This was inspired by a youtube comment i stumbled on by InvalidGaming.
Kids, this is exactly what happens when it rains and you have slow internet and free time.....you write stupid stuff that you'll regret the next day....so before that happens, here~
PS: i haven't proofread this at all, as i am pretty ashamed by it.....but i think its funny and entertaining enough. probably. hopefully. i regret this already. hopefully killing potatoes isn't R-18....
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In a world where evolution hit Potatoes rather than Monkeys and Bananas.......A world of dominated by potatoes has come into existence.
After a few thousands of years with civilizations coming into existence and perishing, multiple wars spanned and ended, leaving their own marks within their own unique history.
And at this era.....a shocking discovery was made.
An ancient Carrot civilization, even older than that of potatoes existed.
Not only that......they had advance technology to the point where The potatoes were made to look like....well, potatoes.
They couldn’t decipher their advanced language, but they were able to identify a few mechanism in the ruins discovered.
Such as the 「Highly Advanced Manipulation Of The Laws Of Physics」.
That is to say, 「Magic」.
With science trying to make a word out of the advanced language that could only be called alien, 30 years passed by.
With no advances at all, the potatoes made the decision to create their own technology based on the Carrots’.
They called them 「Eliminators」.
The 「Eliminators」 were a highly deadly, advanced, top-of-the art anti-carrot robot. They were shaped out as eggs, shooting out fries-like projectiles to eliminate any target from long distance. and let us not forget, their oily, crispy crust swords that would fry a carrot into a crisp in mere seconds.
With that, they set their eyes to eliminate all the carrots off the face of their planet, and make sure they do not raise to their former glory.
With the 「Eliminators」 unleashed by the thousands world-wide, they soon massacred all the carrots to near extinction.
The primitive carrots could not understand what’s happening.....after all, they weren’t anything like the potatoes.
The carrots lived the life similar to monkeys in zoos.
They only had the mentality of a two years old at the prime of their life.
Their instincts lead them to run away toward the undergrounds, where they lived in fear themselves.
But the undergrounds were not safe at all.....the 「Eliminators」 continued to hunt them down.
The carrots refused to give up, and ran to every hole they could find, but the 「Eliminators」 simply followed through.
“Daaaamn~ Those bastards........hicc~”
An orange figure with a dull end could be seen......drinking?
With no hair at all, and a sharp bottom, a figure that could only be described as a ‘carrot’
“Hey~ Don’t you guys think the same as well~? Why the hell are we getting killed for doing nothing at all~?”
Although the figure talked with his fellow carrots’ in what seemed like the sewers, they only gave him a horrified look with some confusion mixed in.
“Hic~ Right.....you guys don’t understand a word i say.....Hic~”
The confused carrots look oddly at their own who was at the same time....isn’t.
But they weren’t smart enough to even understand the difference, so they paid it no attention after a few minutes.
The odd carrot continued to drink from a flask it held, and grumbled like an old man while sitting on its naked sharp butt.
“Who are you calling old?! i’m hic~ Years old~!”
Yes, like an old man indeed.
“This is what i get for Hic~ Coming along with you guys.....Hic~ but this place needs a bit of spice~ Hic~”
-Ruuumblee
The grumbling old carrot said while taking a huge gulp from the flask.
The earth rumbled, forcing the carrot to suffocate at his own drink....which came out from the wrong hole like a water gun.
‘Is this perhaps enough spice for you?’ is what fate seemed to say.
The earth continued to shake, and the carrots ran in fright and confusion.
The old carrot stared deeply at the spilled alco--what the hell is that?!
Isn’t that liquid green.......? w-with a mix of brown......d-don’t tell me, is that sewage?!
Eww......you filthy carrot.
All the remaining ‘pure’ carrots began to run toward the pipe leading to the sewage.
Although this place was full of such pipes, they all ran toward a certain one instead.
The one they all ran toward was the one leading to the most complex pipe system, a one impossible to track.
The carrots, who couldn’t act with intelligence could only call this orginaized yet chaotic group movement a kind of survival instinct kicking in.
Or perhaps, the first one entered with a stroke of luck and the others simply followed him.....but only the gods’ could know of such feat.
The grumpy old carrot continued to stare intensely at the spilled filthy liquid with a look of madness.
Get over it you douche! it’s just water covered in disgusting filth!
“Shut up~! it’s the only thing that keeps me alive! the only thing i can find for free to get me stoned~!!”
Damn junkie Carrot.
This is exactly why carrots shouldn’t gain any intelligence!
The shaking continued, getting stronger by the second.
Until......
Rumble! Crash!
“GYAAAAAAAH” “KRAAAAAAAAAAAH” “GUBYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
And other similar screams of agony were unleashed.
the pipe that was the only certain way out was crushed, and screams were being transmitted through it without fail.
The opening in the pipe soon closed with the falling rubble, and the screams came to an abrupt stop.
“This means.....it’s coming here. Really, fate can pull all kinds of ironic situations. indeed, this is enough spice.....but....Hic~ you dare to make me waste my....hic~ Precious source of life...my water! my being! my reason of life! and you dare to make me waste it!?”
The mad carrot that should be escaping right now dropped its smelly flask and stood up.
It took a look toward the already closed sewer pipe.
The rumbling stopped, but the carrot continued to look toward the pipe in great interest.
Perhaps it wasn’t interest....but wrath?
To begin with, who can read stares? i’m pretty bad at it....
.....i’m sorry.
“Just do your job already!”
Jeez, calm down...
Cheesus’s crust man, stop staring at that ruined pipe and get away through another one of those countless pipes, okay?
“....”
Ignoring me?
Fine. have fun with your staring contest with that pipe, and let that thing get you.
“Hic....i’m not running away y’know.....i’ll get that thing. i don’t care how many of my people it killed....they were dumbasses after all. Dicks even! s--”
Before you continue....do you even have....that? [A/N: imagine a banana stuck in between a carrot....Shudders]
Stolen novel; please report.
“--Shut up! stop it!! none of your business!!!.....So as i was saying...Hic.....i don’t care if they tried to hunt me....hic...down countless times....but....i never, hic~ Did anything like ruining their, hic~ Reason of being, Hic~ Alive!”
Umm.....okay.
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumbleeeeeeeeee
That’s when the earth shook its hardest, and all the other pipes collapsed.
And......we’re doomed.
A small egg like robot comes through the gaps of the central pipe that all the carrots gone across earlier.
Oh?
Is this one an 「Eliminator」?
He’s unexpectedly...cute?
Really, it’s something you’d expect a little potato to play with....
Little potatoes are so adorable~
“This isn’t time for your perverted talks! its getting ready~ Hic~~!”
Just as the grumpy carrot sounded the warning to no one in particular, in this empty area, the small 「Eliminator」 that should have been a few centimeters tall began to unfold.
Right, it began to unfold....
And as it began to unfold, several pieces and machines began to spread and open around.
The spread machines began to start being pulled back toward the unfolded 「Eliminator」 and all of it began to come together.
The pieces began to fit each other as if it was being built like a Lego, this all happened pretty much instantly.
Defying gravity and logic, the small, cute egg shaped 「Eliminator」 changed into a horrifying shape.
With a fries blade making a *Bzzzz* sound, horns going through its crushed egg’s skull and red lights in its eyes socket observed the carrot.
Geh....watching Saw is a lot better than observing this thing...
After the 「Eliminator」 exhaled some smoke with a *Bshhhhh*, it took a single step, and believe me, just a single step, and the whole earth rumbled and the ceiling began collapsing.
The carrot looked at the 「Eliminator」 with rage while the stones that made up the ceiling began to drop with a mix of mashed potatoes.
Screams echoed, and the carrot glared at the 「Eliminator」.
To begin with, aren’t they supposed to get rid of carrots in order to keep the potatoes in power?
Is this the greater good theory?
And like that, the 「Eliminator」 continued to take bigger steps, minding no heed toward the surviving potatoes it was crushing under its feet.
And to tell you the truth, it seems that the 「Eliminator」’s feet are very hot!
The mashed potatoes looked steamy and delicious~
But....what will carrot going to do against such a monster that’s at least several hundred times larger than he was?!
Carrot was, in the truest sense, simply the size of a carrot.
He couldn’t stand against a huge robot that could easily destroy a few buildings with a punch....
Really, this isn’t Gundam y’know....
The carrot smiled fearlessly as his eyes’ had a hint of rage with a tingling of madness, the same look he maintained throughout this entire situation since his drink was spilled.
The 「Eliminator」 didn’t bother using its long range attack, and simply walked until the reach of his potato blade could easily slice the carrot.
The casualties already exceeded the triple digits with the potatoes alone....perhaps we were under a busy street.
This could be pretty bad.......since if that’s true, then it could mean that even more 「Eliminators」 would join the fray the longer we stayed here...
The 「Eliminator」 swung its oily hot blade toward the carrot, and the carrot simply stayed in his place without even batting an eye.
Dodge dammit!
“Earth manipulation, <
A wall made of hard dirt that was as tall and wide as the 「Eliminator」 was erected instantly, defying the laws of physics. But the huge sword that easily spanned a few meters cut everything, from pipes to falling potatoes and even the wall of earth created by the carrot as easily as a hot knife through butter!
The Carrot clicked its tongue and crouched as hard as it can, and avoided the slash by a hair’s length!
The Carrot hurriedly stood up, and ran toward the 「Eliminator」. but the 「Eliminator」 didn’t stay still and watch, as he launched many Fries projectiles toward the carrot.
Exactly.....7.
The carrot quickly raised his hand toward the fries and shouted “Air manipulation, <
He continued to shout the magic’s name until it matched the numbed of projectiles, and the invisible arrows ran through the air, emitting a sharp sound as they cut through the fries, and then exploding just as they were half way through.
If any potato were to see this, then it could only be seen as a scene from utter hell. A nightmare that shouldn’t be viewed by anyone at all.
The carrot closed in on the 「Eliminator」, and as he exhaled with a “Fuu....”. with no signs at all of being the grumpy old carrot, it exclaimed “Earth Manipulation, <
The 「Eliminator」made a a huge sound, perhaps the howl of a defeated beast, as all the parts began to rust and rot. eventually, falling down, crushing what’s left of the potatoes.
Seriously though, can’t the potatoes see a hole in the ground on the surface? couldn’t they like, avoid it? Talk about stupid...
“They simply believed that it’s all a lie. a visual on the ground. those existed on the surface y’know? It’s a three dimensional art. perhaps those guys thought it was a movie shooting? that probably would explain a lot. i mean, who wants to believe that a hole in the ground opened up and swallowed everyone in the street? they all thought ‘They’re probably shooting a scene for a movie’ and moved on.”
.................That’s still stupid though...................
Anyhow, it seems like you’re up and running.
“Yeah...the effects are wearing off. I’d rather not see this reality y’know....now then, where’s my flask? i need to drink these emotions away....”
The carrot said in a sorrowful tone, as he looked right and left for the flask he dropped earlier in anger.
It’s already under that thing y’know.....
“Wha--!? Y-you mean.....its been destroyed?! That’s the only flask i got y’know!! Arrrrghhhh!!!!! Fine! let’s go destroy those potato bastards so this doesn’t happen again!”
Aha.
Really?
After driving the carrots into a corner, killing them as if they were simply vegetables, you stood by and did nothing. but as soon as they messed with you....your switch flips on and suddenly you want to free the world of their rule?!
“Yeah! got a problem with that?”
Not at all Sir.
And thus, the legend of The Rise of The Carrot began.