1
The humiliation princess Yuliana went through meanwhile knew no bounds.
“—Over the seas raise bolder a gaze, brave the storm of the southern seas...!”
In an effort to buy herself some time to think and delay her fate, the princess had started singing. She was confident in her use of voice, honed through her role as a commanding officer, and for a while the audience did go along with the unrequested change in program.
Too bad, as a knight and a member of royalty brought up to follow a secluded and ascetic lifestyle, all Yuliana knew were old, corny ballads and marching rhymes. And simply having an audible voice never made anyone a good singer.
After a while, the limited selection was starting to make the crowd yawn, even as she bravely fought the overwhelming embarrassment in the presentation. Having to stand in front of this gallery of beasts in only her corset and underpants didn't exactly lessen the shame, and it rendered her performance fairly stiff at best.
There had been a brief interruption a while ago, as someone had smelled smoke. Every place had been searched, and a few men had gone to take a look outside, if something was on fire that wasn't supposed to be. What they found instead was part of the wall frosted, despite the fact that the spring night was a warm one. It had caused quite a bit of confusion and speculation, but eventually they forgot about it.
And it didn't look like Yuliana would get called for an encore.
“I don't get these Langorian tunes,” one of the knights voiced his complaints. “How am I expected to ride into battle feeling all shitty inside, like after a night of hangover horrors and hemorrhoids? Don't you know anything, I don't know—cheerier?”
“Oh, we're in the company of a true bard, then?” Yuliana retorted. “Then why don't you come up and put on a show for us instead? The stage is all yours!”
“Why, I know a good dozen songs foxier than your weepers! Like here's one I learned from—”
“Oh, screw that!” another guard objected. “What is this, a sing-along night now? Am I supposed to rub one off to your midriff while humming the anthem, or what? Not too grand in terms of foreplay, in my opinion. It is high time the panties went off!”
“Are you completely out of your mind, you old goat?” a third knight exclaimed. “The order of things is all wrong! First is the corset, obviously! The appetizers before the main course, did yer mum kick the bucket before teaching you even that!”
“Wasn't a custom in my house to take bed lessons from my mum. Maybe things were different in yours.”
“The fok did you just say, whoreson!”
“Aye, my mum may have been a whore, but at least she had some standards. It wasn't a family business.”
“You're dead!”
In no time, the two were locked in a scuffle, with the others cheering their favorite on, instead of trying to stop them. Yuliana sighed, half out-grossed, half relieved for having delayed her fate a few more seconds. She had to find a way out.
“I say, who gives a shit about the order, so long as the chick gets undressed!” Someone eventually remembered the original topic. “And fast! The wyvern in my pants isn't going to wait much longer.”
This direct proposal gained quick support, and the fighters begrudgingly broke off their brawl, in order to not be left last in the line. Chairs pulled for the musical part were busily kicked and thrown aside, more room cleared around the central table. Feeling like the last lamb left in the stall on a day of feast, Yuliana paled, trying to keep away from the outreached hands. Evading the scoundrels the best she could, she tried to call for a divine intervention once more,
“My lord, I beseech thee, hear me ‘o radiant sprite...Hiya!”
Someone managed to get a hold of the girl's ankle and pulled her out of balance. Without delay, her arms and legs were being tightly gripped by rough hands, and she struggled and kicked in vain to free herself.
“Grant me thy blessings…!”
“What is she, a witch!?”
“The whore's trying to put a spell on us! Don't let her talk!”
Someone forced a rag into Yuliana's mouth, interrupting the incantation.
The mood in the room sank visibly.
“Knew it was too good to be true,” someone spat. “A princess? Bah! Looks like the Duke got scammed.”
“Thank Divines I didn't have to pay for this tramp.”
“Well, she's got where it counts, doesn't she? I still can't tell a witch apart from a princess by the groin alone.”
“Like you could tell a goat apart from a high elf either, by the groin alone, you dumb fucker.”
“You mean there's a difference?”
Obnoxious laughter filled the hall.
This is it, then…?
Realizing she had no more cards to play, no strength to overpower her captors, Yuliana could only resign to her fate, as her remaining clothes were being violently torn from her.
—“Fire, fire!”
A sudden yell stopped the hands groping at her.
Everyone turned to look at the shouter, who in turn pointed at one of the rear windows. He hadn't been lying. There were undeniably flames licking the window sill behind the glass.
“What the bloody ghoul's ass is this?” Outrage and disbelief took over the knights at the second sighting of smoke tonight.
“Someone's clowning around!”
“Who the devil is it!?”
“What are you waiting for!?” an older knight hollered. “Go put it out! You five there. Search around the house! Now!”
“Why the fuck do we have to go?” the unlucky guards protested. “Can't the bloody day shift do that? It's their job! I don't want to work my arse off while I'm not even on duty, just to swim in these asshats' sloppy leftovers!”
“Fine, fine, whatever! Nobody touches the wench until you get back! Just go get a word to the patrols, and put out that goddamn fire! Get a move on!”
“Ooh, come on!”
Those who had no orders weren't pleased with having to wait longer. But to avoid being burned alive and another fistfight to top the day off with, the men did as they were told. Five went out to put out the fire, five left to look for the perpetrator and inform the guards presently on duty, and the rest impatiently waited. Though nobody's discomfort could compare with Yuliana's, who had to lie quietly on the table half-naked, a stinking rag in her mouth.
After a period that felt like a small lifetime, the guards returned.
Apparently, someone had gathered dry leaves and branches and set them on fire under the window. But whoever it was, they were long gone and not a trace of them was left.
“If only we had bloody dogs,” someone said.
“Can't help it, the Duke hates dogs.”
“Of course he does, the asshole. And who can say why? Not like he has to marry them!”
“Rather marries witches, what a fag.”
“Enough. Shall we finally get on with the show here?”
The knights started to throw away their armors and unbutton their trousers. Squeezing her eyes shut, biting the rag, Yuliana tried her best to close off her senses, shut away the outside world, and forget she had ever been born. But that turned out to be impossible.
——BABAAAM!
At that moment, a loud sound of explosion shook the roof of the longhouse, making the window panels tingle. It was immediately followed by other, similar booming sounds of varying intensity, as if the heavens themselves had started to rupture.
It seemed someone had started the fireworks.
But it wasn't midnight yet. Why were they all going off so quickly and close by, instead of high in the sky? The guards listened on in silence, twisting their faces, confused. What was going on?
“You there, go see what's up this time!” the commanding officer ordered those nearest to the doorway.
Once again, scouts were deployed.
After another while of impatient waiting, one of them came running in.
“A fire! A fire!” he cried.
“Are you fucking kidding me!?”
The reception was not grateful.
“The storehouse is in flames!” the poor messenger shrieked. “With all the rockets and shit still inside! We're all gonna burn!”
“Lies!”
“It's true! I swear!”
“Then not even the Lord of bleeding Daemons can stop that shit now.”
“A few stray shots hit the front yard. The guests are in a frenzy! We need help to herd them out, or else they'll be all over the place like three hundred headless fucking ducks! That are smashed.”
“That's it then, boys,” the one who appeared to be the officer in charge stood up, displaying commendable nerve in the dire situation. “Everybody out. Fells, Malloy, Elson, you stay watch the witch. Twenty to the front gate, the rest to the well, buckets in hand.”
“Son of a bitch...”
As demoralizing as the news was, the guards weren't mad enough to ignore the reality outside, but obediently gathered their gear, and left to save what was left to save of the Duke's party.
Yuliana, who knew nothing about the cause of the noise, was too exhausted and dejected to find any courage in the news. She was still being held down, gagged and with no one to save her. Rather, all she wanted was an end to the torturous switching of hope and despair, no matter what shape it took.
Who would grant that wish, if anyone?
2
Guards poured out of the longhouse to assist their struggling day shift companions in containing the unexpected situation. Some went to retrieve buckets and water from the well, the rest hurried to the front yard to help direct the panicking guests out. A few braver troops departed in the direction of the colorful flames and explosions that raged on the other side of the manor, to assess the damage and see if anything could be done to save the loaded storage.
The first two in the latter group ran into an unexpected distraction along the way. Meeting them on the walkway, coming from the blazing garden's direction, was an older woman in a green dress.
A lost guest? Why was she there? How had she gotten past the other guards? If she was looking for a way out of the disordered estate, then her heading couldn't have been more mistaken.
Even under the circumstances, it never occurred to any of the guards that she could have had something to do with the disaster, that she might have used one of the lanterns in the garden to set the fireworks ablaze.
Ignoring the fiery inferno in the background, the woman smiled at the knights as she approached and asked,
“Excuse me, gentlemen, but would you happen to know where I may find the princess?”
The first guard at the front—a more civilized fellow—quickly considered crafting a quick lie about the royal guest having retired to her chambers due to exhaustion, but the continued string of green and violet flashes shooting out from the tall fire, accompanied by shrill whistles, made him lose patience before he got that far,
“Oh, none of your goddamn business, ma'am. Now get out of here, before I—”
The man couldn't make it any further.
Without stopping, the woman walked on, stepped in front of him and grabbed the handle of the sword sticking from his belt. She unsheathed the weapon with a swift pull and shoved the blade up through the bottom of the guard's hefty jaw.
“My, my. Nobody seems to know,” she lamented absentmindedly, before tilting her head to ask the guard behind the first one. “Do you perhaps have an idea?”
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Something made a banging noise behind.
The guard instinctively looked over his shoulder. The cause of the odd sound was his comrade's helmet dropping on the pavement, propelled from its owner's head by the tip of the sword sticking up from the pierced skull.
“Ha...?” Trying desperately to process what had just happened, the guard slowly faced forward again.
“Ha?” Izumi parroted, moving past the dead knight, who slowly fell on his face. “Would you like to elaborate a little?”
“T-the guardhouse...” the man breathed. He was too stunned to think about lying. “She's in the guardhouse.”
“Oh, is that so? Thank you very much.”
As she passed him, Izumi hit the man with a right hook, sinking her thumb and index finger through his eye sockets. Then, grabbing around the bridge of his nose, she yanked the man's head sideways with her full weight, like spinning the roulette wheel, until his neck made a gut-wrenching noise and snapped.
“Now, which one of these buildings here is the guardhouse? I suppose I'll have to ask the next one for that.”
More knights were running here and there around the backyard. Most of them were too busy to pause and question what a lone guest was doing so far away from the banquet area. The threat of the whole manor being burned down by stray rockets was more urgent.
One of them, however, spotted Izumi in the midst of the chaos and changed his course to approach her.
“Hey, your name's not...E-zoom-é, is it?” the knight stopped and asked, to the woman's surprise. He was younger than the others she had seen before, and his face didn't look like that of a veteran mercenary.
“Eeh, not really, but vaguely close, maybe,” Izumi stopped and answered.
“About damn time,” the stranger said. “I've been looking for you all over, where the Hel have you been? Ris told to deliver you this and I have no clue why I ever agreed. Do you have any idea what would've happened to me if they caught wind of it? You have to be out of your goddamn mind!”
The guard was carrying something in his hands, a rolled up carpet, which he now unwrapped and dropped the object inside on the lawn. Surprised, Izumi noted that what he had so apathetically discarded was the treasured Langorian greatsword.
“Oh my,” she said. “Could it be, you're the insider Rise was talking about…?”
“No shit I am,” the youth nodded, glancing cautiously around. “Have you been drinking? I was told you're a freaking professional! I am an associate of the Circle, yes. You haven't seen Ris, have you?”
“No,” Izumi shook her head, thinking the young man really was too rude.
“Damn it all. Something must have happened to her. She never showed up at the agreed contact point.”
“Rise's disappeared?” Izumi repeated with a frown. “I'm sorry, I have no idea where she might be.”
“Not surprised. Whatever. You're here for her majesty, right? She's in the building past the stables, on the far side of the hill. Hurry. Those bastards are going to make her their plaything. I tried to buy some time, setting a fire under the window, but I don't know if anything will hold back those beasts for long. I don't think there's anything you can do with that many of them still running around, but I will try to create more distractions. Look for an opening and get out of here! Good luck.”
The turncoat knight darted off, in the garden's direction.
Izumi watched after the youth for a moment, trying to recall all the things he had said and get them to sink in her clouded consciousness.
“Rise is gone? Yule is a plaything?”
She should've been made more restless, anxious by the news.
And yet, as Izumi crouched to pick up the sword and examined it in her hands, trying its familiar sharpness, she realized her lips were twisted into a smile, like having been reunited with an old friend.
“That's right. This isn't the time to be sad. Look for an opening—wasn't that what my old master would always say? Very well then. I will give you guys plenty of new openings, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Otherwise, I won't know what to do with myself.”
Lifting the greatsword up on her shoulder, Izumi stepped forward and continued her solitary march.
3
Yuliana's torturous existence had boiled down to monotonous, all-encompassing discomfort, as she silently counted down for worse to come. Tired, exhausted, resigned, she was barely aware and awake, yet not asleep either.
Her wait ended in a loud crash coming from the doorway. She expected to see her captors return from their errand and her violation to resume, but weirdly enough, that didn't happen.
Only one guard came in, technically, one of the three left to watch over the princess. He had gone out to urinate but returned impaled through the chest by a huge weapon, and fell back-first onto the floor.
The death of the guard was abrupt enough, but nowhere near as sudden as the sight of a noblewoman entering the hall in his wake.
A lady in a fluffy, green dress and long, thick, curly hair, she hardly lost to a figure from a ballad in the spectacular fashion of her entrance. It was only after a slight lag that Yuliana realized the surprise visitor was not a hallucinated Goddess of War, but her past companion.
“Little pigs, little pigs,” Itaka Izumi bluntly stepped on the guard's corpse and drew the bloodied greatsword from his flesh.
The newly lit, nearly bewildered hope on Yuliana’s face was replaced by a disgusted grimace.
Seeing the grisly fate of their comrade, the two remaining men guarding the princess forgot about her and scrambled for their weapons. Freed from their watch, Yuliana pulled the rag from her mouth in a rush to confirm that she wasn't dreaming things,
“Izumi? Is that you!? What are you doing here?”
“Hello. Have you been well?” Izumi asked. “Or, should I ask, just how unwell have you been instead? That doesn't look very comfortable to me. But I'm going to have to put you on hold now. Seems there are still some little vermin crawling about.”
The faster of the guards had found his sword and now approached the surprise visitor. He tried to be cautious and see what the enemy was made of, keeping his guard up, but Izumi unceremoniously walked up to him and threw the greatsword at him.
“Be a gentleman and hold that for me.”
The man caught the sword by reflex. It was only too late that he realized doing so also kept him from using his hands. Izumi quickly kicked up one of the fallen stools lying around, grabbed it by a leg and bashed the man overhead at full force. His unshielded skull caved in, spilling its colorful contents through the cracks. As the guard slowly sank to his knees, Izumi retrieved both her weapon and his from his unresisting grip.
The second guard fared little better. It would have taken quite a hard-boiled character to not be shaken by a scene so sudden and unreservedly brutal. While he remained momentarily stunned, in the process of unsheathing his sword, Izumi nonchalantly walked past the man and stuck the first guard's sword down his comrade's collar as she passed. Propped upright in this grotesque fashion, the guard fell to sit on the floor, like a fountain piece lazily spraying vermilion.
“I-Izumi…?”
Though she had already witnessed it before, the summoned woman’s brutality still disturbed the princess.
Izumi continued to walk towards her, an indecipherable expression on her blood-stained face. There was something off about her. Even more off than usual, that is. Unable to understand her intentions or even the reason why the woman was here— or even if she was really here and not only a twisted nightmare produced by her tormented mind—Yuliana took a cautious step back.
Clang! With a loud noise, the Amygla fell on the floor.
Spreading her arms, Izumi stepped forward, dropped to her knees and—caught the princess's waist in a tight, desperate embrace.
“Ah…?”
The woman's arms wrapped around her, face pressed against her bare stomach, Yuliana was left flustered, ticklish and stupefied, with no idea how to react. “I-Izumi…? It is you, isn't it? What's wrong? Are you hurt? This is...a little weird position for me...”
“I,” the woman slowly said, “What am I doing, me...? What have I been doing? What am I going to do? Where am I going? I don't like this world! This world sucks! What am I to do? There's nothing I can do all by myself in this weird place! Don't leave me alone! I'm sorry I left you! I'm sorry I treated this like it was a game! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I didn't want you to get hurt! I didn’t mean to let this happen! I was so scared, thinking about all kinds of bad things that they'd do to you! I was an idiot! I was so stupid! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done it! I won't do it ever again, so forgive me! Please forgive me! I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, don't leave meeeeee...”
“Eh? Why are you the one crying?” Yuliana tried to comfort the sobbing woman. Her legs still weak and trembling after all the thrilling events of the day, she was forced to sit down on the floor. But Izumi wouldn't let go and neither did Yuliana push her away.
Patting the woman's head, ruffling her hair, the princess sighed and said,
“You reek of wine.”
After confirming Yuliana was as well as she could be under the circumstances, Izumi managed to regain her wits. She slapped her own cheeks to psyche herself up and picked up the greatsword again.
“I'm sorry, but could you wait here for a bit longer?” she asked Yuliana. “I still have to go get Rise back, before we can leave.”
“What do you mean? I'll go with you,” the princess said.
“Appreciate the thought,” Izumi shook her head, “but I'm really not at my best right now and things could get just a little tricky from here on. After all, I always fail the escort missions in games and get my allies killed. It would be a bit too frustrating if something happened to you now, after everything.”
“I understand,” Yuliana said a bit sadly, looking at her shaking hands. “Or rather, I don't. Not one bit. But I do realize that I'm not powerful enough to be of any use to you out there. Not the way I am. One day, I will definitely become strong enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with you on the battlefield—but for now, I will admit my own limits.”
“That's my girl! There, there,” Izumi happily patted the princess's head. “So long as I know you're safe in here, I can go all out without worries!”
“Don't do that,” Yuliana shook her hand off, but not displeased. “Can you promise me you'll be all right?”
“Nope,” Izumi turned away and denied. “There are no promises in a fight. That’s one big death flag right there. You can get a game over whenever, wherever, especially when you've played for three days straight, and the save point is right in front of you. I learned that from Megami Ten***.”
“What place was that...?” the princess sighed.
“I'm not going to die, though,” the woman said and turned towards the doorway. “I haven't seen the Demon Lord yet. I haven't met even one high elf lady, or a kitty-eared wizard. I haven't earned my first bounty. I haven't had a single trophy drop yet. That's why, even if this isn't a game and I shouldn't treat it as one, and even if I can’t make any promises, I'm not going to die. Not until I've cleared my life in this world one hundred percent and viewed that one last skit after the credits.”
“Is that right?” the princess found herself smiling at her friend’s usual nonsense. “Well, good luck, then.”
Nodding, Izumi moved to leave.
But then stopped and a bit mischievously turned back.
“Could I...um...If there was something you could do for me, then maybe...I mean, if you really, really don't mind...”
“What is it?” Yuliana asked. “If there is a way I can still be of use, then please tell me. I shall do anything in my power, no matter how difficult or dangerous it may be.”
“Ahaha, when you say such pure things with that unsuspecting look on your face, it makes this all the harder for me to ask...”
“Don't worry. Even if it's an absurd request, I won't turn it down. You have my word. I owe you that much, don't I?”
“Really? Your word? Promise you won't get upset?”
“Why would I get upset, what sort of request is it...? But yes. Really. My word of honor, which I've yet to betray even once, for the good or the bad.”
“Then...”
“Yes?”
“'Could I get a kiss?'——Is what I was thinking! Ahaha...” Izumi lightly chirped and squirmed, looking bashful.
“Huh?” the princess couldn't be sure if she had heard it right. She certainly hadn't expected that.
“I don't plan to die,” the woman mumbled, “but if something does go wrong and I do kick the bucket out there, it'd be pretty awful if I never even got my first kiss, don't you think? I came pretty close to that before, and now it won't stop bothering me. And, it's not like there's anybody else here I can ask...If it's a real princess, then shouldn't it be fine, even between girls…? Or, does it count? It counts, right? A kiss is a kiss!”
“You...you've never kissed anybody?” Yuliana asked, perplexed. Having never married was amazing enough, but to not be kissed even once by that age...What a sad, sad life.
“Somehow, the pity in your eyes hurts way more than any wound...” Izumi quivered. “Don't tell me you've already been kissing lots…? With all the cool knights back home? Even though you're so young! Aah, never judge a book by the cover...!”
“Oh, no, I haven't,” the princess denied it, “But I'm still young and have my reasons! I cannot encourage immoral conduct, as the captain of the guard, and...”
“Well, I have my reasons too!” the woman insisted. “Like being online all day, never going to mixers, and never talking to anybody at conventions...never mind. I understand if you don't want to, it's probably frowned on in a backwater world like this, anyway. Who would want to kiss an old bag like me, huh? I probably look pretty gross in your eyes too...”
“That's not true!” Yuliana spontaneously denied, taking a step forward. “I think you're really beautiful! More beautiful than anyone I know!”
“Eeh?” Izumi fell speechless for once.
The princess realized that what she had said was more daring than she had really intended. But she didn't want to deny it, only averted her face in embarrassment. “I do think so...for real.”
“I’m...You think so?”
“Yes.”
“Even prettier than Ai-chan?”
“I can't deny that my Lord is very beautiful, but I—I still prefer the way you look, personally. I think your beauty is, well, more human, more relatable. I feel warm at heart, just looking at your face—oh, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore! Please forget that! Erase it from your mind.”
“T-then, you're fine with…?”
“Ah. If it's only a kiss you want, that much is perfectly all right,” Yuliana nodded.
“Really?”
“Yes, how many times are you making me repeat it?”
“Just so you know, I'm talking about a real kiss and not some family-friendly fooling around. A passionate, adult kiss, straight on the lips!”
“That's a kiss, yes. What are you waiting for, then? Come closer!”
“O-okay...”
Izumi obediently came closer.
Yuliana, being slightly shorter of the two, took hold of Izumi’s shoulders and raised her chin, wetting her lips with her tongue. Izumi's dress made her look more royal than Yuliana had ever felt herself, despite having been born as one. Though now that dress was smeared in blood all over.
At first, the princess really thought nothing of the kiss.
Rationally, it was no different from kissing her mother—not that she was in the habit of kissing her parents on the lips either. But when it came the time to move from words to actions, Yuliana realized the impression wasn't the same at all.
Not in the least.
The woman's exposed shoulders and neck, her pale, smooth skin, dizzyingly deep cleavage, closed eyes and expectant, soft lips, slightly parted—looking at her, feeling the warmth of another person on her cold skin, Yuliana began to feel weirdly nervous. Her throat was parched and tickled. She had trouble getting the tempo of her breathing under control. Was she sick? Just that exhausted? For some reason, she was certain that if she were to really kiss Izumi now, an important line would be crossed whence there would be no turning back. Something about her, about the world, would change forever.
What nonsense am I thinking? I gave my word!
Still, hesitating, her heartbeat almost painfully loud in her chest, the princess parted her lips. Standing on her toes, she pushed herself forward. And then, at the last possible moment——took hold of the woman by the neck, leaned further in and planted a kiss on Izumi's soft cheek instead.
Smack!
“Eeh...?”
As Yuliana made a hasty retreat, Izumi looked like a child who had asked for a bar of chocolate, only to get one half-eaten cookie.
“T-that's for good luck!” Yuliana exclaimed, flustered. “Now you have one more reason to live! W-we'll do it properly once you come back, so no more talk about dying...!”
“Well, it’s a nice gesture, I guess,” Izumi straightened her posture and pouted, “but you're supposed to save lines like that for the apocalypse, you know?”
“I have no idea what you're talking about!” The princess was certain the accumulated embarrassment tonight was going to be the death of her. “Now hurry up and get going! You have somewhere to be, don't you?”
“Right. I'll be going then,” Izumi said and turned towards the door again, before pausing to add with a bit of a fearsome smile, “but you've really pushed my buttons now. If I do make it back, just a kiss might not cut it anymore.”
Yuliana saw off the summoned hero with a nervous swallow.