Just as I am leaving the building Nico lives in, my mobile phone buzzes with a text. It’s from Nicos mom Bethany. Maybe she’s telling me on his behalf that he wants nothing to do with me anymore.

My hands quiver as I open the text. She’s inviting me over to her place. It wouldn’t be weird at all normally, but given the situation right now, it is. My mind reels back to the conversation I had had with Don a few days ago, I shudder to think what he told me is the reason Bethany wants to see me. For as long as I can, I would like to live in denial about that reality.

So, I decide to go to her place, now. Guess I’m not working today. I text her a quick affirmation and make my way there. It’s a few blocks away from where Nico lives, so I just decide to walk Walking is good, walking will clear my head. I used to run, I don’t know why I gave up.

The weather is pleasant, it might rain. I guess I’m one of the few people who actually like the rain. It’s so serene and peaceful. The ground smells like flowers and mud and water. Nion always makes me hot chocolate when it rains and he’s around.

It has started to drizzle lightly, just as I’m turning to the corner to the Consigliere’s house. I make a sprint for it, not wanting to get wet, but it begins to pour heavily, and now I’m drenched. Fuck my life.

“Hi, Gavin.” I greet the guard at the house. He isn’t in the open unlike me, and I feel his gaze on my very visible boobs. Of course I had to wear white today. “Could you tell the Consigliera that Ginevra is here?”

“She told me to send you right in. Go on. May I offer you an umbrella?” I nod, and a grey umbrella is thrust in my hand which I take and go on the rest of the way. One thing I hate about coming to Nico’s parents‘ house is that there is so much fucking security to go through even though I’ve been visiting since I was very little. There’s Gavin at the main entrance, then there are the two women on the entry to the main house, and then finally one at the door that opens into where the Consigliere and Consigliera live.

1 step inside the house, and am immediately grected by Bethany with a towel. She wraps a huge fluffy white towel around me, and pulls me inside. “Oh slatkaya, you’ll get cold. I’ll give you a change of clothes, go to Nico’s room” (Russian for honey)

Man do I love Bethany. She’s so motherly. She always makes you feel so loved and at home. I nod and take my shoes off at the gate, then make my way up to Nico’s room. It’s been a while since I’ve been here. We used to hang out here all the time before he got a place of his own. It’s still the same, though – with his books about the space and aliens, some of his pictures on the walls – one of them with me, and his old tennis rackets. I shiver due to the cold, then unwrap the towel, wrapping my arms around me. The door creaks open, and Bethany enters, smiling at me, a pile of clothes in her arms.

I got you some sweats and a T shirt. You can borrow one of Nico’s sweatshirts from his closet, he keeps some here.” She tells me, keeping the clothes on the bed.

“Thank you so much, Bethany. I’m sorry for being a

nuisance.”

She shakes her head. “Nansense, lapushychkn. I invited you. And you know you’re welcome here anytime. Now go on, take a hot shower. Get warm and then come downstairs.” I nod, grateful, and Bethany walks out. (Russian for sweetie)

I go to the bathroom and take my clothes off, stepping into the shower gingerly. There’s just men’s body wash, which I use. A hot shower actually feels pretty good.

I’ve showered so many times in this same bathroom, but tonight it just feels…wrong and invasive. It is so terrifying how things change in a flash, in a single, throbbing, fleeting moment

After I’m done I put on the clothes Bethany gave me, then I search Nico’s closet for a sweatshirt. There aren’t many, so I put on one from his uni. I have the same one at home from when I visited him in Uni on Halloween. It was his second year there, and I was so, so lonely without him. I am still so, so lonely.This belongs to : ©.

I grab my phone and check my messages, hoping for one from either Julian or Nico. There’s only one from my brother inquiring about where I am, and I quickly text him back.

I start to make my way downstairs, and find Bethany in the living room, flipping through a book. “HL” I say softly.

e looks at me and smiles. “Oh, you’re here. Feel better?” I nod. “Thanks, again, Bethany.”

“Come sit down.” She pats the couch beside her, “I made

le you some coffee. And there’s some honey cake. Let me get some for you.”

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’ll get it. Is it in the kitchen?” She says yes, and I go and get some cake for the both of us. I sit down beside her again, and she shows me the book she’s flipping through. “It’s my wedding album.” She giggles, pointing to a picture of herself and the Consigliere. “He cried when I walked down the aisle, It was so cute.”

1 smile down at the pictures. She looked absolutely beautiful, and of course,

se, the Consigliere, tou.

“Look,”

she flips a page, “Here’s one of you and Nico.”

And it is, the two of us break dancing while everyone else looks at us fondly, Ah, childhood. Everything was so simple back then.

The picture next to it is one of me glaring at an older boy in a tuxedo, who has an equally pissed off expression on his face. “Is that Dante?” I laugh Bethany nods

“Yes”

“I don’t remember this incident. What was I so mad about?”

“You were very young, sweetie. This was taken after Dante jokingly hit Nico, and you were ready to murder him for it.”

Oh. Okay.

Bethany turns smiling.

her head to look at me. Her gaze zeroes in on my neck, and she reaches out to touch my necklace. “Did Dante give you this?” she asks,

“Yes, last night.”

“It is the symbol of the Capo Bastone.” She tells me. “Does he intend to marry you? This seems pretty important.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. He’s very difficult. Some days I just hate him.”

She

he laughs lowly, closing the album and placing it on the table. All the Rivera men are, trust me.”

“Nico isn’t.” I point out

That is because you do not love him. So, you don’t see the intricacies.”

I chew my honey cake slowly. “He’s my best friend. I do love him.”

“Not like you love Dante.

She’s right. I could never love anyone the way I love Julian. My love for him is blind and stupid and irrational. Because I don’t even know him, but I love him still

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