I stay in my room practicing spells until near sunset when my stomach growls. I’m about to just take berries from the staff– planted in a cheap dirt filled pot I stuffed in the corner by the door– but then a bell rings, and I remember food is part of my pay. I do take a few of the berries, perhaps they’ll add flavour to whatever’s for dinner. Getting off the hammock without knocking over any of the rods or stepping on the map is tricky, but eventually I manage it and creep out the door.

On the deck on the way to the galley is a nanny goat, kept to provide fresh milk, and meat in a pinch. She bleats at me, horns lowered slightly, threatening to ram if I get too close.

I make the sign of the god of horned beasts, and she immediately relaxes. She bleats again but allows me to approach and gently stroke her neck. A minute later she bleats once more, this time in satisfaction, nudges me with her head, then walks away.

I smile, a bit relaxed.

“Malzad!” Martin shouts when I descend to the crowded galley, indicating an empty chair beside him.

I nod but walk up to the cook who hands me an apple like fruit, strips of tender lightly seasoned beef with carrots and chopped fleshy green and red things served in a soft white bread trencher and an ale in a tin mug. I take the hearty meal and go to Martin’s offered chair.

“It’s better than you expected, right?” Martin says as I begin biting into the meal, seeing no need to add the magic berries. “Everyone’s happy now. In a few days, all we’ll have to eat is heavily salted pork, peas, and hard biscuit. But today we even have fruit.”

“It’s pretty good.” I say honestly, remembering the first meal at the Bubbling Otter in comparison, and the travel rations I had eaten for the week between towns.

He smiles. “Yeah, sea cooks have to know what they’re doing to keep morale up… So, it’s almost sunset…”

I had forgotten. “Yeah, we can find someplace private to start after I’m done eating.”

“Great!” Martin smiles.

I watch the crew as I eat. They seem happy, to a degree, tired from a hard day’s work but also satisfied. One corner of the galley starts singing in unison a happy/sombre song about leaving old homes for a new one at sea.

Will I ever see Caethlon again?

Odd. I fought and killed for Caethlon… or at least I believed Caethlon benefited from my fighting and killing, but I never really tried to fool myself as to my motivation. I am fond of my homeland, and that fondness helped me ignore any sense of guilt over my accumulation of power. But I always thought that I could be equally fond of any land with enough exposure. Perhaps that’s still true, but I still feel an unexpected discomfort at being reminded that I’m leaving it behind.

No longer hungry I stare at the half-eaten trencher, but before I can offer it to the table Kalen sits down with a smile and a “Hey Malzad! Martin.”

“Hey.” I say, picking up the trencher for another bite. Melancholy is not part of my cover.

“Saw you come in, so I thought I’d run down to the armoury and grab you this since you are a guard despite your other duties.” She hands me a cudgel about as long as my forearm and as thick as the space between my thumb and index finger when I touch the tips together. No taper, though one end does suddenly reduce in thickness for a handle which has a thin copper simple cross guard like a sword.

“The copper’s more for keeping it in a belt loop than actual guarding.” She explains. “I designed it myself for easier drawing. Most places if you need to draw fast, you’d go for a sword or dagger cause you’ll want to kill your attacker. But even if some drunk crew attacks you, we don’t want them dead since then they can’t work the sails in the morning. So, it’s best if you can quickly go for something that can just knock them out fast.

“I noticed you have two daggers on you, so you probably know how to use them. But if you need pointers with it or any of the more lethal weapons we keep for pirates, I’d be happy to show you a few things.”

“… Thanks, I’ll probably take you up on that tomorrow when I need a break from divination.” I say, taking the cudgel. Sarah said she’s probably good, and at least is likely the best of the five previous guards. Besides, she has an intermediate boon from the blood mariner, which requires a decent amount of experience in actual ship fighting. So, she’s sure to show me a few things more advanced than the tricks I was taught in the cell.

“What about you Martin? I could show you a few things. You should learn how to keep safe– I hate the thought of some pirate running through such a good navigator.” She gives Martin a playful jab in the stomach.

“Thanks,” he says, wincingly, “but any pirate attack and I’ll be locked in my room with a sign nailed to the door saying who my parents are and how much they’d ransom me for.”

“Ha, I hope you charge them high. But still, even if you don’t fight you could use the exercise. Life on a ship can be easier if you get some muscles.”

“Thanks, but the most I have to pick up are my books, and I hate exercise.”

“Pity.” She says, a little disappointed.

“Are you a noble?” I ask Martin.

“No,” he laughs, “just a wealthy merchant’s son. My mother owns a major share in a rival company. I guess I joined this one in my rebellious teens and haven’t felt the need to go home yet.”

“I see.” I say, not seeing, but at least my itching goes away. My trencher is nearly fully eaten, but I really can’t eat another bite, so I pocket the rest and the fruit before getting up. “Well, we should get going Martin. It’s almost time.”

“You’re doing more navigation lessons? Do you mind if I watch?”

“Oh, no, Malzad said he’d try to teach me some magic.”

“I see… you don’t want me to teach you to fight because Malzad is already teaching you something better. You going try to steal my job too?” Her posture becomes aggressive.

“I’m just teaching him divination.” I say, before more misunderstandings arise. “Even if he does become a mage, which isn’t guaranteed, I doubt he’ll ever become a combat asset. He’s just too old with his identity set.”

“Yeah, I just thought it could help me be a better navigator, that’s all.” He says, with his hands raised defensively.

“Oh, I see… sorry. I um… I think I’ll just go to my room. G’night.”

“Good night.” Martin says, and we leave the galley. He turns to me as we get on deck. “I’ll be honest, she scares me.”

I glance at him, not knowing what to say. The goat is there so I make the sign of its god, and it comes up to me for pettings, which gives me a little more time to think.

“Isn’t she here to protect the ship, you included?”

“I mean yeah, fighting against pirates. But it’s hard not to think about how she’s also here to put any revolts down. I mean, I guess technically I’d be more on the management side of things if something happens, but it’s still uneasy being around her.”

“I see. Well, I don’t think you should worry too much about her. She seems to put weight on your opinion.”

“She does?” He looks perplexed.

“Yeah, she was less hostile with me when I told her you approved of my being here. But you should take her up on her offer if you’re worried about her. I’ve always found capacity for violence to bolster confidence.”

“Yeah… um sure… Is that like a spell you did with your hands? The goat usually only lets Grift, the guy who feeds her, get that close.”

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“This?” I make the sign of the horned god again, then laughs as he nods. “No, it’s just a sign inviting a curse from the goat’s deity. Anyone can do it.”

“You’re inviting a curse from a god!?” He looks at me incredulously. “You’re not even getting a boon? Why would you do that?”

Once again, I am reminded that not everyone is as versed in divine interactions as me. “The invitation is more like a promise not to hurt the goat in the immediate future. The goat can sense I’ll be punished if I break the promise through its link to its god, and so relaxes. You try.” I hold up my hands in the gesture again for him to copy.

He does, then smiles as the goat allows him to pet her. “Are you trying to get a boon or something?” He asks, apparently thinking I’m someone who would only act with benefit in mind.

“I could, but it would be largely pointless. It would take a few days to gain the god’s trust, and by then I’ll only have it for a few days before I’ll be leaving the ship. Boons from animal deities only last as long as you’re routinely interacting with their clients… I mostly just wanted to pet it.”

“I see. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting that. I guess you always have such a serious face.”

I do? “Well, even if I’m not aiming for a boon, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Animal deities don’t give the most robust boons, but they also don’t make other gods interpret your oaths any stricter. The goat boon might be a good match for you. Steady feet, protects from head blows (always a good thing on a cramp ship) and will occasionally grant you cleverness. Just be warned that you can’t eat goat meat for a month after the boon ends. You also must make an effort to protect goats from perceived maltreatment, except for killing with the intent to eat at basic.”

“Yeah, maybe. Thanks for telling me that.” He looks sceptical. “Well, we better get started right? Should we go to my room? I doubt we’d have enough space in yours.”

“I think out here will be best. The higher the better. Height can make you feel more connected to the world while less connected to your locality. I was thinking about going up to the crow nest.”

His face blanches. “I’m not climbing up there. We’d be here all night just getting up. Besides, someone on the night crew is up there, and it will be cramped. Would the poop deck do?”

“It’s actually called that? I thought that was a prank. Yeah, that was my second choice.”

We climb up the ladder and walk past the night crew at helm all the way to the back of the boat where none of the busy night crew bothers us. The sun is almost setting over the waves behind us in a clear sky. The light is dimming and hesperus is just visible. I mark the star and turn to Martin handing him the crystal pendulum.

“All right so learning magic is like a negotiation between your soul and the world. Don’t ask what that means, it’s a metaphor to describe the indescribable. I’ll try to explain it as best I can, but if you don’t understand something, then I probably can’t explain it.

“Every spell you learn is its own negotiation which requires you to fully understand the concepts from which the spell is derived. For instance, when learning a pathing divination, you will have an awareness of what it means to move in a way surpassing any concept you’ll have before or after. That awareness is partially lost as part of the price of the finalized agreement. All future negotiations will be based on prior ones, so naturally your first one which changes you from mundane to mage will always be the hardest.”

“Is the world alive if I’m negotiating with it?”

“No, but also yes. As I said, it’s a metaphor. It can’t be directly put into words. The only way for you to really get it is doing, the metaphor is just to help you along the way.”

“I see, and what’s this?” He asks, gesturing with the pendulum.

“That’s your first magic tool. It’s best if you use your own, but it will do for practice until I show you how to make one. Normally, aspiring mages are started out with a fire cantrip, but since we’re focusing on only divination, I think this will be a better start. Now hold your arm out with it, letting the crystal dangle, and repeat after me.” I say the first part of the chant for the most basic pathing spell. “Keep on repeating that while asking the questions ‘where am I, where was I, and where am I going?’”

“Do you mean in life in general?” He asks clearly doubtful.

“I mean physically, right now. You’re the navigator. You know the answer to those questions better than anyone else on this ship. Asking the world a question you already know the answer to makes it more likely it will give an answer. After all, it’s just a little thing you’re asking. But once it answers your foot will be in the door and you can use it to ask harder things.”

“So, I’m tricking the world?”

“Um… kinda? You’ll see what I mean. Now just keep on doing that until something happens. You’ll know what.”

He scrunches his face. “I hate it when people say that. What will you be doing while I do this?”

“I’ll be doing my own magic. Sunset is a good time for anyone to practice, myself included.”

“Right.” He says but turns forward to do as instructed.

Interesting he chose to face towards the front of the ship. Probably his navigator mind focusing on the last question.

I turn the opposite direction to watch the setting sun while chanting the lines of the missile guidance spell. I’ve already reached an understanding of all the separate parts, now all I have to do is put them together– a task sometimes harder than learning the entire rest of the spell. I do get the sense that this particular one will be easy to complete though.

Occasionally I take a pebble from a bag filled with some I picked from a beech and throw it behind us, my eyes watching the arc with delight as my understanding of movement reaches new insights. With each plop in the sparkling water, I feel the negotiation nearing completion.

I feel I’m on the cusp of finishing when Martin lets out a mild scream, drawing my attention and that of the crew on helm.

I wave to the night crew to indicate everything’s fine then turn to Martin, smug at his earlier scepticism. “You felt it then? Good, that’s a few days earlier than I feared.”

“What was that?”

I shrug. “What did it feel like?”

“Like… I felt… the world? Like nothing changed, just how I saw things. Like everything was suddenly in harmony around me, everything moving everything else, but focused on the crystal. I knew I could use that harmony to move the crystal, but I wasn’t… allowed? I felt so small, but impossibly big at the same time.”

“Yeah, that’s the eye that makes the world inverting its gaze upon you. It can be unsettling, but you’ll get used to it. Or, not used to it, just be able to handle it better.”

“Do I have to go through that every time I use magic?” He asks alarmed.

I shake my head. “Just when you’re learning it. Using magic is just invoking the negotiation you completed with the eye.”

“Wait, when you said I had to negotiate, you meant with something that felt like that? How is that possible?”

“You’ll figure it out, or you won’t. Being unable to deal with it is the main reason why most people quit trying to become mages. Lots of sleepless nights, some suicides. People who are sometimes called geniuses are said to actually enjoy it.”

“I see… well if I can sense it does that mean I’m almost a mage?”

I laugh. “No, what I just taught you is only the first part of the chant for that divination. There are three for this one, and they all must be understood and negotiated separately, before understanding and negotiating them all together. You haven’t even begun to negotiate the first part, you just found where the negotiation table is at. It will probably take you months before you can finally take the final step to become a mage. Years maybe, it’s impossible to say.”

“I see.”

“Don’t worry, perceiving the eye already is promising, and I’ll tell you how to proceed on your own before I leave.”

“Aw there you are!” The man who I met going into my room yesterday calls, coming up the ladder to the poop deck accompanied by a young boy. “I was hoping to see you at dinner, but someone said you were up here. I don’t think I introduced myself. I’m Edward Grahm and this is my son Edmond.”

“…Malzad.” I say after a while when I realize he was expecting my name in return.

“Malzad, what a… interesting name.” He says, recognizing its Caethlian origins.

“Indeed, how can I help you?”

“Aw, well, um, as I said before, my son is about your age, and I thought maybe you’d might get to know each other.”

I look to his son who is at least five years younger than me. Though I suppose he might have thought that I’m younger than I am. Tanyth probably assumed malnutrition when she guessed fifteen and overcompensated.

I sigh. “Yeah, sure, why not. Nice meeting you Edmond. Now’s not the best time though. I’m in the middle of training, and it’s best not to be distracted.”

“Oh, perhaps Edmond could watch?”

So annoying. Surely, he’s heard of mages building towers. Did he think it’s just for the view and not to get away from people while they train? (admittedly it is also for the view). “(Sigh) I charge a gold a lesson.” I say, looking at him flatly.

“Pardon?” He says, smile slipping.

“You were hoping for your son to learn magic from me. I charge a gold a lesson. It’s a good deal. Most would charge more, but I am only a fledgling.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to suggest…”

“Then what did you hope for? I’m not an entertainer.”

“…Ahem, maybe we got off on the wrong foot.”

“Maybe… Listen, I don’t mind your son hanging around, but not while we’re practicing magic. It’s too distracting, okay? Tomorrow I’m getting lessons from the ship’s head guard on weapons, if he wants to watch that he’s welcome to. I’ll let you know when.”

“Right, we’ll see you tomorrow then.” He says as he turns to leave back down the ladder, much less energetic.

I sigh heavily, looking at how near the prime training time of sunset is to being over.

Martin speaks. “You know he’s an important man, right? Not a noble, but he has noble friends. His wife too.”

I snap at him. “And I’m a mage. I might not be very powerful now, but one day I will be. It’s something for you to keep in mind too. The world does not favour those who subserviates themselves to any passing fool. If you are going to be a mage, then you must think of yourself as important, capable of bending the world to your will. Otherwise, you will never succeed.”

“Right… um, should I be paying you too?”

I shake my head. “He just annoyed me. You’re teaching me navigation, and said you’ll try to get us a bonus from the captain, that’s enough.”

“Oh right, the bonus. I haven’t convinced him yet, but I do have a new course for you. I’ll show it too you once we’re done here. A typical journey from Port Salunt to Tibrous is between nine and eleven days. I figure if we can get there sooner, he can’t help but give us a bonus. At least the pay for the full nine days plus a few gold. I’m still planning on getting us to the reef at night so that should help the bargaining.”

I nod. “Well, we still have a few minutes before full dark. Keep on chanting so you’ll get a feel for the eye. Tomorrow I’ll try to help you understand the world negotiation process better. Though there’s only so much I can do. You’ll have to figure most of it out yourself.”