Taking a deep breath in as I hear the door open.
"Good morning Mr. Warshire, do you have a pass?"
"No."
I mumble quietly as I walk into the classroom hoping for a good seat in the back.
Walking towards the back to the class as I hear my name getting called.
"Mr. Warshire, where are you going? Your seat is right here."
Looking at her hand as she points to a seat in the 2nd row.
Glancing at the people next to me hoping they aren't people I know from last year.
Plopping down in my seat and dropping my bag on the floor. Taking a deep breath in too cool down and smelling a familiar scent.
Wondering why everyone always has to have a vape on them.
Turning to me left and seeing a familiar face. A kid with medium length dirty blonde hair with a muscular build and a jock jacket on. Letting out a sigh as I already know this period is going to be a bad one.
His name is Grant. The normal high school class clown that thinks that being loud is being funny. Sure sometimes he is funny but most of the time it's just annoying and stupid. He always looks for attention because he's insecure about himself.
However, it worked he became popular just like the rest of the class clowns. He was even able to get a shot with a hot ass girl. Even though his looks are just a tad above average, his personality isn't bad when he doesn't beg for attention.
Turning to the right in hopes that I'll have someone better sitting there. But my hopes were immediately crushed. Just by hearing the crunching of some lays chips I don't even look over.
Sammy. Essentially one of the most popular people in the school. She lives the most basic Hollywood high school movie in existence. Her parents are rich and she's a spoiled brat. She hops from relationship to relationship to earn validation ever since the "love of her life" broke up with her.
She has a bad reputation and is genuinely just a bitch. What's worse is that she knows how to sweet talk to get her way too. So she's not dumb in any way either.
Deciding to put in an earbud and distract myself. Shuffling my playlist and skipping till I find a song I want to listen to.
"Symphonia IX by Current Joys"
Getting to this song and putting in the other earbud. A song like this deserves to have both earbuds in.
Closing my eyes as the memories come flushing back in. Hearing her laugh inside my mind and a small smile breaks out. Wondering what I did to make her leave me.
Opening my eyes and seeing the classroom. Immediately wiping the smile off my face as I remember where I am. I hate my fucking life.
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Looking at the board reading it.
"PLEASE FILL OUT THE SHEETS ON YOUR DESK. WHEN COMPLETED SIT QUIETLY TILL EVERYONE IS FINISHED. ANSWERS WILL BE SHARED OUTLOUD IN FRONT OF CLASS."
Staring down at the sheet below me and seeing an all about me paper.
Fishing through my bag to find a pencil and not finding anything. Remembering that I didn't get any supplies this year.
Wanting to raise my hand to ask for a pencil but being to insecure to. What if people start laughing? I mean, who comes to school without a pencil? What if people start thinking that I'm to poor to afford a pencil? I mean I am. But I don't want people knowing.
Continuing to overthink on the simple task that would've been easy for the normal person.
Remembering that I didn't take my meds this morning. I was wondering why I was having so many thoughts and was having an appetite.
Breathing in a deep breath and just accepting the fate of just not doing the work. Sitting in the seat starting at the piece of paper for ten minutes. Hearing the music in one ear and pencils and pens scratching in the other.
Putting in the other earbud to drown out the noise and the stress. Feeling the stress and anxiety start to fade away as my mind begins to calm.
*RING RING RING*
Hearing the sudden noise and flinching. Almost falling out of my chair. Hearing Grant next to me start laughing.
"How do you flinch from something like that? You schizo or something?"
Grant said loudly so that the whole class could hear. Hearing the laughs coming from all directions and beginning to break down. Trying to calm myself down but I'm not high. Everything is better when I'm high.
I don't have to worry about what people think about me. None of the thoughts annoy me. Everything is at peace.
Turning up the volume to drown out the laughter as it suddenly stops.
"Class, what seems to be the issue? We're supposed to start sharing our answers not laughing. Or did we not start yet?"
"No."
The class reply's.
"Okay, we'll start alphabetically. Starting with Ms. Adams."
"Yes Ma'am."
Not wanting to hear the stupid shit about to be said I turn the volume up. After about 15 minutes of people speaking I see Grant stand up. Assuming that I would be next I turn the volume down a bit. Finally looking down at the paper and starting to think about my answers.
"Okay, Mr. Warshire it's your turn."
I stand up as I can feel like anxiety come back. What if I stutter? What if I can't remember my answers and can't speak right? The thoughts keep coming as I try to say my name.
"H-hi my name is John. I'm 15, my favorite sport is hockey, my favorite subject is reading, I'm from Tampa, Florida, and my favorite hobby is writing."
I quickly sit down and start glancing around the room hoping no one is looking at me. Thankfully everyone's attention is on Sammy and not me.
I can't deal with the thoughts anymore. Wondering if it's worth it to raise my hand to ask to use the bathroom or just wait till passing period. I'm more likely to get caught during passing period but I don't want the stress from raising my hand.
Fuck it. I raise my hand and quickly ask to use the bathroom. Not realizing how big of a mistake this was.
"Mr. Warshire? Don't you remember the hand sign to use the bathroom? By raising your hand to ask you waste valuable learning time. Since today is the first day I'll let it slide. Everyone deserves a freebie right? Be quick Mr. Warshire"
I walk out the classroom embarrassed. But putting my mind back on topic. Heading into the bathroom and going into an empty stall. Thankfully no ones in the bathroom.
*Click Click Click*
Hearing those three clicks and I'm at home. Exhaling out and feeling peace.
Heading back to class waiting for it to kick in.
*Knock Knock Knock*
The door opens and I head back in. Hoping that the smell isn't to noticeable. Looking at all the glances and stares as I walk into the room. All the anxiety comes rushing back.
Am I walking weird? Is there something on my face? Do they notice the smell? They shouldn't it was only one puff.
I start to walk weird with all the stress on top of me and quickly go back to my seat. Praying that no one saw me walking weirdly.
Just wanting all the stress and anxiety to go away. I can't even walk without thinking people are staring at me. I just want it all to end.
*DING DING DING*