Chapter 7: You’ve Gotta Be Kitten Me

Before them was a gaping chasm in the ground, about three feet across. As August looked to each side, he saw that it was only about twenty feet long, and the small canyon seemed to close back up at each end like the ground was skin that had a small cut.

“This isn’t usually here?” Cecily asked as she and August got off the scooter as well.

“No, the rut has been here for years,” Amy corrected. “I’m talking about that.” She pointed into the pit and August moved a few steps closer and hesitantly looked in.

“Woah,” Cecily breathed. “Those are some big-ass kittens.”

And they were. At the bottom of the gorge, which was about fifteen feet deep, was a pile of colorful cats the size of horses. They had the fluffy fur and big eyes that set them apart as kittens rather than adult cats, so August couldn’t imagine how large the fully grown versions would be. The kittens were all crawling over each other and meowing loudly, a tangle of limbs and tails and fur that spanned every color of the rainbow.

“Do they have a big-ass mother cat somewhere?” August asked nervously, looking around the area for a gargantuan feline approaching.

Amy shrugged. “Hard to say. Sometimes things just crawl out of these fissures in the ground and I don’t know where they came from or why. I’ve never seen giant kittens before, though.”

“Are there a lot of these around the area?” August asked, gesturing at the deep crack in the ground.

“Yeah, there are several nearby. I guess you guys haven’t witnessed any earthquakes yet because we haven’t had any in the last two months, but sometimes the weather here gets really crazy and there are random earthquakes that leave cracks like this.” Amy cocked her head thoughtfully. “Come to think of it, the last two months have been pretty nice compared to how it was right before you guys came! I hope that keeps up.”

“So, do we just go around it?” August asked, but as he spoke, there was a change in the kitten’s meowing. They abruptly grew louder, and as August watched, all of the kittens turned and looked directly at him. Now that they had stopped moving, he could count that there were eight of them, and they all stared him down with big black eyes.

Why would we go around it? he found himself wondering. It would be better to just go in there. The adorable, fluffy kittens purred at him in unison and he couldn’t wait to pet them. He didn’t hesitate before stepping to the edge of the fissure and starting to carefully slide down the steep edge.

“August!” Cecily yelled, grabbing his arm. “What are you doing?”

He shook off her grip, unsure why she was being so irritable. “I just want to pet them real quick! Then we can keep going.” The kittens kept staring at him, and the more August looked at them, the cuter they seemed. How could I let this opportunity pass? I have to cuddle with them.

“Stop it!” Cecily yelled, starting to climb in after him. “This is classic evil magic stuff! They lure you in with cuteness, but they’re probably going to try to eat you!”

August reached the bottom of the pit and reached for the nearest kitten, whose fur was an inviting shade of lavender. He buried his hands in the heavenly fluff and sighed happily before leaning his entire body into the kitten’s side. He could feel the purring rumbling against him and felt the most complete contentment of his life.

His euphoria was interrupted by a shriek from Cecily. What is it now? he thought with annoyance as he pulled his face away from the copious fuzz and saw the other seven kittens facing down his sister, tails lashing and ears flat against their heads. Their kitten claws, which would be tiny and unthreatening on an Earth kitten, were the length of August’s entire hand, and as he watched they all hissed at Cecily in unison.

August’s usual state of worrying came back to him in a rush, overpowering his draw to the kittens, and he quickly skipped around the lavender kitten to get in front of Cecily.

“Hey, nice kitties, nice kitties,” he repeated stupidly, holding his hands out. As soon as he was in front of them, the hostile cats’ ears popped back up and they sat back on their haunches, the picture of innocence. The red one even leaned forward and nudged him gently with its nose.

“Hah! I think they like August but hate you, Cecily!” Amy called cheerfully from the top of the gorge. “That’s hilarious.”

“Thanks for your support, Amy!” Cecily called back sarcastically, still looking freaked out from her confrontation with the seven-foot-tall kittens. The kittens were congregating around August, purring and rubbing against him, which nearly knocked him over each time but was still an incredibly pleasant experience.

Cecily, apparently satisfied that August wasn’t going to be eaten, scrambled up the bank of the pit to join Amy at the top. August let himself be pampered by the kittens for a few more minutes, then reluctantly climbed out as well. The kittens meowed mournfully after him as he left, and August nearly tried to coax one out of the pit to take home before remembering that they had seemingly wanted to kill Cecily. He forced himself to look away from the kittens, knowing that seeing their enormous eyes would pull him right back, and followed Amy as she led them around the gorge. Once on the other side, they mounted Bartholemew and kept riding toward the river, leaving the pit of kittens behind.

“Are you two both okay?” Amy asked as they kept rumbling along. The twins had both been pretty quiet since leaving the cats: August because he missed them already and Cecily because she must have been embarrassed. When she was mad or scared, Cecily got loud, so if she wasn’t yelling obscenities right now it was a sure sign she was embarrassed about her run-in with the cats.

Amy kept talking. “Sorry I wasn't much help back there; I’m allergic to cats. At least, I am on Earth.” She gasped. “Oh, we’re almost there!”

August tried to peer around Cecily to see in front of them, but before he could get a good glimpse, Amy stopped the scooter so abruptly that he stumbled off it.

“That’s the river?” Cecily asked, also getting off. August had envisioned a wide, roaring river to separate their region from whatever lay beyond, but what was in front of them was barely more than a creek, and it looked entirely ordinary. It was a bit of a let-down after all the bizarre things they had seen in the last two months. There was no visible difference in the terrain on the two sides of the river, either: the rainbow trees continued and the cloudless sky was the same just-a-bit-too-blue color as always.

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“Yep, this is the river!” Amy answered, picking up Bartholomew and simply stepping over the river to the other side. August shrugged and followed, then noticed movement and jumped as he spotted Bright leaning against one of the trees next to him, arms crossed.

Bright noticed his surprise and rolled his electric blue eyes, which seemed to glow in contrast to his dark skin. “You’re so easily frightened,” he whispered. “Probably because you know you couldn’t even defend yourself against an infant. It would be entertaining if it weren’t so obnoxious.”

August frowned at him. “You know, someday I’m going to figure out why you’re like this.”

“Come on!” Amy called, and August realized she and Cecily were already moving on. “We’re almost there!” August quickly caught up and Bright followed, passing him to walk next to Amy instead. Amy rolled Bartholomew next to her, then leaned it–him?–against a tree and left it there. August could see that the trees were starting to thin out, and after a few more steps forward he found himself facing an open field. The grass was a patchwork of green and orange, with periodic shrubs and flowers popping out of it. About a quarter mile away, he could see a collection of buildings.

Cecily grabbed his arm. “Is that a town?” she asked. “We haven’t seen an actual town the whole time we’ve been here! I was starting to think this world just didn’t have them!”

“There are no towns on the other side of the river,” Amy explained as they started walking toward the town. “But out here, there are a lot more people and they’re more organized.”

As they got closer, August could see that the buildings were made of wood, evidently taken from the colorful trees in the forest. Some of the houses had used all wood of one color, but August liked the ones that were built of a medley of colors. His favorite building, which looked like a store of some kind, was a mosaic of deep vermillion and purple. The buildings weren’t arranged in rows on streets like they would be on Earth; they were scattered around with no apparent pattern, their doors facing whichever direction seemed convenient. There were no streets, but the grass in the town was flattened enough to show the most common routes of walking.

“I’m going to take you to Seed first,” Amy announced as they passed the first building and entered the town. “I need to visit them anyway.”

The sound of high-pitched laughter caught August’s attention and he looked to the right, where he saw two children playing together. “Look, Silly!” he whispered, trying to be subtle and as un-creepy as possible as he pointed at them. “Kids!”

One of the children sneezed and her hair caught on fire, then immediately went out. She giggled and kept playing with her friend. Cecily nodded. “Weird magic kids, but yeah!”

There were also adults walking around in the early afternoon air, and even some elderly people, which was another demographic August wasn’t used to seeing inside the river. A few of the townspeople waved at Amy and Bright, but most of them didn’t pay much attention to the group. “Here we are!” Amy announced as they stopped in front of a house made of turquoise, gray, and rose pink wood. She opened the door without knocking and walked in, and Cecily and August followed her. Bright stayed outside, and as the door swung shut August caught a glimpse of him taking off into the air.

The inside of the house was so hot and humid, August could barely breathe for a moment. It was brightly lit, both from its large windows and from the three fireplaces that lined the far wall, each with a steaming metal pot hanging over it. There were so many smells August could barely distinguish one from the other, but the resulting hodgepodge reminded him of sweet and sour sauce.

“Seed!” Amy yelled way louder than August had expected. “Seed, it’s Amy!” After a few seconds, a person came hurrying in from a door in the back of the room.

“Oh, Amy! I wasn’t expecting you for a few more days, but I have ten doses ready for you. I’ll go get them!” Seed’s voice was a melodious alto that took August by surprise and made their short greeting sound almost like a song. They were almost as short and petite as Amy, with smooth brown skin and large eyes whose irises were the same pale pink as Himalayan salt. Seed took a moment to look over the trio, then left the room as quickly as they’d come, reappearing a minute later with a cloth bag.

Amy accepted the bag, which clinked with the sound of glass bottles inside, then gestured at the twins. “These are my new friends, Cecily and August! Cecily and August, this is Seed. They make potions and medicines.”

Seed smiled at August and Cecily. “It’s lovely to meet you,” they said in that perfect singsong voice. They were wearing a loose white shirt with a brown apron hanging untied over it, and their dark hair was braided in a crown around their head, with many loose strands plastered to their face and neck by the humidity.

“Nice to meet you, too,” August replied in his very imperfect voice.

Seed turned back toward Amy. “I’m actually almost done with another few doses if you want to stay here for a while longer.”

“Sure!” Amy agreed, then paused. “Does that work for you, Weavers? I assumed you didn’t have anywhere else to be today, but if you have any time constraints…”

“We don’t,” August answered, then heard Cecily’s stomach growl next to him.

“Except for the time constraint of needing to eat at some point today,” she pointed out.

In all the excitement of meeting Amy and going on this excursion, August had forgotten all about food, including the bread and flour he now realized he had left at Amy’s house. His own stomach responded to Cecily’s, and Seed looked at them in fascination.

“Are you upset?” they asked curiously. “Why are you growling?”

“Sorry, we just haven’t eaten,” August explained. “It’s been a very hectic day.” He stopped and thought about Seed’s question. “Do people’s stomachs not growl when they’re hungry here?”

Seed shrugged. “My stomach isn’t able to talk on its own, so probably not.” They furrowed their brows curiously. “Where are you two from?”

“They’re from the same land as me!” Amy answered for them, causing Seed’s big eyes to widen even further.

“Oh, so do you need medicine as well? I’m afraid you may need to share with Amy until I can make more, I don’t have quite enough–”

“No, Seed, it’s okay,” Amy interrupted. “Not everyone from my world needs that medicine.” She looked at August and Cecily. “Unless you guys have any chronic illnesses. Do you? If you don’t mind me asking, of course,” she added quickly. “I’m diabetic, so when I ended up here out of the blue I ran out of insulin pretty quick. Fortunately, Puddle introduced me to Seed, who didn’t know what Type 1 diabetes is–or insulin or blood sugar for that matter–but was still able to make some kind of potion that keeps it in check.”

“Oh, wow,” August said softly. He hadn’t even considered the dangers of being teleported to a magical world for someone who relied on consistent medical care back on Earth. “No, we don’t have anything like that.”

“Unless you’ve got something that gets rid of period cramps,” Cecily added in the voice that meant she was only half joking.

Seed shook their head. “I’m afraid we don’t get those either.”

“Yeah, female reproductive systems are the one thing that makes less sense on Earth than it does here,” Amy said with an eyeroll. “I have figured out some things that help me with my cramps, though! I also made these homemade pads that have been a lifesaver…”

August decided to let the girls have that conversation in relative privacy, so he let his attention meander back around the room. It was set up a bit like Amy’s house, with a large front room and a single door leading to the rest of the house. There were some chairs near the fireplaces, but it didn’t seem that Seed usually entertained visitors here. Maybe this is more of a business than a house, he pondered, unsure if people here lived separate from their work. Something in the corner caught his eye and he wandered over to it. It looked like a short metal stool, but as he looked closer, he recognized it as a miniature version of the Roomba robots that had attacked Puddle that morning.

He took a quick step back, but the robot didn’t react. Seed walked up behind him. “Oh, I see you’ve found Amy’s gift!” they said. “She gave me that in exchange for my help with the medicine. She said it could help carry things and even protect me if anyone attacked, although I don’t anticipate that happening.” They smiled ruefully and lowered their voice. “I feel a bit bad for never using it, but it’s just too confusing for me!”

August relaxed a little. It’s just a thank-you gift. Seed raised their eyebrows at him. “Speaking of Amy’s robots, are you and Cecily here to help her with her plans?”

August’s relaxation went away again as quickly as it had come. “What plans?”

Seed looked puzzled. “The plans to take over the region inside the river. What, has she not talked about that with you?”

August froze. What? His heart started racing as he looked over at Amy, who was smiling as she gave Cecily advice about managing her periods in a world where no one else had them. Cecily was also smiling and August realized how much it must mean to her to finally have someone else she could connect with. A big part of him wanted to forget that Seed had said anything, but he couldn’t banish the thought of robots attacking Puddle outside his home. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned to Seed.

“Would you tell me more about these plans?”