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A reason to fight
Sins of the past

Sins of the past

He just stayed silent. I saw that he had things to say, felt how something was trying to get past his sealed lips. I needed him to say something, anything to keep me from assuming the worst. Because the worst was beginning to seem more likely, with each passing second. An uncertain suspicion turned to overwhelming evidence of a reality I had simply hoped was not true.

And that reality was that he saw me as nothing, nothing but entertainment. When he talked to me, I thought I had shown enough for him to see me as an individual. When I helped him survive his injuries, I had hoped it would prove that I carried compassion toward him. And, with every single one of our interactions, I had seen him differently.

Instead of some strange human with a little more insight than others, Luis turned out to be a deeply pained person, one who struggled to act normally. However, he had seemingly accepted me, if reluctant at first, and I had accepted him. Even beyond that, I liked him.

But I needed to see this objectively, not how my emotions wanted to simply forgive him and forget. He wasn't interested in me as a person, no, he looked at me and saw only a temporary distraction from his monotonous life.

A boring life. What I wouldn't have given to have that. And Luis, this human, wanted to throw it away so nonchalantly. I was angry at him for that, for taking it for granted and even going as far as to want something interesting . It was...nonsensical, it was dumb, it was selfish - all these qualities Advent had taught me to expect from humans.

I flinched at this thought as if something had stung, though it didn’t actually hurt. Advent taught these things because they - sadly - apply to many humans. And, thus far, it was proven to me many times.

In cities, humans either stared at me with open mouths as if looking at something inconceivably disgusting or leaked pheromones of utter fear and began shaking like a scared animal. Some even just ran away when I tried to perform a search. Whenever civilians were involved in a dangerous situation, a directive in my mind, made me prioritize dispatching the threat rather than protecting them. In missions involving human...threats, I saw fear in their eyes and I used that fear to strike fast. I am not proud of that but humans were dangerous; they act in numbers, are highly cooperative with one another, if a common foe is seen, and many turned their fear into hate.

And hate was worse than fear. With fear, I could intimidate to stand down, with fear, people don’t try to do something stupid. But hate? You cannot talk to a person that doesn’t believe you have the intelligence necessary to form consciousness, can you? You wouldn’t consider what that thing wants when you lie to it .

He lied. So many times. He and I both knew I wouldn’t have been able to call him out on them, that I simply lacked the knowledge about human expressions to tell when he was being truthful or not. He used that fact, he abused it to its fullest. I believed almost every word, I didn’t question him. And I even begged him for honesty.

I begged him for a shred of respect.

I clenched my fist until it hurt. I hadn’t even realized where I was slithering up until now. The ground changed from deep foliage, plants that clutched onto me and made my scales slick with moisture, to a harder underground, bigger rocks and spread out roots. The trees grew only larger as I progress, eventually even blocking out the overhead sun with massive branches.

Some of these trees stretched into the sky, their bark a mixture of white and black, and with a cloak of massive vines climbing from its roots. The leaves, despite the previous months’ frost, were full and green, appearing like bushes at the end of splitting branches. Droplets of previous rainfall made it reflect the low light and highlight the few, stray rays of yellowish light.

But this forest was more varied than the one near the human’s camp, as some of these trees seemed to prioritize letting their enormous base dictate which space they occupied. Their roots were darker, though not entirely black, wood. The real trunk of the tree was rather small and thin but lay within a self-made cage of these thicker roots. Where they first made contact with the ground, it dove between the moss-overgrown rocks and emerged a few feet away, only to do it again. These didn’t try to reach higher than their surrounding trees, instead, they covered an area around them in these interlocking, overlapping root systems and allowed nothing else to grow near them. This meant that they had low branches and a thick, bulb-like, crown.

I slithered past and over some of these entangled roots, many lined up in groupings, some of their roots intertwining. But they always stayed at a distance, never letting their leaves come too close to the other, perhaps they feared the other would take away its light.

The sky was more visible beneath these trees, still dreary and muted. Thick, dark, and ominous clouds blocked out most of the desperately clinging light, though a few lone beams of yellow pierced in between the spots of lacking foliage. The air smelled of rain and a thinning layer of floating mist furthered the diminished lighting within the forest.

I didn’t look back as I left the burrow, my mind raced and threatened to spring out of my chest. Luis’ visage, his unresponsive staring, was etched into my head. I was so angry, I had felt that strange tingle all over my body, one I only recognized a second after; it had prepared me to fight.

Something about that interaction, that explosion of emotion I had conjured when Luis revealed how he truly felt about me, had triggered this, previously psionically enforced, readiness to attack whatever was closest. In those moments, I had lost control over myself, acted on the pure process of threat assessment and elimination. But simple anger? Even if it was justified, at least in my eyes at the time, that should not have activated this dormant command, I hadn’t been in any danger.

It was all just words, most even just came from me, and yet, I had prepared to do what? Attack Luis?

I looked down onto my hands, then turned them and held up my claws. Claws, something made for tearing, for killing. I glanced backward and saw my tail, most of which was thicker than the trees around me, trailing behind me, made from mostly muscle and a few stretched organs, an evolution my species had made for hunting in underground holes and catch prey in water; again, made for ending lives.

And now, after one single outburst, I saw him as a threat to me.

I stopped, the thought refusing to leave my head. I arrived atop a small hill, moss covering the ground, where a fallen tree looked overtop those broad trees. This one looked similar to the pinewoods near the forest we had left, though it carried no more green pines and its wood was blackened.

I just noticed how heavy my breath felt, not out of exhaustion, rather, still agitated and uneasy. I finally came to a rest next to the tree, coiling around myself to compensate for my armor’s lack of insolation. I stared into nothingness, letting my thoughts just ravage through my brain, uncoordinated and uncontrolled.

I still retained that sense of betrayal, the anger about having been used. But there was something else, too. I felt sad. Disappointed. I had trusted this man, I had felt sympathy toward him, and it had felt nice just being around him. The ways in which we interacted struck a particular feeling, one which had made me consider him a companion, someone I could trust. I liked this human, he was intriguing with a facade he showed at every opportunity, making it somewhat rewarding whenever I chipped off a piece. I enjoyed learning about him and, despite the exclamations he often resorted to, it was nice talking to him.

I had wanted to tell him this. I was so scared of losing him, that I had realized when I presumed him dead after our fall. I felt the utter fear that all of it would end soon, that I could never again talk to him, I would never get to tell him that he mattered to me. And I had been so close in that burrow, I was about to strike the topic up, but a series of conclusions stopped me dead in my tracks and forced me to pursue a new line of thinking about what I meant to him.

Because I had hoped that, even if not to the same extent, Luis felt similar about me. But that seemed so incredibly stupid now. He could never accept me as something close to a human, hell, the one time he tried, he called me a human. I reminded him of that fact, after which, he had another one of those strange, disconnected phases.

Those times were unsettling, to say the least. You’re speaking to a responsive being in one moment, then find his eyes just containing vacancy. It was too frequent to be normal human behavior, even I could figure that out. The human psyche had been only a small focus in the classes Advent taught me, especially as I wasn’t deemed adequate for cities. But, even I, could see that it was something unique to Luis, though I had no clue as to what. I knew about some effects humans experienced after combat encounters, but that mostly retained to civilians, who were accidentally involved in situations they were not prepared for. But Luis was a soldier, even more than a regular combatant, perhaps close to myself in experience, so it didn’t make sense as to why he would experience aftershocks of those times.

At that moment, something clicked in my mind. The memories of what I had done for Advent, the civilizations I helped topple, the sentient and conscious beings I had killed throughout my life, they weren’t just gone. They remained at the back of my head, always scratching at the doors to let them back in, to allow them to tear at my sanity. The visuals, the scents, the screams, everything. It was never gone, they would never disappear. The howling wind sounded of alien species from planets long abandoned, the ground beneath me felt disgusting, as it appeared to be lined with the blood and innards of hundreds. I looked down at my claws and the world seemed to flicker for a second. I carried the plasma rifle again. My vision drifted upward and I saw the barren landscape of Crystace, a planet many lightyears away from earth.

Its environment was a stark contrast to the many colors and shades of green that earth possessed. Instead, the few trees were white and reached hundreds of meters into the sky, though they lacked leaves. The sky was overcast in yellowish clouds, giving the entire planet a ghostly atmosphere. Many of these gigantic trees had been uprooted and I saw the android personnel, big machines with a blocky shape, unlike the humanoid ones Advent used on earth, plant charges along the massive roots of one of these monstrosities.

Monstrosities. Those weren’t my words or thoughts. No, the ever-present influx of ideas and feeling also returned at that moment, causing me to view this incredible sight as nothing but a waste of space and potential resources. Crystace wasn’t inhabited by sentient life, meaning the elders would simply harvest whatever they could from it and leave it soon after, in their unending pursuit of domination.

I was stationed to be a guard since, despite lacking an official way of fighting back, the planet certainly made clear that we were unwelcome. This showed via poisonous and noxious gas, that could burst from beneath the surface at any given moment. Or the aggressive flora, many of which were partly resistant to bullets.

The charges had been set and the psionic command to retreat was issued. I backed off and kept a watchful eye on the surroundings. Then observed with a vacant stare, as the giant stood tall in its last moments. An ear-shattering sound caused the entire ground to rumble and shake, as the explosives detonated all around its base. It cracked and splintered, roaring as if having a mouth to do so, then began to twist and bend. It held itself steady for a few moments, in which no one dared to draw a breath, but had no way of preventing the increasing angle at which it clung to life.

And finally, it gave up. A cloud of dust, smoke, and residue explosive smells were thrown up into the air and a shockwave traveled alongside the sound of the tree falling over. It bounced off the ground a few times, bigger parts snapped, and it took seconds before it actually came to rest. As the debris settled and I could see clearly again, the bark laid there, dead, and so much less impressive.

I didn’t think about why we were doing this, I couldn’t have. But now, I feel sad about it. Even if it was just a plant, something lacking the ability to understand itself or the world around it, we had no right to simply end it.

My sight shifted once more, becoming blurry and unfocused. I felt lightheaded and was forced to close my eyes due to a sharp sting in my head. I reached upward and found the metallic headcover.

I opened my eyes again and found the lighting had changed once more. This time, I didn’t recognize where I was at first, as the dark sky above was somewhat similar to earth’s and the ground didn’t strike out as uniquely alien. Though, instead of green bushes and brown dirt, the landscape was dark, black stone. Smooth like obsidian, though it certainly wasn’t the same material. The ground was colder and easier to traverse than many of earth’s ground, though tall cliffs and mountains, all black or grey, painted the distant horizon.

Streaks of colorful plasma littered the sky, along with cloud-like explosions. Orders in the Advent language were being barked, a muton stormed past me, and sharp ringing blared in my ear as if a high-caliber rifle had been fired directly next to me. But, far and in between, words, feelings, pictures of an overhead view of the battlefield to my front, flooded into my thoughts and forced my body to react.

And indeed it was a battlefield. This was shortly after my species was uplifted into Advent, one of my first true skirmishes. My sisters and, acting as leaders amongst us, brothers slithered from hovering ships, while others were already further up ahead. The patterns and colors were so much more varied than what remains of my kin today.

The civilization we were trying to conquer? I don’t quite remember. The mutons had been under Advent rule longer than my kind, the sectoids as well. But andromedons, chryssalids, and archons joined during the decades after. Maybe these were the strange, frail, but powerful and technologically advanced andromedons. But I am not sure, looking back.

Still, I charged with the rest, not knowing what I would truly be doing. I shot, dodged streaks of ionized air, and pulled another combatant limb from limb. It all blended into a cocktail of incoherent violence and sticky, warm blood. I believe I was shot during that battle but nothing remains of that anymore, only the memory of panic and pain.

I inhaled through my nostrils and blinked my eyes open. I don’t know how long I had just sat there, being overtaken by memories, by acts that I could never get rid of. And, at that moment, I felt terrible about how I had talked to Luis. The lighting, however, showed that at least a few hours had passed.

Finally, the world returned to me. The clouds had begun to drift further in the cold, whistling wind, away from my location. And finally, the sun slowly peeked from behind its dark curtains, bright, though a darker tinge of orange, indicating that it was nearing the evening. In contrast to how dreary and dark the morning’s events and weather had been, this sight was enrapturing.

The rays came in at an angle, weaving long, uninterrupted streaks of silk-like golden color into the sky above the infinitely continuing forest. Far off in the distance, I saw lights of different shades, presumably the other human camps Luis had mentioned, but also the rough outline of a city. Blocky buildings with a few ones reaching the height of the trees around them. Nature had definitely taken over whatever city I was looking upon.

I glanced down to my arm, turning and shifting it, letting the light reflect off of my scales in multiple angles, finding some that highlighted the darker patterns and a few that completely changed it, from beige and yellow to orange and a shade very close to human skin. My claws glistened in the receding light and, for a tiny moment, they flickered as if covered in red blood, though that disappeared before my mind fully made sense of it.

I let my tongue drift out slowly and closed my eyes in accordance. A sweet, fresh scent, that of the strange root-cage trees, drifted up from below. I took it in with a deep, sighing inhale. The wet mixture of sensations, indicative of rain long past, let me know that the heavy clouds hadn’t dispersed their water entirely yet, trailing over the land. It provided new life for the world and its inhabitants, not acidic like on other planets, not a hazard to be avoided at all cost, simply something to be cherished.

I suppose this is what I cherished about earth and the ability to think about it in such a way. That earth, safe for the natural processes of destruction and rebuilding, acted solely to support itself as a greater whole. The trees battled amongst each other but created forests that protected against floods and strong winds, that would seek to uproot them if not for the cover created. Animals used the created shade and dense cover to hunt, hide, and live, and when they died, they nourished the plants around them.

It all had a purpose, a destined beginning, middle, and end. Nothing here knew why it was created, nor did they question if they served a greater purpose. It was simple, easier. I admire that.

Suddenly, a noise, amongst the rustling of the trees and gentle creaking of bark, stuck out to me. Something moved over the knee-high grass and I snapped my head toward it. The wind was going in the opposite direction, carrying the scent of a familiar human into my senses.

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He was haunted, just like I was. The times he seized responding couldn’t have been under his control. Just now, I had screamed at him to remain focused instead of trying to do so with calm words. I was too angry to realize that, the way he snapped back to me, the look in his eyes, all spoke so much more about how he truly felt about what I was accusing him of. He just failed to put it into words, perhaps I had seen the human actually panic.

And I was angry at him for it.

For a moment, I debated if I should just leave, I still didn’t fully have time to think about how I could, or even if I should, confront him. Yes, I wanted to talk to him again, this wasn’t going to be over so quickly, despite how I had felt in the moment, even I recognized that this didn’t have to be the end already, that we had come too far already. But, then again, he hurt me. He had done me wrong and I wasn’t going to forgive him like it never happened.

I looked back around, pretending I hadn’t heard the man approaching, though he wasn’t attempting to be quiet. I continued to look out onto the setting sun, which was partly getting blocked by the tallest crowns of skyscraper-like fauna. I felt my entire body become slightly tenser though, instead of the tingling sensation, it was of anticipation. I knew he would try to explain himself already, that he would offer some sort of explanation; and I hoped he wouldn’t try to lie to me again.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Luis asked from my side.

“Go ahead,” I replied plainly.

I heard him getting atop the fallen tree, grunting through gritted teeth while doing so. When he came to rest, leaning against a combination of roots and sitting on top of the base of the trunk, he exhaled deeply.

I waited for him to speak. But it was only silence for a while, only the wind, blaring past the rattling leaves and chasing through the dense underbrush. Only the distant chirping of birds, sounding out enchanting melodies, remained.

“Isra, I want to apologize.”

His voice sounded quieter, deeper than it normally was. But he was resolute in his apology. It struck me at that moment that this was the first time I had heard him in this state, one I had learned about in Advent. Luis sounded sad, genuinely distraught.

I didn’t respond. Despite the signs of the human’s regret, I needed more than that. Then, he spoke. Calm but seeped with emotion, slow and focused, and deliberately, his voice flowed smoothly.

“I was in a position where I needed to find something , something to motivate me to do more with my life than just existing. I had been drifting through every day, only interrupted by sudden memories that sent me spiraling down. When Advent attacked, when I saw you in that forest, I thought I had a purpose. If that was dying in a fight, I would have accepted. I saw you there, no control over yourself, acting like a husk. I felt sorry for you, for the first time at that moment.”

He didn’t pause after this, I just feel like mentioning that, this was the first time he acknowledged seeing me in the forest before the attack. This point, I had almost forgotten.

I had been sent out to scout, as heat signatures had been discovered in the most recent expansion of Advent territory, which would have reached further into the overgrown woods. It was presumed, at the time, that it was simply another small outpost of resistance, so I was only with a few of my sisters. Dropped off a few kilometers away, we had made our way through the underbrush. As this was only reconnaissance, we were equipped with nothing but a plasma pistol each.

I didn’t look at the environment around me at that time, never thought to see it as the living, endlessly cycling process that I so admire today. I just traversed the dry foliage with haste, hissing to my sisters to split up, as we arrived at a junction.

I went further west and soon smelled a human. Slowing my pace and getting lower to the ground, I sneaked up on a human sitting beneath a tree. I still carried that feeling of uncertainty, one that signaled me not to attack; we had more to gain from following this lone human.

So I just observed, the man was clearly in distress, panicking and gesturing to himself wildly. I ducked beneath a bush and glanced between leaves when suddenly, the human turned around and immediately locked eyes with me. Before I had time to react, a trend Luis would follow up in the future, he brought his gun up and rattled shots in my direction.

I pulled backward and doubled overtop my tail, grabbing onto a nearby tree and using it to sling myself behind cover. The rest of his bullets went wide and I was certain I’d lost him, the commands in my head urging, forcing me to disengage.

Again, this was only a small realization, one of many to come, in the middle of Luis’ confession.

“I obviously didn’t die,” Luis chuckled but returned to the serious tone right after. “They offered me a job and described that Advent had surrendered. I didn’t believe that. Everything I had ever heard about them suggested that, even if they had reason to, they’d never allow themselves to be captured. So I wanted to check it out for myself. I didn’t lie when I said I was just curious, though it is obvious that I wasn’t entirely open either. When I saw you in that cage, the fear you showed me, the way in which I could recognize so much… -for the lack of a better word - humanity in your eyes. It made me pause, truly think about what I could do in that situation.”

‘ Entirely open, huh.’ I wasn’t impressed with what he had to offer, yet.

“I thought I could get Emir to trust me by introducing the concept of this pretend Xcom first. But I was wrong, I made a bad decision and it cost both of us.” He stopped, though it was a sudden and forced pause.

I glanced back, his mouth hung slightly agape, a word hung from his visage, unable to slip from his lips. He looked so...heavy. As if fighting an internal struggle to speak, to formulate his thoughts into speech.

“ Isra, I am sorry. ”

His voice broke about halfway through that sentence but he forced it out regardless. I looked into his eyes, deep with emotion, sorrowful. I had to shift in between them, in order to avoid being drawn into the dark, blue irises. Without breaking eye contact, or even blinking, he spoke again in that smooth, flowing manner.

“I thought I could do get you out and disappear after. The plan was to send you away and be done with it all….But I couldn’t. I talked to you, you showed kindness and forgiveness I hadn’t experienced from a human before. I was testing what you really were like, I was - and I still am - fascinated with everything you’ve told me thus far. I am no longer of that original mindset, I don’t want to leave you behind. You are more important to me than anyone I have met in my life before. And I am terrified to lose you.”

Despite my efforts, I was lulled into his wondrous eyes, as if staring into the depths of the deepest ocean. His words, although I still had trouble picking out the smaller intricacies, sounded of only genuineness, of fearful emotion, and a deep-seated worry of what I would say.

But I didn’t respond. I wanted to, I wanted to smile that he was admitting to have changed, that he did care. I wanted to be joyful about the fact that my own feelings toward him might actually be mutual. But I had to hear more, I relished in this opportunity to have some sort of upper hand in this.

“With every moment you just offered to listen, showed that I wasn’t just means to an end, I felt more and more terrible about how I treated you. It was new, caring how I was perceived by another, unfamiliar. I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first, because I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. I was still curious about you but that curiosity is no longer selfish. Isra, I...like you.” Finally, he took a solid breath in and continued to stare into my eyes.

I tried to discern dishonesty, attempting to spy any sign that he was once again trying to lie to me. But I found nothing of the sort. He had just actually said that. The tiny tint of doubt vanished, as he gave me this opportunity.

It was not lost on me, what this was. Luis knew that, if I didn’t share this sentiment, his words would likely mean nothing. He opened a door, one which I could enter and tell him my own truth, or shut him out.

I had made my choice, the moment I saw his unconscious body floating in the river.

“It hurt, Luis. It hurt when I asked if you thought nothing of me and you didn’t respond. You lied to me because you don’t trust me, and I accept that, but I had hoped that we could move past that. I didn’t want to let you go because I feared being alone in this but it became more than that. I enjoyed being around you, just...existing with you. When I saw you after dragging you to shore, thinking you were dead, I panicked because I dreaded never having that again.”

Slowly, my eyes began to wander to some other place, remembering the feelings of moments already embedded in my memory, drawing feelings from them and putting them into words. I didn’t think about talking, I didn’t have to focus on forming human words, rather than Advent or my own language.

“I wanted to tell you that when you woke up. But I don’t know what to think now,” I concluded and shook my head slightly, returning my sight to his eyes.

He had been listening calmly and quietly, though his expressions seemed less concerned with hiding what he was thinking. I saw a glint of relief, a little spark of revelation, then worry as I concluded my final sentence.

“I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t bring myself to tell it hours ago because I was still scared of...putting it out in the open. Because if I did, I could be hurt. But, when you left, when I was faced with the possibility of actually losing you, I couldn’t just let that happen. “ He took one more inhale and nodded to himself while saying. “I’ve spent my life being numb to people, being unkind and uncaring. I want to be done with that.”

I didn’t know exactly how to respond, nor did I truly want to say anything more. I noticed the light shift in the light’s hue and found a way to let both of our thoughts settle for a little. For mine were racing, forming an uncountable amount of revelations, a weaving net of possibility.

“The sunset is nice from up here,” I commented, letting the human in on this plan.

I turned my head toward the setting sun and saw his eyes shifting to the distance behind me simultaneously.

The sun stood its final fight, sending beaming rays of deep amber glow through the gaps in between trees. Leaves swayed gently in the breeze, that roared through the entire forest in a howling screech. Bark creaked, plants rustled, birds slowly seized their chirping, the forest was preparing to sleep.

My body relaxed and I felt a lot of built-up tension exit with a deep exhale. I closed my eyes and took in the cold, scented air, letting the hailstorm that was my thoughts recede a little.

At first, I didn’t know what to do with all this new information. So he felt similar toward me, we both feared losing the other and cherished the time we spent together. But it also differed somewhat. I was enticed by his past, by what he used to be, and how it affected him now. While, from what I gathered, he saw me as interesting, based on my nature and the strange developments within a jump-started consciousness.

A short while later...

“There’s a town that way, it’s far but it might be our only chance,” Luis said absentmindedly, pointing in the direction of the quickly vanishing sun.

“Yes,” I replied, squinting to get a better picture of the green-covered streets and thick vines, which climbed up street lamps and buildings. Shattered windows, collapsed frames of houses and stores, cracked concrete along the road, and demolished cars littered about. “It seems to be abandoned and overgrown,” I added.

“You can see it?” Luis cocked his head to the side.

"Yes, you're still surprised by that?" I returned the question.

"I shouldn't be," he chuckled.

"What do you suggest we do?"

“If we can make it there, we can set up a perimeter in which we can lure our hunters into an ambush,” Luis explained but I raised a doubtful brow.

“We don’t have any weapons and are both injured, do you really think that can work?”

The man paused for a second, bit his lip, and looked into the corner of his vision. “There are groups out here, they roam far and are supplied. If we can stall them with improvised weapons or traps, and they start shooting and making noise, these scavengers should come. They’re drawn to that like moths to a flame.”

“When I asked why they were still hunting us, you said it was an initiation . What did you mean by that?” I asked.

“There is no way Emir is fooled by those guys if he’s part of them. I believe that he is forced to prove his loyalty to actually join them. The others I don’t know about, maybe they know they’re not working for actual Xcom, maybe they do. When I was dragged away, I heard him ask if this had garnered him a place in their organization. And, while I don’t know what they discussed, I severely doubt that my survival is part of their deal. You being with me also definitely sweetened the deal, if they can get us both.”

“Do you think they presume us dead, the fall was almost lethal,” I theorized though I also knew it may be a bit too optimistic.

“I think it buys us time just not a lot.”

“Then let’s move, going at an even pace, I think we can make it there by the end of the night.” I tried judging the distance.

Luis nodded silently and pushed off of the tree, landing with a suppressed groan. His wounds had at least stopped bleeding but it was obvious our speed would suffer significantly. I uncoiled and made my way to the edge of the hill, which declined at a soft angle in the direction of the town. Luis trailed behind me a short distance, though I made sure to stay close.

As the moon started its journey across the sky, diminished in volume but not luminosity, we had made it about halfway. The temperature dropped even further, as misty clouds traveled through the deep blue sky. It looked as if they were swimming, thin and ghostly, moving as a greater whole but with individual shapes and sizes. Only, when they floated in front of the distant moon, they seemed to vanish into nothingness, only to reappear once they passed the lunar body’s light. Trees became darker shapes and details grew colorless.

I glanced over to Luis, who had difficulty traversing the winding, appendage-like roots. He was shivering and his breath emerged in steamy clouds. He was huffing though it looked like he was trying to hide his exhaustion.

“We can go slower, or take a pause,” I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him.

“I’m fine,” his voice sounded shallow.

“If you pass out, I will carry you again. Do you want that and just don’t want to admit it?” I smirked sarcastically.

“I’m not gonna pass out,” he shot back immediately. He then leaned against the base of a fruit-bearing plant, its stem seemed to be made out of plant matter, rather than wood. “But I wouldn’t mind a break.”

“Then let’s do that,” I settled warmly and slithered over to a towering tree, whose roots were large enough to sit on.

He stared at me for a second, perhaps debating if he should resist but resigned. He took a seat next to me, planting himself on the ground and leaning back against the dark wood.

“We’re both very cold and are burning through a lot of energy, traveling like this. The foliage here is thick and the canopy dense. Combined with the low light from the sky, I doubt they would find us if we rested around here, travel in the morning,” I suggested.

“We have no blankets, can’t make a fire, and the ground is cold. I don’t believe taking a rest will help in the heating department,” Luis argued.

I pondered for a moment, unsure if I should go with an idea. “I could wrap around you again, it helped last time.”

I couldn’t see the change in shading that surely carried along with the, by now familiar, pulling of his features. At the time, I had only begun to associate this expression with the human being nervous about something I said, now I know he was just flustered.

“I…” He held his mouth open, as if to follow up but failed to do so.

I raised an eyebrow, not having gotten a response.

Luis looked to the bottom corner of his view, glanced up to me, and sighed. “Alright, but do you have to take your armor off?” He sounded and looked guilty about asking. I chuckled.

That’s when I figured out what he was really thinking whenever his cheeks changed color and his lips pulled like that. I wanted to respond with dismissiveness, at first. But the momentary glimpse at what his emotional response to me has been thus far, caused me to seek out a little bit of lightheartedness; at the cost of the human, of course.

“Scared you’ll see something you like?” I leaned sideways and propped my arms against my hip.

And, even without the ability to actually see color, I swear I saw a red glow emanating from his face. Heat, as well, radiated off of him.

He stared at me, unblinking and wide-eyed, focused directly on my face. His eyes flicked down. A tiny second and quickly readjusted, but I had seen it. I wasn’t naive about it, I knew what he had done. And my eyes went just as wide, if not wider considering the diameter difference, as the human’s.

“I- I mean of course,” I stammered out and spun on the spot.

I shouldn’t have felt embarrassed, right? Not at that time anyway. But neither should he have. It eluded me in that moment but it was the first hint to things beyond my wildest imagination.

“I’m sorry, it was a stupid joke but it’s still a good plan,” I turned back around.

“It’s alright. I agree that it’s a good idea to lay low and not leave tracks. And sharing body heat should stave off the cold,” Luis assured, though he sounded somewhat uncertain in his wording.

“Then we should find a little bit more cover from this wind,” I suggested and looked around, quickly spotting one of those cage trees. “There, that one is overgrown with leaves,” I pointed out and began slithering.

Like a flat bomb shelter, the widened base of this tree made for good cover. I ducked beneath the green foliage and slithered in between the thick, intertwining roots. Luis climbed after me until we reached the base of the tree, which was surrounded by a total of twenty or so meters of roots. I wrapped my tail around in a big circle and let the comparatively tiny human take the middle first.

“So, how do we do this?” Luis sat down and asked.

“Just hold still, you were unconscious last time, so it was easier,” I explained and slowly brought my upper body next to him.

My torso was larger than the man’s and my neck far longer. He was muscular and had a broad frame but was lithe in posture and movement. He was sitting, hands on his thighs and back straightened, holding still. Only his head followed me as I made slow and careful circles around him, not touching him just yet just getting my coils into place.

When I had a few meters of my tail hovering next to his body, I looked into his curiously wandering eyes. He scanned over my scales, watching as my tail, which was about as thick as his chest was wide, moved closer.

“Just lean back,” I assured and made contact with him.

At first, perhaps out of instinct, he was tense and resisted the light pressure I was putting on him. But he relented with a soft exhale and sunk backward, where I caught him in another overlapping series of coils. He was warm, just like before, but his breathing was a little more frequent and I heard and felt his heartbeat.

I kept the last of my tail on his chest, not going above his collarbone. I let myself rest behind him, having a more upright posture than the almost laying down human, akin to a slouched sitting. His back, covered by my beige scales, lay against my lower waist and I pulled my hood in tightly.

A few moments passed, in which I adjusted the spots that may be putting too much pressure on him and winding more of my body overtop him, making sure that none of the radiating warmth would go to waste. His breathing became more normal, slower, and calm. His body shifted a few times, finding space to move and testing out how heavy it would be to move.

“You know, I appreciate what you said today.” His voice broke the grinding shuffling that my scales, rubbing against cloth, made.

“I did so because you started the conversation,” I replied plainly.

“I had thought about it for a while now, tried to put it into words. When you made me decide between the option of clearing it up or you leaving, I already knew the answer. I choose you, Isra. I want to stay with you, I wish we can both be safe someday. Together,” he spoke softly and somberly, sounding almost half asleep.

“I hope for that too. The more we talk, the more I find myself certain that I cannot just leave this behind. I don’t want to lose you, Luis. Promise me that you won’t leave me, even if it kills us.” I caught his eyes in the dark, glancing over at me.

“I promise.”

Although he couldn’t see it in the dark, I smiled. Just for myself, as, slowly, we both came to rest. The racing wind outside had no hold on us, the frantic rustling of leaves and plants being the only indication that it was truly happening. His hotter body warmed mine and, in return, my body stored it for a longer time, creating a heating cycle between us. It brought some semblance of peace, despite what we would face in the days to come. And it felt safe. A strange warmth, not a physical one, made itself known in my chest. It felt intoxicatingly good, filling, and an unorthodox comfort, new and pleasant.

I will never let this moment go. The weather outside attempted to break through the tight-knitted net above us and sought to destroy the contact we were having. But it all didn’t matter, nothing mattered at that point. Only that we kept our promise to each other, that we would no longer be afraid of speaking the truth to one another. There were things unsaid, concepts neither of us were truly ready to admit, - both to ourselves and the other - but now, we knew there was mutuality in our feelings.

There was companionship to be had, comfort to be gained, and curiosity to sate. Just not yet, not just yet.