Spoony now found himself amidst a violent mosh pit of toons who looked less scary and more like they were auditioning for a bad rock music video. His pulse didn't quicken; instead, a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. He crouched low, feet apart, and then the classic Slinky Shuffle came to life. Like the namesake toy, his body moved in fluid waves, springing forward and back with playful elasticity. Demons lunged and snapped, but Spoony danced through their ranks as if borne on a whimsical breeze as he put his old Hootenanny Heavyweight Champbelt to good use. He hadn’t moved like this since freshman year, but he quickly found his rhythm like it was yesterday.
The the ol' one-two was second nature to him, a practiced choreography of dodges, feints, and strikes that came back as naturally as riding a bicycle and as was as intuitively complex as riding a unicycle while juggling flaming bowling pins - which he had done before. His body moved with the music he’d hummed in his head, an old jazzy tune from the days when he'd been a star on the show floor.
The rope unfurled like a striking cobra, whipping about and lashing out at the creatures with unerring accuracy. With each sway and bob, a limb was snared to another beside it. Each flick of his wrists sent the cord snapping into flesh and bone, leaving welts and bruises in its wake. It darted in and out of their defenses, never lashing at the same spot twice.
Then finally he stopped, rounding on the group. The one nearest to him thought it saw a chance and howled in victory. Its howl was jerked into a choking wheeze as it was clotheslined by the rope that turned into an instant noose. The entire horde was tied to one another in some way, unable to move without pulling or being pulled by their monstrous kin. This moment of realization was all Spoony needed.
With a swift jerk of his hands, the rope tightened and the demons wailed as they were lifted off their feet. They struggled and squirmed, but the more they fought, the tighter the bindings became. The creatures' eyes bulged in fear and confusion as they were yanked into a writhing, grunting ball of monster flesh.
Then Spoony began to spin his arm. Slowly at first but quickly gaining momentum, he spun the balled-up mass of demons like a cartwheel. Air hissed and the ground trembled as the monstrous ball gained speed. The roped demons shrieked in terror, their voices rising in an unholy chorus that echoed through the air. The airborne monster-ball revolved faster until it looked like an abominable Ferris wheel from hell.
Faster and faster they spun, blurring into a whirlwind of claws, teeth, and abhorrent flesh. The force sent shock waves rippling through the ground, shaking loose stones and dust. It was a spectacle of chaos and raw power that had everyone present hold their breaths.
And then with a final powerful heave, Spoony let go.
The ball of monsters flew through the air with a deafening screech which quickly grew distant, catapulting across the desert like a shooting star. It crashed into a distant mountain range with a thunderous explosion that made the ground shudder.
He shaded his eyes as he watched the distant impact and whistled. That was impressive even for him. He searched, keeping his gaze focused, in case they made a beeline back here. It hadn't been the furthest throw he'd even done, much less ever seen but clearly did the trick when they didn't just zip back over.
“Uhm…” Spoony turned to find an older man, dressed in armor and holding a sword. The one who’d looked like he was in charge when he’d seen the camp from a distance. His eyes were fixed on the fading dust cloud of the monster-shaped meteor he’d just launched.
The man posed a question in a language that initially eluded Spoony's comprehension. Yet, there was an eerie familiarity to the cadence and intonation. As the man reiterated his question, the epiphany struck Spoony like a mallet to the head. Chinese! He swiftly reached into the seemingly infinite depths of his pockets and retrieved his trusty Webbing Stir Travel Dictionary for Interesting Places and Tedious People. He skimmed through the pages with feverish speed, his eyes darting from line to line as if they were on springs and he flipped through the pages. Snapping the book closed when he was done, he asked. "What was that?"
“Are they... are they gone?” The old man asked again, his voice shaky and uncertain. Spoony gave a toothy grin and patted his shoulder.
“Yup! Sent 'em packing.” He replied cheerfully. "So, where exactly—"
The words caught in his throat as he saw the man was bleeding. Bleeding!
Those monster toons really were scum. To hurt people, make them bleed…
Taking in the scene around him, Spoony assessed the travelers. Some grimaced as they tended their wounds; others closed their eyes and murmured quiet words of gratitude. Questions could be asked later—for right now, assistance was needed. There was no time for questions now.
With swift precision borne of an instinct to mend and heal, Spoony went over to his suitcase produced a mallet from it. He then marched over to the older man he’d just spoken with, who’s eyes went wide in panic.
“Wuh… wait! Lord Cultivator! A thousand pardons for my disrespec-”
Spoony brought the mallet down on the man’s head, the solid BONK quickly overwhelmed by the horrified gasps of the people around. Spoony frowned, wondering if these ‘anim-may’ people did medicine in private or something. Basic first aid shouldn’t be this scandalous.
The old man wobbled, stunned for half-a second then righted himself, blinking and clearly confused.
“Get away from him!!!”
The shout made Spoony jump and he was even more dumbfounded as a younger man who looked awfully like the older man, rushed between them, brandishing his sword threateningly. "You won't touch him again!" he roared.
"Hey, calm down, I was only tryin' to help," Spoony said, raising his hands up in a placating gesture. The young man glowered at him, but he didn't lower his arms.
"What the- What did you do to my father?!" the young man demanded, his face flushed red and his eyes blazing with fury.
Spoony held up the mallet, a tad defensively. "What? I couldn't just leave him like that.”
“Like what…” He was cut off by the older man stepping forward. Slowly, tentatively, the old man began moving his limbs, though parts of his outfit were still stained with blood, he didn’t move like a man who’d been injured, much less had taken a blow to the head. The elder's eyes widened in surprise. He twisted his waist, turned his neck, and even hopped a few times for good measure. There was no trace of the crippling pain he had been in earlier.
His son looked on with pure disbelief. The young man dropped his sword and stared at the mallet. He looked back at his father who was now doing squats, seemingly oblivious to his earlier wounds. “F-father, are you alright?” he asked, clearly unbelieving.
A buzz went through the crowd and Spoony could hear the murmur of confused voices.
The uneasy question pierced the father's bewildered state. His awe-struck expression crumbled, replaced by a look of horror. He seemed to fully register his son for the first time as reality crashed down on him.
Springing into action, he rushed towards Spoony, shoving his son behind him. Panic flooded his gaze as he frantically attempted to grasp at Spoony's sleeve then abruptly sank to his knees.
"Please, great cultivator, spare this one's son! Xu Zhong did not mean any disrespect. We are but humble travelers, unworthy of your wrath."
Spoony blinked in surprise; the desperation from this man who was nearly burying his head in the sand left him dumbfounded. He glanced between the leader and his son who also knelt, head bowed in utter submission. The young man trembled--from fear or relief, it was hard for Spoony to discern. Why were they exhibiting such terror? Spoony hadn't done anything substantial to incite such fear.
He chalked it up to the adrenaline still pumping from the fight. They were probably on edge, their nerves frayed from the encounter with the demons. He offered them a reassuring smile, hoping to ease their fears. "Hey, it's alright. No harm done. I get that you're all a bit shaken up."
Spoony looked down at the father and son, his tail flicking slightly as he took in the scene before him. He was more than a little confused. "I didn't mean to scare you guys," he said softly, holding up the mallet again.
The father looked up at Spoony, his eyes wide with shock. "You... you healed me?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly.
The man tentatively raised his head and once he saw Spoony was serious, he let out a sigh of relief, his body sagging with the release of tension. "This Xu Dingxiang thanks you, great cultivator. Your mercy is greatly appreciated."
Both stood up slowly, the young man’s eyes still wide with fear. "This Xu Zhong is eternally grateful and is deeply sorry for my actions," he said meekly, putting a hand over his fist.
Now that they were standing, the resemblance was even clearer. The jawline especially.
Spoony nodded. "No problem. Now, let's get you all patched up, hmm?" He turned to the rest of the caravan, his gaze sweeping over the group. They were all watching him, their expressions a mix of awe, fear, and gratitude.
He turned to the side and opened his suitcase once again, pulling out a stack of bandages, ointment packets, gauze, and more. With a nod of his head, he beckoned the group forward. "Don't be shy, folks. I don't bite." His words were met with tentative steps as the first few in the group shuffled towards him.
Despite feeling slightly overwhelmed by the unusual circumstances—being the sudden center of attention—he understood what was needed from him now. Suppressing the foreign sentiments bubbling inside him, focusing on the task at hand. After all, he was a scientist and, for tonight at least, a healer.
----------------------------------------
"Lars, Lars," began Spoony, screwing down the final bolt with a large wrench and securing the panel in place. With a final twist which made the bolt squeak, the cat was certain it wouldn't rattle when the TCHT was activated.
Luckily, it's looseness during the charging stage had sent a rattle throughout the lab loud enough to wake the dead. Less of pea in a tin can and more a bowling ball in a dryer level of noise and knocking. He turned and gave Mr.Pansonfars a level glare that showed his irritation as well as his twitching tail and flattened ears. "Why was this in the transbobulator?" Between two fingers, He raised the half-eaten lemon cream pie up for the entire lab to see. It survived remarkably well it's only sign of any 'damage' being the clear pecks from a beak in the cream and crust. It had been hastily stuffed there it seemed, and by the freshness of it, shortly before he arrived. Though was entirely possible the lazy lout left his left this luscious lemon ladden meringue pie lingering here, longing to lay low since lab regulations limit luscious lab snacks.
Lars Gobbleneck Pansonfars nervously brushed away the grain cracker crust off his lab coat lapel, the large bits crumbling to the floor. The turkey tried to look away but there was nowhere he could turn away and not meet the eyes of someone in the lab. He tried though and the motions made his fat belly jiggle. "I... uh... Well, it was a... uhm... snack?"
The attempted deflection fell flat and follow up Lars's sweaty shrug as if it was no big deal set Spoony's teeth on edge. Swallowing the reactive hiss, he took a deep breath and walked away from the massive machine, back behind the protective steel, Acme glass barrier, and dumped the pie into the nearest trash can. As calm as he kept his face, he was spitting mad, his features reddening in steam whistling out his ears as he turned on his heel.
"Do you know what happens to a Skoodlebop Quantum Drive when any item larger than a marble clogs it with the force of a transbobulator stream behind it?" He asked calmly, leaning forward and Lars leaning backward until they were both parallel with the floor. His fangs? On full display His smile? Sharklike. "Do you, Pansonfars?"Lars's eyes kept going from his face and flicking down to his teeth. Good, he should be nervous. After a second or so silence where no one else in the lab moved and Lar's audibly swallowed as sweat practically rained off his feathers to create puddles on the floor, Spoony answered his own question.
The TCHT, shorthand for the TransContinental Hammerspace Thingamajig, hummed behind him, its vibrations resonating through the cold, hard tile floor. Spoony's green eyes glinted ominously, reflecting in them the power of the giant machine and his seething anger. Clogging it with solid matter would create distortions, akin to trying to laugh with a mouthful of marbles. The result? Laughter would choke into uncontrollable sobbing or, worse, existential ennui, threatening the very fabric of the giggle-space continuum.
"It would blow up, Pansonfars. In fact, it would blow up so spectacularly that there'd be no trace of this lab, or us, for anyone to find. All that would remain would be a gaping crater in place of what used to be an essential part of NNU's cutting-edge research facility."
Pansonfars' eyes grew wider with each word, the color draining from his face as quickly as sweat droplets dripped off him. His thick spectacles slipped on his beak, and for a moment, Spoony thought they would just slide off and crash onto the ground. But they didn't.
“Next time, use the trash can for its intended purpose. Or better yet, eat the pie.”
"And remember," Spoony continued, leaning even closer until his nose grazed the tip of Pansonfars's beak. "The canteen isn’t a lab, and your lunch doesn’t belong here. Especially since we aren’t working with the same sciences as before."
He straightened up then, dusting off his lab coat as he regarded the other scientists in the room. Their collective breath seemed to unhold all at once, their bodies relaxing from the sudden tension that Spoony’s outburst had caused.
Jenna, the chronal analyst with fur as red as a supernova, finally dared to speak up. “Um, Professor Spoony? What should we do with the quantum drive now?”
Spoony turned to survey the machine, gears whirring and lights flashing as it tried to process the remains of the pie. He turned back to the TCHT, deciding it was safe enough to reactivate it now that the offending pie had been removed. His fingers danced over the controls with practiced ease, adjusting parameters here and there. Within seconds, the machine hummed back to life, filling the room with its comforting metallic chorus though when he checked the gauges, some were a bit too high for the idling speed expected.
He sighed, rubbing his temples in exasperation. "We should be good until the demonstration," he murmured. He repeated himself a little louder once he realized he’d been talking to himself.
Spoony adjusted the final knob on the TCHT, ensuring all parameters were within safe limits. The machine's hum stabilized, and the lights blinked rhythmically, indicating it was back on track. He stepped away, letting out a deep breath, ears flicking. His earlier frustration had dissipated, replaced by a focused determination to see the experiment through.
Jenna moved closer, her squirely eyes flickering between Spoony and the humming machine. "Is it ready for the demonstration, sir?"
"Almost," Spoony replied, his voice steady now. "We just need to recalibrate the flux capacitors and ensure the dimensional stabilizers are synchronized."
Lars wiped his brow with a trembling hand, clearly relieved that the crisis had been averted. "I’ll get on that," he mumbled, waddling over to a nearby control panel.
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Spoony watched him for a moment before turning his attention back to Jenna. "Double-check his work. We can’t afford any slip-ups."
Jenna nodded, her red hair bouncing as she moved to assist Lars. The rest of the team resumed their tasks with renewed vigor, the earlier tension serving as a stark reminder of the stakes involved.
The sharp rapping of knuckles against the observation window made Spoony jump and whirl around. Standing outside the lab, a smug grin plastered on his reptilian face, was Dean Dudd. Flanking him were three figures Spoony had never seen before. One, a towering woman with hair as green as a spring lawn and eyes like polished emeralds, emanated an air of cool authority. Beside her stood a wiry man, his features sharp and angular, clad in what looked like a finely tailored business suit. The third figure was a young woman, barely an adult, with eyes that shone with an unsettling intensity.
Finding the intercom button on the console, he clicked it on. "Dean Dudd," Spoony acknowledged, trying to mask his surprise. "You’re..." He checked his watch and barely managed not to cringe. "...early. And who are your guests?"
He was even more surprised when instead of answering, the dean sauntered into the workshop with the others right behind him, his scales gleaming under the lab's fluorescent lights. "Professor Witherspoon," he drawled, his voice a low hiss. “Ahem,” he cleared his throat like a bellows full of fog, everyone’s drawing attention towards himself. “Our esteemed guests from Tok-U University are here. They are here to witness the TCHT’s capabilities firsthand.”
Spoony's ears twitched in apprehension. He wasn't expecting visitors now, let alone representatives from another university, especially one from that Annie-Maybel place. The cat took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. "Great," he said, pasting a smile on his face that felt as real as plastic fruit. “But the calibration—”
“Can wait,” Dean Dudd interrupted, his tone brooking no argument. “Our guests are on a tight schedule.” He fixed Spoony with a serpentine stare. “Surely you can manage a simple demonstration?”
Spoony’s gut screamed at him to refuse, but the dean’s unwavering gaze held him captive. He had him, they both knew it. The back and forth back in the office was good and all but in the open, in front of important guests? The board would have his hide for a throw rug and the dean would turn the screws any which way he could to make it worse.
With another resigned sigh, he turned back to the TCHT, his stomach churning with a growing sense of dread. Spoony took one last look at the humming machine, his eyes skimming over each indicator light and gauge, making sure everything was in its place.
“Alright,” Spoony conceded, his voice tight. “Lars, Jenna, initiate pre-demonstration sequence.” He could only hope for the best. At his instruction, everyone took their places. Other assistants took their places, putting on goggles and pulling out clipboards.
The air crackled with nervous energy as Lars and Jenna went through the truncated pre-demonstration checklist. Each whir of the machine, each flash of light, seemed amplified in the tense silence. The Ani-Ray University representatives watched with unnervingly stoic expressions, their gazes never leaving the TCHT.
"Initiating test sequence in 5...4...3...2..." the squirrel’s voice wavered slightly as her finger hovered over the final button. “One.”
Spoony steadied himself, willing his pounding heart to calm. This was it, the moment he had worked toward for years. The machine beeped, signaling full power.
The visitors looked on with keen interest, murmuring amongst themselves as the demonstration progressed. The emerald-eyed woman's gaze darted about the lab, missing nothing. The angular man stroked his chin thoughtfully while the intense young woman seemed ready to vibrate out of her skin with excitement.
"Initiating demonstration sequence," called out Lars. He pulled a large lever.
As the machine powered up to test parameters, a high-pitched whine cut through the room, energy arcing between the tesla coils. The lights in the lab dimmed momentarily from the power drain. Spoony's fur stood on end from the static charge in the air as he worked through the calculations to balance the temporal turbulence. His hand worked the dials of his console, as minor perturbations in the hammerspace matrix rose like whack-a-moles on the gauges.
Lars was controlling the power supply, Jenna was observing the data flow, it was Spoony’s job to make sure the machine didn’t cause a RWHP, or RIP. All of them had abort buttons wired and ready, just in case. The principle was calculated as a worst-case scenario, describing a feedback loop of escalating absurdity where the normally benign pockets of hammerspace—those delightful voids where oversized objects reside—began to spiral out of control, creating a maelstrom of spatial silliness that could overwhelm even the most robust Subatomic Soup.
Best case scenario, Time could start hiccuping, with past, present, and future colliding in a cacophony of confusion. Worst case… didn’t bare thinking about. ‘Yazzlewham, Flibberflop, eat your heart out.’
"Steady," Spoony muttered under his breath. The lights flickered again and a strange vibration passed through the room, making his whiskers tingle. The dancing needles began to settle on the gauges and the room brightened as the power drain slowed. With a final twist of a dial, the whining began to subside. The tesla coils quieted to a steady hum and the lights returned to normal. Spoony let out a tense breath, he hadn’t realized he was holding. Crisis averted, for now. His everything was tense, from tongue to tail and he dabbed away sweat. Even his chest felt hot.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Dean Dudd's smug grin had vanished, replaced by a look of unease… or maybe disappointment. Well, boo for him. The TCHT worked and with no major problems.
HIs ears twtiched. No sooner had that thought left, did the stabilizing idle suddenly lift.
Spoony's eyes widened in horror, his heart skipping a beat. This sound, this was not part of the script. He quickly scanned the dials and indicators on the TCHT-- not good. The quantum levels were fluctuating dangerously, revving up way above acceptable levels.
"Oh, crumbs!" Spoony exclaimed as he dashed towards the control panel, slamming his fist down on the big red button to cut the power to the machine completely. He hit it once then twice. “Lars!” But the turkey was already hammering away at his own button feverishly with an equal amount of success.
Warning lights on the TCHT’s control panel blazed a furious red. If his fur stood any higher, he’d probably lift himself off the floor. “Jenna?!”
“Gigglebosons instability detected!” Jenna cried out, her eyes wide with panic as the data scrolled over her computer screen. “It’s going critical!”
The TCHT shuddered violently, the air around it shimmering and distorting. As if in some nightmarish slow motion, chaos ensued. The lab filled with alarms, their shrill beeping punctuating the heavy whir of the machine. The ground under them seemed to shake as the TCHT convulsed violently, its metallic body groaning in protest.
With an ear-splitting crack, a rift tore open in the fabric of space-time right above the TCHT. Howling winds rushed through the portal, sending papers and equipment flying. Spoony shielded his face with one arm, squinting against the maelstrom. He could just make out strange shapes and colors flickering in the rift's abyssal depths.
Spoony didn't hesitate. “Everyone out!” he roared, shoving Lars and the University representatives towards the lab’s emergency exit. Jenna and the junior assistants were already beating feet to the street. One of them must’ve pulled the fire alarm because it was blaring and flashing as they all spilled out into the hallway, the cacophony blending with the TCHT’s electric shriek.
Spoony burst through the doors, gasping for air as he scanned the chaos in front of him. The quad was a chaotic mess of disheveled, confused students and frantic teachers holding onto coffee mugs as though they were lifelines, and the reps from the other university whose crisp suits now looked distinctly less polished.
Spoony's ears pricked up. He scanned the crowd, counting heads. Lars was there, hyperventilating into a paper bag that one of the students had handed him. Jenna was there too, her hair standing up in every direction as if she'd stuck her fingers into an electrical socket.
But Dean Dudd wasn't there.
Everyone was accounted for – except Dean Dudd.
Spoony’s heart pounded in his chest like a rabbit being chased by hounds. His eyes darted through the crowd, hoping he had missed the dean in his initial sweep. But there was no mistaking it: Dean Dudd was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t be…?
“Jenna!” Spoony called, his voice hoarse from shouting. “Call for emergency services, NOW! The Dean is still inside!”
He didn’t wait for her response; instead, he turned and sprinted back towards the building. The heat radiating off the structure hit him like a solid wall. He coughed, waving a hand in front of his face as he stepped into the building. The normally pristine halls were now littered with debris – shattered glass, twisted metal, and what looked suspiciously like a singed feather boa. His subconscious informed him even as he ran. The feedback loop escalation was already starting, drawing in increasingly larger amounts of hammerspace in on itself. The spatial boundaries between hammerspace pockets were blurring, causing objects to pop in and out of existence with comedic unpredictability.
Even as he pushed his way up the stairs, he got smacked in the face with a cream pie, nearly slipped on a banana peel when he reached the top, and barely dodged an anvil flying sideways from a locker in quantum consternation. Spoony pressed on through the chaotic halls, dodging random objects materializing and dematerializing around him. He wanted to turn back, his ears were pinned back in terror, practically nailing to his skull the closer he got. Any moment now, the TCHT would go critical and take him and the entire building with it.
What was he doing?!? He didn’t even know if the Dean hadn’t just scurried off to his office to hide somewhere, already preparing his excuses for the board to make himself as innocent as possible in this mess. Oh no, he would simper like the snake he was, I would never have told them to turn it on if I’d known. They never told me.
Spoony knew he was risking his life for a toon who’d throw him over the mountain and under the bus. But he knew why. Dudd might’ve been the biggest snake in the grass the cat had even known but he didn’t want the guy dead. Spoony sprinted down the hallway, dodging the increasing chaos erupting around him. A massive hammer swung out of a classroom, forcing him to duck as it embedded itself into the wall where his head had just been. He gulped but kept running, urgency as much as fear driving him forward now.
As he reached the door of the lab, he took a moment to steel himself before he swung it open. The whine of the TCHT was beyond hearing now but he could feel the vibration through the soles of his feet. If the dean wasn’t in there, he’d make for the nearest window and aim for the softest bit of ground he could.
The room was in chaos, eerily lit by the flickering lights and the pulsing glow of the TCHT. The air was thick with electric ozone tickling his whiskers. Amidst flashing warning lights and whipping papers caught in an artificial gust, He could see Dean Dudd standing next to it, frozen in place like a deer caught in headlights, staring at the machine as if mesmerized by its power.
"C'mon Dudd!" He shouted over the whine of the TCHT, as he pushed his way back up the stairs. "Unless you want to find out what it feels like to be inside a malfunctioning transdimensional machine, I suggest you get your scaly butt out here!"
But Dudd didn’t move or even seem to hear him. It was almost as if he was entranced by the TCHT’s spiraling energy vortex, a rare smile on his face. The way the shadow’s cast across his green scaly face seem oddly sinister. Spoony was so tense now his nerves felt like they were burning, the heat on his chest alone was like a bonfire. It would be his luck he’d suffer a heart attack in the middle of all… this.
The cat stepped in, grabbing for him. His came down on the handle of his briefcase and his foot-
-slapped against the surface of a vast, endless plain that appeared to span into eternity.
Spoony blinked, momentarily disoriented by the abrupt shift in his surroundings. Gone was the chaotic lab, replaced by a white horizon in ever direction that seemed to stretch out forever under a sky of swirling pastels.
"Dudd?!" He called out, but the vast emptiness swallowed up his voice. Suddenly, he noticed a shape in the distance: Dean Dudd, still frozen like a statue made of stone, kneeling and looking remarkably out of place amid the soft colors of this strange world.
Then with an audible crack he felt all the way to his soul, he was standing on a lush meadow, painted with a kaleidoscope of wildflowers that swayed lazily in a breeze that shouldn't exist. And just ahead, suddenly closer, in the sea of vibrant colors, stood Dean Dudd at the base of the largest tree Spoony had ever seen. Still frozen, still staring into the distance with that haunting smile on his face.
Spoony shook his head, refocusing on the task at hand. He moved towards the dean as fast as he could considering the sponginess of... well whatever this... ground was.
He tripped as the ground suddenly gave. He fell. He didn't stop falling.
Spoony tumbled through an endless void, unable to tell which way was up or down. Strange shapes and colors flew past him in a dizzying blur - planets, stars, galaxies - all whipping by at impossible speed.
Then the pen in his chest pocket popped like a tiny firecracker.
----------------------------------------
Spoony scratched his head as he gazed into the distance. The sun had indeed risen higher now, bathing everything in hues of orange and pale pink.
He was more than a little bewildered by the adulation. The monstrous toons he had wrangled with his cartoon lasso had certainly caused a stir, but the aftermath was something else entirely. They acted as if he had performed some kind of miracle. And now, 'Master Cultivator'? He hadn't even planted a garden in his life, much less master botany.
Having literally lassoed those strange monster toons, shot putting them over the horizon, these people were treating what he’d done like it was a great and inspiring thing. As if he had been some kind of savior descending from the heavens.
It was already confusing enough but all the constant bowing and 'great master' –ing was more than a little off putting. Clearly had nothing to do with the the battle last night. This was how they acted. Was this more that art – maze… Annie – mold…
He sighed.
… that eastern toon stuff?
They continued their respectful gestures, dipping their heads repeatedly as if in search of grains on the ground. Spoony stood amid the sea of bobbing heads, feeling like an oddity in a world that made less sense by the minute.
This reverence surely couldn't stem from last night's scuffle. No, it was deeper than that—rooted in something cultural, perhaps a piece of this puzzle he hadn't yet solved.
His recent act of what he considered simple first aid had apparently elevated his status to that of a local deity. But the lavish praise seemed misplaced; he was just doing what came naturally to him—lending a hand with his unconventional skills.
A woman wept with joy as he affixed her daughter's leg back in place, both daughter, mother, and everyone watching staring at him with an uncomfortable amount of awe in their eyes as the girl squeezed her toes with a pleasing amount of dexterity. Her tears and embrace were heartfelt, but Spoony knew it was merely the most basic of basic first aid he could dredge up from his time in the scouts.
He offered reassurances that the leg would need time—a week at most—to heal properly before he slipped away. He didn’t have the heart to tell them in the hospitals back home it would’ve taken two days, at most. The Limbitron 5000 Reattachment Device just recently had passed medical trials too.
An older man with broken ribs looked ready to kiss him when Spoony applied the Rib-Tickler Relocator to gently nudge each rib back into its proper place using precision jig-jabs and mirthful massage techniques. He’d winced in pain at first, which the toon could only apologize for since he was out of practice, but then the man was giggling himself hoarse until the procedure was done, then patted down his chest with wide eyes as he realized he was still chuckling with no pain.
Though his skills proved helpful, he knew he was no savior. Yet the awe in their eyes grew after each small act of kindness. A young boy gazed up at him reverently after Spoony popped his dislocated shoulder back into place with a snicker shoulder smack. One of the guys who’d been fighting brought him over to a friend that had come out of it badly. Sitting up against the caravan with the help of another friend, a grisly looking bandage around was roughly wrapped around his face. The toon had winced when he removed it. Tour equal slashes from vicious claws cut across his face with one along his eyes. Finding a pair of stones about the right size, Spoony had him bend over and gently bonked the back of his head. His eyes popped free easily… and hung there. They should’ve rolled out instead of doing that.
Shocked and horrified gasps came from those watching even as he popped eyes back in with the stones atop them before smacking the side of the man’s head. The man stumbled, barely catching himself. He blinked once, twice, then looked around stunned. The man's eyes were once more functional, but now had a blend between a normal eye and tan stone-like appearance. It was a small price to pay to see again.
The people again had gasped in wonder, as if he'd just resurrected the dead.
The young men including the previously blinded one, prostrated themselves before Spoony, muttering praises and thanks to the great master cultivator who had restored their friend's sight. There was a whole lot of swearing to be his brother, or something of the like, not that he could keep up with it.
Spoony just stared, dumbfounded and once he was sure, no one else was in need, he hurried off to be alone for a minute. 'Lord knows Paulie and mom and dad would be confused when the family reunion came around.'
His heart sank a little when he thought of his brother. Polly was old enough to take care of himself, able to cook his own breakfast and stuff but leaving them in the house alone?
Spoony almost cracked up at the thought. "Hell no."
The house would be a smoking crater by the time he came back. The cat knew the little kitten would find a way into his nip stash somehow. Didn't matter he kept the stuff under his bed, in a Troom brand safe with the triple action combination lock with a Lula drop cracker, he'd get in somehow.
Someone was going to have to pick them up from daycare. Jenna probably would, maybe even Lars as much as the turkey gave him grief he trusted the guy. If all else failed, the daycare had emergency contacts for their parents back in Snickerburg.
His brother would be fine. Especially once Spoony could call back.
He had wandered to the east side of the camp where he looked over the barren desert he'd half-imagined, half-pictured in the moonlight. It was actually a significant expanse, peppered with lush spots resilient greenery. Beyond them lay a plateau, a bastion of stone rising stoically from the sandy waves. All painted in glowing rays of morning sunshine He glanced down at his five fingered hands, all delicate looking and human. He tried to change back to himself… nothing happened.
Spoony sighed in frustration. Why wasn't he changing back? It was enough to make the cat’s tail stand on end. At the very least, he could’ve called home if he had a-
He could've smacked himself, attention falling on the briefcase in his lap. He opened it and almost purred in delight at the sight of his cellphone at the top. It turned into a groan when he saw the empty spot where the signal should be. "Knew I should've sprung for the roaming plan."
Tossing the cell back in with a sigh, he tried to think of how to call back home. If he could find a payphone somewhere he'd be golden. If not, his lessons from the Tottle Scouts told him to find a seashell, preferably conch, and attempt the old-fashioned way of communication by sea sound—though he doubted the effectiveness in the middle of a desert. The signal would be terrible without the waves to carry his words and there probably wasn’t even a Shell Gas Station for miles, much less a conch.
"Excuse me, um, Great Master Cultivator?"
Rolling his eyes in frustration, what was up with these people and calling him a 'Master' Gardner, Spoony was about to snap at the voice until he turned around to find a timid-looking little girl staring up at him with wide-eyed wonder and not a small amount of fear. She was carrying a tray laden with a steaming mug and what looked like some dried meat, the sight of which made his stomach clench. “We thought you might n-need it after all that h-healing." The reminder of how hungry he was made him frown and she clearly mistook it and dipped into a bow. "Forgive me, honored one. I shall remove it i-immediately.“
"No." He held up a hand. "N-no, that's quite alright." He cleared his throat self-consciously as he accepted the proffered tray. "Thank you," he mumbled, trying to sound less… intimidating, he guessed. "Thanks, er... uh, I appreciate it." The oddly familiar child visibly relaxed and bowed deeply before scurrying away, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He eyed the unappetizing meal and sighed.
The jerky-like substance was chewy and oddly spicy, but it didn't taste half bad. He washed it down with the hot brew in the mug; a strong, earthy brew that woke him right up. Not as much a shot in the arm espresso would be but it was enough and it buzzed his mind up to a calmer state. The situation called for some old-school problem-solving, and perhaps a bit of local assistance.
Lost in thought, Spoony nearly missed Xu Zhong approaching to stop beside and a little behind him. “Master Cultivator.” he panted, clearly having been looking for him for some time. "the… uhm… other… lady cultivator helping us… earlier? We carried her to her tent, and she's hurt bad. She’s still not woken up."
Spoony blinked at him a moment and finally realized she was the only one he hadn’t seen after the fight.
"Take me to her," he ordered, any trace of surprise melting away into business-like urgency. He saw the relief that washed over Xu Zhong's face while guiding him towards the makeshift tent.
There, in the dim light that filtered through the canvas, lay the woman he’d saved, pale as the white linen she was wrapped in. Her once vibrant face now held an unsettling stillness; her strong and steady breaths from before were now replaced by shallow, rasping exhalations. Even her sword which lay beside her seemed dull, the gleaming brass tarnished where cracks gouged deep along the fine etchings.
Spoony kneeled next to her, his heart racing as he reached out to gently touch her cheek. The chill of her skin sent shivers down his spine. As he took in the sight of her, he noticed that one leg was unnaturally elongated beneath the thin blanket, causing his stomach to twist with worry.
He blinked, then swiftly pulled the blanket back to reveal the horribly twisted limb. Xu Zhong sucked in a breath between his teeth, clearly unsettled and Spoony couldn’t disagree. It was an ugly sight - her leg had been damaged to a frightening degree and was swelling in a way that suggested several fractures. His mouth went dry as he comprehended the damage.
"Is there anything you can do, Master Cultivator?" he asked, not disguising the concern in his voice.
Spoony didn’t answer right away, his mind was racing. This type of injury was a bit beyond him. The only good thing, good doing an absurd level of work was the leg wasn’t severed… So maybe.
He shuffled around in his suitcase and pulled out the jug of Triple X-HJ. He poured a measure into his now empty mug, just enough to cover the bottom, and gestured the young man to get closer. “Open her mouth and once I’m finished pouring, stand back.”
Xu Zhong nodded, his hands trembling as he gently opened the woman's mouth. Spoony cautiously tipped the shot glass and a drop of the luminescent amber-brown liquid fell onto her tongue and down her throat. The moment it hit her tongue; her placid, pale face tightened. As instructed, Xu Zhong immediately backed away. His eyes widened in anticipation as Spoony let out a deep breath, his eyes never leaving the unconscious woman.
Another moment later and her face tightened even more, a blush of red like a drop of blood against an ice cube colored her face. Then she began to sweat, her features twisting into a grimace as sweat poured down her face. Soon, she was candy apple red, steam whistling from her ears and nose. With a snapping sound, her leg twisted back to its proper place. In the same second, she lurched up sitting ram rod straight, eyes wide and cheeks bulging as if she were holding back the urge to puke.
Spoony noticed Xu Zhong was still standing in the line of fire too caught up in watching and yanked him out the way. His surprised yelped was swallowed by a roaring tongue of flame erupting from her mouth, a fiery jet of energy that shot straight into the air and out the open tent flap. When the flame subsided, the woman fell back onto her cot, panting heavily, her face returning to a normal color.
That was a close call. Too close. He cast a sidelong glance at Xu Zhong who stood white-faced and trembling like an autumn leaf on the verge of falling. Spoony couldn't blame him; it was not every day one got their first ever shot of Hot Juice.
A moment of silence settled over them in the smoky tent, interrupted only by the coughing of the woman who had just spewed like a dragon. "There we go," said Spoony just for something to say patting Xu Zhong on the back. "She'll be alright now."
Xu Zhong stammered, "What...what was that? Was it...alchemy?”
“I wish. If I could change stuff into gold, I wouldn’t be here now.” Spoony said, his voice filled with a mix of pride and relief. "Took me years to perfect Hot Juice. Little bit of chemistry, yes, but a whole lot of ol' fashioned brewing too. My dad's ol' XXX hootch recipe."
Xu Zhong didn't look like he followed before peeking at the woman who now lay silent and still, her raspy breathing had calmed and she seemed peaceful. "Will she be okay?"
“Yeah, one hell of a hangover after.”
The man pivoted to him and bowed. The cat knew what was coming and his stomach sank. “Mas-”
"Just call me Spoony." He cut him off with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Spoony is fine."
Running steps grew close then tent flap was shoved aside, revealing a pale face Xu Dingxiang, his eyes cutting around the interior as if expecting a monster.
"What happened?" He gasped, his eyes darting from Spoony to the woman on the cot, then finally to Xu Zhong, seeking answers. His gaze lingered on the charred tent flap, noting the slight smoky haze still visible in the air.
"The 'ol Hot Juice." Spoony said laconically, swiping a sleeve across his sweating forehead. "She's fine now. Oh, that reminds me, I have some questions. Can we talk outside?"