Hana let out a satisfied sigh as she soaked in the bath's warm waters. The bathrooms at the Ranger Outpost weren't huge, but they were just large enough for a small tub. She'd already taken the time to rid herself of the dirt from Mt. Moon, so this was purely to try and release some of her tension. It wasn't quite Ember Spa, but it would do.
She thought back to the events over the last few days. It had been complete chaos, getting through Mt. Moon. Her adventure had been so much scarier than she'd ever expected. Statistically, it was unreasonable to imagine that her group would have gone through everything that they had.
And they still only had a single badge.
Hana wanted to cry as she thought about how much more they'd have to deal with in the future. Being a low-badge trainer was supposed to be relatively safe, giving you breathing room before you started dealing with truly dangerous threats. You weren't supposed to fall in a hole filled with scarier Pokemon than you'd ever seen before, and you certainly weren't supposed to go running after every stray sound you heard in the night-
She grimaced. Hana had come into the bath to avoid thinking about that.
Hana reached out of the tub and grabbed her phone. She was careful to wipe her hand on her towel so she didn't get the screen wet. Quickly flipping to her podcast app, she checked her queue and found one dated from yesterday. If a bath wasn't going to do the job, this would have to do.
Slow lo-fi music echoed in the bathroom. After a few seconds, the host of the show began speaking. "Hello, listeners. Welcome to KPR's Up Next. I'm Rella Wilhems, bringing you today's top stories in the greater Kanto region. Today we'll be covering unusual Pokemon sightings in southern Kanto, an increased Ace Trainer presence along our northern border, and a look at the first talks between Champions Lance Blackthorn and Steven Stone for an upcoming show battle."
Hana hummed in satisfaction, settling deep into the tub and letting the water come up to just under her nose. KPR, or Kanto Public Radio, was one of the few radio stations that had been available for free in the Sevii Islands, so she'd grown up listening to publically funded podcasts and news coverage. Now, far past the need for actual radios, she still listened to a few of their news and education podcasts when she had the time.
Rella Wilhems was actually one of Hana's favorite hosts. She was another native of the Sevii Islands, so her topics tended to be more varied than the average host's. It was easy to fall into 'Kanto-centric' entertainment on KPR, so Hana was grateful for Up Next as a program.
"Our first story today surrounds troubling reports of non-native Pokemon being spotted in southern Kanto, near both Cinnabar Island and Pallet Town," Rella continued. "Among these sightings include Pokemon native to a myriad of regions, some as far away as Galar and Unova. Authorities suspect that these Pokemon have been purposefully relocated by poachers to the Kanto region to attempt to cultivate rare evolutionary lines as invasive species. Local representatives of the League and the Rangers are currently investigating the origin of these exotic Pokemon, including the world-renowned Professor Samuel Oak. He had this to say about the sightings:"
Rella's voice was replaced by that of an elderly man. Hana knew what Professor Oak sounded like, of course. She'd listened to every lecture of his that had ever been put online. Twice.
"The introduction of non-native Pokémon species can have serious ecological consequences," he warned. "We need to monitor these developments closely to ensure the balance of the local ecosystem is maintained."
The host spoke again. "Notable Pokemon among the sightings include such lines as the Liligant, Grookey, and Litleo in northern Route 22 outside of Pallet Town. Farther south, the Piplup, Clauncher, and even Goomy lines have been spotted in the waters around Cinnabar Island. Rangers encourage trainers to catch these Pokemon before they disrupt local ecosystems, though they warn that trainers should not disrupt the environment themselves in pursuit of these exotic Pokemon."
Hana perked up at the mention of Grookey and Goomy. She'd been considering attempting to import a Grookey herself, so the news that she could potentially catch one in Kanto was great news. Goomy, though, was a dragon type that belonged to a select group of Pokemon called 'pseudo-legendaries'. There tended to be one or two in every region, and they just happened to be some of the naturally strongest Pokemon around. She'd have to mention it to Derek later-
She frowned, sinking back into the tub.
Hana reached her arm out, skipping past the rest of the exotic Pokemon story. She could read the reports later.
"-story has to do with a tightening down of Kanto's northern border by the Ace Trainers," Rella's voice kicked back in after Hana finished hitting her fast-forward button. "In response to a state of emergency being declared by Champion Lance regarding the attack on the Pewter City Museum of Science two weeks ago-"
Hana turned off Up Next.
Two weeks ago, she would've thought her friend being involved in a terrorist attack would be the scariest thing she would ever have to live through. It had been insane, finding out that Derek had just happened to be there on the day of Team Rocket's attack. She, Yuji, and Amy had dropped everything immediately. They'd sprinted almost ten blocks only to find that they couldn't do anything to help. They'd waited for almost four hours to hear anything about their friend, and she'd hated every single moment of it.
That feeling of helplessness and the fear she'd felt for her friend outside of the museum was supposed to be the worst of it, the scariest thing she'd see in her rookie year. Less than a month later, she was trapped deeper under Mt. Moon than eight-badge trainers were even allowed to go. They'd been extremely lucky to have run into Pokemon as weak as they had. Every single choice they'd made had compounded into them getting out alive and it was eating at her that she'd had no control in that situation.
Well, that wasn't all true. There had been one moment when she'd felt like she was in control. Hana thought back to the Rhydon fight, feeling sick inside. There had been a moment, right after Paige had made her first big hit on Rhydon, that she'd felt a surge of confidence. Paige and Rafflesia had fought off Rhydon, keeping it on the ropes for more than a minute. There was a vicious satisfaction that had risen in her chest. At that moment, Hana had felt that maybe all of her planning had put her on another level, like she could take on the entire world. Legends, she'd smiled.
And then she was shown just how weak she was. Rhydon found its footing and brute forced its way through her Pokemon with as little effort as she'd use to fight a Pidgey. Paige had almost been torn apart. Rafflesia had been scared so badly that Hana wasn't sure if her fighting spirit would recover. That false confidence had been a wake-up call on how badly they needed to get stronger. Their badges were more than just trophies, they were a real indicator of the threats that they could handle.
And then, after all that Derek had-
"Damn it," Hana swore. It felt foreign in her mouth.
She leaned forward, unplugging the drain stopper. Not even a hot bath would make her feel better, it seemed. She quickly dried off and found her way to her bag. It might've only been mid-afternoon, but she grabbed out her pajamas. Today warranted cuddling into bed and forgetting about everything until she woke up the next morning. The mood was for something without lyrics, maybe some lo-fi. She just wanted to sleep.
Right as Hana finished putting her hair up in a towel, there was a knock at the door.
That's probably Nurse Joy, Hana thought. Maybe Rafflesia is ready for me.
Hana opened the door. It took a lot of willpower to keep her face steady as she saw a familiar tuft of dark hair and a russet pair of heartfelt eyes. She stared at the space above his nose, determined to not make eye contact with him.
"Hey," Derek said. He was nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Just like her, he wasn't making an attempt to make eye contact, instead staring at the ground. His hand found its way to the back of his neck. "I wanted to talk. Is that okay?"
There were so many emotions bubbling in her chest that she decided to ignore all of them. Instead, she nodded once and stepped to the side, opening the door for him. He tilted his head in thanks, slipping past her like he was afraid she'd hit him. Satisfaction poked its way through her barricades before she pushed it back. The intrusive thought that he was right to be scared of her was a difficult one to suppress.
Hana took a deep breath before closing the door. She purposefully prolonged the process to give herself a few extra seconds. She was glad that he'd come to talk to her first, but it didn't meaningfully impact the conversation that was coming. The other emotions stewing in her chest, like rage, misery, determination, disappointment, and something else, were clawing their way through her walls, and she wasn't sure how long she had before they broke out. Hana was honestly impressed with herself that she'd kept them contained seeing him alone.
Standing awkwardly in her room, Derek looked like he was just as much of a mess as she was. He glanced between the chair and the bed but ultimately decided to stand. She was grateful because she wasn't sure if she'd be able to sit for this either. Her chest felt like a baking soda volcano: messy and unpredictable and full of pressure. Every time Derek's eyes glanced at her, at least a small amount of guilt present in them, she felt like her top was going to blow. There were so many things that she wanted to say, and almost all of them would be completely justified.
As she crossed her arms in front of her, Derek decided to start the conversation. He took a deep breath. "Hana-"
She put up a hand, silencing him. The motion had been entirely involuntary, but her arm had shot itself into the air. He'd gotten less than one word out, but his tone alone had emboldened her rage enough to crumble her walls. He hadn't sounded apologetic, only guilty. It was a fine distinction, but it was one that made something clear: Derek wasn't here because he felt that his actions were wrong.
He hadn't learned his lesson. Hana fumed. She'd been sitting here, brooding over his choices, and he hadn't even come here to apologize. Even as truly angry as she was, Hana focused all of her energy on channeling her indignation. She couldn't keep it in, but she could change how she presented it. She wanted Derek to be sorry, to care that he had done wrong, but that didn't mean that she wanted to hurt him. Legends, she was only this angry because of how much she valued him.
Hana brought her glare down, eviscerating the carpet with her eyes. She kept her breathing steady and cold. It was still obviously full of hurt and anger, but she would not let herself lash out. She was better than that. Hana's carefully organized thoughts began to file their way into an organized argument. She would structure these negative feelings into a presentation of succinct points, undeniable and ironclad, to make her thoughts clear.
She started small and spoke quietly. "You chose not to trust me."
There, that was the thesis. That was what Hana was truly mad about. She was angry about so many other things, and she would touch on them in her supporting arguments, but that was the meat of the issue.
Hana smothered the victory in her chest when Derek grimaced. He still hadn't met her eyes, but embracing her feelings had let hers bore into him.
"You chose not to trust me," Hana repeated herself. With each sentence, she raised a finger up to represent one of her points. "You chose not to communicate. You risked your life, Lester's life, Artis's life, Wisp's life, and all of our lives. You deprived yourself of the support the rest of us could have provided. You knew your judgment was lacking and went anyway. You knowingly placed a strain on our relationship on a whim."
Though she was making the greatest effort to remain analytical, each of her verbal blows shook her self-control. Derek physically recoiled at each point, and that emboldened her, but it also made her feel all the more helpless. Her friend, someone whom she felt closer to than many people in her life, was making it clear that none of her statements were new information to him. He had known what was coming and was rolling with her punches, which hurt worse than negligence. It was almost like he was willfully trying to avoid acknowledging that he, at the very least, shouldn't do anything like Mt. Moon ever again.
By the end of her reasons, Hana had run out of fingers on her hand and instead clenched her fist. Though her reasons had run out, Hana found that she couldn't stop the flow of words from her mouth. "You knew how I feel about not communicating," she continued, her voice having lost all attempt at coldness. Hana felt hot moisture in the corners of her eyes. "'That's what friends are for', we'd said. But apparently, that doesn't count if you hear a weird noise. You didn't know that any Pokemon were actually in danger. And even if you did, if you'd seen what was going on, you still chose them over us. We could have done it as a team."
Hana stepped back, eyes hard. "And worst of all, you didn't apologize."
While it had enraged her here, in this conversation, Hana had been prickling over that tiny fact since he'd told his story last night. Not once, across the entirety of the rest of Mt. Moon, had Derek said he was sorry. He hadn't mentioned it off-hand when he and Lester had appeared out of the darkness, he hadn't said it when he'd given her a half-hour tale of his encounter with a mysterious Pokemon, and his reaction when she said it made it clear that he hadn't been planning on doing it here.
His apology wouldn't have fixed him risking his own life or breaking her trust, but it would've meant that he wasn't going to do it again.
Since she had silenced him, Derek hadn't attempted to speak. He'd stood there, visibly pained by every word she'd said, and had respected her nonverbal request to let her speak her mind. It was so frustrating. This was how he got when an emotional conversation came up. He was attentive and emotionally available, and it really made her feel like he would learn his lesson and finally ask her for help. But he hadn't. He wouldn't. Hana had tried to get Derek to come to her when he needed help twice, once in the Viridian Forest and once in the Pokemon Center, and he'd made it seem like she'd gotten through to him both times.
After he'd been kidnapped in the Viridian Forest, Hana hadn't even brought up his willingness to sacrifice himself. His Pokemon had been in danger, after all, and it had been a split-second decision. It hadn't proven to be a pattern of behavior until the Pewter City museum. Hana wasn't an idiot, she knew there was something that he was keeping from them about the attack. He'd done something that they wouldn't approve of, and Amy knew what it was. She'd overheard the two of them on Route Three, and she'd let her psychic friend try and handle it. Hana had only taken the opportunity to talk to him at the Pokemon Center because of the circumstances.
And then there was the text she'd gotten. That had been eating at her for two days, and she didn't know how to unpack it yet.
After her small speech, Hana felt drained. She sighed, unclenching her fist, and inclined her head to Derek. He'd been respectful enough to let her get it all out, so the least she could do was the same.
Derek looked down at his hands. Hana grimaced when she realized that they were trembling. Guilt and shame smothering the embers of her anger. She really hadn't wanted to hurt him; she'd just wanted him to understand. Hana almost apologized right then and there, but Derek pressed both of his hands into his hoodie pocket and steeled himself. His inhale straightened his back, bringing his height to just over hers. His brown eyes were wet, but he blinked them clear.
"Hana," Derek said, his voice thick and full of emotions. "You're right. I'm sorry."
The release of tension across her entire body almost brought Hana to her knees. She'd wound herself up, all the emotions she'd repressed since last night had stressed her into a rigid structure, but Derek's unexpected admission unfurled that tension. She didn't retreat to the chair or the bed, but leaned back against the wall.
Unlike Hana, Derek wasn't able to gather his thoughts into any kind of organization. The boy from Hoenn looked genuinely lost and confused. After he'd said his apology, Derek had retreated into himself. He finally sat, gently putting his weight onto the desk chair, like he was afraid the world had suddenly gone fragile. Hana had only seen him like this once, the evening after he'd come back from his mental evaluation, and even then it hadn't been this bad. Something she'd said had truly shaken him.
Derek rested his head in his palm. "I-," he tried. When the words didn't come, he took a deep and shaky breath. "I, um, I came here to tell you that I knew what I did was wrong, but I would've done it again if I had to. I knew that it hurt you, but I really thought that it was the right thing."
Hana didn't have the energy to tense up again. It was clear that wasn't the end of his story. Instead, she moved away from the wall and sat on the end of her bed. He was working his way through a revelation and she would find common ground with him.
"I get it now that I shouldn't think like that. And, I- I guess I'm an idiot," Derek said. "And I do a lot of stupid stuff, and it's not okay. People have told me that, lots of people. My dad, my mom, you, Daisy, Amy, Yuji, Professor Oak, Karen, Tarina..." The boy drifted off on his list, slumping his shoulders when he realized there were a lot more to count. "Dr. Delkins pointed this out, ya know? He said it to me weeks ago. I don't take care of myself, I make other people's problems my own. And that worked for me. I was okay with that. It just- it really hadn't hit me how bad not focusing on myself was hurting other people."
"When I went to go find the Clefairy, I guess that- I mean- I thought that since somebody else was in trouble, and I had a chance to help them, I could just forget how much trouble I was in. We were in," he corrected himself, rubbing his eyes. "And I didn't think about it twice. No, actually, when I did think about it later, I was so on my own side that I was actually feeling bad that I didn't feel bad. I mean, we saved an egg, so I had to be right, right?" Derek's fake laugh was dry and lacked life. "I wanted to write it off as a win, a bet that had worked out."
When he paused, Derek finally met her eyes. His gaze was unfocused and exhausted, but it was clear that he needed her to say the next part. He was coming leaps and bounds in understanding, but sometimes it took more than your own energy to make a real change.
"But it wasn't," Hana murmured. "It was an excuse. You going off like that worked out way better than it had any right to. You should have died. It was a miracle that you didn't. You put all of our lives on the line, and you hurt me because you didn't trust me to help you."
Derek nodded, his gaze focusing. He was still lost, but her reinforcement had helped him confirm the logic. He stared at the floor, thoughts racing through his mind. When his expression got darker, Hana stepped in again. She wasn't going to do the work for him, but she knew that having a goal drove this boy like nothing else. Hana just had to ask.
"So, what is your plan?"
"What?" Derek self-spiraling aborted itself and he looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Hana took a breath. She repeated herself. "What is your plan? You've realized the problem. What are you going to do about it?"
The gears in Derek's mind began to visibly whir. His expression went blank, and Hana felt a sense of satisfaction bring her a second wave of energy. She'd really done it. Her tirade hadn't been a useless rant. She hadn't forgiven him yet, not by a long shot, but Hana knew that this was a real step of progress forward for Derek. The Pokemon Center had been the first, but this one was so much bigger. Derek wasn't thinking in terms of a competition or Pokemon training. He was thinking about himself and his relationships with his friends, which Hana knew was so much more important.
Derek started slowly. "I need to be better. I need to start thinking about myself in a lot of different ways. I'll need help to get there, so I need to make good on Dr. Delkin's offer when we get to Cerulean, and-" Derek's voice wavered. "I need to apologize to my friends. I know that my actions hurt you all, and I want to earn back your trust."
Hana nodded, His plan was starting, but she did have to clarify something. "The others aren't angry," Hana's voice dropped to a whisper. "Amy looks up to you too much. Yuji was basically an accomplice. So, no, they aren't angry."
Derek understood what she had said between the lines and recognition flashed on his face. The others weren't angry. She still was. Hana had drawn a clear line in the sand, one that was respectful, but made it clear to him that it would be a while before her negative feelings went away.
He took it in stride. "Okay, I will earn it back," Derek said with determined seriousness. "And even if they aren't mad, they deserve one. It's been hypocritical of me to try and help them with their problems without working on my own. After I apologize to my friends, I'll make some new rules about my decision-making skills. If something comes up that doesn't work within those, I'll do everything in my power to stop it."
Hana felt some pride as she watched Derek's directionless sense of loss disappear as he spoke. Giving him an actionable way to work on himself and improve his relationships had really kept him from spiraling. His hands had stopped trembling and he talked with confidence. Hana stood up, only slightly interrupting his planning. After a moment of confusion, he stood with her. Hana guided him to the door.
"I'm glad that you have a plan," she said carefully. "And I really hope you stick to it."
Derek looked from her to the door, and it clicked for him. "But you need me to go," he spoke softly, understanding.
Hana nodded. "I'm tired, and I've said everything I needed to say."
"You've done more than that," Derek said, opening her door. "You made me see what I hadn't understood before. You told me to my face what I was missing, and it helped. Thank you, Hana. You're really one of my best friends."
She smiled at him, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. "And you're one of mine. Now, let me rest before I get angry again. I might actually have to kill you at that point."
Derek gave her a look, one that was somewhere between grateful, exhausted, and amused, before leaning down and giving her a hug. She squeezed him back. As upset with him as she was, and as much of a rift as there was between them right now, Hana still wanted him to know that she cared about him. She rested her head against his collarbone. He was warm, but she could feel the exhaustion in how weak his grip was.
They both ended the hug sooner than they normally would. Derek left without another word. Hana shut her door. She slumped onto her bed, letting the weariness and emotional drain flow through her.
Did I do the right thing? Hana thought. She didn't have doubts in her methods, she'd spoken straight from the heart, but there wasn't a single person on this planet who could confidently say they were right in tearing down their best friend. At least, if there was, Hana didn't want to know that person.
Hana wriggled into her covers, pulling them close to her chest. Her hand drifted to her phone, fully on autopilot as she clicked through her text messages. It landed on a contact that she'd only had for a few weeks, but it already felt like one of her most important ones. The text was dated to the night of the canyon, about an hour after they'd found out that they had a signal. It was already marked 'read', but she'd never replied.
[[Daisy Oak, 20:32]] Hey Hana! This is kind of out of the blue, but I just got off a call with Derek and he was feeling a bit down. I know he's not feeling the same since everything happened at the museum. I know you probably are already, but could you please keep an eye on him? I don't want him to get hurt because he's not feeling 100%. I know you care about him as much as I do, and I trust you.
Hana pressed the Pokegear against her forehead, palming her temples.
Daisy was someone Hana really looked up to, and someone whom she already saw as a close friend, but Hana wanted to throttle her right now. After having talked to Derek at the Pokemon Center two nights prior, Hana had already been doubting her friend's mental health. When she received that text, the personal pressure that she'd been feeling to help her friend had suddenly morphed into a sense of responsibility to help her other friend's significant other. It was an incredibly heavy responsibility, and Hana had been distracted since she'd gotten the text. She was only just now able to look at it without feeling a rush of anxiety.
Things had been so much easier on the islands. In Sevii, there wasn't the same taboo on mental health that there was on the mainland. Everybody looked out for everybody else because they all belonged to the same community. The responsibility never fell to a single person, and it was weighing on Hana that she seemed to be the only healthy person in her group. Derek had been a breath of fresh air when it came to dealing with the two Kantoan members of their party, but even he had been repressing his feelings and falling into unhealthy coping tactics.
There was a small part of Hana that missed Sevii, but she knew she was happier here than she would've ever been trapped on the islands, mentally ill friends and all. By design, Kanto had something that her home didn't: a Pokemon League. Kantoans respected strength, and the only way to prove that she was strong was to compete in one. Hana hadn't had a specific goal for what she would do when she did prove herself, that would come with time, but the thought of winning the Indigo Conference out of spite had almost been too good on its own. Now that she'd seen the toxic effect that Kanto's policy toward strength had on her friends, though, Hana wanted to win for an entirely new reason. Maybe having some pull in this region would help her fix the nation that was poisoning her friends.
Hana gripped her phone in both hands and typed out a response to Daisy.
[[me, 18:12]] Hey Daisy! I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond; we were dealing with a lot getting out of Mt. Moon. I've definitely seen what you mentioned in your text, and I agree that Derek's not all there right now. We had a long talk, and I think he's on his way to being better, though. I'm not sure when you'll get this, but I hope your trip is going great. I'm excited to read your research paper when it's finished.
Hana huffed, tossing her phone away from her. She'd decided not to go into detail on her conversation with Derek. It was too new and it would be too long before Daisy would be brought up to speed. It was best to leave that to Derek to tell her once he'd had time to work on himself. Instead, she just told the truth. Not the whole truth, but enough that she had a clear conscience.
She curled herself into her blankets, creating a fluffy burrito. As much as Hana missed the islands, you couldn't cuddle into a comforter like this there; It was too hot. This was the singular upside to how cold Kanto was. She rolled over, determined to fall asleep and forget about everything that had happened today.
A few minutes later, she cursed again.
Hana was too worked up for sleep. She pulled out her laptop to start studying.