'Hang on a minute,' said Number Two, her Welsh accent asserting itself on the first word, making the H breathy and drawing out the A. 'You spent two days in bed with her and you’re calling her Mrs Lowenstein? Did you forget her first name?'

'It’s Delilah,' said Seven. He sounded more angry than he’d intended. Surely Two, of all people, would know better than to accuse him of that. 'She told me to call her Mrs Lowenstein. She said every time I said it she was reminded that she never had to touch Dex again.'

'What was Dex doing hanging around his yacht?' said Six.

'I wondered that. I also wondered what the two heavies had been looking for. So I searched the ship. I found $2 million in cash between the inner and outer hull and a bag of uncut diamonds hidden in the mattress. I also found a hard drive that linked Dex’s many scams to his accomplices and their Swiss bank accounts.' Seven drank the last of his tequila.

'And?' said Five.

'The money went to Mrs Lowenstien and the hard drive went to Scotland Yard.'

'And the diamonds?' said Five.

'Were lost overboard. They were certainly not sold on the black market. They are definitely not paying for half this shindig. So keep that in mind when we’ve emptied all the bottles on the table,' said Seven.

Number Two picked up the bottle of tequila and shook it gently, gauging how much there was left. 'Here’s a question appropriate to killing the rest of this bottle,' she said. She refilled all their glasses. 'Hands up everyone who had sex with Number One. And I’m defining sex as any intimate act where someone got penetrated by something.'

Number Two took a drink and raised her hand. So did everyone else in the room.

Seven was surprised to realise that he wasn’t surprised. On some level he’d been expecting it without ever having thought about it consciously.

Number Three looked around the room. 'Five and Six, obvious really. Seven I’m not surprised at you but I am surprised that it’s news to me. Usually when you shag someone they’re all high fives and fist bumps for weeks. But ladies… seriously… how?'

Number Four waved Number Two ahead while she sipped her tequila.

'I got some negative feedback on the quality of my blowjobs,' said Two.

'Too toothy as I recall,' said Seven. It had been a little ungentlemanly of him to mention it but really he was just mentoring Number Two’s professional development.

'So you said. Anyway I thought who better to learn from than Number One. The man was all about the dick, after all.'

'And?' said Number Six.

Number Two looked at Number Seven.

'Good,' said Seven. 'Cricket ball through a drinking straw good,' he said. Proof that time spent helping your colleagues’ professional development was never wasted.

Everyone looked at Number Four. 'Well?' said Number Two.

She sighed. 'Number Seven’s gun,' she said.

'The one he gave back?' said Seven.

'What?' said Six, 'The slimy one? You were the one acting all grossed out?'

'I didn’t think he’d give it back,' said Four. 'He never gave any of mine back. I think he collected them.'

'But my gun?' said Seven 'Why? Why anyone’s gun? Why a gun? Please tell me it wasn’t loaded.'

'Of course it wasn’t loaded,' said Four. 'What do you take me for?'

'Someone who’d use a gun as a sex toy,' said Seven.

'How do you…' Five began.

'I don’t care about the how,' Seven cut him off. 'I only care about the why.'

'We were bored. You know how it is,' said Four.

'We really don’t,' said Two but Four ignored her.

'We were holed up in Number One’s safe house in Tashkent with nothing to do but drink and fret. It had been a long, boring, drunken day and then I found that silenced P99 and I just saw red,' said Number Four.

'But you and I have never…' said Number Seven.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

'That was the whole point. I knew you’d banged every woman in the service except me but doing all the guys as well…'

'Not all of them. I haven’t laid a finger on Three or Five. Or any of the men from head office. I haven’t so much as touched any of the juniors. And you know why not you. I can’t help that you still look like a child to me,' said Seven. He’d known that it rankled with her. She hated that no matter how competent she proved herself to be, his first instincts would always be to protect her.

'Curse my youthful complexion. At least Number One got a kick out of it. I couldn’t work out if he was enjoying it cause, you know, anal, or if he was enjoying it because it was dangerous and painful,' said Number Four.

'The man did love danger and pain,' said Number Five.

'So, Nancy,' said Number Two, rounding on Number Six, 'Do you have something you want to share with the group?'

'What?' said Six.

'Seven said he hadn’t shagged Three, Five, anyone from head office, or any juniors. He never said anything about you. Spill,' said Two.

'That’s something for his wake,' said Seven. 'Or mine.'

'I might not live that long,' said Number Two. 'Number One would have killed to hear this story and now it’s too late.'

'Actually, he wouldn’t. It was his idea,' said Number Six.

That was news to Seven. 'Well now you have to tell it,' he said and poured another drink for Six and one for himself.

'It was a prank. At least I thought it was a prank. Number One persuaded Monica to send Seven on a job to turn a Bulgarian mercenary. She was ex military, ex Javelin star, you know the type. A big girl. So the packet sent him to a very dark bar run by an ex KGB captain with links to all kinds of eastern European factions. I do believe it was one of my finest performances.'

'So when did you realise?' said Number Five.

'The next morning,' said Number Seven.

'No!' said Number Two. 'I am disappointed in you.'

'It wasn’t one of my finest performances,' said Number Seven.

'How?' said Number Three.

'I told him I was on my lady period,' said Six.

'I should have realised when he called it that but I thought it was just a language problem. I tried to say that a little blood wouldn’t bother me but then he got down on his knees and I wasn’t about to refuse,’ said Seven.

'Any good?' said Two.

'Pretty good. Not as good as you are now but better than most women. That should have made me wonder but I just thought that must be how you get on in the Bulgarian Javelin team.'

'That’s a bit xenophobic,' said Four.

'I am not xenophobic. I’m just sceptical about institutionalised sport. How many times have I watched your back while you’ve been pumping a coach or a trainer or a judge for intel?' said Seven.

'Yeah, ok, you got me on that one,' said Four. 'So afterwards?'

'We spooned,' said Number Seven.

'Mmmmm,' said Number Two.

Three and Five stared at her and then at Seven. 'Really?' said Number Four.

'Oh yeah,' said Two and Six in near unison.

'What?' said Number Three, his voice sharp with disbelief.

'That’s his big secret,' said Number Two. 'He’s a great kisser and a fantastic shag but it’s the cuddling that turns them.'

'I can attest to the power of a Number Seven snuggle,’ said Six. ‘I have never felt so guilty in my entire life. The plan was to string him along as long as possible but after three hours of spooning I just crumbled. I confessed all and then sobbed all over him.’

'Not the first time that’s happened,' said Seven. 'Though it is usually with a woman. And they are usually enemies. Or Number One about twice a year. I’m going to miss him.' Seven hadn’t meant to mention it but there seemed no point in keeping the secret now that One was gone.

'Right, that’s it. I’m definitely having a crack at Lucky,' said Number Five.

'Down, tiger,' said Six. 'The man’s grieving.'

'So am I and it’s never stopped him before,' said Five.

'What did Number One say about it,' said Three.

'He just laughed,' said Six. 'Turned out him and Monica and the Boss had a bet on it. Monica bet that Seven wouldn’t be fooled, the Boss bet that I’d get away with it and Number One bet I’d confess all before sunrise. He said I’d just won him £500 the bastard.'

'But he was a magnificent bastard.' Two finished her drink.

There was a dull, metallic thud. Seven was instantly on edge. The sound was out of place. That made it suspicious. He backed up to the wall until he was standing between the two large windows, trying to look at the whole room at once.

'Anyone see anything?' said Two, who was by the door, also trying to look at everything at the same time.

'Nothing here,' said Seven.

Number Four, having apparently satisfied herself that the sound hadn’t come from the ceiling, dropped into a deep crouch and looked under the drinks table. 'GRENADE!'

Nobody swore. Everybody moved.

Seven reached for his gun. There was no point in trying to leap through the window without softening it up first. This was the Special Forces club, after all. He put three rounds into the central pane.

Number Four ran straight at him, he saw her with his peripheral vision and knew that she was thinking the same way he was.

Number Four reached for him. He let go of the gun with his left hand and grabbed her outstretched hand. He swung her at the window. She hit the crazed glass, stiletto heel first, and the window split. Seven threw himself through after her.

When he hit the ground outside Number Four was already crouched low against the wall, eyes tight shut and hands clamped over her ears.

Seven hit the ground shoulder first and rolled. He saw a brief vision of Number Six in the air on the way out of the broken window before the detonation.

Seven was not a religious man but in that brief moment, with Six in the air and Four on the ground, he prayed fervently to any God that might be listening that it would be a fragmentation grenade. They were good, they were lucky and they were quick. They might all survive fragmentation. If it was smoke or tear gas then it was a trap and they were screwed. If it was high explosive then good and quick wouldn’t be enough and he doubted that there was enough luck to go around.

The explosion overwhelmed his senses. Seven was suddenly, hopefully not permanently, blind and deaf. That meant High Ex.

Everything went away for a while.