My name is James, that's what people call me James, just James.

Last Names were  pretty annoying and no one refers to me by mine so I just go without them.

My family is .. unimportant to this whole 'story' rather a problem is a better word. In fact mentioning theem just makes this whole thing even worse was before.

So let us talk about this problem. We begin on Sunday, September 21, 2021..

I am in North America so it was neither too warm nor too cold early in the morning at least not for me others may say otherwise.

It helped me sleep like a log and I woke up tried like everyone else who habitally goes to bed late at nights but refreshed. Today I never made much of plan for today except working after thinking about what once I got up so all was free game in my head. You see I never had much of a daily routine but even then normally questioning life wasn't one of the things I did so early.

I got out of bed and asked myself the question I'm still asking myself why I ever bothered to ask in the first.

Why oh Why di that come to my head, "Why Am I, Human?"

F*ck myself on doing this, I don't believe ignorance is bliss or a sin but if I have to question my entire life early in the morning and my circumstances that brought to this point because of a sing question which also turned my life around then whatever sense that got me here be damned. Though all my logic and sense akready did get lost later on.

This is Grim. What got me to ask this question in the first place?Was it me or was it well I won't even ask if it was god so yeah it was probably me.

I am skipping over a lot of things and already I'm ranting and raving and you've have yet to know who I am right.

So I am James like I said the same one who asked that question, I spent my years like any most children, talked a lot, played with friends, studied, got ok grades, graduated, worked, etc, etc. I have a lot of pride in myself or rather I have quite the high ego. Mostly due to thinking I was some sort of god from my childhood days and my gross obsession with myself that I even have today.I'm preideful and I know thisI won't be hurting myself for nor ill i bring this up again so you'll have to deal with this. Back on topic now so why a kid who got ok grades, thought he was god (I don't remember why you should care about this and it has escaped my mind when I'm writing this why I really did but It was ironic, yep definitely ironic) now ask life a question about life?

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I don't know but everything else after this point shook me. That whu I write about it.

First of All the Initial Shock

Jason woke up, after opening his eyes and taking in his sorrounding with one quick glance acorss the room he sat up pinching himself awake and rubbing his forehaead and eyes. He felt the urge to think about someting here.

And he asked myself "Why was I Human?". What a weird question that was, he thought. It not usually the time for a life crisis but let's see what I can make of this. 

I know I was the one to say it but why did I ask that? he thought while turning his palms back and forth. Staring at this repeated somewhat hypnotic action he thoughts further escalated down."You know why was I Human rather why was... no, what I am I..? no not that.. hmm.. I want to ask something but I just can't find the words for it...". he thoughts here were muddy, a tesatment to the fact that he just woke up but they continously spiraled downwards even further as he began to think deeper about this and wake up. I don't need a motive to continue this,it's early in the morning and I am bored. Questions...Questions...hmm, Hey if I am ... Something is wrong why do I wake up every morning, when I go to sleep no why do I feel alive yet this is me, no something is wrong, I feel alive but I also feel divine like I could do anything but not anything, weird no that's.. wrong it's not like that... it's like I am someone else but better no different yet here I am every da... Ah! I got it if I feel like a god but I am limited now what am I?. This chaos here was his thought porcess as he contemplated an abstract idea, unflitered that could be just unintelligent, uncomprehensable ot unknowable or all. "There life crisis solved," he said, Or not what am I even doing this early in the morning. it felt strsnge that feeling of getting closer to the answer and that when I did that feeling of how my thoguhts transformed afterwards.

Once you see it you can't unsee it or in this case unfeel it, huh, I still don't know how to put this feeling in words. 

Whatever I am just tried. Back to sleep

The First Shock was more like a mental breakdown and let me tell you the inital feeling was a new one but not an oh he is high one just a weird but kinda pleasant one like I got the answer right but I now know I got it wrong for most of my life.

It felt like my body was misplaced like how this was how it actually was and all along I just had it wrong. It felt right but weird then it went to feeling something's wrong but it still felt right.

The Second Shock was the Big One but the First One was like a little shake I needed once and I'll remember how it felt and it prepared me for everything else. Actually becuase I kept feeling it especially on nights or in the mornings. It was still there, the strangeness was there it was growing, distracting me and everything felt wrong and everything that happened tht as wrong felt right and I could FEEL it.

Oh how the psychiatrist had a field day on this.

Oh and on that day I also learned, I really got to choose my words better.