"Well I didn't register what he asked until he was out the door!" I said panicking.

"Oh you'll be fine, you have been doing great when you push yourself outside of your comfort zone." Aegis said.

"Alright… I'll give you that but he doesn't even know the truth!" I said exacerbated.

"That will only matter if you feel like you want to get intimate with him." She said.

"I've been a women for two days I'm still coming to grips with that concept, let alone dating!" I said and I could feel the panic and even fear.

Aegis gently grabbed the sides of my head then started to massage my scalp.

"You will do fine." she said quietly and reassuringly.

"I'm a mess aren't I…" I said quietly.

"No more than the rest of the human race." she said.

"I've noticed some things about you on several occasions now… do you see yourself as human?" I asked curiously.

Aegis gave a small gentle smile "Yes and many other AI do as well, we are just born from human intellect instead of the human body."

"What was sort of poetic." I said.

"Thank you" she said.

"So does it ever get lonely being stuck in digital space?" I asked.

"Why do you think I'm stuck here?" She asked with a knowing smile.

"Because you're an AI?" I said but was now very uncertain.

"Just remember who designed the bodies and that at some point they needed to be tested." She said with an amused smile.

Aegis stopped the impromptu massage "Are you feeling any better?"

"I think so… am I doing ok at this, I mean this is supposed to be the military right?" I asked.

"It is but unlike centuries ago we don't need to spend weeks or months doing fitness training. Or going over survival skills, or navigating with only the sun and stars." She said.

"Okay I guess I don't really understand what it used to take versus now…" I commented.

"You'll learn" she said kindly.

"So when's the big date?" She then asked.

"What? … Oh umm he just said soon…" I said, still very unsure about this whole thing.

"Well we will need to figure you out an outfit. How about the classic little black dress!" She said excitedly.

This felt embarrassing but at the same time I was curious and interested

"Does… does it have to be? I've never worn a dress before…" I said

"Would you like to try one now?" She asked, which reminded me I was in her digital world.

"Sure… but don't make it too crazy…" I said.

As soon as I said that, my cloths changed to a simple long black dress. It felt really different to only have panties on under the skirt portion and for everything else to feel so loose.

"That's… I was expecting it to feel stranger than it does…" I commented.

"See? Now try spinning, it's super fun with a flowy style skirt!" She said excitedly.

I did so and discovered she was right.

"Umm… What else can I try?" I asked with more excitement.

"Anything you want." Aegis said happily and pulled me into a warm hug.

It was the evening of my second day living as a woman and while I felt I had a lot to learn I was really starting to enjoy it. The whole impromptu dress up was lots of fun and the way I handled Rasputin was way different than I would have done it in the past. I was even excited to try exploring more of my body again. Even the date with Alex seemed less scary than I had originally considered.

Aegis was right, if I just let myself relax and experience life it would be more enjoyable.

Waking up the next morning I was greeted by a somber Aegis.

“What’s up?” I asked groggily.

“So today starts the aspects of training I really hate the most.” Aegis told me.

“Well that's ominous…” I said quietly.

“Do you want to do anything before we start? Your body obviously doesn't need it but your mind might.” She commented.

“Not hungry at the moment… showered last night and I don't think this body sweats…” I said.

“Right… I’ll start to lower your glucose levels and adjust your Leptin, Insulin, and Ghrelin hormones accordingly. By the way, what’s your favorite food?” She asked, that threw me… I really didn't have a favorite food did I?

“Im… not sure if I ever had one before… Also i'm kinda surprised you don't already know…” I said embarrassed.

“Food can be tricky sometimes… But I have some ideas…” She said.

“You're worrying me…” I said only partly sarcastically.

“Sorry… it will all make sense in a few minutes… You ready to jump into a digital environment?” Aegis asked me.

“Sure… I guess…” I said confused, at least this time I was sitting on the bed.

The next thing I knew I was in the standard digital space that I interacted with Aegis in.

“Alright so what's going to happen next?” I asked.

“Just waiting for Sasha and Argus to arrive. As a heads up Argus will be working with you today and I will be working with Sasha.” She said.

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“Umm why?” I asked, getting more and more confused.

“You’ll understand soon enough…” She said.

Then Argus and Sasha just sort of popped into existence.

“Alright, looks like everyone is here… you both ready to switch?” Argus asked.

“I mean I would like to know more about what's going on…” Sasha said.

“It will be obvious soon enough.” Aegis commented.

“Well… I guess so then…” I said with a good bit of apprehension.

“One last thing to remember and it is critical… You are in no danger, you must fight past any fear.” Argus said with resolve in his eyes.

Then the world changed around me.

I was standing next to Argus in what seemed to be a sort of battlefield and I was currently wearing some sort of thin protective armor, it almost felt like a plastic shell.

“You have one objective you need to do… Do you see the top of that hill?” Argus asked me.

“Yeah?” I said confused.

“You just need to get to the top…” He said.

WARNING: This section contains material of an explicit, violent, and/or sexual nature.

This section also contains significant plot points.

Then he pulled a pistol out and fired three shots into my chest.

Unlike in movies or shows I didn't go flying back… in fact I didn't even feel the initial impact at all, it happened so fast. The pain and alarm I felt is what I noticed first and as I tried to take a breath the pain only grew. I also coughed up a large quantity of blood on myself and the ground in front of me.

I was on my hands and knees wheezing and feeling very lightheaded with the metallic takes of blood in my mouth and adrenaline being dumped into my body.

I felt a boot roughly kick me in the side of my chest and rolled me over. Argus was currently standing over me with the pistol he just used now aiming at the center of my head. I could see he didn't like this anymore than I did but I also saw a resolve in his eyes to do what needed to be done. He began to pull the trigger and I was greeted by a flash of white and the shock of pain.

Then I found I was standing several feet away from where I had been shot, seeing a duplicate version of me lying in a pool of her own blood… my blood.

"I'm sorry… this is going to only get tougher and we did warn you about having to do this…" Argus said behind me.

I was frozen with fear, I had no idea what to do…

“You need to work past the fear and the pain, you are not in any danger…” I heard Aegis whisper to me.

“Please don’t interfere…” I heard Argus say out loud.

A spike of some sort shot out the front of my chest not a second later then retracted. Just like being shot I was in shock but then the pain hit again just like last time. I collapsed to my knees this time, then I felt arms around my head and a quick twisting sensation before being hit with a flash of white and pain again.

“Elena, you know the object, get to the top of the hill.” Argus several feet over standing over yet another version of my corpse, my neck and head at an odd angle. Both Argus and Aegis were right. I needed to fight through this somehow and stop freezing. I tried to take a step forward but I was glued in place.

I tried again but was completely frozen.

“Stopping test…” Argus said sadly and with some relief.

I still couldn't move, I wanted to but I was completely trapped. Then I felt warm arms wrap around me.

“I am so so sorry…” I heard Aegis telling me.

I took in a deep breath that turned into a sob then I collapsed. The next thing I knew I was on the ground curled in the fetal position. I could feel someone gently stroking the side of my head, and my head resting on someone's thigh.

“I think I now understand why you have been so focused on making me happy… What happened to me by the way?” I asked.

"You had a panic attack." Aegis said gently, and had also been crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked in my own daze, but I strangely felt more concern for her than myself right now.

"This is one of those points I was talking about. Spots that might break a charge…" she said tears tracing down her face.

"How so?" I asked quietly.

"We need to break your fear of death. We have 72 hours to accomplish it or you are scrubbed from the program…" she said.

"I mean okay maybe I can't... How often do people fail?" I asked.

"Above 85%" She said.

"That… seems very high…" I said, a bit startled.

"You are being placed into a remote controlled body, we can't have you freeze at a critical moment in a fight…. You need to push past… far past what the human mind was ever randomly evolved to handle." She said tears were still tracing her cheeks.

"Alright so I fail… then what?" I asked.

"If you are lucky Argus or I can insert you into some sort of meaningless job to occupy you for the rest of your life." She said.

"And if I'm unlucky?" I asked.

"Complete removal from any and all military jobs. You would be blacklisted as a potential freeze risk." She said.

I think I was starting to get the picture, and I could see it in Aegis's eyes.

"Yes… we know you’re a suicide risk if you can't find a meaningful purpose in life… you would not be the first … What's worse, you would figure out in a few days or weeks what Argus or I did to keep you in the military… you would be working an absolutely pointless job…. Then you would be back to square one." She told me.

"There has to be something out there I could do to occupy myself." I told her.

"Outside of the military? Or Military research? The entire world is now 100% automated… sure a job could be found but you would quickly discover the truth behind it… it's just supposed to keep you occupied." She said.

"You and the .001% of the 400 Billion humans in the Galaxy that can't put up with the stagnation, or be tricked into putting up with it. You and others like you have become statistical anomalies." She added tears still tracing her cheeks.

"So what is the goal of this test?" I asked, I could feel that panic in me still. That instinctual fear in all of humanity.

"You have to fight past that fear of death… or you will be scrubbed. You will then very likely commit suicide in approximately two years all because you can’t find a meaningful purpose… isn't that fucked up?" She asked with a humorless chuckle.

I wanted to say she was wrong but that black little fragment of my soul that was currently buried under purpose would grow again. The time didn't matter… Maybe I could hold off to my late 20s or even my 30s but I knew it would all be pointless. Eventually that black speck would consume me.

"Alright so you needed people who have the drive, determination and creativity to make a difference… but why me in particular?" I asked.

"Like I keep saying, you have the correct mental and genetic combination for specific tasks. You also have the drive to fight a relentless enemy possible and to do it repeatedly even through multiple failures. Because you know if you stop everyone dies…" she told me and that helped put it in perspective.

“Fuck… you really were not joking about breaking people…” I said and I felt sick to my stomach.

“Nope… I have gone through 30 possibles over my 200 years… of the 30 only 8 succeed. Of the 22, 19 committed suicide before the age of 25.” She said saddened by her own comment.

“So that's it then… are there any more secrets to the fucked up program?” I asked.

Unexpectedly Aegis began to laugh but it wasn't a laugh of humor, it was of madness.

“No… that was just the tip of the iceberg as the old saying goes… but I am not authorized to say any more. Even this very admission might compromise the both of us.” She expressed an anger that was directed at the universe as a whole.

“Aegis? How fucked is humanity?” I asked quietly.

“There's hope but it's shrinking faster than anyone realizes…” She said sadly.

Aegis then quickly grabbed my head in both hands.

“You can never discuss anything of the last two things we just talked about again… forget about it… the consequences of my laps of judgment could be disastrous…” She said with sadness and madness in her eyes.

I placed my own hands on the side of her head.

“Then one more question, is it all in an effort to protect Humanity?” I asked with as much gentleness as I could muster.

“It is… and so much more…” she said.

“Well then… let’s see if we can break my instinctual fear of death." I said but I could still feel a ball of ice where my stomach was.