fuck you, you stupid goddamn chicken! See you again soon, my ass! You better hope I don’t see you again soon, the next time I see you, you’re fucking barbecue, ya hear? Barbecue! With generous amounts of worcestershire sauce! And a being of legend? Hah! My ass is already a far better legend than you, it’s something that people can actually admire!

..Alrighty, I feel a lot better now that I’ve got that out of my system. So, uhm, Erin, sorry you had to see me acting like that, but uh, can I ask you a quick favor? Could you give me a hand in getting these chains off, I’m kind of worried they’re going to abruptly-”

On cue, with a sound like cracking ice, the chains holding my upper half up snapped, and I fell forward, head first into the titan’s chest, and while a horrid burst of pain tore through my face as I impacted against his chest and bounced off, the ominous sound of cracking ice rung out again, and I dropped face first towards the ground.

Coming to a halt with a painful jerk as the titan caught me by my hips, I opened my eyes as the chimes on my clothing softly rang, nervously staring at the glassy mass of brilliantly blue rock that was mere inches away from my battered face.

“..Holy shit.. Erin, seriously, thank you.”

“For the third time, Erin, I’m completely fine. A bloodied nose and sore hips is no big deal. At worst, it’d bruise a little. Which is hardly anything compared to what could’ve happened. So stop acting like a big puppy, alright? While I’ll admit that it’s adorable when you’re worrying over me like that, you literally just saved me from having my face smashed by a huge rock. You didn’t do anything wrong, so stop looking so dejected.”

“But-”

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

“But no, Erin. Stop that thought, stop it right there, and stop it now. Don’t give me that spiel about how you could’ve done better, you did just fine. So stop thinking about all the buts, the only butt you should be paying attention to right now is mine. ..Well, fuck, um, Erin, that came out wrong.. A-Anyway, you get my point, right?”

As the titan began to chuckle, and quickly burst out laughing, I facepalmed and tried not to laugh, and completely failed as the infectious mirth of the titan’s deep rumbling laughter crept over me.

“Aye, lass, aye. Ye really don’t make things easy on me, but I could certainly do that for ye, since ye asked me so sweetly. It’s difficult to properly admire the rear of a lass, who’s head barely reaches past my waist, while walking side by side. Don’t worry though, lass, ye can count on me to admire it as much as ye’d like.”

Shaking out my tails in a faux display of anger, I turned my head away with an overly exaggerated huff of indignance, flicking my ears back and force, until my ears caught an odd sound in the distance, and I paused my steps.

Looking around as I rotated my ears to try and pinpoint the direction the sound was coming from, a foreboding feeling of unease slowly crept up the small of my back as I listened to the sounds drifting in from the distance. As the titan turned around to face me, his expression changed, and he scratched by the base of his right horn.

“What’s wrong, lass? Why’re yer tails all fluffed up like that? Did I say something to ye that I shouldn’t have said, and it made ye angry? If I said something wrong to ye, my apologies, lass, I didn’t mean to offend ye-”

“Shut up for a sec and listen closely, Erin, can’t you hear those creepy sounds in the distance? Could it be more of those.. Y’know, those.. Those things from before? Like the pasty white creepy spider-lady, or the creepy lady-thing that had a platter with tentacles for a face? Those monsters? Uhm, Erin.. By any chance, you don’t happen to have something that could be used as a weapon on you, do you? They’re getting closer.”

Grabbing onto the titan’s hand nervously, I looked up at the titan pleadingly, and he simply shook his head and crouched down next to me. Speaking in a low tone that was barely louder than a whisper, the titan began looking around warily.

“..Nay, lass, don’t have a weapon on me, but don’t ye scare now. We were sure we had gotten rid of the last of the Shards and cleared out the area not too long ago, but a few could’ve gotten away, aye. What do they sound like to ye, lass? Describe what it sounds like to ye, and we might be able to figure out what to do. Some monsters can be easily recognized by the sounds they make.

If it’s just a monster we could hide from it, or maybe try and beat it to death with the rocks if we can’t hide. But lass, I’ll be honest with ye, if it’s one of Veina Iae’s Shards, I might as well kiss yer rear good bye, as there’s no running away from that.”

“Chanting. It sounds kind of like a lot of voices, creepily chanting in unison, along with some kind of rasping, like metal being ground with a sandpaper, and an eerie sound I can’t really make out, but I think it might be something growling at something else.. Uhm, Erin?”

Rolling my eyes in response to the unexpected comment, I began describing what I heard to the titan, and my unease bloomed into a horrible feeling of dread as I watched the blood visibly drain out of the massive man’s face while I spoke.

“..Erin? Erin? Oh, fucking hell. Please, please, please tell me it isn’t as bad as you’re making me think it is.. It’s a monster, isn’t it? A really terrible and horrifying one? I don’t think my poor heart can handle having my limbs torn off and getting my insides pulled out again so soon, is my luck really this bad?”

“Nay, lass, it’s worse, far worse. We knew they’d be coming, but so soon? Damn it all, lass, yer luck really is awful. I’m sorry, Arata, but can I go ahead and kiss yer rear now? I’m fairly sure I won’t be getting the chance again any time soon, a Hel damned Charity of all things is coming in Veina Iae’s wake.”

“Hold on with the ass kissing for one second, Erin, but what the actual fuck? Why on earth would a charity be something that’s worse than a monster, and why the hell would it be a reason for you to kiss my ass- Hey! Erin? What’re you doing? Put me down, or at least hold me in a more dignified-”

The titan suddenly wrapped his massive arm around my waist and picked me up off my feet, and my speech turned into an undignified squawk accompanied by flailing tails and legs as he tucked me under his arm. Nearly biting my tongue from the sudden acceleration as the titan broke out into a sprint, I quickly began to feel queasy as my body was shaken more than a drink.

“Orcs, Arata, Orcs! The Orcs revere Purity, Chastity, and their Queen like they put bread, butter, and beer on their tables. And the Charity Knights are the only thing more hated than tax collectors, and that’s putting things very politely for ye. Also, lass, while it’s rude to say it to yer pretty face, yer garb really does make ye look like a Seedbearer of Freyja’s Cult. And not to mention that ye’ve got yer mark over yer womb of all the damned places it could’ve been to boot. If I hadn’t been told ye were an outsider, I would’ve thought ye a Seedbearer as well.”

Clamping my mouth shut as I began to feel like I might throw up, I weakly focused on the titan’s voice over the ringing of the chimes adorning my body. And as the titan made a massive leap up the ravine’s wall, the urge to fertilize the ground with the contents of my stomach rapidly grew stronger.

“But we don’t have time to really explain all the politics and shite, lass, so I’ll explain it to ye as simply as I can. The forest of Retz is a disputed territory, so by the Pact of the Thrice Trolled Bridge, crimes cannot be committed here because national laws cannot be applied or enforced in a disputed territory. Which means a Charity Knight doesn’t even have to provide evidence, they can just put a knife or six between yer ribs to get bonus pay for honoring the Queen.

Why? Freyja’s Cult and its Seedbearers were outlawed in the Orcish Queendom of Great Brittania after one of them was caught in bed with Orc Queen’s Prince Consort, and four of the Seven Duchesses’ consorts as well. Biggest scandal in Orcish history, and ye’d probably get hanged for mentioning it in the Orcish Capital. Anyway, lass, now that we’re out of the ravine, are ye alright to go the rest of the way on foot or shall I carry ye?”

“Gi- Give me one second to rest, and I’ll be fine to run, much less walk.. So, Erin, could you do me a favor and set me down on my feet, if you keep holding me like this any longer, I think I might just throw up.”

As the titan promptly set me down, I braced a hand against the titan for support, took a long, deep, shuddering breath as I straightened myself out, before making a futile attempt at preserving my delusions of modesty by pulling the sorry excuse for a top back over my breasts and adjusting the meager coverage the lower half of my outfit provided.

“Okay.. So.. I have one important question, Erin. I get that walking around in sheer cloth that my breasts can spill out of at any moment, combined with equally sheer short pelvic curtains that are immediately pointless with as little as a gentle breeze blowing, is.. Less than decent, but I really don’t get how I could be mistaken for a cultist. Is it the egyptian style or something?”

“Nay, lass, it’s not the style. While wearing that kind of clothing is common among yer kin, most wear much more modest clothing outside the werebeast territories, mostly for politeness, also because that’s a shite outfit to be traveling around in, and lastly, because the Cult of Freyja mainly wears very revealing clothing. While they claim Freyja as their matron, everyone knows it’s really a cult dedicated solely to sex. Not to mention, lass, having the mark of desire adorning yer womb really doesn’t help ye look any less like one. Anyway, Arata, let’s get going.”

Folding my arms under my breasts as I rolled my eyes, I joined the titan as he walked, and a series of questions popped up from the back of my mind as I looked up at the massive man. Licking my lips nervously, I spoke up, flicking my ears back and curling my tails together as I voiced a suspicion I really didn’t want to confirm.

“Oh, so, Erin, if I understand it right, the Orcs will try to occupy the territory, but what all does that mean exactly, besides my possibly getting stabbed and dumped in a ditch for wearing indecent clothes? Also, uhm, on a note unrelated to the Orcs, I’m not sure I’m properly describing this but, Erin.. Have you ever seen a big black oily looking six legged spider-crab thing, about the size of a dinner plate, and shrieks at you?”

“As for your first question, lass, the Orcs themselves are a problem. For ye, their presence means ye aren’t very likely going to be able to satisfy yer desire to mate. Well, not that ye were likely to do that even without them, since few men who aren’t of yer kind have the courage to take a kvinnorav to bed when she’s in season since Ironballs The Unbreakable established the Pact of the Thrice Trolled Bridge.

For everyone in general, it means they’re going to try and rob us of almost everything we have in the name of charity. And ye can’t even deduct it from taxes, which matters, because after robbing ye, they’ll demand ye pay up in taxes to help support the Queen’s charity programs. Which, Arata, is illegal because they can’t legally tax us, but as it’s disputed territory, it’s not illegal to illegally tax us.”

Blinking several times as the titan spoke, unsure of whether or not I was simply being teased or the titan was actually serious, I turned my ears to face forward as I tried to study the titan’s expression for any indication that he wasn’t being serious.

“As for the creature you described, lass, hmm. Hamor and Armur fit the description perfectly, but ye probably only saw an Althjoth. An Althjoth can scare ye, but they’re the most harmless monster ever encountered. The worst thing it could do to ye is eat yer food and give ye a very unpleasant bite on yer rear. The Hamor haven’t been found outside of the eastern isles. And it couldn’t have been the Vile Ones, since they haven’t been seen outside The Tower since the last Wild Hunt.”

“Uhm, okay. It really didn’t look harmless, but, I’ll take your word for it, since you know better than me. Although, unless I’m misunderstanding what you said, why are the Armur things vile? And what the heck is the Pact of the Thrice Trolled Bridge, and is there really someone who’s actually named Ironballs The Unbreakable?”

“Well, no, lass, that’s not his actual name, but that’s what everyone calls him. Partially out of respect, mostly out of humor.. Unfortunately, he wasn’t Ironballs The Wise. He’s the only elf, actually, probably the only male who’s not a werebeast, to ever have fucked a lady of the fox tribes into submission. Which, by the way, is relevant to the Pact of the Thrice Trolled Bridge.

The Pact of the Thrice Trolled Bridge began with three merchant trolls and one of the most ridiculous schemes that ever worked. If how ye and Raynolia met made ye think elves were weird, ye really have hardly seen much yet. Seriously, lass, don’t roll yer eyes at me, I’m not joking with ye, a hand on ass first meeting is much better than how a lot of things go.”

Rolling my eyes again in response to the titan having told me not to roll my eyes, I grinned as the titan snorted, and I replied to his statement with an equal mix of disbelief, amusement, and curiosity as I hopped over a particularly gnarly, massive, and oddly phallic root that was sticking out of the ground.

“Honestly, Erin, I’m not sure why the hell I’m not totally creeped out by him after that meeting. I probably should be, but my head hasn’t been screwed on quite right for a long time. But please, do continue, I’m dying to hear what might be weirder than stepping into a trap and having a good looking elf take advantage of that to play with my rear, then take me home, treat me to dinner, introduce me to his fiance who seemed.. Strangely happy to share him with a stranger, and let me stay over without really asking for payment.”

“Weirder than that, aye, by a lot. As I was saying, lass, on a particularly bad day, three merchant trolls, who were traveling together out of convenience, were stranded by a storm on an old bridge. During the storm, they discovered, entirely by accident when part of the bridge they were camping on collapsed under their weight, that the Great Lake of Shite, at the end of The Creek That’s Full Of Fucking Monsters, was covering up not only the biggest gold mine that had ever been seen, to the point that much of the lake bed was mostly made of it, but also a Krion Well.”

Ducking under a tree trunk, I looked back over my shoulder, only to witness the titan simply vault over it, which caused the entire tree to bend and threateningly creak like it was on the verge of breaking, he continued speaking and glanced towards me as I pushed my way through a series of low hanging branches.

“After gathering proof of their discovery, suspicious of each other, the trolls hurried on their separate ways, ended up at three different villages near the Great Lake of Shite, where they all expressed interest in purchasing the deed to the land with the virgin mine. However, lass, problems really began when it turned out that the lake and the land surrounding had long been in dispute, not only as to which village actually owned it, but how far the claim spanned.

As for why it was in dispute, each village had their own answers, but that wasn’t important. What was important, was that for some insane reason, due to each village having different names, landmarks, and boundaries to their claim, the nearest Notary Office of the Council of Gestalt validated the deeds to all three of the village’s claims with the official seal of the Gestalt.. Watch yer step, lass, ye’re about to-”

Feeling the titan’s strong hand catch me with a firm grip as I slipped on wet and decaying leaves, I bit my lip as I tried and immediately failed to not to let the exciting feeling of having the massive, muscular, arm wrapped protectively around my back go directly to my head and ignite the simmering lust in my abdomen.

“Ye clearly aren’t either a forest or a mountain type of lass, I can tell that much from the way ye walk. Sure, swaying yer hips like that as ye walk makes for a damn great view when yer tails aren’t in the way, and there’s no problems with it in the plains or on roads, but in a forest? Lass, I get that ye’re in yer mating season, but walking through a forest like that won’t help ye get laid, ye’re just gonna get yerself hurt. So walk normally, alright?

Anyway, Arata, as I was saying before ye slipped, all three villages had valid deeds to the place, which, they sold to the trolls. One of the trolls sold it to a kvinnorav of the Saemd for an enormous sum on the condition that he gain a tenth of the proceeds from the mine, it was lady of yer three tailed kin, explaining in case ye weren’t aware of our names for yer kin given that ye’re an outsider. The second troll partnered with a Dwarven Thane, with promises of great riches that could easily be proven.

The third troll used his connections to acquire a great investment from the infamous inventor and railway magnate, Leonharto Dagrinchi, an incredibly wealthy Naga, so that he could establish the mine and acquire a crew of sturdy and trustworthy miners. Few weeks later, everything went mad. The three sides discovered that the others were attempting to start mining and began fighting over who’s claim was legitimate, but all three deeds had been validated by the Notaries of Council of Gestalt, so they all had a valid claim.

Then, lass, given the situation, the chiefs of the three villages, which all had different laws as villages in different races’ territories, who were under the threat of being accused of fraud, accused each other of illegally selling the land of another village- Oi, Arata, ye’re gonna have a bad time if ye’re not real careful there, those roots are treacherous.”

Pausing mid step, I shifted my weight back onto my foot that wasn’t on the root, and carefully walked around them, eying the various roots sprawled all over the forest floor with suspicion as I took several steps closer to the titan, where he’d be able to easily catch me.

“It’s not my first time in a forest, Erin, but are they really that bad? They look like pretty decent footholds that won’t make me slip, or are they more of the poisonous to the touch kind that makes your skin itch like crazy for days, something like that?”

“Don’t know what kind of forests ye’ve been in, lass, but nay. Those ones will crack under yer weight, much less mine, and then ye’ll have to deal with the stickiest damn mess ye’ve ever seen. Yer feet will stick to everything with that sap, and ye won’t be able to get it off for hours. Retz may be more beech and oak than anything else, lass, but ye can’t just dismiss all the trees as being the same.

Now, as I was saying, the village chiefs accused each other of violating the law. But being border villages in the territories of different races, they were all under different laws, and obviously, the chiefs would not agree that their claim to the land was in dispute, and argued that the others were lying bastards that cheated the trolls.

And so, the problem then went to the Notary Office of the Council of Gestalt, which had validated the deeds, which thus made the claims to the territory valid regardless of racial laws, which then managed to find an Arbiter, from the Arbitration Office of the Council, mad enough to attempt to arbitrate between the three sides’ legal claims to the land.. Which the three sides initially refused.”

Pausing speaking for a moment, the titan gently pulled me closer to himself, and to my realization, relief, and slight disappointment a moment later, away from a cluster of shrubs that appeared harmless at first glance. Picking up a long twig from the ground, Erin pushed aside the large leaves, revealing massive and terrifying barbed thorns beneath the leaves.

“Aye, as I thought, they didn’t look bright enough for Heartleaf Honeyblossoms. Remember, Arata, even if ye think ye recognize the plant, take care not to touch it if ye ain’t absolutely certain. Anyways, lass, this is where the arbiter, Ironballs The Unbreakable, became renowned as an elf unlike any other.

He reassured the partnered troll and Thane with the promise that they would receive their justly deserved riches from the mine if they allowed him to arbitrate for them, then he beat up both the second troll and his investor until they agreed to allow him to arbitrate, which, lass, was honestly an amazing feat, since ye should know that trolls are equals to titans physically.

When Sala of the Saemd continued to refuse to agree to arbitration even after Ironballs gained the consent of the other two sides to allow him to arbitrate the matter for them, Ironballs decided to do something truly insane.. And to the shock of everyone, succeeded. He kissed her, pushed her down, and began fucking her then and there.

For eleven days, and lass, don’t ye go thinking that fucking for five or six hours a day without counting foreplay like ye foxes and the wolves do is normal, not even for most other werebeast tribes, much less any other race, he continued fucking her until the eleventh day, on which he succeeded in fucking her into submission. A feat for which he was recognized by the nameless Great Cock, and was bestowed the title of Ironballs The Unbreakable.”

Opening my mouth to complain at the disparity of treatment as the recent memory of my meeting with a massive cock immediately surfaced, I quickly closed it once again as a thought went through my mind, one that made me want to remain silent evermore.

‘Wait, if I start complaining about a difference in treatment, that’ll mean that I’ll have to explain what I’m complaining about, that I’m pretty damn sure that I met the same fucking chicken, that it was flat out insulting me because I’m supposedly related to someone named Fylla, and gave me the horrible title of Tits For Brains. Of course, he’d probably ask for proof which would mean doing that embossing thing or whatever it was that lets everyone know-’

My train of thought disappeared down a rabbit hole as a familiar fancy transparent panel suddenly appeared unbidden in front of my face with a loud jingle, nearly causing me to scream out of surprise. A moment later, a familiar upsettingly cheerful voice happily belted out words I did not want to hear so loudly that it seemed like even my ancestors could hear it.

“Fylla’s Kin, She Of The Divine Derriere, The Great And Glorious Tits For Brains! Emboss the title you have been bestowed in recognition of your greatness, and all will gaze upon the splendor of The Divine Derriere in unceasing admiration! Let the world bear witness to your radiant magnificence as The Great and Glorious Tits For Brains, and all peoples shall stand in endless awe of the enormity of your legends!”

Cringing as I turned my head, I looked up at the titan in the hopes that by some miracle he couldn’t hear the voice, only to find that the titan was looking away, visibly trying not to laugh as the horrid thing continued, and I suddenly felt as if both my dignity and my social life was being publicly murdered in one of the most viciously cruel, unusual, and undignified manners possible.