November 1, 1984

Thursday

Did I say Thursday? It was a beautiful day, it truly was! But it turned into a hell of a day, barely, barely!! Yes, hell it is, that's for sure!!

It started out as my ordinary day, as I do every day! The sun sneaked its rays onto my face from the bedroom window, that feeling that our sun sends to me is what I cherish as the beginning of my day (it was... but not anymore).

I lazily open my eyes; it's another day of work that I detest. I hate my job but now I regret it desperately; I miss it terribly, it was a blessing but not anymore. I'm drowning in silence, wondering what to do next, other than sitting in loss and regret for what I did without gratitude.

I thought my life was boring, but it seems I didn’t appreciate it and thus lost it. I slap my face due to my endless foolishness.

I now wonder if I deserve all this because I am ungrateful and have shown nothing but ingratitude, or if this is a test that I must pass and overcome faster than a phantom. But my imagination doesn’t change my reality now; I’m only surrounded by the wicked.

I get up from my bed and shake my long, shiny hair. I can't help but say that I love it. After shaking it, I see it cascading down into my eyes. I smile a little, "Who can resist you, hair? Hahaha... you’re just like your owner... damn it... it’s a strange world," and I continue laughing as I straighten up to head to the bathroom, humming a song from a movie I watched last night. Have you ever seen someone obsessed with their looks? I don’t want to lie; it seems I’m the only one in this vast world.

I miss my boring days; I want them back, but they won’t return anymore!!

With my cup of coffee and my biscuit, I watch the boring morning programs, getting ready to go to work... Haha, who cares about those programs other than old folks and health fanatics and foolish vegetarians? They are the only ones who have raised those viewership ratings over the years!!

I’m thinking, why did I become a doctor then? Ah, I need to review myself sometimes so that this wicked self won’t overcome me. Am I not the one who advises my patients about health and all that nonsense? It seems I have a duality in my personality. Oh God, I need to get a grip... damn it!!

I park my car in front of the huge hospital building. I look at my Rolex watch, a marvelous new achievement!!... Ten minutes before the cursed attendance < it’s eight o’clock >, that counts as a point for my punctuality by arriving ten minutes before eight, an extraordinary person deserving of an award!!

(I have indeed earned this award, my old self!!... Don’t regret what happened, just move forward and onward!!)

As I enter the hospital building through the main door, I head to the reception desk with my black coffee (Oh God, I couldn't finish it since I got up from home!!), hurrying my light steps towards the human resources office to log my arrival time and sign in, to record my overwhelming arrival for this dreadful work. There’s no more time; I need to hurry; observing the patients and clients won’t help either!!

Upon entering the HR office, "Oh God, there were terrible demonstrations in the streets yesterday for those people. Ugh... Oh God, how dare they do that, they’re so disgusting... but thankfully, the police confronted them anyway!!" she says as her face twists in disgust from an incident that happened yesterday. What now?! What is she saying, for crying out loud?! What is she talking about this early in the morning, this fool!!

Is this an interesting topic for a lovely morning? Damn her... she is indeed a fool!! Was she so eager to read the morning papers that she had to mention that news with such a grim face?! Who forced you to do that, girl? Is life like this for every stranger you meet?! Oh God, talk about some boy you dated, or a meal you had at your favorite restaurant, or a new story about your boring, ruined hair, leave those strange matters, they don’t suit a pretty girl like you, you clumsy thing, damn you this morning!!

“Oh my God, do you mean the LGBTQ folks? Just say their name directly, Suzy!!... Hahaha, oh God, you’re even embarrassed to talk about sex, just let loose, you’re so cheerful, unlike those your age!!” says the girl next to her, doodling in the sign-in book with loud laughter. Did she look in the mirror? She is so ugly and got uglier now.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Damn it, why is the sign-in book next to her today and not on stupid Suzy's desk? I will have to pass by her and lean on that foul creature’s desk. I’ll write my name and arrival time, and I bet she’ll engage in conversation with me, and I would be lying if I said I love her annoying voice. What an enormous obstacle at the beginning of my day, what a cursed matter... Wait! Is her hair white, or has she dyed it? I no longer understand women at all!!

What is it with her, oh my God? What is this old hag saying? How dare she instruct a modest girl in such a disgusting manner? I am starting to suspect they are a part of a bizarre organization among us without us realizing... truly!!

I approach this old hag’s desk with almost hesitant steps. My self is urging me to take the sign-in book and put it on Suzy's desk, finish this task and sign my name and arrival time, and leave the HR office peacefully. But I’m stuck; they will think ill of me. The hag will realize I hate her, and the other one might think I’m interested in her... Ah, ah, this way of thinking makes me want to vomit my biscuit!

I lack self-confidence, nothing more and nothing less. My self is restrained, shut down, not free in its thoughts, and not independent… just a coward who hates attracting attention.

I hand the sign-in book toward her after reaching her desk, grab a blue pen, and hurriedly write my name, signature, and arrival time as quickly as possible, so I wouldn’t have to talk to this toxic hag. Hurry up, body, time is running out with this witch. Damn, damn it! I hate her for her twisted thinking; I want to scream at the top of my lungs at this moment for her to go away and die forever.

I almost retreated after the quick effort I made to take the sign-in book and completing the arrival formalities. I was about to flee... yes, to escape from the poisonous thoughts... God loves me, ha ha, thank you God, truly, I'm moving away, yes, yes!!

But moments later, someone grabs my arm forcefully, pulling me toward her. My torso aligns with the desk, and my face faces hers, my eyes bulged at this dishonorable act, and a smile of anxiety spread across my face. Oh God, please take mercy on me, what does this person want from me, and the scent of coffee wafting from her mouth... ah, no, no, no, back away; I’m about to vomit. She has caught me, there’s no escape. What a strange day that opened up with demonstrations about LGBTQ rights in the sixth state and now my face is facing that witch. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, no exaggeration.

“How are you, Mr. Johnson? Are you okay? Oh my God, every day you’re getting more handsome. I’m jealous of you; I’m a woman; please give us some of that beauty. You don’t need it since you’re a man, haha,” she said with a disgusting smile, if you wanted my opinion on that.

Huh? Excuse me? What? Is she in her right mind, or did she come to work in a drunken state? Since when is a man called handsome?! This sounds like a plot lurking behind that hideous talk.

And that fool has become like a statue, neither moving nor responding to the witch… what is this room filled with so many buffoons here!!

“Ha ha, I appreciate that, Mrs. Lam. Thank you for this compliment, but as you know, you’re older than me, so there’s no need for the word Mrs., I’m younger than you, isn’t that right? So just call me Adrian or Dan, don’t embarrass me with the word Mrs., please... Mrs. Lam.”

Flatterer, sycophant, climber... that’s me, of course!!

I clenched my hand in a suspicious manner as the medical team came and went while registering their arrival; it attracted a lot of attention from them, seemingly so... How embarrassing! Damn her... it’s a common thing for a whore at thirty-four, apparently!!... No one in this building hasn’t slept with her. I am scared; I don’t want that; why did she grab my hand like that and tighten it after everything? Mommy, where are you?

“Oh... as you know you’re a doctor; you don’t want to not show me your respect by calling you the proper title. After all, calling you ‘Mr.’ is appropriate because you’re a doctor, is that right? Ha,” with a forced smile, and a little less, if you knew, she released my hand; it seems she noticed my tension and the crowd going in and out of the HR office. I had become a sight worth ridicule after all. What’s this behavior? Why today of all days? I don’t comprehend what’s going on, is this harassment or what? What a corrupt society!!

Doctor, what do you want to convey, you deviant? Aren’t you working in a hospital after all? Everyone here is a doctor, you fool!!

“Well, Mrs. Lam, see you later, goodbye.” Go to hell, you and those like you, you lunatic.

I hurried away from her toward the office door. I want to leave, yes, I can't believe I’m free from this strange situation, at least I can say it’s silly, perhaps... yes, why am I reassuring myself now? How ridiculous!! I have finally exited the HR office, and now I’m heading to my office on the second floor, to my patients, to my nurses, to my clients, and to those who need me as a doctor. Yes, freedom has its special bliss; how have I not danced yet after all this!