It is said that the world of Io entered the age of magitech in the year 1551, but a sense of wonder and the drive to push past limits has been a part of humanity for almost as long as time itself.
Since ancient times, humanity looked at the birds and asked themselves, "How can we fly?" They looked at the marine life of the sea and asked, "How can we dive and swim like them?" They looked at the local necromancer and asked, "Okay, how can we do what he does, but humanely?" For many years, humanity asked themselves these questions and sought out the answers through trial, error, sweat, tears, and with enough courage to overcome their fear of failure. For every answer they had found that brought them closer to their desired goal, countless of experiments had been conducted that only ended with failure.
But these experiments eventually became easier to conduct once humanity learned to combine science with magic.
Religious scholars theorized that it was the divine that have granted humanity the gift of magic. The divines sat back and watched humanity grow once they planted the seed of magic. Through their devout followers, they nurtured this seed to keep it healthy. But as humanity and magic grew, pride also grew along with them. It was human to allow competition to thrive, but it did not take long for the fiercest competitors to believe they had all the answers and used their own wisdom to combine magic to build dangerous gadgets and constructs of metal to drive the point home. Over the course of time, casters became inventors, allowing magic and science to combine as one.
In reality, this did little to hinder humanity, but the divines approached this new era with caution. They had to, for they did not want the seed they had cultivated to wither and die in a single instant.This new approach gave birth to golems, giant constructs made of magic and metal, and engineers preferred this new method over the one necromancers had used since animation spells had been discovered. Old methods of doing house chores made way for the new, and humanity thrived better than ever before.
But sometimes, the divines would question if humanity didn't abuse the power they had been granted. And at no other time had this been displayed as intensely as this very moment.
"Power fans! Get your power fans here," shouted a young girl we all know, from the town square of Goodsprings. "These paper fans spin rapidly on their own, and if you keep them on, they give you an image to look at! Monster drawings, hot knights, cute animals, and more! An amusing way to stay cool!"
The imagination of the human mind is as fascinating as it is bizarre.
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At an undetermined time in a very familiar area of our current tale, we return to our young heroine who goes by...
"Lenoria Tsukino, a gadgeteer genius who fights for love and science," the young blonde introduced herself as she twirled a screwdriver.
Along with her companions, Alistair the Giant Slayer-
"Must you give me a title," the boy wondered aloud.
-Clara, Summoner Princess of an Ancient Elf Tribe (Probably)-
"I thought I was a broke girl who lived with her parents," Clara corrected.
-and who could forget the cute and fabulous girl wearing a sailor suit raised by a pirate a capella gang, Melodious Aquamarine!
"I'm more of an opera artiste, if you ask me." Joanna lowered her glasses. "And don't call me that in public! Can't you see the school blazer? I'm just your average yet cute upperclassman, Joanna Jones!"
These four heroes are on a mission to make an honest living while meeting a goal imposed by their boss, the matriarch of House Bisset herself, Lady Gabrielle. And today, they have gotten closer to that goal by, um...
"Selling power fans!" A paper fan unfolded from Lenoria's hand. "My favorite is the one with Alistair drawn on it."
Alistair looked at the fan curiously. "I get Lisa was feeling energetic with her drawings, but did she really have to draw my face on dozens of them?"
"I think the better question," Joanna began, "is that if you've ever looked at your woman there and asked yourself 'How did I fall in love with her?'"
"She's kind and makes my day better," Alistair admitted. "I could gush about her all day long, but then we'd end the chapter and get nothing done."
"Speaking of, where are we at this point in the story?" Clara's question piqued everyone else, and they all pondered upon it where they stood. "I mean, is this the future? An alternate timeline? A non-canon event? Is Caesar here with us safe and sound?"
"Beats me. I thought this would be the beach episode." Joanna kicked a rock. "When I heard the chapter title for this episode, selling fans was not what I had in mind."
"Guys, guys, we're wasting time here." Lenoria pressed a button on her paper fan and released it. Her expression remained the same when it stayed in place before it started rotating until it became a circular blur. The pattern on the fan and the speed of the blades made a semi-perfect image of Alistair in a defensive stance. "And stop with the meta jokes! We can only squeeze so many before people start cringing."
Alistair bowed. "Apologies, my love. Where do we begin?"
"There is that old alchemist living on Timothy Lane," Joanna proposed. "Why don't we go there? I'm sure even his little hermit hut gets a little too hot to his liking."
And off they went to Timothy Lane and let themselves in through a rickety wooden gate and followed the single path to an old cabin. The girls stopped to let Alistair through, who then proceeded to knock on the door.
"Do you think he's home," Clara wondered.
"He should be. He's supposed to be under house arrest for another two weeks because of the explosive jelly incident," Joanna explained.
Lenoria flailed her arms erratically. "I said I was sorry!"
A turn of the knob spurred the youthful group into silence. "Shh." Alistair adjusted the collar of his cream-colored tunic as a crotchety human male stepped out of the door. "Greetings, sir! My name is Alistair Adams, and these are my wonderful associates. We represent Honest Lenoria's Fan Service, and we were wondering if your house was prepared for the summer."
"Fan...Service," the old man repeated.
"That's right," Lenoria cheerfully explained. "We sell my top-of-the-line power fans, which form images for your amusement! We also install more practical fans at a cheaper price, and we repair them when they eventually break down."
"It will cool you down in the heat, or your money back!" Joanna smiled cockily.
"Now that's what I'm talking about. Let me fetch my-" The old man interrupted himself. "Hold on a tick. Did you say one of you is named Lenoria?"
Lenoria stood front and center. "Yuh-huh."
"The same Lenoria who moved in recently and started crafting those weird inventions?"
"Yuh-huh!"
SLAM!
***
"I can't believe that old guy didn't bite."
Lenoria sighed deeply as she, Alistair, and Joanna sat on a wooden park bench. With no plan other than 'mope around until you catch a lucky break,' they all elected to wait for Clara as she ran off to do her own thing.
"You guys!" Clara panted without ceasing once she returned. "Guess what? I just went to the outskirts of town, and a group of fey are interested in our fan service!"
"That's great news, Miss Clara!" Alistair leapt with joy.
"Thanks, Clara!" Lenoria hopped happily in place.
"Don't we have an appointment with the local bathhouse today," Joanna asked. "We can't miss that, you know. I hear the pay big money for whatever maintenance services they hire."
"Ah, but no one said we can't do both at the same time!" Lenoria held Alistair's hand. "It's simple. Me and Al will meet with the fey, and you two can head to the bathhouse."
"Sounds good to me." The magical girl raised an eyebrow. "Hold on a sec. What kind of fey are they meeting with, Clara?"
"Satyrs. You know, half men, half goats. They're always partying and dancing." Clara shrugged. "I figured with all that moving around, they'll be sweating a lot. They said they'll pay handsomely for our fan service."
"And who are we to say no to potential clients?" Lenoria nodded with agreement. "That settles it! Let's not keep them waiting, team. Move out!"
And so our party splits! Clara and Joanna were fine with going to the local bathhouse while Lenoria and Alistair went on their merry way to visit the nice forest fey. Four heads thinking better than one, they saw no way this could possibly go wrong.
***
We'll move on to Lenoria and Alistair in good time. First, let's check how Clara and Joanna are doing.
The two entered the local bathhouse, which had men and women in armor coming in and out. The smell of soap products emanated from the azure porcelain walls, giving the inside of the bathhouse a feeling similar to an ordinary bathroom, sans the lavatory. Clara nearly slipped due to the steam having moisturized the tiled floors.
"Welcome!" A horned humanoid greeted the girls. He wore black slacks, black dress shoes, and a black vest over his white long-sleeved shirt. His appearance was rather fiendish, with orange skin glistening from the magical lights illuminating the bath-like foyer, his white teeth clearly visible and two insectoid mandibles protruding from the sides of his mouth.
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Despite his looks, his voice and choice of clothing articles gave him a gentlemanly appearance, as if to ease the worries of potential clients.
"The realm has blessed me with the presence of beauty today. Have the divines themselves taken a liking to me this day?"
"Actually, we're here about the fan service," Clara explained. "Every good bathhouse could use some."
"Yes, yes, I have been expecting you. Honest Lenoria's Fan Service is quite a mouthful. I pray you meet my expectations."
"We'll get it done in no time flat," Joanna boasted.
"Then I bid you welcome to Purgatorio, the place where saints and sinners alike wash themselves off of their worldly worries." He rolled his eyes. "We were going to name it something else, something something Bathroom Infernalis or something like that."
"Why didn't you," Clara asked.
"Naming a business is not easy, you see. When you come up with a clever name, you have to have to claim it before someone else does. Bureaucrats and their yellow tape," he mumbled the last sentence. "But enough about my woes. Let me show you where the baths are..."
The girls got to work. They agreed they would work more efficiently if they split up, so Joanna made her way to one side of the bathhouse while Clara was escorted deeper into the middle section.
"Time to apply these skills I'll never show off again," Joanna declared.
It took some time, but a turn of the screwdriver here, and a spell there, Joanna installed a set of blunt blades in an isolated space of her section of the bathhouse. With a snap of her fingers, the blades started spinning, cooling her off in this warm environment.
"That's better! Now the bathers will benefit from our fan service, all thanks to the great Joanna." The magical very normal schoolgirl tapped her head cockily. With another snap of her fingers, the device's blades stopped spinning at a gradual rate. "I don't know where Lenoria got this idea from, but I have to admit, a cooling device for a bathhouse is genius. Time to get Clara and collect our pay!"
Joanna picked up her tools and happily strolled back to the foyer. There was no sign of Clara anywhere, so she waited for the gentlemanly receptionist to finish attending two female customers before approaching him.
"Excuse me, sir, have you seen my friend?"
"Ah, you mean the beautiful elf," said the gentleman. "While you were installing your fan service on the women's baths, your friend had started on the mixed baths since they're the least crowded. She was done about fifteen minutes ago, and since she didn't see you here, she moved on to the men's baths."
Joanna's face dropped. "Did...did you say the men's baths?"
The gentleman nodded. "It's the darndest thing. I offered to accompany her, but she said she worked better unsupervised. Even after I told her the local barbarian tribes like to bathe around this hour, she insisted on going in alone."
"And you let her?!" Joanna stared at the man incredulously before marching down to the men's baths. She stopped right before the entrance when common sense got a hold of her, and gulped when she noticed how small her five-foot frame was compared to the double-door entryway.
"These are...the men's baths..." Joanna reached for the reinforced double wooden doors, but the sound of running water on the other side stopped her. "Clara wouldn't have gone in there unless she was sure she could handle the danger, right? Y-yeah, Clara is strong! There's no way she would go inside without a plan. I-I could just wait here. I shouldn't risk rumors of Melodious Aquamarine acting like a common pervert!"
Unable to hear her ongoing thoughts, several female passerby stopped, looked on judgmentally, and went on their merry way. A male mohawked dwarven pair in particular - with towels strapped around their shoulders and silken breeches below their waists - headed in her direction, but they stopped when they noticed her.
"That hairstyle...ain't that Melodious Aquamarine?"
"Nah, that can't be her," the second dwarf told the first. "This one's acting like a common pervert, staring at the men's baths with her mouth agape. Besides, Melodious Aquamarine wouldn't be caught dead with that ridiculous school uniform. She uses a red bow tie, remember?"
"Oh, right! Good point, friend. Let's just use the mixed baths today."
The duo left the magical girl to her own devices. Oh, if only communication was a thing.
"I can't just stand here. What do I do?" Joanna paced back and forth. "Wait, I know! We're a sisterhood of singers. She may be older, but compared to me, she's a small babe when it comes to singing experience." She harrumphed arrogantly. "It falls on me to save her every time she's in trouble. Who knows what sick, twisted things she could be forced to be doing as we speak."
----------
And now, we take a look into Joanna's vivid imagination.
"Excuse me, miss, would you mind washing down my back and/or butt?"
"Sure!" Clara's answer was incredibly eager, to the delight of all the musclebound men present.
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"Yaaah! I'll save you, Clara!"
Joanna kicked the double doors in front of her and dashed through the porcelain hall to enter the men's baths. To her shock, she eventually heard hollering, growing louder the closer she got.
After making a turn, there she was. A crowd of shirtless men had surrounded Clara...as she played her guitar, seated on a pedestal.
"Oh, no. Am I too late," Joanna whispered.
It appeared that whatever song Clara was playing had reached its climax. The young elf released her instrument from both hands, letting the strap around her shoulders to hang on to it. Some of the men - shirtless but not completely naked, mind you - were driven to tears, while others cried for an encore.
"Sorry, boys. But you'll have to hear the rest at the tavern tonight," Clara announced.
Everyone in the crowd groaned, disappointed by Clara's refusal to play more.
"Pretty please, Clara," pleaded a musclebound rock giant. "We'll pay you with a feast if you play again. Won't we, lads?"
"Yeah!" All of the men's voices were in sync.
"Her voice is as sweet as the sauce of the local rib sandwich," added a burly dwarf.
"Her words alone will get me through the next bloodbath," added a muscular human.
Clara chuckled. "Sorry, boys, but friends and family come first. I'll be at the tavern tonight, I promise." After cutting through the crowd, Clara finally noticed her smaller friend. "Oh, hey Joanna. What are you doing here?"
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-" Joanna pointed at Clara accusingly. "YOU SHAMELESS WONDER! I thought you were in trouble, so I came running!"
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry, honest." Clara raised an eyebrow. "Hold on. Why did you think I was in trouble?"
Blushing profusely, Joanna's tongue tied while her elven friend smiled cockily. When she finally found her words, she said, "What was I supposed to think? You were in here for at least half an hour! Have you no decency?!"
"We came here because we have a job to do, remember? I was done for about fifteen minutes, but these guys recognized me and wanted me to play a few songs."
"We're truly sorry," said one of the barbarians. "Her voice is as alluring as the nymphs themselves. We got carried away with the encores."
"Hmph!" Joanna shifted her head sideways. "W-well, as long as you're sorry, I guess I can let it slide."
"Glad that was resolved. I wonder if Lenoria was as successful as us," Clara pondered.
Don't count on it, Clara. Or should I say, let's check in with our main heroine now.
***
Meanwhile, somewhere in Goodsprings Forest, Lenoria and Alistair strolled their way to the appointed place Clara had given them. The day was warm but the occasional cool breeze provided much-needed relief during their walk.
"Remember, Lenoria, that you're the face of this business." Alistair wedged his free hand between his other arm and Lenoria's head, which had pressed itself against him lovingly. The girl's grip was surprisingly strong, using both of her arms to hold on to his. His efforts to remove her would surely require more strength. "So. You. Must. Always. Remain. Professional!"
But the girl would not budge.
"Relax, will you? We haven't found the fey yet." Stars formed in the girls eyes. "Besides, how often do I get to spend time alone with my sweetie?"
"What about the moment we had six chapters ago," the boy asked.
"We're weeks - months, I think - from that point in time. I can't imagine going that long without you!" The girl's arms snaked around the boy's neck once she stood in front of him. "Can't I just sneak a kiss or two under that tree over there? If we're quick, no one's going to notice..."
"Actually, we would." An elderly voice out of nowhere made the two lovers jump in place. "Over here." Alistair turned around and Lenoria followed his gaze, and both spotted a tree not far from them. The tree's bark shape gave it a grandfatherly look, with weary eyes, a 'bearded' mouth, and even a ravishing moustache!
"Did that tree just talk," Lenoria asked.
"Did that girl just talk?" The tree's voice bordered on a mocking tone. "You humans always fancy yourselves the supreme beings of the world, don't you? Why are you always so surprised other creatures can talk?"
"Hey!"
"My apologies, sir," Alistair said while respectfully bowing his head. "My beloved is learning the ways of the forest around her new home. She did not mean to offend."
"My, my, a young man versed in the old ways. Ready to jump to your woman's defense, I see." A moving branch poked Alistair's nape, causing the boy to jump again and hide behind Lenoria. The couple glanced over the direction opposite of the elderly tree and spotted another tree, this one smiling like a caring grandmother, likely the source of the raspy voice they just heard. "Don't mind my husband over there, dearies. He thinks he's hot manure ever since the archdruid of Rosewood ate an apple from his branch and called it the best he's ever had."
"W-well, it is," the other tree defended himself. "He should have named me guardian of this forest, not that oversized pig."
"And what would you do if the forest ever fell under attack; throw apples at them?" The matronly tree shook her branches ominously. "Yeah, that'll get invaders off our backs."
"Rosewood," Lenoria piped up. "That's the druidic society bordering the Western and Central provinces, correct?"
"The druidic society located northwest of here, yes," the arrogant tree corrected.
"Oh, stop it. You know humans can't help putting labels on the lands they live in," the matronly tree scolded her partner. "You sure do know your geography, young lady. What brings you to our forest today, anyway?"
"We're supposed to meet with the local fey today," Lenoria explained. "We're offering fan service, from gifting our homemade fans to installing fans in houses and local businesses."
From afar, Lenoria spotted a group of horned men approaching her. The top part of their bodies appeared to look like well-built human men, while the bottom half consisted of a goat's hind legs and quarters. Their horns curved like a ram's, and all were draped with open tunics of various shades of white and cream.
"Satyrs! Right on time!" Lenoria waved at the crowd of newcomers. "Hey! Are you here about the fan service?"
No answer. The satyrs continued their march without a word. The talking trees took one look at each other before their faces, like magic, disappeared.
"They're not answering," Alistair pointed out.
"They're probably just shy from seeing a pretty face. I'll break the ice to put them at ease." Lenoria leaned forward, her raised arms bursting with energy. "Yoo-hoo! You guys look familiar. Have we met before?"
The satyrs stopped in their tracks. "Yes," said the leading man among them.
"Huh." Lenoria was at a loss for words. "Is...is that a good sign?"
"Usually," Alistair said as he met his beloved's eyes. "That one could drop the attitude, but it looks like your plan to break the ice worked like a-" Alistair's gaze shifted towards the satyrs again, his face instantly dropping from what he saw. "The satyrs have guns."
"Pardon?"
"THE SATYRS HAVE GUNS!" Alistair turned around, swooping Lenoria off her feet as he did so, and focused on the road behind him as he ran. The sound of gunfire rang in the air, one deafening KER-POW after another.
Momentarily lost in the moment from getting carried around like a bride, a stray bullet bouncing from Alistair's armor was enough to snap Lenoria out of her daze. "I don't get it! I thought forest creatures like elves and fey preferred wooden weapons like bows!"
"We make exceptions for scammers like you!" The satyrs had given chase, carrying around long firearms as they fired in all directions.
Alistair couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You scammed these guys, Len?"
"That's the fun part about time skips! We won't know for sure until we get around to that chapter." Lenoria winked at a random direction, followed by screaming as she and Al fled for their lives.
***
"Ow! Ow! Owie!"
Our heroes successfully escaped from the satyrs, and now that they were back home at the lodge, Alistair patiently picked the bullets that had struck Lenoria's back. Once he was done, a gentle healing touch closed the bullet wounds, making Lenoria feel good as new.
Moments later, Clara and Joanna returned from their own venture.
"You two look awful," Joanna said. "What happened to you?"
Once Lenoria and Alistair explained what happened - from talking trees to gun-totting goat men - Clara couldn't help but feel horrified.
"I'm so sorry! They seemed so friendly when I set up the meeting," she insisted. "How did you escape?"
"We lost the satyrs after a tengu and a lizardfolk crossed their paths," Alistair revealed. "I'm not proud for running away, but it looks like we escaped with our lives."
"What about you," Lenoria asked the two girls. "Any luck?"
"You'll be happy to know that business is steady," Joanna answered confidently. "Three fans have been installed and pretty soon we'll have some pretty satisfied customers."
"Then it looks like our fan service is a success." Lenoria slumped against her seat. "Good. Good. That brings us closer to our monetary goal. Good job, everyone."
Limping her way across the dining area, Lenoria made her way to the girl's dorm to get some much-needed rest.
"When do we tell her that a lot of her fans were found discarded across the village?" Joanna asked.
"Give her a day to savor her victory, then we tell her," Clara proposed.