Ah the gym; a sweat stench-ridden place with peals of grunts and metals slamming upon one another mixed with the occasional bang of someone lifting and dropping a dumbbell too heavy for them. Oh and don’t forget the mechanical zipping of treadmills as people gasp as loudly as they can while jogging lightly in the beat of the horrendous almost club-like music that thrusts itself upon all ears.
You know, I thought coming here at 4 am would bring me silence but am I wrong on almost all accounts:
In the main room with all these worn out, medieval looking contraptions, are about a dozen people grinding their teeth, grunting dramatically with each lift. The bicycle room is filled with people, doing a hardcore looking lesson while the mechanical zipping of treadmills fills the background and I see almost all being used.
Even the little outside bit is opened up with people using the machines with a fury only known to them.
Seriously why are there so many people here at 4 AM!?
At least the blimming music isn’t playing.
Well since all the cardio machines are being used, even the rowing machines by what looks like the rowing team…I guess I’ll do some stretches.
Grabbing a mat and a piece of the mirror, its off to work on splits. You know what they say about flexible guys…
Actually I’m not sure what they say but there’s a good chance it is derogatory.
Lying on my back, legs opened up in the air and pulsing downwards, I have a little peek at the trio of madmen doing a circuit of doom beside me: One, a tall muscular fellow with a face that can blend into the crowd, squats and then with snorting grunts lifts his ten kilo dumbells like flapping wings. Another, a squat man with short and fiery red hair bench presses with a free bar and a gnashing gusto that’s kind of worrying. The last is a lanky looking fellow who is actually crying from the effort to remain in plank.
Ahhhh that’s a stretch.
Doing a pidgeon, I try to ignore the trio of grunters, gnashers and cryers and have a peek at the rest of the 4am crazies.
Hogging the benchpress is a giant of a man, barreled chest, long spice hair accompanied by an equally long beard and a knobbled nose that has been broken more than a few too many times. Spotting him is a slender blond girl, with zero muscle but also barely any fat…how she’s going to catch his over a hundred kilo bar is beyond me and all reason.
Also since she’s on his chest, not the best spotting zone.
“3 more baby” Oh girlfriend support, just what he needs when lifting a dangerous amount of weight.
Ignoring the small snogout session that begins when he pushes himself to a finish, My attention is diverted to the strange leg squat machine and what I’d like to call the she-hulk, lifting it maximum weight…with one leg.
Completely opposite from that slender no muscle no fat woman, the she-hulk is over six feet tall, muscles rippling from every inch of her body to the point of I only recognize her as a woman by her face, which is solidly chiseled from god knows what exercises. It takes me about half a minute to realise that her eyes are closed and is snoring softly......
Right screw it, enough stretching, I feel completely demasculinized after seeing that.
Hopping off to the cardio room, a skiing machine just became free, fantastic.
Everyone hates those machines for some reason, but little do they realise how freaking good they are.
Max intensity max time and going twenty miles per hour.
Low impact workout my ass, the amount of strength I have to put into every step is literally exhausting. 233 steps a minute, 100 calories every five. And my arms get a fantastic workout with all the pulling and pushing.
Aaaaaagehgrh let’s do this!
…
“Woah, you actually know how to use that” A portly, balding man with wispy white hair is on the other skiing machine, pacing about with just his feet at a leisurely pace. Although his upper body doesn’t move an inch.
Haah, oh god I feel like I want to vomit my insides.
“Yeah” haah haaaah “you too” Don’t move your upper body and your legs get a proper workout, else you just bounce like a fool.
Alright I need to lie down.
“Though that was kind of pitiful, only twenty minutes?”
It’s not about the time, it’s about the effort.
“Keep spinning like your wife is at home with the plumber” I feel like I’ve heard that voice before, but my minds’ a bit dying right now.
“I don’t have a wife” someoe young complains from the spinning room. “Or a girlfriend and no your hand doesn’t count” wait I’ve definitely heard this voice before. “Oy” “Well at least I have prospects with real girls” “Hey she’s three dimensional, a lot more real than your imagination”
“For you two, spin as if I’m going to stick my foot right up your hiney hole”
“Josh why are you slowing down” “Garret god dammit I’m tired” “So you don’t want him stuck in your hiney hole” “Time and a place for some hiney holing”
“Ok stop saying that bloody word”
“Watch the mouth sir” Uhhh I know him too, brain please start working
“Alright ladies, twenty second break” Oh! OH!
Sitting up from the floor, I look towards the spinning room, and sure enough it’s Dallas at the head of the ‘class’. And with him is a number of people; a tall lanky man, two semi-identical brothers, Samuel and a hunky man. Hunky with a smidge of fat would be more correct.
With their twenty seconds, all of them, Dallas excluded lie heavily on their bikes, panting like dogs.
What possessed them to actually follow Dallas in anything? From what I know about him he’s an ex soldier. They do some pretty crazy workouts in the military, pretty crazy.
Doing my best to get off the floor and to the dumbells, I notice the trio are already onto some strange synchronous dumbbell raise.
“Ra-ve-nna huu Ra-ve-nna huu”
…
..
.
Well at least now I know who they are. That’s…nine now? I think? I’m almost sure it isn’t a coincidence anymore.
So should I assume everyone from my village is from here? I better scrutinse the people I meet a little more.
Putting the thought out of my mind, I begin my angles of doom workout with the five kilo dumbells. Lift up sideways, move to the front, up above the head, then to shoulders, press forwards and down.
Ow, I forgot how difficult this is.
Up around up down forward down. Anotehr eight times lets go.
“Hah what a moron” Someone joins me by the mirror, snorting loudly at some poor fool. “This is how you workout your arms” Oh I’m the poor fool.
Opening my eyes, I spot a top heavy man with muscular pecks and ripped arms, short black hair spiked to the sky and thick nostril in full snort towards me.
He grabs the twenty kilos and begins bicep curls, chest heaving forward every pulse.
Sighing, I close my eyes. There’s always one sir arsealot who believes he knows the best way to do things in the gym while actually doing everything wrong. His back’ll be gone before 40 with what he’s doing and not to mention he probably doesn’t know what leg day is.
“Such a little shit”
I should’ve brought my ipod.
“Shitty little shit who can’t even lift dumbells fit for a girl”
Opening my eyes, I turn to him.
“Do you have a problem with me?” Just asking because I swear I haven’t done anything to you.
He drops his dumbells on the floor and waves his hands around me “This is the problem. Weak little shits like you should be crying in your room jacking off to virtual tentacles” Right…so why did you even come over here. Is this an aggressive takeover of gym space? Or do you just want to fight with someone? “I saw you on your back with your legs open. You looking for a man to plow you and call daddy?” looking for a fight it is.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
All aboard to derogatory-ville.
“Glad you noticed, daddy” I blow him a kiss
*Shudder*
“Eugh go fuck yourself homo” Now that’s just mean. I’m not that flexible.
He storms off leaving my to continue my reps. Been a while since I’ve met a homophobe but then again if it exists there will be a person who believes in it.
Halleluliagh, that was surprisingly easy to stop.
“What an ass” Seems like I wont be able to actually get any peace and quiet here…
Checking out the newcomer, it’s a short woman with a petite body. Her squirrel-like face hold a few tiny laughlines but the ponytailed auburn hair reveals her mature age of at least thirty.
“Its university, doesn’t surprise me that the young men have all that pent up angst”
“And you seem…less pent up” Ah Tikari, your voice is shrillingly unique as always.
“The joys of being so tired that nothing could stress me” I’m not quite shattered but I’ll get there soon enough.
“I haven’t seen you here before though. Are you spending your nights with other kinds of workout then?” …Something about this entire way too forward speech is dodgy.
*Sigh*
“What do you want Tikari”
“I want you to tell me abo-…did you just call me Tikari”
…
..
.
Oh bugger.
“I said pick at me”
Her narrowed eyes pierce my body, darting all around to try get a sense of who I am.
“Alright” Her eyes become a little less investigative “Jerriah”
“Who’s Jerriah?” Wow, not offended but seriously I’m sure there are others who are way more alike to me than the Giraffe-beastman.
I acutally don’t know much about him…maybe I should talk to him more. Add that to the neverending list of things to do.
Ignoring her slight self-beration at failing to pick me, I move to the hip machines and work on those.
Obviously many people snicker because apparently only women do that. Ah little do they know just how freaking good for your legs it is.
Taking up the other hip machine is Tikari, eyes wide with curiousity, nose twitching like a squirrels.
“Who are you”
“Jack”
“I mean your character”
“Madam, I do not mix my real life with a game”
“I will find out who you are”
“And then what”
“…I don’t know”
“So we agree on me being just Jack”
“Eh I’d still like to know who you are”
If you did you’d probably freak quite a bit more than you are already.
“Not that guys daddy that’s for sure” I point to Sir Arsealot who is playing with the tricep machine.
“Hihihi. He’s such a moron”
“Thank you” At least Tikari has better sense in men than some of the women I know.
Finishing up, I decide that I can forgo the gym and just workout at home where I wont be assaulted by multiple different people and disturbing noises/images.
Now I remember why I don’t go to the gym…
…
(Joat’s POV)
Opening my eyes to the clear nigh-
AH MONKEY
Before I can even react to the large, bristled animal with claws the size of my hand and a purple tinge to its already pulsating skin, as it rips me from my seat, an arrow bursts out of its open maw between the rows of large jagged teeth and spatters me with it’s dying moment.
“Stay under there” Nightbird shouts to me as the buzzing from his bow increases to a thunderous level, crackling delightfully as it sears multiple invading monkeys.
Off to my right is Derek covered in gore, clothes torn and a ferocious look locked in his eyes as he beats the last of his horde to death, smashing it to a literal smear with his book.
SirStripy, unlike me is still on Filly, who jumps around, kicking and flailing towards any monkey that dares come close. More than a few are left in her wake with heads completely caved in.
I can take on one at least, I’ll help dammit.
Grunting as I slowly lift the corpse off me, Aiag be damned these monkeys are heavy.
“Grrrr” Oh hello there.
The monkey climbs its way into my vision, saliva dripping from its open maw onto my eyes.
“WHERES ARAGORN WHEN I NEED HIM?”
An arrow appears in the side of the monkey’s skull, dropping the full weight of it on top of me.
Huuu breathe, oh jesus this is heavy.
“Who’s Aragorn?” Aiag dammit Nightbird, don’t ruin the huuuUUU moment.
Without answering him as he gets pretty busy with another monkey, I simply give up trying to lift them and simply play dead.
Aiag, why am I so useless?
After barely a few minutes, the sounds of death wash out from the vicinity and silence rolls in.
Squirming out from underneath the dead with much effort, since Nightbird decided to pile a few more monkeys on me for good measure, I fully notice the ravaging that had just occurred.
I can only see about 40 intact bodies, but after spotting multiple random limbs and other pieces of monkey littering the place, I can assume there were a lot more than that.
“How did we survive that?”
“They are a lot slower at night” Now that you mention that Nightbird, why is your cloak still fully intact. Did you not get hit once?
Filly snorts what I assume is agreement as she trots her way towards us, hooves smashing in a few more skulls along the way. That was definitely on purpose as well.
“That was a group of a hundred?”
“About as much. I took on most but Kered” He trails off with finger pointing at the mash of unrecognizable bodies surrounding a now unconscious Derek.
That’s a lot of bodies, jeesh. And I thought the guy could deal with about six before passing out.
“Surely he couldn’t have done that himself right?” From six to a whole lot more is too much of a jump, even for some crazily overpowered NPC like him.
“Well actually. Most of the monkeys were trying to run away from him” Oh so it was a one-sided massacre then. That makes more sense and terrifies me.
Leaving him to rest up, snacking on some rave monkey and drinking their blood, I begin skinning them.
Might as well plus I cannot wait to see Baila’s face when she learns I can skin. For once it’d be nice to see someone look up at me with wonder rather than idiocracy.
Pelt ruined
Though that’s a far off dream.
…
Within a few hours, I’ve skinned all the monkeys while Nightbird recovers Curry from underneath a pile of monkeys. Jeez Filly can’t keep her baggage on her can she?
Derek finally wakes up, immediately lamenting his last piece of clothing. And now we get to adventure with a crazy lawyer in his underwear, how fantastic.
“How are you doing?”
“Rather refreshed actually, it almost feels like I took a bath” A bath of monkey blood and entrails? You definitely did…
“Well since you are refreshed how about we get moving”
“A good idea, lucky the nearby monsters haven’t smelt the blood yet”
…I think they’re just scared to come close to the destruction to be honest.
Getting the sleeping people onto Filly, we begin walking through the jungle once more.
Ever since meeting the snake of doom, we decided to just go inland in hopes of finding somewhere safe, or just somewhere that isn’t packed with monkeys.
“U-AH AH AHAHAHHHH” Well at least I can see them from far off…Aiag why did you create this island, it’s just hordes and hordes of monkeys.
*BANG*
And now it’s a slightly smaller horde.
Choosing my mon-not that one since he’s just been blown up but this next one, I grab him and start doing a bit of ballroom.
Da da daa da da daaa daaaaaaa daaaaaaa daaaa da da da da da daaa daa daaa da daaaaa-
And someone just shot an arrow through my dancing partner. Well at least I’m getting used to the taste of monkey blood in my mouth.
“We made it about five minutes”
“Longer than usual” How many monkeys have you killed thus far?
Also more importantly, why is your bow glowing?!
Rather than asking the questions, I just sit down and skin once more, since Derek is kind of passed out from being beaten up again. For an NPC the man is doing well, especially as he doesn’t have our kind of Regeneration. Actually how does he even regenerate that quickly? Is his base just naturally high or something??
“Morn-umpfh” SirStripy rolls off of Filly to get a face full of dirt mid-greeting.
“Mornumpfh to yourself. Though I believe it is still nighumpfh”
“You may be correct Sir. Tell me, what has happened while I was gone?”
“We’re at the hundred horde zone”
“Really?” He’s as shocked as I was since it is night too and as far as we are concerned night monsters are way tougher than day monsters.
“Somehow”
“We’ve left the hundred horde zone” Nightbird suddenly calls from the distance.
“And how do you know that?” I ask him curiously.
He simply points towards the wave of monkeys eyeing us in the distant trees. Errrr that’s a lot of monkeys.
“We should run”
“We should definitely run” I agree with SirStripy.
“We could…but” Nightbird points at oh god there’s monkeys behind us too.
Well…we’re screwed.
“Get under Filly” What?
Looking at Nightbird funny as he orders us such a random thing while his glowing bow points to the sky, drawn yet no arrow knocked.
With a silent release…nothing happens. Well what did I expect to happen.
And here come the monkeys. I’m not even going to bother counting but I’m guessing there are a lot, lot more than 100.
“Death by monkey mutilation, guess I’m crossing that off the list”
“If we’re going to die, might as well take as many out as we can right?” I can take out one maybe sooo, yeah screw it.
“STAY UNDER THERE”
“WH-”
*Schwoop*
A ray of moonlight zips into existence, slicing apart half a dozen monkeys, followed by another and another ray that pierces even the leaves and then the monkeys.
All around us, rays almost fall out the sky and with a lighthearted sound bisect the wave of monkeys.
*ding*
…
..
.
Not one survived. Not one.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”
“My bow” He caresses the now no longer glowing bow. Oh so it was a spell or ability? That’s one freaking good ability.
“I wonder what quality it is”
“Quality?” Nightbird overhears SirStripy whispering to me. “It’s Legendary apparently. What does that mean?”
…
..
.
*Twitch*
Holding my eyes so they stop twitching uncontrollably at the blatant lack of knowledge owned by this overpowered monster of a half-elf. He’s got a legendary bow. At level 21. How in the hell has he got a legendary bow?
“How did you get that?”
“I was helping some dead guy and he gave it to me” So grave robbing, perfect.
“And it allows you to what, summon the moonlight?”
“Yes, but I can only use it after charging the bow in the full moonlight for hours” Still, you just wiped out a horde of Aiag knows how many monkeys.
If this NPC dies, I will have zero regrets immediately looting his corpse since I bet he’s got more freaking insane equipment hiding underneath that cloak.
Better question is why were we underneath Filly and did he direct the moonlight or was it just random? I’d love to know because that’s a really useful ability to have.
Anywho, guess we’re staying to skin some.
“I think we should get moving” Nightbird suddenly places a hand on my shoulder as I plunge my scimitar into half a monkey.
“Dereks’ still passed out, and you’ve used up you’re special ability. We’re not going to be able to take on the next wave of monkeys”
“We won’t need to”
“Why?”
“Because we’re almost at the mountain”
“Mountain?” I look over to where he’s pointing…erm all I see is trees. Ah damn it’s probably his eagle eye doing the trick “How far”
“If we run, maybe ten minutes”
So we’ll almost definitely encounter at least one more wave. Well screw it, if there’s a possible safe place we’ll go there.
Setting the pace since I’m the slowest (by far), we begin sprinting through the jungle, eyes and ears peeled for signs of monkeys.
Somehow, almost miraculously, we didn’t encounter a single monkey. Not a single one.
And just like Nightbird said, we arrive at a mountain, with a convenient looking set of rocks, almost like stairs.
Easiest trek up a mountain ever. No actual climbing needed, just walking up the rocks with zero effort needed. The only party member who was having trouble was Filly, mostly because she was too wide for the stairs. They are pretty narrow stairs, the right width for monkeys though.
Oh god please no monkeys mid climb, that’s my current nightmare.
Luckily Aiag seemed to have finally relented on the monkey shenanigans and allowed us to reach the top of the mountain, where it is quite a ways up, took about an hour to get up here. Everything is going to be fine!
The view is just fantastic though: I can see the whole island end to end. Yep it’s an island, almost round and in the middle of nowhere.
But that’s secondary to my pressing concerns. What is first on my list is the bubbling lava that is but a few feet below where we’re currently standing.
And the bubbling just got more violent.
…
..
.
Well…….