I hate exercise. At least, in this life I do. Maybe it's because my body is so new. Maybe it's because I'm actually a lazy shit at heart and I just don't remember. Or maybe it's because cats are lazy shits and the temperament of this new body is affecting me.
I did it anyway.
It was the physical training and assessment portion of Professor Mick's class. I ran a lap around the whole arena. I was faster than almost everyone for like twenty feet. Then I was dead last. Seth picked me up on his second time around. I had just finished one.
Blaise passed Seth. Duvessa was trotting unhurriedly and we passed her. I wasn't counting how many times Owen passed us. I knew it'd be embarrassing. I didn't really care about any of the others.
Seth wasn't a top performer. He was putting the effort in, but he just wasn't as physical as many of the others. I figured that was fine. Not only was he the youngest here by a few years, but this was magic school, not martial arts school.
The assholes in the stands continued to be assholes. They made some effort at being sneakier about it, and mostly yelled insults when the professors were busy.
That girl with the braid was still playing assistant to Professor Marjorie and writing down numbers for everyone. I was impressed with her ploy. She didn't get her tree read, which for some reason she didn't want to have happen, and she wasn't doing the physical testing now. And none of the Professors seemed to have noticed.
After everyone was done with laps, the training continued with push ups, pull ups, sit ups, etc. All the things. And I did all the things.
I'm a liar. I didn't. Cats can't really do sit ups.
For the pull ups I just hung upside down on the bar. Duvessa was super impressed with my efforts, and praised me enthusiastically. I think I really like her.
Reginald tried to knock me off the bar. I think I really hate him.
Afterwards Professor Marjorie addressed the students. I noticed her bun hadn't survived and she'd redone it, and it still contained pencils. “Your body is your vessel for storing your mana. Your physical well being directly affects your mental well being, and your mental well being directly affects your spiritual well being. It is all connected. The easiest way to improve your magic power at your age is to improve your body. We will be measuring your physical condition and your mana every other week. I thank you for your contributions to this study, and hope you will gain insights into improving your own powers.”
"All right, recruits!" Professor Mick announced. "You can have five minutes for water, and then we begin!"
The kids shuffled into the staging room and grabbed water there. Seth, sweet kid that he is, made sure I got water too.
I noticed Seth kept rubbing the bracelet Benjamin had given him. Kid was clearly anxious about his tree picture. Ollie was still up in the stands and doing something with the images he'd made. If the kids don't seek him out after class, I will.
Professor Mick was practically bouncing when the students lined up back in the arena. Welp, this was it.
"All right, recruits! The first thing we'll be working on is defense. You are useless if you're dead, so you need to figure out how not to die."
Well then. No gladiator bouts today. I think I'm actually disappointed.
"Everyone grab a wusstick. Work together if you like, or not. Your only goal is not to lose." Professor Mick held up his own wusstick. It was a three foot long wooden spoon looking thing. He'd been messing with these earlier.
Owen jumped forward and started digging through the sticks. He quickly laid his hand on almost every stick before choosing his favorite. I had no idea that which specific spoon you used could be so important. Neither did anyone else as they just grabbed random sticks.
I was trying to maintain that I was a student here too, and that I would participate in all the things. The only way I could do this one was by putting a piece of used gym equipment in my mouth. Because thumbs. Nope. Hard pass. So I headed to the bleachers.
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Seth watched Mau leave. He was relieved she left, because he wouldn't need to worry about her getting stepped on or injured.
"All right. I'm told I need to give you at least one practice ball. So here you go, catch it and toss it to someone else so they can practice with it too." Professor Mick cast a spell and a ball of light materialized in the bowl of the wusstick. He then flung it at the pack of students where it hit Blaise and shoved her into one of the boys from lunch, Booth.
"Ow!" Blaise complained. The ball of light had struck her and then vanished.
"These can't hurt you!" Professor Mick scolded. "The mana balls don't cause injuries. The wussticks will prevent any harm from occurring."
"It still hurts when it shoves you into someone!" Blaise complained.
"Then don't get hit! Use your sticks to catch and throw the balls. If you get hit, you lose. Game rules are in the handbook. Begin!" Professor Mick summoned another ball and threw it at Owen. Owen caught it with the spoon and looked at it for only a second before hurling it at Isaac.
Isaac was completely unprepared and took the ball to the face. His whole body changed to blue and he staggered back. The mana ball dissipated.
"Oh my! Colors!" Duvessa said. "Hit me next!"
"The goal is to not get hit! The color means you lost!" Professor Mick yelled. At this point Seth was beginning to wonder if that was just his normal volume.
"Give me one!" shouted a big guy that Seth recognized as the guy with thunder powers. His name was Gregor. "I'll show you who is best at this game!"
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Professor Mick was making and tossing out balls as fast as he could cast the spell. Professor Edmond was also casting it, but he was handing the balls out more gently, and taking a moment to instruct each student in how to maintain the ball.
Seth got his first ball from Professor Edmond. "Think about your mana," the Professor told Seth and Booth, "and put just a little bit into the stick. The stick will maintain the ball for as long as it has power. You can give it a little more just before you throw it to make the ball stronger."
Seth held the ball in his wusstick and thought about what it felt like to maintain it. He looked over at Gregor who was constantly fizzling balls as soon as he caught them, and then at Owen, who was catching and hurling balls in the same action. Seth was a bit envious of how quickly Owen had learned to do that.
He tossed the ball lightly in his stick. "Here," he said to Booth. "Back and forth." Seth tossed his mana ball lightly to Booth, and caught Booth's in turn.
"Again," Booth said. And they did. "I got it. You ready?"
Seth nodded. "Who do you think?'
"Duvessa." Booth looked at where Duvessa was currently waving at Gregor. She was currently red. "She's already turned three colors that I saw."
Seth shook his head. "Too easy. I'll try for that guy." Seth indicated a student next to Gregor that had just thrown a ball at Owen.
Just as Seth threw the ball one of the students in the bleachers yelled down, "Watch out, Gregor! That runt thinks he's better than you!"
Gregor turned in time to see the ball coming. Rather than try to catch it, he batted it away into another student. "Yes! You think you can beat me too? I will show you that I am the best!"
The number of balls in the arena was increasing rapidly as students learned how to catch and throw them. About half were now blue, and waiting at the edges of the arena. Seth was relieved he wasn't one of them yet. He wasn't great at catching the balls, but at least he could dodge them reasonably well.
The main trouble was that Gregor had decided he and Owen would be his favorite targets. Owen, because he was just that good. Seth, because everytime Gregor's attention moved to someone else, the jerks in the stands would bait him into attacking Seth again.
And Gregor fell for it, every time. Seth was starting to think the guy either really liked beating on him in particular, or was just dumb and easily manipulated.
"Ha! Runt!" Gregor yelled. "Out you go!" He and several of his friends all hurled balls at him simultaneously.
Seth dropped to his belly to dodge them, but wasn't fast enough at getting to his feet.
"No you don't," Blaise said, and a wall of water knocked the balls away from him.
"Foul!" called Professor Mick. "Only mana balls may be used against other students! You get the Foul Crown!" Professor Mick cast a spell at a marking on the wall while pointing at Blaise. A spectral circlet of gold appeared in the air above Blaise. On the cliff wall a similar circlet glowed and a target appeared beneath it.
"Hit the target! Hit it!" the hecklers in the stands shouted.
"I think someone hitting that would be a bad thing," Blaise said.
"Owen! Don't let anyone hit that target!" Seth called, as he attempted to get into a position to defend it. Owen was clear across the arena, it would take him a moment to get there.
And that moment was too long, as two balls hit the target in rapid succession.
Blaise screeched. Honey dripped down from the crown, covering her. She instinctively tried to dodge or duck, but the crown followed her every move. "What the– ack!" Honey continued to drip on her.
Most of the students in the arena gawked in surprise. A few took advantage to throw more mana balls and knock a few more people out.
The students in the stands were howling with laughter. "Hit it more!" they shouted.
The next ball headed for the target Seth wasn't able to catch. So rather than let it hit the target, he let it hit him. He turned blue.
He walked to the edge of the arena where others who'd been knocked out were waiting. Seth noticed one of them was the girl from the Rainbow Tower who had helped Professor Marjorie. Pendra and Booth were also both out.
Duvessa charged in, catching a ball and flinging it back.
"Hey! That's a foul too!" a student yelled. "She's already out!"
"Nope, that's fair!" Professor Mick answered. "She lost, and is a loser, but having lost doesn't mean you're out! You can keep going!"
"How does that make sense?" Pendra muttered.
"If you keep changing color, maybe there is a 'biggest loser'?" Booth suggested.
The next time a ball hit the target, seeds cascaded down from the crown. No sooner than that happened than a flock of birds descended from the walls of the coliseum. They darted between students and pecked at the seeds on the ground. A few were bold enough to attempt to land on Blaise, and eat the seeds stuck in the honey that covered her.
Blaise tried to wash off the seed encrusted honey, but the crown just produced more. Now there were patches of honey and seeds all over the arena floor.
It was chaos. Birds darted through the students. Reginald attacked other birds. Nearly all the students were various colors now. Seth was constantly running, trying to intercept any ball that would strike Blaise's target, as well as dodge the balls with him as the target. Whenever he could he'd return any ball he caught.
People started getting tired and were slowing down. Seth looked around, and couldn't find a single student that was a normal color. Seth retreated to the wall again. He was right below Arnold's friends, and they took the opportunity to hurl more insults at him.
"You lost runt! Why don't you blow those birds away? Not a good friend are you, letting the birds get to her! You suck at this!"
Seth ignored them. There were only a few minutes left of class anyway and he needed a minute to catch his breath. Finally the Foul Crown winked out over Blaise, and the honey and seeds disappeared like they were never there. Only the fact that the birds had been feasting while it was there made Seth think they weren't actually illusions.
As near as Seth could tell, the colors went from blue, to purple, red, orange, brown, green, and finally yellow. There might have been other colors that he hadn't noticed. Duvessa, of course, was yellow. Seth was surprised to see there were a few other people yellow also.
"That's it!" Professor Mick called. "Game over! There is only one winner! All the rest of you are losers!"
Seth didn't see a single student a normal color. Who had won?
"You should explain today's lesson," Professor Edmond said to Professor Mick.
"There was a lesson in this mess?" Booth muttered.
"Ah, right. If this was a real battle, all of you would have died," Professor Mick said. "Battle gets chaotic. None of you knew how to deal with that. You didn't know how to use your tools. You had no coordination, and no plans. When something unexpected happened," he gestured at Blaise and then the birds waiting on the walls again, "you didn't know what to do and some of you stood around staring. Practice, training, and experience are all things you need to stay alive. We'll be doing this again, and by the end of the term, I expect all of you to last the whole session. No more losers!"
Seth was still aware of the various cries of 'Loser' and 'You suck' coming from above him when there were startled yelps and a crash followed by swearing. A moment later Mau jumped down from the wall.
"Woah, Mau, that's a long fall. Are you all right?" Seth scooped up his familiar.
There was yellow ink on her paws. And when Seth looked up at the guys that had been harassing him all class, the three of them were all covered in yellow ink. The color of the biggest losers.
Mau was feeling really smug.