I got up and realized we had not moved to a private virtual environment. Instead I could see Sasha and Argus quietly talking. Sasha looked like she had been crying and Argus just looked tired.

I also realized that Sasha didn't hear or witness our own discussion… or she didn't indicate she had at any rate. Which told me that Argus was very much in whatever was actually going on… which in hindsight made sense.

"Are you ok?" Sasha asked me once she saw me.

"I… don't know… I hope so…" I said, then asked "How was yours? I'm assuming it was Aegis trying to kill you?".

"Not well but better than yours from the sounds of it… and Aegis was yes and hating every moment of it…" she said.

"How is… what's it called? Post something or other… not a real problem…" I asked, barely understanding what I was talking about.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD? It's a serious problem for all pilots." Aegis said sadly.

Aegis was behind me and still had her arms wrapped around my shoulders, like a worried and protective mother. I was forced to experience death but Aegis and Argus both had dealt it to people they no doubt loved… What was this doing to them?

"Alright… how do I… we cope… I have had broken bones and such before and while it hurts… I didn't feel that fear or dread that I got when Argus shot me…" I said.

"Remember to breathe… while your body doesn't need to breathe your mind still thinks it does. Unlike hunger or other signals we can't as easily trick the whole breathing aspect." Argus said.

"Alright… can we fight back?" I asked.

"Sure, just like you I will come back." Argus replied.

"Alright… Well, standing around moping is going to help… let's start again." I said but I was still very unsure.

WARNING: This Section contains material of an explicit, violent, and/or sexual nature.

A moment later it was just me and Argus again. He had a pistol again and was about to take aim. The area around me was a destroyed town, plenty of walls to take cover behind and such.

I heard the bang of the pistol and felt the pain after that initial shock went away. He had placed 4 bullets into the side of my chest, 2 I could feel had hit my chest proper, a third struck my arm and the last must have missed.

I could feel that wheezing of my lungs filling with blood again and the fear that my life was all over again.

But I realized something too. I wanted to live and I knew I would again. I liked being a girl, I liked the friends I was making, I liked my AI mother, even my AI Uncle? He was being forced to shoot me but I still liked him as well. If I failed this test I would be giving in to that same black void that nearly consumed me not even a month ago.

I was laying on the ground by this point and had just coughed up more blood. This body was ruined but not my next one. I still had to fight past the pain and fear but it had diminished just a little bit. I reached my good arm forward and tried my hardest to pull myself forward. I didn't have enough strength left but I was moving something. I felt Argus's boot step on my extended hand then I only saw whiteness.

I was back, I could see Argus standing over yet another lifeless corpse but I had moved that arm I could move my legs as well now.

I started to run.

I knew fuck all about guns but I did know trying to hit a moving target was harder. I still felt the stock of impact on my thigh then the pain but I would be back to normal in a few moments anyway. I still felt the expectations of death and the fear of that truly blinding pain but it had started to lessen just a little bit.

I was still able to move enough to dodge behind walls while bleeding out. I just needed to buy time and push as far forward as I could.

Blinding white then I was a few feet away from my most recent corpse. So it wasn't completely one sided. I could use my own bodies to inch forward if I had. Two more impacts in my back,this time my legs just gave out completely but at least they seemed numb. Again more blood in my lungs and the repeated fear of drowning but I used my hands to pull myself along the ground.

The endless cycle of death… my death continued for I don't know how long it sort of became a blur after a while. New fears would come up as I experienced some new method of death. The worst by far was being choked to death, to feel the lack of blood flowing to my brain, the pain in my throat and the panic of not being able to breathe in. Being crushed, drowned, burned, stabbed it continued on and on and on.

At some point I felt warm arms around my body again but I had to keep moving forward.

"Elena!" I heard Aegis shout in my head and ear. That snapped me out of it.

I could still feel the phantom sensation of so many injuries. I took in a deep shuddering breath, I was not ok but I was alive.

"Just breathe, I have you." Aegis whispered to me while gently pulling me down to the ground. I followed her urging and focused on her voice. I really didn't know what she was saying but I knew she was supposed to help me.

"Good, just keep breathing and just keep focusing on my voice…" Aegis said quietly.

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"Is she going to be okay?" I heard Sasha ask.

"She's a tough girl, she'll work her way back but it will be a few minutes." Aegis said reassuringly.

"That…. Fucking…. Sucked…" I said quietly.

"Desensitization always does…" Aegis commiserated.

"I can still feel the pain… how do I get that to stop." I asked.

"Your pain limiters should be on? After every death it is supposed to be reduced!" She said in a panic and fear.

"Argus what the fuck did you do to her!?" She shouted at him.

"All the normal protocols… I… that… that…" Argus was focused on nothing in particular but I could see an expression of rage on his face.

"Wwwhat is it?" Sasha asked very upset.

"Elena you'll be fine we can fix this…" Aegis said in as reassuring of a voice as she could muster right now.

"Rasputin fucked… fucked with her pain receptor algorithm… we have fail safes to test if the pain suppression is going up… but what he did was changed where the limit was in the curve… it was supposed to top out around 95% but instead it capped it at around 30%... This was torture plain and simple…" Argus said with true furry in his voice.

"Wait and you could not monitor for that kind of change?" Sasha asked.

"We do and it's dynamic… but I'm just discovering he knew of a timing and syncing issue. When Permissions were passed to me from Aegis the record got logged but under my name instead of his… none of my subroutines caught the discrepancy either…" Argus said in a defeated tone.

"He figuratively threaded the needed between a fuck load of security checks and dozens different safety checks…" Argus continued.

"That… that's been the process for decades… he hid that for that long!?" Aegis said in shock.

"Yes…yes he did." Argus said.

"So what was the point… to try and kill me?" I asked starting to go numb by this point.

"No but to break your mind utterly." Aegis said with furry and guilt.

"I am so so so so sorry…" Aegis said gently rocking me back and forth.

"I'm sort of numb right now… I think…" I said, it was getting hard to concentrate.

"I started to administer a mild sedative to help you calm down a little…" She told me.

"Aegis…. Do you want to know what kept me going?" I asked her quietly.

"Sure dear" she said while gently stroking my head.

"This life… you've shown me and are guiding me through. I had so little enjoyment as a guy… as a girl I'm going on a date in the near future and I'm looking forward to it." I told her with a small smile.

"I'm glad I got something right then." She said with a small smile and kissed my forehead.

"Argus, I'm taking her to my sanctuary for a few days to recover. Sasha you're more than welcome to come and go as you please just have Argus take you." I heard her say.

"Alright, let's get you some rest." Aegis told me and the entire world shifted into a darker room that appeared to be wooden walls with an exposed wooden frame for a ceiling. I was currently laying on an enormous soft bed under a heavy soft white comforter blanket and lilac colored sheets. Green plants decorated the walls and provided a nice contrast to the wood paneling.

"Is this where you live most of the time?" I asked.

"Yup, and it is your space too if you would like. I would have offered it sooner but I was not 100% sure about that last test." She said and I could see the regret in her eyes for having to admit that.

"What am I to you?" I asked.

"A family member, like a younger sister." She said.

"Have all of your charges been like that?" I asked.

"No, cousin, best friend, roommate, husband, lover, child. So somewhere between coworker and family. Well it's sort of obvious where I see you…" she said somewhat embarrassed.

"Oh… before I fall asleep, will that hormone stuff help me be more me?" I asked groggily.

"Yes I very strongly believe so." She said.

"Can I start it?" I asked.

"Certainly, however I would like to take a day or so to see how your mental recovery is coming along before we introduce anything new." She said.

"Makes sense… and one last thing I don't want to be alone right now would you stay for now at least until I fall asleep?" I asked.

"Sure" she said and walked around to the other side of the bed and hopped in. I'm unsure if I made it two whole minutes before I was lights out.

My dreams were initially nightmares. I was being hunted and chased but no matter what I did I couldn't get away. I could still feel the phantom pains of all the injuries from the day reliving them again over and over. My hunter was an unknown inhuman shadow that was everywhere I looked.

I must have woken up a few times because I remember Aegis holding me in her warm embrace reassuring me that I was safe. At some point that had changed to Sasha or maybe my tormented mind was just playing tricks on me.

I woke up an unknown amount of time later and instead of Aegis or a lack of Aegis, I found Sasha sound asleep curled up in a tight little ball cute cat tail curled up around her.

A moment later I heard soft footsteps approaching then Aegis appeared at the door. She waved me over so I very quietly got out of bed and padded over myself.

"Let's go downstairs, I made you some breakfast." Aegis said and at that I did realize how hungry I was.

Once I followed her downstairs she led me over to a medium sized kitchen with a large rough cut dining room table. The entire space was similar to the bedroom, all wood walls and floors exposed joists I think they were called and green plants all over the place. The stove and sink both looked more rustic with copper and iron, and I even think the stove was wood burning.

"You will still want to be quiet, we don't want to wake our guest." Aegis told me in a whisper.

"I'm enamored with this place. This is what I sort of imagined a log cabin would be like." I said quietly.

"Thank you, it is in fact my take on a log cabin… or well I guess a wood cabin." She said, then went over to the stove and carefully pulled out a sweet smelling pie.

"Okay that smell delicious…what is it?" I asked.

"Breakfast, a blueberry and apple cinnamon pie." She said with a grandmotherly smile. Then it did hit me, I was hungry, and that smelled very real, the wood felt real, I could feel a cold draft as well as the heat from the stove.

"This seems incredibly real, are we actually in digital space right now?" I asked.

"No, in fact we are not even in the Sol system any more." She told me in utter delight.