I collapse on the road as he leaves me back in control. The sudden withdrawal of power makes me feel empty somehow. Like a part of me is missing and for a moment I am tempted to draw from it again. The moment of weakness passes as Tibald approaches me looking worried. I’m rather surprised he is still around after what he just witnessed. I know for a fact that anyone seeing that red demonic magic can feel the wrongness of it, I could too, in the beginning. Now I’m numb to it. Familiar even.

I feel so weak right now, my body is straining from the sudden absence of the familiar and enticing energy. I have come to both hate and love it and it scares me more than him taking over. Because I know I can fight him, I can wrestle control back if I really want. But how do you defeat yourself? How do I stop myself from changing, from… liking it to some degree?

I stare at my two hands as I sit on my knees, wondering how much I have already changed. How much I have already lost of my humanity. I didn’t even blink when I slaughtered the knights. Maybe I wouldn’t have even before all this, but how can I be sure? I hated every word that godforsaken priest spit my way because I’m afraid there is a twisted truth to it. Of course I know I would never have traded my company and friends for this power.

But can I truly say I hate it?

If I could have gotten this power without anyone dying, would I not have accepted it? I’m not sure of the answer anymore and that proves how much I have changed already. How much I have accepted him as a part of me. His name still makes my head hurt just to think about. I was only able to comprehend it recently but thinking about it isn't comfortable at all. Strange, but I am no mage and the workings of magic and the sort does not interest me. Never have.

The truth of mages is that very few manage to stay sane after getting too much power. Something I understand now more than ever. I would never have done what I just did before all this. Rushing alone at a column of knights? Suicide despite my relatively good skills. I’d taken down a few with me, maybe even ten, but then what?

Now however? I swatted them away like flies and it felt amazing. The power to do exactly what I want is… dangerous. I have tasted it once and already I want more. But I know where that leads me and it is not something I want. A contradiction then. One more on an endlessly growing list. I hate the contradiction of what I want in a logical sense and what I want emotionally in the moment.

It’s a human flaw that has always been there and something I had managed well all my life. Now… it’s a lot harder than it’s ever been to control the… temptations. I sigh as Tibald cautiously approaches and the rest of the half-beasts look from a safer distance. I think some of them will leave us tonight and I don’t blame them. I don’t think it takes a genius to understand that something rather fishy is going on with me.

“Heard all that?” I ask him as he stands by the road, unsure of how to go about this.

“Most of it, sir.” He responds, the sir so automatic he doesn’t even register saying it, but it bothers me. I’m not his sir, or his master or anything.

“Drop the sir please. Either Reagan or boss will do.” I say with a sigh.

“Sure, boss.” He tastes the word and seems to like it. It reminds me of the Trusted Steel Company that I lost. I know they will never replace them, nor is that what I want from them. I think we all know we will go our separate ways once we are done with the Brudian Empire, only I actually think we’ll win. They think they are on a suicide mission. I can’t help but laugh at that, they are so much braver than me, in truth. I stand up and turn to Tibald.

“Then you understand that a lot of them will leave tonight.” I tell him and look at him. He stands at attention despite there being no obligation and I signal for him to relax.

“I’ll handle it, s-boss.” He corrects himself at the end.

“No you won’t. Let anyone who wants to leave, leave. I don’t want to force anyone to follow me, least of all you.” I tell him honestly. I do have a use for them, but I understand the importance of freedom. I do not wish to be a captor in turn and I hope I will have the will to end myself should that ever come to pass.

I’m flattered that so many chose to follow me from the start, it was not something I expected, but also never something I needed. A few of them is enough to introduce me to their tribes and get help in finding the tear. Of course, the more, the easier it will be to dismantle the Empire, so I’m happy if more choose to come. But not to the detriment of their own freedom.

“You know.” I start and hesitate for a moment if I should tell him this, but I feel more clear headed than I have in a while.

“One of the reasons I wanted you guys to follow me is so your tribes will help me find this artifact.” I tell him in all honesty.

“It’s to help me with my… problem.” I tell him while gesturing at the blood on the road and corpses in the distance. Tibald stays silent and lets me finish, wise in his ways.

“I honestly want to use you for that purpose. Because it is something I need.” I turn and stare at him seriously.

“I’m not going to say I hate myself for it, I don’t. But I do believe in honesty.” I continue while looking at the others trying to listen in.

“I’d rather be upfront about it and let you, all of you, decide for yourselves what you want.” I gesture at the others with a movement of my arm.

“Of course you don’t get nothing in return, as we will make the Empire bleed.” I add with a grin.

“But it does feel like I get a lot more out of all this than any of you, so I will ask you, what do you want after all of this is over? Whatever it is I will try my best for all of those that follow me through to the end.” I tell him, looking straight at his eyes and I can see he understands the weight of my words.

He hesitates for a moment, looking lost before he reaches an answer for himself. He looks at the others then at me and pauses.

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“I will tell the others and ask them what they want, but for me, I’m afraid I cannot tell you yet.” He nods as if to excuse himself but it is the most sensible answer, one that makes him more worthy in my eyes. Had he told me riches and gold, I would probably have chosen somebody else as my second in a week or so, trying to find a different talent. But that seems unnecessary.

He is a man, a person, I should say, that seems to put the need of the pack before his own, to use wolf terms. It’s a strangely fitting analogy but I do not feel like it is my pack just yet. Maybe it isn’t something that is going to change. Time will tell, as it tells us so many other things it seems. I see fear in a lot of the eyes in the distance and wonder just how many will be missing come the morrow.

—

Camp is set up and everything is back to normal, except they all seem to avoid me tonight. I have secluded myself more than usual to give them room to… discuss things, as I know they are. I hear some heated arguments from time to time that quickly quiet down as they realize I might overhear. It’s nothing I didn’t expect but it stings nonetheless. I eat in solitude on the outskirts of the camp. Someone else might think that unwise, with regards to security, but everyone here knows that this tent is the most dangerous in the camp.

And I’m not even talking about me on my lonesome. No, my forceful passenger is the real danger but he has been a lot more quiet after this afternoon's display which has left me a lot of time to think. Also to prod and poke around at the mess I call my soul. Not only that but I think back on how Ral’Tir fought. He somehow used demonic energy himself and those strange red orbs felt awfully familiar. Controlled demons? But it seems ridiculous to even think someone could trap them in such a small space.

The amount and quality of the power that flowed through me when he let loose was… immense. No amount of magic known to mages could possibly seal it. But then again my passenger was also originally sealed into an object. How had that happened, and could it be done again? For me I fear that to be impossible. From my rudimentary knowledge of souls, I’m afraid that the tear is the only way to cleanse him away, our souls are too intermingled now to truly separate them again. Or so it feels.

Time passes and I just sit with my thoughts for a while. I truly haven’t felt this calm or relaxed in a while. My first suspicion is that for the first time since that night, he isn’t affecting me. But why now? Is he just tired or something? I understand that he used a lot of power, but it seems strange that the difference would be this stark and strangely enough I do still feel him in the back of my mind, even if he seems less… active, for lack of a better term.

I stand up as I need to piss, and as I walk outside of camp a bit I see the camp from further away. From here I can see them gathered all together now and a few of them seem to disagree with the rest. Soon done peeing, I elect to stay a bit and see what happens. The group arguing with the other is small and I fear it is the group staying loyal. That means most of them will be gone come morning? That… seems tough. More than I thought, but understandable.

It takes me by surprise then that the small disagreeing group is the one leaving camp soon after, with bags packed and everything. The camp dies down as everyone still here goes to sleep, including me. I turn and toss for a while, struggling on the next objective. Save more slaves? Rush the tear now? if it even exists… plus the many questions about my passenger. But sleep still manages to find me and takes me to a dreamless slumber.

I wake up to someone trying to knock on the tent. The person seems to think the things holding up my tent will hold his assault well enough to make a sound. They don’t. A part of the tent falls and I hear him swear. It almost makes me laugh but it doesn’t. I feel like it would have, before. Not wanting to let him embarrass himself further, I tell him to come in. Tibald steps in while still holding up the tent where he made the thing fall. He takes the time to put it a bit deeper in the ground and it holds, for now.

“Morning boss.” He greets me with a timid smile, a clear scar from his time as a slave, because I think he is actually very happy for some reason. His tail is not at all what gave it away.

“Morning Tibald.” I greet him back, unsure why he is in such a good mood. I raise an inquisitive eyebrow at him.

“You are going to be late for training.” He tells me and I find this all too strange. After I showed them how to train together, I haven’t really done it much with them, if at all. Highly suspicious, but I can only hope that everything is alright. Not like I expect them to turn against me after what they have seen, but the thought does cross my mind. No, they wouldn't, I tell myself.

I get up and stretch as I mull over what could be going on. The puzzling part is that they seem to want me at the designated training area, which is usually just a flat part outside of the camp. I’m not even sure which side it is on as Tibald has handled most of the things lately. Of course I’ve still made rounds and what not, but I know that’s not what they need right now. They need to feel that they are part of something that they chose. A group that has their back.

I’m too curious however not to go. Even if it should be a trap, the good mood suggests it’s not, probably. Tibald has been patiently waiting while I think and I don’t know how he didn’t butt in and get me moving already, but the man, or rather half-beast, is patient beyond belief. I soon find myself following him to an area outside camp. The grass is already rather damaged by all the exercises they have done and it’s a bit dusty now.

All of the remaining half-beasts stand in a huge circle with big grins on their faces. Some look like cats, dogs, lizards, lions, wolves or even the rare half-birds. I look and see them being excited about something while Tibald brings me to the center where the grass is no more. The ring closes behind me as I look back. From the heady mood, I have a suspicion of what this might be and I can’t hide a small smile at their enthusiasm. I have heard about this, but I can’t say that I feel ready.

Tibald steps away and I’m left all on my lonesome, surrounded on all sides by all of them. They start shouting and hooting like… beasts with huge grins on their faces as the mood infects each and everyone of them. Like a tide it changes and it doesn’t take long for one of them to come forwards. It is Tibald himself, and everyone suddenly stops hooting and shouting around me. He is unarmed, but it is clear he isn’t spreading out his arms to hug me as his stance suggests a more… aggressive approach.

I prepare myself for what I know will be a friendly but serious bout. It is all about bringing the opponent to the ground first without punching or kicking. I’m not sure of the rules except those two and the nuances escape me, but I’m sure he won’t do me dirty, right? His grins makes me worried for a second as he charges forwards, arms wide and postured forwards. I meet him head on and we soon stand stalemated, trying to slowly gain the advantage on the other one. He tries to trip me and it confirms a rule I wasn’t sure about. I nimbly dodge it which makes him lose his balance. I use his momentum against him to bring him smoothly to the ground and put a single knee on his chest.

The others cheer wildly at my victory and Tibald gets up with a grin on his face. He walks off and everyone avoids standing next to him now. I wonder a bit about it but another challenger soon steps up. Luriel, I believe his name is. A rather nice man with some patches of scales on an otherwise mostly human body. He doesn’t hesitate for long and charges me in much the same way. I respond in kind but before we are about to hit, he avoids the collision and tries to use my momentum against me.

The move feels a bit slow and rather forgiving on his part and I easily avoid the obvious trap and manage to charge him. I put my shoulder on his chest as I push and lift his body up to go down with me. The crowd goes ‘Ooh’ as we hit the ground and I get up, worried for a second that I overdid it. He grins up at me and takes my outstretched hand to get up. He walks over to where Tibald is and another one steps forwards, taking his place. I look around and I realize now why they go a bit easy on me.

It seems I might have a long way to go.