It was a late Srijedeg afternoon, the seventh day of Sootemer, and start of autumn. Though the days still felt warm, the nights were beginning to grow cool.

Being Srijedeg, her parents would probably go to the Inn tonight, to that place they called the tavern. It was common for many in the village to go at least occasionally, and usually that was the last full work day of the week or the day after. It was when many would head there to read the news on the notice board and talk to their fellow villagers and friends.

Tomorrow and the next day, they would only have the shop open for half the day. Something to do with it being the weekend. Occasionally they would even close on Ostarideg, the eighth and last day of the week. But the shop was busy this month, as people bought small items they’d need to prepare for the coming winter, like extra storage jars. Of which the shop was currently overflowing with.

“Emilie, are you ok watching Ricaza?” Her parents had come to trust her again, just a little bit. It was obvious they wanted to stay out later but still didn’t know what Emilie would do, and they couldn’t fully trust her with her little brother just yet. It felt so hard to earn their trust back, but she tried. Everyday she tried, never considering maybe her age was the issue and not who she was.

“Yep! I’ll make sure.” Her voice was full of confidence and certainty she didn’t really have but would force.

The sound of the shop’s front door opening caught her attention. As she looked up to great, what would probably be the last customer of the day, she instead got to see her friend. “Reese!”

For the past few days, he had shown off his new notebook, and the newer ideas he had been writing in it. It was definitely an upgrade from his self-made item. The pages were stitched in well and there was actual glue on the binding, at least she thought it was glued. How did you bind a book anyway?

She would often muse to herself such questions, and then ask Reese or her parents if she couldn’t find the answer herself. The answers though, would sometimes fade from even her sharp mind. Perhaps she should get a note book too?

“We start school next week. I’m still not sure how I feel about it.” Reese mused his own thought to her.

The comment left her conflicted, if she was honest about it; she was excited for him, but she didn’t want to burden him with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be joining him. A choice that may have wider impacts than she realized.

“I have to stay and watch my brother for today. Do you mind staying here?”

“Yeah. We can go over those spells in your mother’s books.”

“Be careful you two!” Her mother shook her head after scolding the two of them.

Her father nodded lightly, “Your mother’s right Emilie, be careful with those spells. Reese, you watch yourself too, some of the spells are dangerous.”

With a nod of agreement he watched as Emilie’s parents left the three alone. It was a weird sensation for him, being the only two in the house. As if were some forbidden line that was being crossed. Of course, that was utter non-sense.

Emilie opened the book she was given and gestured to Reese to read it with her. Inside the spells and glyphs were far more intricate and complex than any she had seen before, and some of the symbols were new too. They weren't just new for Emilie, even Reese hadn't seen a few of them.

Flipping through his notebook he started copying some of the symbols on the page. As he wrote, he pointed to two in particular, “These look like pure light and pure dark mana. She how they’re inverts of each other?”

He was right, they were almost like opposites. The two spells were titled as “Quick Warding” and “Simple Dispel". The words Ward and Dispel seemed like odd terms, though she had seen them before, “But what do they mean?” She asked more to herself. For a moment, she was tempted to grab another book, the dictionary.

However, Reese was quick to give her the answer. “Well, ward means to keep away, like a shield. I think this spell protects the caster. Dispel does kind of the opposite, it interferes with an existing spell and causes it to break or stop.”

It was a bit disappointing to just be given the answer, but Reese was usually right about these things. “Oh. So like for protection, and attacking?”

Reese shrugged. It seemed to make sense to him, but he was also pulling from knowledge Emilie wouldn't have known or could know.

Emilie studied the glyphs, memorizing parts of them, feeling the rest. Which made her feel, really weird when she thought of them. Not like the fire and water spells, these almost felt like they were changing something in her. The sensation kind of scared her, and she had to stop. Whatever these spells did, she could already tell they were powerful, and dangerous.

Flipping the page were more and more spells, each vastly more complex than any others they had seen before. Even with her skill it would take time and effort to understand the glyphs. Another new symbol, it looked like a six-pointed start with circles at the top and bottom. It almost looked like a glyph inside of a glyph.

"Solistum," Reese said between writing in his notebook. "I know it's used in advanced spells, and some other things. Most of my books only touch on it. It's used a lot in advanced healing spell from what my mom said."

Even as he spoke, he was busy sketching and recording everything he could in the book. Emilie couldn't help but laugh, it was like he was trying to make a complete copy.

“Do you like copying books? Maybe you can be a scribe when you get older.”

Reese smiled back, “I actually hate writing, but there’s too much information to remember. Gods, I couldn’t imagine copying a whole book.”

"Solistum" She whispered to herself. The symbol was so unlike any other, she didn't know how to feel about it. The way it made her feel inside was strange. Almost hollow. As a chill ran down her spine she flipped the page again.

The afternoon would continue, eventually evening would come, and the bells would ring at the end of the day. With that Reese took his leave, saying something about being home before the street lights came on. A strange phrase she didn’t quite get. As he left, her parents came back, almost exactly at the same time.

“Momma, I’m hungry.” And as if on cue, Ricaza began begging for dinner. A quiet few hours quickly turned into a hectic few minutes. What were they going to eat anyway? Probably something quick, like cheese soup, baked vegetables, and maybe a small amount of that cooked salt pork they had in abundance. It was good, there was just… a lot of it.

As she thought about food, she continued flipping through the book until she reached one very interesting spell that she made note of. It wasn't horribly complex like the Solistum one, but still looked challenging. She didn’t have time to read it in full before her parents called her for dinner. Closing the book, she made a note to revisit the oddly shaped fire symbols in the spell.

When Momadeg rolled around, not only was it the first day of the week but also first day of school, for Reese anyway. Emilie handled it the same way she handled every day; by sitting in the corner, reading a book. This one was more difficult than she was used to. Her attention returned to that particular spell with the distorted fire symbols. At first, she wondered if it was upside down because the fire symbols were inverted and seemed stretched out, but all the writing was the correct way, so probably not. At the top of the page was the name of the spell “Ice Bolt”. Maybe that’s why they were inverted? Part of her wished Reese was here, he always seemed to have answers.

Pausing at the thought, she shook her head, ‘no’. She was going to figure it out and impress him. This was something she could do, after all. It was the one thing she was truly gifted in, magic. Of all the battles she would fight she was convinced this was one that was winnable on her own. After all, she had learned those fire and water spells on her own, these couldn’t be that much more difficult, could they?

The day drifted forward, and eventually the front door opened. Her gaze drifted up, expect a customer or maybe her parents. Instead, it was someone more interesting, at least to her. “Reese!”

She practically shouted and went to greet her friend. “School’s out already? It’s earlier than I thought it be.” Her voice seemed a mixture of disappointment and gratitude.

“Yeah. The first half is just a lecture. We should be doing our homework now.”

Emilie’s eyes opened wider at the word ‘Homework’, as if it were some magical concepts. She grew envious of the children who would jealously hoard their own from her. She had no idea what the reality was, and if she did, she would probably smack herself for thinking this.

Resse continued. “I was surprised not to see you there. I figured you’d want to go to school?”

“I…” She struggled, and the sparkle in her eyes drained. It just wasn’t that simple for her. “I think I want to go, but mom and dad say I can’t.” Her mind was conflicted, of course she wanted to go. She just didn’t know if it was worth the fight or even how to fight it.

“That’s not right, if you want to go you should be able to go!”

Without asking, without thinking, Reese went to confront her parents. Leaving Emilie lost for a moment as she watched someone else defend her. To their credit, her own parents were also shocked and grateful by his actions.

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Stifling back a tear Venesar, her father, tried to let the boy down lightly “Reese. I appreciate all you’ve done for my daughter. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. But, this isn’t something you can just fix. The mayor is the one who didn’t want her in school.”

“Ard? Why?”

“Reese…” He paused. This was still hard for him, even after several years. “Do you know what my daughter did?”

Of course, he knew what she did. Everyone did. It hurt her to have everyone keep bring it up, but that was reality. It was her reality.

“Yes. She lit a fire without meaning too and started a small flood the same way. They’re both accidents.”

Always being defended by him made her feel warm, but also, more than a little embarrassed. A small part of her actually wanted him to stop. A very small part, but still.

Emilie’s father couldn’t help but laugh a little, and smile, further wiping another tear away, “I’m, actually very happy you’re trying to defend her. Yes, that’s right she burned the field behind the house, and caused a flood that could have hurt her little brother. No, she didn’t mean too, but that doesn’t always matter.”

For a moment he considered his daughter, and then Reese. She was still in front of that same book that was hopelessly too advanced for her. It really wasn’t fair. “The mayor needs to be convinced. I don’t know how to do that.”

Hearing that, Reese stormed out of the house. On a mission to save his friend. Because that’s what he did. Meanwhile, Emilie could only sit and stare at the closed door after he left.

Her mind felt both empty and full. Left to process thoughts about herself, her family and Reese but not able to do anything with it all. She was grateful to have a friend like him. But she couldn’t help but feel weak as fought her battles for her. She wanted to go to school, but like this? Shouldn't she be trying to fight her own battles?

For the rest of the day, her mind ran in circles unsure what she actually wanted. Even as she turned in for the night, it was hard to find sleep in the darken room, the moon’s light still cast shadows that seemed to mock her, like the silhouettes of the people in the village. Her room was somewhat Spartan, aside from the small pearl white desk and half height shelf with her few outfits on them. She didn’t actually have any books in her room, they were all her parents. Like everything else in her life, they didn’t feel like hers. In part because they weren’t. She was about to be 7 but was already asking questions about herself that some adult never even get to. Who was she, and who did she want to be?

With the deep thoughts, and deeper fears, Emilie eventually found the sleep she was looking for, but it wasn’t particularly restful.

With Reese’s visit the next day, a trend would emerge and every day without fail, Reese would come to visit and talk about school. As much as Emilie loved to hear about it, it also kind of hurt to know she wouldn’t be a part of it. It was such a mundane thing, just going to a building with other kids, being told a few facts, work on some problems and then go home for the day. Yet, it was something she couldn’t do.

In truth, the learnings and problems weren’t even the main things she was interested in, she could do that at home with her own books. It was being around other people, people her own age. What would that be like, to have more friends and acquaintances?

A sigh escaped her lips as she daydreamed of a present that just didn’t exist.

“You ok Emilie?” Reese snapped her back to the lecture he was trying to give her. Something about the Locran Lon Dras, the old nation to the west of the six kingdoms.

The feelings inside her felt too complex for words, so all she could do was nod.

“I’m going to talk to Ard next week. I don’t know how, but I’m going to get you into school.” His words were full of force and certainty. Emilie couldn’t help but think how amazing Reese was. Even if he failed, that fact that he was able to try at all.

In the short time she had known him, he had befriended her, stood up for her, and taught her more than he could imagine. Yet, it was like he couldn’t see how impressive all that was.

Those same strengths he showed made her feel weaker. She wanted to help, but he didn’t let her. It was her future after all, shouldn’t she be a bigger part of it?

“Want to focus on something else?” The sincerity and concern in his voice meant she couldn’t say anything. It was so hard to know what to do or how to do it.

“Want to work on this spell?” Reese held up a picture of the Ice Bolt spell she had been trying to learn.

At first, she did want his help on it, but now that she had invested so much time in it, it kind of felt like cheating to have him give her the answer. But if she refused him, would she ever figure it out on her own, and, would he still be her friend if she did? She wanted to get stronger, to stand on her own, could she do that with Reese always here? What she really needed were more friends, others to rely on and who would rely on her.

Another late Setnesdeg would pass, and with it the weekend would come. More time to think and ponder who she wanted to be. Yet, it would be the next day that things would change once again.

Emilie awoke to a rather cool Sanedeg morning. Her room wasn’t cold, but the air was uncomfortably crisp, and she was grateful for the plush blankets her father had taken out the week earlier. What was too hot and stuffy a few days ago, was now a warm embrace that begged her to stay buried inside of it.

But, staying in her warm cocoon was not her destiny, at least not today.

“Emilie, breakfast, if you want syrup get down here.”

That was enough to get her up. This time of year, they would regularly eat a porridge made of crushed wheat and with whatever was left over in the cupboard. Usually, salted meats and pickled vegetables. It wasn’t bad. But without something to make it sweet, all Emilie could tase were the bitter herbs used to pickle the meats and vegetables .

She was the last one to sit at the table, but thankfully the syrup was still present. It was a thick brown liquid that held a subtle spicy scent and was almost sickeningly sweet. It was a mystery to Emilie, but it actually tasted sweeter than pure sugar.

“Let me add more pickled radishes for you, Basilara.“ Venesar began packing a large number of radishes ontop of the crushed wheat porage. The mixture of salty, sweet, and bitter was already a bit off putting, but adding more of the bitter pickled vegtables just made Emilie gag at the thought. For some reason her mother had suddenly be eating strange foods and combinations of foods. Not only that, but also eating far more than she usually did.

The bulge in her mother’s abdomen made Emilie smirk, “Mama, you’re going to get fat if you keep eating like that!” She chuckled to herself.

“Emilie, that’s very rude to call your mother fat.” Venesar scolded his child, while her mother looked on in mild shock with a slight smile of her own.

“Ha ha, mama is getting fat! Fat, fat , fat…” Ricaza added his own little out burst to the morning shenanigans.

“Oh, fat am I? Well, in a few decades you’ll see what it’s like.” Basilara held a smile while she shook her head. “But I guess you should both know; you will have a new baby brother or sister in a few months.” She smiled while rubbing her stomach. Venesar came up and gave his wife a rather quick but passionate kiss.

“Yay! I’m not the baby now! Not the baby, not the baby” Ricaza smiled while saying the words ‘not the baby’ over and over.

Meanwhile, Emilie had all she could do to hold the spoon in her hand as the shock hit her. Another child, another sibling. It already felt like her parents paid more attention to Ricaza than her, how much worse would it get with a new one? Would there even be anything left for her?

But, maybe it was a good thing. With another member of the family, there would be more of a buffer when she screwed up again. How many more siblings would she have, and at what point would she just not matter anymore?

“You planning on spending time with Fortus’ boy again?” Venesar’s question popped Emilie out of her daze.

“I was thinking about studying alone today. There’s a problem I’m working on I want to solve.”

Venesar nodded, but seemed to ignore what she said, “Fortus’ keeps bring up how smart his boy is. You should see if he can help.”

Originally, when her parents first heard about Reese they were cautious and told her to be careful around him. But once they learned he was Fortus’ they changed their views of him almost on the spot. Even encouraging her to hang out with him. Something about ‘connections.’ Emilie didn’t really understand what they meant by that and ‘politics’. True enough, she enjoyed hanging out with Reese and wanted to continue to do so, just, not all the time.

“I like Reese but he keeps helping me too much. I want to solve this problem on my own.” Her voice had grown timid and quite

“I understand honey, but having strong friends in this world is valuable. It’s something I wish I had paid more attention to when I was younger. Reese is part of the Bronwyn family, they’re very well known. I don’t know why Fortus is out here, but that family holds a lot of power. They even hold a potential claim to the throne of Thrus. You should try to get closer to him…” Her father would continue his lecture on the Bronwyn family for several minutes, just further adding to the pressure she felt.

Leaving the house, she had no place or destination in mind. Instead, she just walked. Walking along the perimeter of town Emilie’s thoughts kept drifting between the various problems she had been facing. The spell being only a smaller one.

With a sigh, she sat down at the hill Reese always seemed to come to. There was too much to keep in her head, she could see why Reese always had that notebook with him. Maybe she should buy one? But with what coins? She had maybe 19 coppers in room, maybe enough for paper, but even a cheap notebook would be more than double that, at least 2 silver. Could she convince her parents to buy one?

Looking around, it was about noon given the length of the shadows, and the slight rumble in her stomach. Maybe she could convince her parents to buy a notebook? It seemed like a stretch.

Reese said he hated writing, but found organizing his thoughts on paper helped. Maybe it would help her too?

The bookstore in town always had odd hours and could best be described as open whenever the owner felt like it. Whether it was luck, fate or just the whims of the owner, the shop was open, and her mother, though not happy about spending coins they didn’t have was at least willing.

The bookstore was somewhat unkept, dust had settled on many of the shelves, and the floor looked unwashed, neglected for weeks, maybe more. The stale air held a slightly sweat aroma of old paper and leather, along with some minor medial herbs the shopkeeper always seemed to have.

Near the back of the store where the notebooks and loose paper. Finding a book, almost identical to Reese’s she picked it up without a second thought and handed it to her mother, who was taken aback by the price.

“It’s 10 silvers, are you sure you need this one?”

“… It’s the same one Reese has.”

“Here lets at least get this one, it’s 8 silvers. Same kind of paper.”

Gripping the book, Emilie was surprised at how heavy it felt. Despite the lower price, it was certainly heftier. The paper inside was pristine, slightly off white, with fibers small enough that you’d have to struggle to see them. It felt smooth, like cloth. Perfect for ink, suitable for charcoal.

“Don’t touch the pages if you’re not going to buy! The oils in your hands ruin the paper!” The shopkeeper barked from the front of the store. Both Emilie and Basilara jumped at the man’s almost extrasensory ability to see through the bookshelf.

The book would work as a notebook. Emilie hopped it would hold together, she didn’t know how to judge the physical quality of a book. To be fair neither did Reese, having just picked the one that ‘felt‘ right at the time, though, Emilie didn’t know that.

As her daughter carried the empty book home, Basilara felt twice as heavy as her purse was lighter, while Emilie felt twice as light as the book was heavy.

It did still look like his but felt a bit flimsier. She guessed it would suffice. Now she kind of wished she had talked to him today; she could have asked why he chose that notebook in the first place. Why not the cheaper ones. Pausing at that thought, she let the book fall to the desk in her room as she realized what she was thinking. Again, it felt like she was looking at him to solve her problems, no matter how minor.

The young child was still that, a young child, uncertain about her place in the world or the way of friendship. One day she would learn that friendship was give and take, and that asking questions isn’t the same as asking for a solution. That day, just wasn’t today.

The first notes in her book, "Who do I want to be?", "How can I stand up for myself?" Followed by nearly a page of ideas, thoughts, feelings and more problems.

With some of the heavier thoughts removed from her head, sleep would come easier tonight for the young child.