I always, ever since I was a young GiRL, wanted to go into another world. There were so many different ways, each with their own benefits and drawbacks, to get there!

When people are killed, they die. Whether they were killed or died some other, natural or unnatural, way, they reincarnate. However, I think dying is painful and well… deadly, so I think I will pass on this…

I mean, I can get summoned to another world by pure chance if I’m lucky enough. But, I think my luck stat is so shit that numbers don’t go low enough to express it. If I could see it, I bet it’d just be a brown splotch.

Despite that, I succeeded! You want to know what I, your father, did? Hah! Obviously, as you should have guessed from the non-existent foreshadowing I forgot to plug-in and that onomatopoeia chuckle, I used magic of course!

If you were to ask me where did I learn magic, I wouldn’t tell you because that increases my mysteriousness and covers my ass for future plot holes. Well, alright. I suppose I could say it if you were to ask nicely. Please ask me! Alright… I learned it from the internet!

Everything can be found online these days, including the other world transportation and more importantly porn. Though, I think I’ll skip on the section where a guy shoves a whole jar up his ass for no reason.

The discovery was not on accident though. The transportation, I mean, not the 1man1jar thing. I visited a site that was the target of many urban legends, the visit-it-and-you'll-disappear kind, also known as a creepypasta, and there was a set of instructions there. At first, I was shocked that the site actually existed in real life.

I followed the instructions and now, my morbidly obese body is floating in empty space while my layers of fat jiggle oh so slightly. So, yay? It’s just the type of infinite white space you’d expect in a story like this, too. It’s a bit cliche, but that just means it probably worked right.

As more time passes, I feel like I've entered limbo, purgatory or something else of that nature. There’s nothing here, absolutely nothing but myself and white. I don’t even know how long I’ve been floating about in my underwear. I could swear I’ve spent like, a few hours in here at least. At least, I don’t feel the need to eat, sleep or poop, so that’s a good thing, right?

Oh, who am I kidding, neither you nor myself; I fucked this up, didn’t I? This is so fucking fuckety bad. I hate staying in this place so much and I despise the fact I’ve been here for so long! I should have brought a game console, or at least my handheld! Ah, but the instructions make that a bit difficult. I don’t think you can make a machine swallow that many pills at once. Or, like, at all, really. It was hard enough soaking my underwear in that mixture and I doubt a machine could survive being drenched like that.

Then, something that was totally unexpected teleported right in front of me out of nothing: a bus. It was a completely normal, blue-colored public transportation vehicle you’d see anywhere, except that the windows were tinted black so I couldn’t see inside it. The side of it even had an advert for… a restaurant offering grilled C’thulu? I mean, that’s as much as I can tell from the pictures and I really can’t read any of the weird letters…

“Wanna come aboard, stray soul? This bus is going for Fynas!”

A skull phased through the front windshield of the bus like a ghost, presumably the driver of the bus from what he said… WHAT THE FUCK? I think Hadrig should be the one to pick me up instead of a skeleton but oh well, I'm going to another world anyway. How I get there is probably unimportant.

Wait… am I getting too excited? What if Fynas is another word for hell? That would suck ass more than a straw! Damn… I almost got scammed.

“Ummm… What kind of place is Fynas? In simple terms, please…”

My flabby astral mouth opened itself for the first time since I came here. Whew… looks like I can still speak here. It’s a bit weird since I’m pretty sure I’m not even breathing, but questioning these things at this point seems kind of pointless.

“Simple, eh? Simple… like for an idiot, right?”

The driver placed his bony digits under his jaws. His arm had phased through both the windshield and front cover of the bus. The parts of the bus being phased through seemed more like a liquid than a solid, parting for the skeletal driver.

“I guess the simplest way to put it would be hardcore sword and magic, low fantasy. It really isn’t very popular with stray souls. At least, the stray souls that know better. A few crazies sometimes come along with unrealistic expectations. Still wanna go?”

That sucks! I can't live a medieval life like that! I’m a human from a modern era and I have special needs!

“I think I’ll pass on that. When's the next bus or the next stop?”

“Well, this will be the last bus passing through Earth because the only god there closed the borders to other worlds in order to keep them from stealing his souls or something.”

Well, that reminds me of High Chancellor Tump and his quest to stop Aliena Mexca from stealing Murican jobs…

Shit. Looks like my luck really is the worst. Ah, but it’s a bus, right? That means it goes to more than one place!

“So, after Fynas, where else do you plan on stopping?”

“My bus is touring around horrible worlds and I think Fynas would be the best by Earth’s standards because you're most likely to survive there…”

“I think I want to ride the bus to Fynas.”

The skeleton smiled, cheerfully or I think it did. Either that or it’s greatly surprised. Hard to tell without lips and all that. Anyways, I am going to another world! Isn't that exciting?

I stepped into the bus and looked around. There was nobody there so I sat on the seat right behind the clothed bones driving this thing. I think my seat screamed a little when I sat on it, but that was probably just my imagination.

“Can I transfer to another bus?”

“You can, but you’ll lose all your memories.”

“There’s no other way?”

“Nope.”

“Well, that sucks.”

“Look, I kinda feel for ya, but it’s your own fault you know? You would’ve had way more luck if you didn’t cling to your old life for so long.”

Skeleton Driver… I think you and I could have been best friends! If best friends said things like ‘you should have died sooner’ to each other.

Dick.

“Yeah…”

The bus suddenly stopped as I felt the inertia kick in.

“Well… Thanks mister skeleton, I think I'm going to live my life as a better person from now on.”

The driver nods then the bus disappears. I am now in front of a small building like the place I went for my first job interview. One floor, windows everywhere, an arrow sign on the side and a pair of glass double-doors at the entrance. It’s actually pretty scary how close it looks to a McRonald’s drive-through. They even have the big yellow ‘M’ at the top. I have no idea why, though. They actually kicked me out of the interview when I asked why a burger joint called ‘McRonald’s’ had an ‘M’ at the top… Actually, fuck those guys. Their food always gave me diarrhea anyway! Well, okay, the fries were good, but that was it!

“Welcome to Fynas Soul Immigration, are you here to come for Worldcrossing?”

A hand-sized butterfly-winged girl came over to me. She had a flower-like dress so she should be a fairy, right? Wait, is that racist? Or speciesist? Maybe it’s fantasist? Well, it’s bound to be something-ist, so I better keep my mouth shut about it.

“I think I am.”

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“Come with me, you have to get your baggage checked and fill up forms.”

“Wait, I have nothing on me but I can do the forms.”

“Don't fool me, you have your body with you, right? Don't worry, nothing bad will happen to it.”

The fairy floats away, and I follow behind her on foot. Transparent floor tiles appear under my feet whenever I take a step. It’s weird, but I keep my thoughts to myself. I’d rather not get sent away for questioning stuff again. If I get kicked out of this one, I’m really going to be screwed.

She leads me through the glass double doors, and the inside catches me a bit off-guard. It’s nothing like the restaurant I know and hate! It’s much closer to an office space, complete with off-white cubicles, fluorescent lights, and even a shitty carpet from the ‘80s. There’s even a weird metal detector type thing like from an airport at the door… Are the gods here really that technologically advanced? I mean it breaks the image of them being all ancient and shit. But man, the entrance sure is empty... I mean, there’s a lot of stuff, but not a single person is around besides us! Not to mention it looks a lot bigger on the inside!

“Stop looking around too much and follow closely. Not that closely, leave me some personal space.”

Right, best listen to the fairy-looking thing person whatever it is. I pick up the pace a bit and we pass under the metal-detector-looking thing. In the next instant, I feel my tighty-whities transform into something else. I can’t really see them since my gut is in the way, but it feels… itchy. Also drafty. Is that a loincloth down there?!

“Your clothes have been altered to fit this world because anything that the administrator hates will be destroyed.”

“Oh…”

“And if you're wondering why the realm has technology from your world, it is because it takes form based on the visitor's perspective. For me, the gates look like an alarm magical field.”

Is she an ESPer? Wow… This world is amazing!

“No, I cannot read your thoughts.”

“Huh? But you just-”

“Look buddy, it’s just a thing called experience, okay? I’ve seen your type so many times that I’m already sick of it. And no, you’re not actually as unique and special as you might think you are.”

“Oh…”

“... Well, at the very least, you’re the first person to come in just their underwear. So there’s that. Even the naked ones had a couple possessions to their name like a bathtub and razor.”

She flashes me one of those trademarked business smiles and leads me into the back room. She then gives me me a stack of glossy papers and some kind of transparent pen. I grab the first one and start reading it, but my head starts feeling heavy from just the first paragraph. Who knew that reincarnation needs so much paperwork… I think this isn’t really different from the real life I escaped.

After filling up, we continue moving as we reach a bunch of maze-like hallways. After a few turns, about 30 or so times in total, we go through a wooden door and enter a large crowded city square.

It had doors and people wherever the eye could see but strangely enough, everybody walking by would pass right through me, like the skeletal driver and his bus. There were all kinds of doors, from golden ones to broken ones.

“Now, you are on your own in picking your divine patron, I suggest choosing one of the biggest gods but oh well! You can go without one but you will not obtain a class, which is essential in you want to live long here. No pressure and good luck, you’ll need plenty of it.”

“Wait!”

And she vanished… I sighed mentally in my head before beginning to think ways of overcoming this dilemma.

My life has been unfortunate but I think that I amassed a massive amount of karma because of that. I'm gonna be trusting my luck on this one. I mean, it’s never helped before but it doesn’t hurt to test it out. What could go wrong?

I closed my eyes and spun round and round until nausea came to me. It took a few seconds before the nausea went away and I opened my eyes.

In front of me was an old wooden door which sign reads: OPEN. The door was rough and covered in knots and scratches.

Oh, it seems to be an unpopular deity… but let's believe in my luck for once.

I twist the knob and entered. Beyond the door, was an unkempt medieval office with scrolls everywhere and an office lady who was fast asleep.

She had dull brown robes and hair that reminds me of a warm fireplace for some reason.

“Um-”

“A soul hast finally came! I am deeply grateful to thee.”

The robed scribe suddenly stand up like shark smelling blood. She cleared her throat before speaking in a normal fashion.

“Sorry for that… It was a bad habit I learnt as a deity.”

Her hand frantically waves around in order to explain. Not like I cared about it...

“That's okay I guess?”

“Really? Then, are you here to check what I have to offer? I don't really have any followers so my powers are limited.”

She looks curiously at me as if appraising everything I have.

“From your physique and general aura, are you a cook?”

Oh fuck, did she just roast me indirectly? It’s not like I’m Rordon fucking Gamsey. Physique refers to how I’m a fatass.

“Just because I'm fat and I like cooking, doesn't mean I'm a cook... I'm actually unemployed."

“Sorry! I don't mean to poke fun at you. It's just lately, people that come here seek strength to overwhelm anything and I don't have any of that because I'm the lady of the Changing Hearth.”

Oh, she's actually fine… I think I should take this chance now. I hate being exploited like some god of war. Karotos, I’m talking about you...

“I think I might go for a pacifistic life… It would be hard to survive if you're too strong. People will be after your life constantly and it’d get boring at some point.”

She sincerely smiled like an angel… I can feel a halo glowing on her.

“Really? But I have a condition however…”

I wonder what it would be…

“Don't form contracts with other deities! I have learnt my lesson from last time I had believers!”

“Well… Okay!”

She looks at me blankly before frantically moving her mouth.

“A-a-are you sure?”

I gave a nod to show my approval. She leaped off her chair with great delight.

“Thank you so much!”

“You're welcome?”

She lightly clears her throat.

“Now then, let's begin with the migration process but before that- we don't even know each other's names! Let's begin by introducing to one another.”

“I'm N’he, Aid-”

What did I just say? N’he isn't my last name!

“Wait, that's not my real name! My name is Aideca-”

Again? Aideca is my email minus the numbers, symbols, and part about liking large breasts. What the fuck am I doing, saying my email to a goddess?

“I see, so you must've realized your true name, you can't use it in divine realms unless you are aware of it… Most mortals won't even know if it throughout their entire lives.”

Am I some kind of big shot now? My “true” name is ugly...

“Fine, I'm Aideca En N’he…”

The thing I hate the most with my name is that-

“That's a nice name, To Change From Lethargy, huh…”

“I would prefer you call me something else. That name basically tells my story of regrets.”

“Okay then Ain’he, I am Rethah the lady of the Changing Hearth, a deity who grants mortal homes minor perks. Nice to meet you. You can call me anything you want.”

“The introductions are done. When's the process actually going to start, lady Rethah?”

“Okay, hold out your hand. No, your other hand. I would need to know your soul composition before giving you a body and a blessing.”

I hold out my stubby left hand as her slender fingers traced through my palm, glowing.

The light jumped out, forming letters in the air.

Compatible Bases:

* Human

* Spr-t-

“Looks like you're going to be human…”

“Will I be able to change my physique if I choose to be one? Being fat would not be so handy if I'm going to live in Fynas.”

“Sadly, you can't… Crossing worlds with a weak soul is impossible without a familiar vessel. Your new body has to be similar.”

“How about the second choice?”

“The sprite path is available but you barely have any compatibility with it. I mean, look at the floating letters, it wasn’t even spelled out fully. I doubt you would like it. You can have a better body but you will feel awkward with it.”

“My body already felt awkward as it is. There won't be much of a difference if I choose sprite.”

“If you insist… Don't tell me I didn't warn you. Here is your final chance and forever more know that this door will be closed to you.”

The letters went back into my hands as flames leaped off, forming words.

Classes

* Maid

* Cook

* Hearth Tender

* Moonlight Sculptor

* L33t sniper

“What's with this…”

“I told you, you won't find power.”

“Why is there a maid class here? Shouldn't it be butler?”

“That's certainly strange… And it's on top of your list- Maid is a gender restricted class! There's no way that a fat man could turn into one! This is madness!”

Yes indeed… but such a way of saying so reminds me of that movie, 500.

“I'm curious if I'm actually able to become one despite being male…”

“Are you serious, Ain'he? I'm actually curious but I would rather not waste my next Blessed…”

“Oh hey, I picked it.”

“... May you succeed on this endeavor… Try not to die...”

Ain’he - Sprite Maid Lv1

“Well, wish me luck. I wanna make this a success…”

Everything turned dark before great agony assaulted my body.