CHAPTER 28: LADY IN THE LAKE

Jen knew the cave system she was trapped in was expansive. From the first moment she had clapped she had known. Small caves don’t take seconds for an echo to finish returning. Her exploration had further confirmed this, as each journey brought her to new places never seen before. Even her attempts at illumination had driven the message home, her meagre light fading away before it could reveal anything but her immediate surroundings, the cavern far too large to be so easily lit up.

But while Jen intellectually knew that she was in a large cave, she hadn’t seen that. It was only now, staring at the sight in front of her, that that specific fact moved from an intellectual cognizance to a deeper understanding.

Jen was currently standing on a stone shelf, a flat piece of rock that extended no more than ten feet in front of her before it dropped off. Beyond that was water. Even though Jen’s globe of light only lit up her surroundings out to twenty feet, the water was visible much further away, gentle ripples collecting and reflecting the light in a series of undulating sparkles, tiny waves of light that continued towards an illusory horizon.

Jen was brought to mind of the Sunless Sea from The Chronicles of Narnia as she took in the expanse in front of her. While the area that Jen could see was only large enough to qualify it as a small lake, the way it seamless faded into the darkness suggested a much larger body of water. The gentle rippling reinforced this idea, as they were not visibly curved as if spreading from a source, but were instead straight, crashing against the stone like waves against the shore.

Not wanting to slip on potentially wet stone, Jen moved closer towards the waters edge, wanting to get a better look at the depths. She was disappointed. Unlike her pool which was both shallow and clear, allowing the bottom to be clearly viewed, and unlike the river, which moved with enough speed to prevent any silt or particles from clouding the water, the lake was murky, filled with minerals and other contaminants to the point where she could only see the first few feet of water before her view was covered by haze.

Jen walked the length of the shore, from where it curved into one wall to where it met the other, trying to learn as much as she could. She didn’t see anything interesting, and while she assumed that the lake was just as devoid of life as the rest of the area had been, she knew that an absence of evidence was not evidence of absence. She had inspected a small fraction of the lake at most, and it was entirely possible for there to be underwater plants or fish or other things lurking in the deeps beyond her sight.

Jen bit her lip as she weighed the odds of something living in the lake, specifically something dangerous. On the one hand, the existence of the antimagic mushrooms and the moss she had found pointed to the possibility of ecosystems existing even without light. On the other hand, Jen had yet to come across any other creatures living down here. On the third hand, even if there were creatures down here, humans wouldn’t be part of their natural food cycle, and she would probably be ignored, or just investigated. That is, if whoever had put the System in place had stuck to natural behaviour and hadn’t wanted to screw her over even more than she already had been. On the other, other, other hand, Jen wanted a bath. The last argument was what decided it for Jen. Creatures or no, she had spent far too long wearing the same set of clothes, letting dirt and sweat accumulate, letting her hair grow oily and tangled. Even without soap, Jen wanted to feel somewhat clean again.

After emptying her pockets of mushrooms into a neat pile a few feet back from the edge of the water, Jen quickly stripped down to her underwear. The temperature in the cave was warm enough that she was not uncomfortable, although she would probably be chilly once she was wet.

Jen weighed the benefits before deciding to take the time to wash her clothes. It was slightly difficult to accomplish with one hand still maintaining her light, but Jen managed, using her legs and feet to hold the clothes in place while she rubbed at the more dirty spots with her free hand.She then rinsed them in the water before repeating the process, until the clothes were wet, but clear of the more egregious stains. Jen pressed them dry as much as she was able before setting them off to the side. They were still damp, but would hopefully air dry while she was in the water herself.

Taking a deep breath, Jen reminded herself that there was no one present before taking off her panties and bra and dropping them next to her drying clothes. Carefully, she sat down on the edge of the lake before sliding in. As her magic made contact with the water, it was quickly absorbed, her concentrated ball of light become a diffuse glow that quickly dissipated, spread over far too much water to last for any length of time.

Jen kept her right hand firmly on the ground, not wanting to risk getting lost in the water. Stretching her feet downwards, she was unable to make contact with any sort of ground, and even kicking towards the shore failed, the rock shelf being some sort of overhand. Pushing away thoughts of swimming blindly in the dark until she had no energy left, Jen tried to relax, to just enjoy the experience.

Kicking her feet to keep her head fully above water, Jen began to scrub herself, focusing most of her efforts on her hair. Pulling the tangles out was irritating, but necessary, and made Jen grateful her hair was only just past her shoulders in length. Massaging her roots was much more enjoyable, and she could feel her body begin to relax under the pleasurable feelings emanating from her head scratching.

Finished there, Jen turned her attention to her feet, using her fingers to get in between her toes and wash away the grime that had built up. She splashed her face,not willing to fully submerge, before bringing a handful of water up to her mouth, curious about the taste.

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It was bitter, far too many minerals in the water to be a pleasant taste, but Jen drank it down anyways. Her Poison Resistance skill should reduce any damage that it might do to her stomach, and she needed the water to stay hydrated.

With her body clean and her stomach filled, Jen simply swam for a moment, enjoying the feel of the water. It had been years since she had last skinny-dipped, and doing so now was nostalgic, bringing back innocent memories of youth. She wondered how she would have reacted to the cave system as a kid, if there hadn’t been the overarching need for survival, but just a child’s curiosity and wonder. She shook her head. As pleasant as it was to dream about playing hide and seek amongst the stalagmites, she couldn’t spend too much time fantasizing.

A quick check with her hand confirmed that her clothes were still wet, but a puddle of water around them showed that they were drying out slowly. Jen quickly tossed them over to a new section of the ground, and sank back into the water, before pulling her feet up and planting them on the edge. Using her feet as an anchor, Jen let herself float outwards until she was flat on the surface of the water, her low weight supported enough by her feet to simply let herself relax.

While the lack of external stimuli had proven beneficial towards meditating before, Jen felt she could take it further. With her ears underwater, there was no sound that Jen could hear, even her own breathing muted by the water barrier. Her vision was already dark, and with the water supporting her weight, Jen could barely feel anything with her sense of touch. If she focused she could make out the light pressure where her feet were in contact with the stone, but she let that feeling fade away, fully intent on her thoughts.

This trip had already proven its value, her Echolocation and Listen skills both showing noticeable growth as she pushed her limits. Jen wanted to do the same for her Meditation skill. She even had some ideas as to how to achieve such a thing, she just wasn’t sure she was capable of actually carrying through and doing it.

As far as Jen could tell, her Meditation skill dealt with aligning the body, mind, and spirit; reaching a mental state where everything was working in harmony. It was the metaphysical equivalent of giving a car a tuneup. Without it, things will still work, but it is necessary to push the limits and go beyond.

What worried Jen about that analogy was that in many ways her mind was alien to her. It was constantly changing, and reactions and beliefs that she had once held dear now lurked in the dark recesses of her mind. One such belief was her hatred of avocado, something she had only learned last summer was due to her mother trying to feed her a cheap off-brand avocado flavored baby food. The original incident had long since been forgotten, but it had instilled a deep loathing for the food that remained to the present day.

That was a small personality quirk that she could afford to ignore, but Jen knew there were others that weren’t so minor. But it wasn’t enough to just admit that her mind was unknown. If Jen didn’t know herself fully, didn’t have a perfect understanding of who she was, flaws and all, then any efforts made to change herself would be lacking. If she wanted her Meditation skill to improve, she needed to take the time to explore her entire psyche.

There was another reason that this was necessary, which was also the reason Jen was nervous about being able to actually accomplish her task. She had received two skills that dealt with her mental state. Both Determination and Patience changed the way she thought, letting her accomplish things that would have overwhelmed her otherwise.

She was unsure how she felt about that. While grateful to be alive, to have endured the trials, there was a part of Jen that was afraid of change, that gaining these skills would cost her part of her identity in the process. She was unsure just how deep the mental skills went. Were they tools that she could call upon, consciously or not? Or did the System actually change her mental makeup upon receiving them, making her more determined or patient in a way that was irreversibly now a part of her? Tying into that was the difference that increasing her mental stats made. She could feel she was thinking faster, clearer. She was better able to follow a train of thought to its conclusion, while at the same time other options easily made themselves apparent. Did thinking more make her a different person?

Jen floated on the lake, the questions going around in circles inside her head. Questions were compared, contrasted, and eventually consolidated down to a single starting point to begin her journey of self discovery. One simple question from which to build her understanding of self.

Who do I believe myself to be?

Change was irrelevant. 12 year old Jen was not the same as 20 year old Jen, but she was still the same person. Her experiences in that time had shaped her, given her more information and knowledge to mold herself with, but her core sense of self had remained constant. She was still a precocious, stubborn, introverted girl with a love of science and books. More importantly, that was still who she wanted to be. That was the basic framework through which she could accept the changes the system brought.

If it made her smarter? She was still herself. If it gave her Determination? She was still herself. If it made her a lesbian? Jen quickly added heterosexual to her concept of self, before asking herself the question again. If it made her a lesbian? She’d somehow find Benedict Cumberbatch and have him fuck her straight again.

She knew her image was incomplete and flawed. But it was a start. She could improve it, correct any fallacies or inconsistencies that might crop up. But it was a start, and would let her start other things. As she started her journey of self discovery, Jen didn’t want to just know herself. She wanted to improve herself. She already knew she had flaws. She was petty. She was lazy when it wasn’t a matter of life and death, or last minute papers. She tended to latch onto the first idea to come along and ignore any other ones. In short, she was human. But she could be better.

Comforted by that belief, Jen sank deeper into her thoughts, preparing to examine her life and her actions. To build a more accurate picture of who she had been, who she was, and who she wanted to be. It wasn’t something that she could complete in the few hours she had available at the moment. It probably wasn’t something she would ever be done with. But no matter how much or how little time she spent, Jen knew she’d be better for it.