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A Fractured Song
Book 2 Arc 2 Chapter 39 (103): A Flurry of Emotions

Book 2 Arc 2 Chapter 39 (103): A Flurry of Emotions

“Hey Elizabeth,” said Ayax, sitting down beside the Otherworlder. Elizabeth, who’d been cleaning her hammer, smiled briefly, and continued to clean her weapon.

“Hey Ayax, had a good rest?” Elizabeth asked. She’d been rotating her troops to get what rest they could and that included her friends. She was up to get some rest soon herself, but not until Martin got back from his.

“It was quick, but it helped.” Ayax pulled out from her bag, a deck of cards with symbols already marked on them. Taking a deep breath, the troll began to put magic into the cards. “I’m surprised we haven’t been attacked yet.”

“I know. I’ve been wondering about that. I might have gotten it wrong,” Elizabeth admitted, putting her war hammer down.

Ayax shook her head. “I don’t think you did. It makes a lot of sense for them to attack. I mean, why wouldn’t they attack? They’d be squandering a precious opportunity.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth picked up her shield and re-adjusted the straps. “Um, Ayax, if you don’t mind. I’d like to ask a little about how life was in Alavaria.”

“Go ahead,” said Ayax, arching an eyebrow. “You don’t need to hold back.”

“Well, it’s… I’m confused.” Elizabeth put her shield down and turned to her friend. “It’s just that the Alavaria often use sabotage, assassinations, and subterfuge to fight this war, and yet I imagine life in Alavaria was bound by laws similar to that found in Erisdale and Erlenberg. I’m just… finding it difficult to wrap my head around it.”

Ayax frowned. “Oh I get that, but honestly, I’m a little confused myself. I grew up in a fairly rural village. We had simple lives, well, as simple as being the daughter of a retired war mage could be. The thing is…” the troll swallowed. “I never told you how I managed to get to Erlenberg, or why, right?”

Try as she might, Elizabeth couldn’t remember if Ayax had mentioned it, which made her suspect that her troll friend hadn’t. She shook her head.

“After I buried my parents, I left my village. They’d always wanted to visit Erlenberg, so I just… went across Alavaria.” The troll had a distant look in her eyes, her mind clearly back in the past. “The people in Alavaria were very nice, understanding even. I met some very kind harpies who gave me directions. Some ogres gave me a lift in their cart. A centaur herd accompanied me as I transversed the plains. There were times when I was in danger, and running out of money, but having magic really helps with that. I did some charms and spells and that was enough to get me to Erlenberg in about four months of travel.”

“You did that all on your own?” Elizabeth gasped.

“Had nothing else to do but travel and think. I didn’t want to think so I kept travelling.” Ayax pursed her lips. “I met a lot of different people, but I did notice that people are very scared of humans.”

“Scared of humans?” Elizabeth asked, in complete disbelief.

“Yeah. Up there, it’s always the Three Human Kingdoms versus Alavaria. The Three Human Kingdoms and their hordes of magicians and their dreaded Otherworlder Heroes. How they’d drive Alavari from our homes and into the cold North Sea. I’m not sure where that idea comes from, but I heard it everywhere. From town criers yelling the news, to discussions in the streets and to plays in theatres. Everywhere I heard, it was that we needed to protect ourselves from the humans.” Ayax pursed her lips. “It was weird, especially when I arrived in Erlenberg and… the humans just weren’t scary. I didn’t trust them at first, but yeah, there wasn’t anything… intrinsically monstrous to humans.”

“I hope not,” said Elizabeth in an amused tone. “How did you get adopted then?”

Ayax’s smile faded and she looked away from Elizabeth. It was so uncharacteristic that the Otherworlder almost wanted to reach out to the troll. However, when the troll turned back, she was smiling. It was a bittersweet smile, and Ayax’s eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“I um, well my clothes were kind of falling apart and I stopped in one of dad’s stores. I didn’t have enough money, though, and was about to leave, but Dom and Alexander happened to be there. We talked and they offered me a place to stay as long as I needed. And well… I had nothing left so I thought, why not?”

“A good thing you did then,” said Elizabeth, smiling meaningfully. “We wouldn’t have met otherwise.”

Ayax blinked at that, whilst Elizabeth felt her cheeks warm. It felt right, though, she did feel her stomach twist at her words.

An out of breath centaur messenger running up broke the silence of that moment. “Commander, I’m from the 12th Battalion, I’ve been told to let you know they’ve breached the first defence line at Redlen Avenue.”

“Redlen Avenue?” Elizabeth asked.

Ayax frowned, and suddenly bolted upright. “That’s far to our west. We can’t get there in time. What else do you need us to know?”

The centaur took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. “My commander… he said he’ll buy you as much time as possible to rally reinforcements and fortify the Northern Ward Market Square and to close down Northcross Street. He said that the Lightning Battalion’s commander would know that means.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. It took a second for her tired brain to process, but she immediately understood what the 12th Battalion’s commander meant. “Good job, now get back to your commander and bring as many as your comrades back here!”

The centaur was off, at Elizabeth’s words, but she was already thinking of her next orders.

“Ayax, send runners to the 19th and 3rd Battalions to our east flank! We need to be reinforced! Then send a runner to the 31st’s commander Renlan and get her to lock down the section of Northcross from her barricade to here!”

“Elizabeth, what’s going on? Why can’t we just go sally forth and counterattack now?” Ayax asked.

“No. The Alavaria are coming in force and they’re probably overrunning the 12th Battalion as we speak. I don’t remember whose commands, but they’re right.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Remember, we divided sections in the defensive line so that if one is breached, we won’t lose the entire defensive line. There are barricades and blocks along the north-south streets to create sectors. We can isolate the breach, but only if we defend Northcross street, which runs from the walls to here, and then onward to the second defence line along the Ridan Canal.”

“I see. Should we implement the tactic we’ve been thinking of?” Ayax asked.

“Yes. Keep an eye for the harpies, though,” said Elizabeth. She pulled out Frances’s hand mirror. Her friend had pressed it into Elizabeth’s hands before taking her potion. “Can you contact your father first so he knows what’s going on?”

Ayax took the precious mirror, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand tightly as she did so. “Will do, let’s beat them back.”

Elizabeth smiled back and let her friend go, before running to Lu-Anne’s camp. They’d need to coordinate the defence.

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The remnants of the 12th battalion, comprised of some centaurs, a few goblins and a mix of trolls, ogres and humans, ran as fast as their tired feet could carry them. They were no more than a hundred and fifty of what was once a six-hundred strong detachment. At least this group of them.

They were pursued by Alavari soldiers marching down the street toward the Northern Ward’s market square were dirtied and bloodied. They weren’t running, but marching with weapons out through the empty street. Banners held high, weapons at the ready, they trudged eastward toward their objective.

Ayax watched them from on high, safe on her perch. Beside her, her and Ginger’ssoldiers watched from the rooftops of the houses in Erlenberg as the column and the 12th Battalion survivors made their way towards them. They were making their way along Kiersege Street, which ran right into the west side of the Northern Ward’s market square.

“That’s unusual,” said Ayax, pointing at the head of the Alavari column. “All of those soldiers have two-handed swords.”

The red-headed convict narrowed her eyes and cursed. “Fuck. That’s a unit of Zwei-solders, Alavari using two-handed swords. They’re incredibly well-armoured and deadly with their blades. If they reach the barricade we might be overwhelmed.”

“Wouldn’t the size of their swords be a hindrance to their mobility?” Ayax asked.

“Yes, but they’re drawn from the fittest of the Alavari. I have no idea how the 12th managed to hold for that long against them,” said Ginger. She turned around and surveyed the nervous soldiers behind them. “Time for you to get back to the other side of the roof.”

Ayax was about to nod and get moving, but that was when she noticed some of the 12th’s survivors beginning to slow down. One even collapsed, clutching his wounded leg. His fellows picked him up and continued to move, but the small band was beginning to stretch, slowing down.

The convict-soldier noticed the troll still crouching, still looking at the survivors. A second before Ginger put it together, Ayax asked her, “Ginger, do you think those survivors can get to our defenses in time?”

“No, but you don’t want to do what I think you’re going to do,” Ginger growled.

“They won’t make it.”

Ginger grabbed Ayax’s wrist, but the troll twisted it out of her hand. “You’re no Frances and you’re going to be up against Zwei-solders! Don’t do it Ayax.”

The comment stung a lot more than Ayax expected. It was hard being compared to someone so damn talented at magic, but the troll forced that feeling away.

“I know that, and I also know that cuz wouldn’t want us to abandon them. Like how she didn’t want us to abandon your lot.” The troll winced, she didn’t mean it to come out that way, but there was no time. She hefted her staff, took a deep breath and leapt off the roof.

Whistling a tune, Ayax slowed her descent enough so her boots punched the ground instead of smashing into it. Slowly rising to her feet she ran toward the surprised 12th Battalion survivors.

“Come on! You’re almost there! GO!”

They surged past her with a renewed speed, throwing some breathless thank yous as they passed. The Zwei-solders noted her arrival, but they didn’t stop advancing.

Ayax drew herself to a halt, her staff raised. “Last chance.”

The Zwei-solders started to run at her. Ayax raised her staff and charged, her voice rising in song.

Her magic wasn’t as flashy as Frances’s. She could throw some bolts of magic. She had some cards for some flashier spells, but Ayax’s magic had always been focused on imbuing herself with the speed and strength to fight in close quarters.

She smashed her staff into one of the soldiers. The spell she’d focused on her staff, one that would magnify the hit she gave, activated, sending the unfortunate orc punching backwards, ploughing through his friends and comrades like a battering ram. Still singing, Ayax dodged a swing and unleashed a point-blank fireball into another’s face. The soldiers moved quickly and didn’t panic. They surrounded her, cutting at her with their blades.

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Extending her staff, Ayax blocked and parried their blows, singing herself to move faster, hit harder. Zwei-solders were flying into the air, sent slamming into walls or their friends by her hits. She’d taken a few cuts on her armour, but she’d dodged most of them.

Backing away, she cast a fireball, forcing the Zwei-solders to step away. She needed room and she needed to run. The 12th Battalion survivors were far away enough. Running, she zig-zagged to dodge any incoming fire, toward the trap that she and Ginger had laid.

On the roof, the red-headed convict muttered under her breath. “Why is everybody here crazy? Everybody prepare to fire!”

Ayax was tearing away from the Zwei-solders. She was staying ahead, but now that Ginger was thinking about it, she wasn’t sure if they could stop the soldiers chasing after the troll.

She hesitated. If they fired, they’d give away their position. They had two hundred soldiers on the rooftops but only a hundred of them had muskets and the column of Zwei-solders had to number at least five hundred.

“Ginger, what are you hesitating for?” Helena, Ginger’s sergeant asked.

Ginger shook her head and raised her arm. As the Zwei-solders got into range, she cried out, “FIRE!”

Musketeers from both sides of the flat rooftop stood up and fired into the street. The Zwei-solders reeled from the impact of the volley, many in the tightly packed rank dropping to the ground.

Ayax leapt into the air, levitating herself to the other side of the roof as Ginger supervised her troops fire at the helpless Alavari. They also had musketeers who fired back, but the Lightning Battalion’s soldiers could just withdraw right behind the edges of the roof.

To make matters worse for the Zwei-soldiers, Ayax was now throwing bolts of magic at them. They didn’t explode or hit with the force that Frances did, but they were lightning fast. To Ginger’s relief, the soldiers eventually retreated.

It didn’t stop Ginger from yanking Ayax aside and glaring at the taller troll.

“Don’t you do anything that stupid and reckless again. You are our only mage until Frances gets back!”

“I was not going to abandon soldiers, Ginger. Look, I know I’m not Frances, but I can take care of myself,” said Ayax. She yanked her arm out of Ginger’s hand and turned, but the redhead stepped in front of her.

“This isn’t about you not knowing that, it’s about not putting yourself at risk. We lose a hundred soldiers, that’s a crying shame. We lose your magic, we’ll have lost the market square before the attackers reach it!” Ginger shot back.

The troll froze. “You would abandon your fellow soldiers?”

“They’re not our soldiers. The Lightning Battalion are our soldiers and maybe you should remember you have a duty to them as one of their company commanders!”

The two were almost nose to nose, Ginger practically spitting in Ayax’s stoic features. Yet, one could see the cracks forming in Ayax’s mask.

“Are you lecturing me on duty while telling me to abandon fellow Erlenbergians?” Ayax demanded.

Ginger’s sneering lips struggled for a second to find a reply, and in that hesitation, Ayax took a step back. “Look, you’re in command right now, but you bet I’m taking this up with Elizabeth.”

“Fine!” Ginger snapped back.

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“So what do you think we should have done at the time?” Ayax asked.

Elizabeth and Martin glanced at each other. They knew they were using valuable time to resolve this. The market square had to be fortified for the next attack, but the pair also knew that they couldn’t let this disagreement linger between Ayax and Ginger any longer.

“I’m glad you tried to save them. We need trained troops. I don’t like how you risked yourself to do so, though,” said Martin.

Elizabeth nodded. “I agree, but I suppose there wasn’t a lot of time for discussion. Ayax, can you be more careful next time and inform your fellow commanders of your action before you do it?”

Ayax nodded. “I can do that.”

“And Ginger, I think we should save fellow soldiers, at least, as best as we can. I… I don’t think we can live with having abandoned them,” Elizabeth said.

“Even if we lose the fight as a result?” Ginger asked, arms crossed. “There will be sacrifices in war, you must know that Elizabeth.”

“I’d rather not have people sacrifice on my behalf, and especially if they don’t get to choose,” Elizabeth said her voice hardening.

Ginger blinked and sighed. “That… that I can get behind. Thanks for hearing me out at least.”

“Anytime. And I know what you mean, Ginger, but if we compromise our ideals—”

“Ideals aren’t so easily compromised. They’ll slip away when you least expect it, Elizabeth. One day you realize you can’t follow them anymore, either because they’ve changed, or because they were never real to begin with.” Ginger winced. “Sorry. That… Look I’ll get back to the defence.”

She left the command tent, leaving the three glancing at one another.

“Martin, I think she needs actual help. Not like a hug-and-a-kiss kind of help,” said Ayax.

“I think so too. Look, I’m sorry she can be so difficult,” said Martin, sighing.

Ayax shook her head. “Martin, don’t apologize for her. It’s not your fault that she is a royal pain in the ass.”

“I think that’s a bit too harsh, Ayax,” said Elizabeth, frowning.

Ayax winced. “Sorry, she’s so demoralizing to be around. I just don’t get what you see in her.”

“Excuse me?” Martin hissed.

Elizabeth’s jaw dropped open, but she found herself unable to speak. She hadn’t realized Ayax didn’t like Ginger, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. The troll had been sticking to her side for a while, but in another way, it could be seen as Ayax avoiding Ginger. This made even more sense when Elizabeth considered that Ginger was most comfortable around Martin and Frances.

The troll stared at Martin. “Um, I’m not saying that you have bad taste—”

“Oh, but you are and you are also suggesting she has no worth. What, is it the fact that she’s a convict that bothers you?” Martin demanded.

“No,” Ayax hissed, her fingers tightening into fists.

Martin frowned. “Well, what is it then? Look, we need to get this over with now rather than later.”

“I don’t know if I can put it in a way that won’t anger you, Martin,” Ayax said in a careful tone.

“I can take it, try me,” said Martin, crossing his arms.

Elizabeth shook her head. “That’s a bad idea—”

“Martin, Ginger has issues. Issues that lead her to harm others, and I don’t like how she’s leaning more and more on you to deal with her issues. I hesitate to say she’s using you, but she benefits from the relationship far more than you do,” said Ayax.

Elizabeth stared at her friends, horrorstruck, but it was like she was watching a movie or film. She was frozen in her spot, unable to interfere, wanting to stop this from happening, but having no words to do so.

Martin’s arms fell to his sides, his expression aghast. “Is… is this what you see our relationship as? Ginger has never asked for anything but my company!”

“Just because she’s not using your status and money doesn’t mean she’s not using you,” Ayax said in an even tone. “And I’m not saying she shouldn’t ask you to comfort her, but I can’t see what Ginger provides you that makes it even.”

Martin’s face was doing a fabulous impression of a tomato. “We… We—”

Ayax arched an eyebrow. “That does count but of course you care for her for more than that.”

“That’s not it!” Martin rubbed his temples, shooting the troll a glare. “It started like that, but I really like spending time with her. So what if I’m the one supporting her, so what if she needs me to be there for her? I like doing that, she has always made sure to let me know she appreciates it, and I don’t need you to question my choice!”

Ayax flung her hands in the air. “How can I not question it? Ginger’s not entirely stable. She wanted to leave people to die!”

“And Frances is entirely stable?” Martin asked.

“Leave her out of this!”

“It’s true though! What makes Ginger different from Frances?”

Ayax screamed, frustration cracking her voice. “Frances wouldn’t ever consider abandoning people! How can we be sure that Ginger would leave you, Elizabeth, or Frances to die?”

A choked sob from outside the tent silenced them all. Elizabeth, dread in her heart flung the tent flap open to see Ginger, hands covering her mouth. She immediately wiped her brown eyes with her sleeve, but there was no stopping the tears.

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to let you know that the 9th Battalion just arrived and we’re… we have reports of enemy movement.”

Elizabeth was about to reach her hand out to the girl, but let her arm drop back to her side. “Ginger we… I… Martin, talk to her. Ayax, you’re with me.”

Martin zipped by Ginger’s side and ushered her into the tent, whilst Elizabeth ran forward. Ayax said nothing to Ginger, her expression blank as she followed Elizabeth out.

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Martin and Ginger found a corner in the marketplace, by a shadow-sheathed alley hidden from view. As soon as they were far from others' eyes, Ginger leaned against Martin as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“I… any chance we can just get to a tent and just fuck each other senseless?” Ginger asked. She tried to inject some amusement into her tone, but it came out as a sniffle.

Martin snorted, but his grip on Ginger’s waist tightened. “I do not think either of us is in the right mood.”

“Don’t blame Ayax, Martin. She… she’s right.”

“She—”

“She’s right. I’m not in a good place right now, Martin. I can’t be sure that I’d make good choices.” Ginger gently touched Martin’s cheek with her scarred fingers. “You’re helping so much, but… I’m going to hurt you..”

“You won’t.”

“Martin… this isn’t fair for you.”

“And I’m fine with that. I made my choice.”

Ginger, croaked, leaning into the knight, resting her chin against the side of his head as they embraced. She savored his tender touch. He stood, glad that she could trust him, to be vulnerable around him.

“Martin, what are we?” Ginger whispered.

Martin took a deep breath. He wondered if what he felt for the girl in his arms was true, but there was no denying his emotions, and how he would feel if Ginger was not part of his life. “I think we’re in love. I know I am.”

Ginger giggled, mostly because there wasn’t anything more absurd than a dirt poor commoner falling in love with a handsome knight. “I am too, but what would your parents think?”

“I… we can talk about that later.”

“If Ayax is this worried, how would your mothers react?”

Martin swallowed. “I don’t know. I’m scared too. I… I don’t know. I love you that’s all I know. Everything else in the world has gone almost insane,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Ginger nearly broke down at that and it was only by hanging onto her “I… I can’t make you promise not to hurt yourself going after me, right?”

“No. I may not succeed, but I’m staying with you. I mean, I don’t have magic or super-strength, but I am not letting go of you, as long as you want me.”

Ginger turned towards him, her lips searching. Martin tilted his chin up, and the two lips met in a desperate kiss, over almost as soon as it started, only to start again.

After the third time, tears in their eyes, the pair just held each other, knowing that they didn’t have time before going back to war.

“You… you should tell them about how you feel about that,” Ginger croaked. “They care about you.”

“I know, but I don’t want to. Not now. It’s… it’s nothing compared to what Frances and Elizabeth have on their minds,” Martin stammered.

Ginger’s unwavering brown eyes made Martin look away. She didn’t say anything. She simply kissed his brow. “It is what you feel, though.”

Martin sighed. “I… it’s also not entirely untrue. I am just a normal person amidst giants. I am going to be less useful.”

“You are important to them, and to me, Martin. I won’t let you forget that,” said Ginger. She kissed him again, hoping that he’d understand, that she could somehow convey the depth of her feelings for the knight.

Yet, while Martin returned that kiss with a smile, there was a sorrow dragging the edge of his lips down. A sadness he refused to share.

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“Is everything alright?” Lu-Anne asked after they finished meeting the 9th Battalion’s commander, an older, but still spry goblin called Elandiel. His battalion now reinforced the 31st Battalion’s barricade across Northcross road.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and shook her head. “Some personal things and the night attack has left us pretty exhausted, but I think we got this. How are your troops?” She didn’t look at Ayax.

“To be completely honest we’re a bit nervous. It looks like a very large enemy attack is on the way. I would advise you to sort what you got going on quickly before the fight starts. How long until Frances wakes up?”

“Um…” Elizabeth looked up at the sky, and found that it was just around noon. She’d barely eaten, and now she was starting to feel it. “Three or four-ish more hours.”

“Good. I’ll leave you to it. Keep me posted if they make a move on the market,” said Lu-Anne.

Elizabeth nodded as the other commander left.

“I don’t regret what I said, only how I said it.” Elizabeth faced Ayax, noting her crossed arms. Yet, her eyes wouldn’t meet Elizabeth’s. “Besides she wasn’t supposed to hear that.”

“I know that, but she’s still one of our teammates and you said some things that really hurt her.”

“I said nothing false,” Ayax said.

“Ayax!”

There must have been something in her tone because Ayax looked soulfully at Elizabeth. “I cannot trust her to watch your backs if she’s willing to abandon her allies. What if it gets you killed, Elizabeth? What if it gets Frances, or Martin killed?”

Elizabeth didn’t know what to say to that. All she knew was that she’d never felt so tired in her life than she did at this very moment. “I don’t think she would do that.”

“You’re lying,” Ayax growled. “You also think she might. Why won’t you admit that?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Because I want to hope that she might do better, Ayax.”

“And I can’t lose another loved one!”

Elizabeth blinked. Ayax’s tail was straightened into a pole, her fists were clenched, and her eyes were moist. “I… I get that Ayax.”

“No. You don’t—”

“I woke up after nearly drowning to learn four young humans and Alavari died to save my life! My life wasn’t even in danger! I understand how that fear and guilt feels,” Elizabeth said, her voice nearly breaking.

“What?” Ayax blinked and shook her head. “Elizabeth, you don’t understand it at all. I’m scared because I love you and Frances.”

Elizabeth blinked, eyes only for the troll in front of her. The world fell away.

“I’m scared because I know how it feels to have your world ripped away.” Ayax stepped forward, reaching out towards her friend. “I’m scared because I forgot how to live for the longest time, until my fathers adopted me, until I met the Windwhistlers, until finally, Frances showed me I wasn't alone. I remembered that I can love, and I… I care about Martin too, but if I lost either of you, or my fathers, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Elizabeth stepped away from Ayax, hands clasped to her chest. “I… I can’t. I can’t deal with this now.”

“Elizabeth?”

Her head was awhirl, the world not existing except for the troll in front of her. “I… thank you for sharing but… I just… can’t…”

“Elizabeth? You’ve been off the last few days.” Ayax took a small step forward. “Have you talked to Frances—anybody, about what you feel? The guilt and fear you mentioned?”

“I can handle it, but I can’t handle what you’re telling me right now so why don’t you just leave me alone!”

Elizabeth spun around, running away, shutting the cries from the troll behind her. She shoved what she felt into her chest, and locked it away.

Even then, she couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. Neither could she silence the voice in her head that called her an idiot and fool.

Stronger still was the voice that told her that she had to do this, lest she get her friends get killed, or get them sent to a home they would rather die than return to.